This might be long and rambly, I'm sorry if it is.
So, basically, I've decided that I definitely want to leave teaching. I'm in my 4th year of teaching and this is not the first time I've had this feeling.
I have anxiety. I'm undergoing cbt which is really helping, and I'm also taking medication.
I lost my dad last year, very suddenly. This made my anxiety harder to cope with.
I was getting a lot of support from my headteacher last year, and was signed off for four weeks before the Christmas holidays with a view to doing a phased return (a couple of afternoons to start with, building back to full time).
Whilst I was off, I made the decision that I no longer wanted to teach. I realised I just didn't need it anymore.
My previous headteacher left at Christmas and a new one started in January. I had a meeting with her and she wasn't particularly supportive. I ended up in tears.
I'm on a phased return still but it's much faster than I had expected and it's making me feel sick.
This is my dilemma. I want to leave ASAP. So the end of April. I'm looking at new jobs. Some are learning mentor roles in a school and some are away from education.
My anxiety isn't totally work related but my working environment doesn't help. I am hoping a new environment would help.
I'm scared that any job I apply for will take one look at my record (anxiety, occupational health) and say no way. I can see their point. If I'm on a phased return then they'll think I'm not ready. Deep down I'm scared they'll be right. But I want to work. I don't want to get signed off again. My cbt is helping so much and I think a new working environment would be a positive thing for me.
My other option is to pretend that I'm fine. My HT wants me to go to occ health. I think I should just pretend that I'm fine, go back into taking full responsibility for my class and leave in April with a stronger reference.
But I'm sitting here feeling sick at the thought of going in tomorrow, being in front of the class (albeit not for the whole day) and seeing my HT again.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel like I can't get something new because no one will want me with my record but I can't stay and carry on teaching. But I have to pretend that I can cope up until April if I have any hope of getting something new.
I hope that makes sense. If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation I would be so grateful.
Thanks for reading.
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I just don't know what to do - anxiety and want to leave
6 replies
BumblingBee89 · 17/01/2016 15:42
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