I've been (seriously) trying to work out how to injure myself so I don't need to go into work

[TimeToGetUp]

That's not good, is it?

I can't stand not feeling good enough. Everything is criticised (even though the people criticising are doing the things they criticise about...). There's no time to do everything that's needed.

I'm desperate for a new job, but we really can't earn less (both public sector workers). I'm looking all of the time.

I work part time, but it's taking over my life. We have formal observations this week, and the way management are doing it is so negative :-(

Sorry no point to this, but to get it off my chest :-(

[penny13610]

You will need to gain 2 plaster casts (one on you dominant hand) and lose your voice. You will be expected to catch up with all missed work on your return.

Keep looking for a new job, it is a better option.

And remember formal observations usually tell teaching staff they are crap and only saved by the wonderfulness of SMT. Then in come OFSTED and say the teaching is fine by the SMT is crap.

[Asleeponasunbeam]

I'm not feeling as bad as you, but was just about to start a new thread on how to manage immense stress from fake inspection next week, half term of reports, so behind in crazy marking, no displays up etc etc. plus my own family with small children who have evil bitch mother who is so stressed she can't be kind to them.

I hate it now and am sad to say I'll be leaving at the end of the year and probably never teaching again now.

Don't injure yourself though. Perhaps advice will come along.

[TimeToGetUp]

Thank you. I just want to be here for my family. Yet again I'll be unavailable due to the unnecessary demands to SLT (non of whom have children - not that that should matter).

Reading the thread where people think the 67k salary is not a lot is depressing.

We are expecting Ofsted at any time. The pressure is awful.

[Mostlyjustaluker]

If you feel that way then ring in sick tomorrow and go and see your Gp. You are not well enough to go to work.

[Asleeponasunbeam]

The demands are just so ridiculous now. I used to manage my workload okay (although it was hard, especially pre PPA!), but now it is truly impossible. And I'm part time without a full class!

I moved out of mainstream to Special School, which I loved, but couldn't get a part time role when I needed one after having DC. Now I've lost those skills too I think. I'm also earning way below the UPS3 I used to be on (+SEN points) and can't possibly move up because the PM targets are stupidly impossible.

There have been lots of threads like this, I know. I just feel very overwhelmed today and cannot see how I can manage. My poor children. I am really awful to them sometimes.

Sorry to hijack. Hope you're okay.

[MrsKCastle]

Sympathies here. And you do have another option- if you are really feeling that bad, see your GP and you will almost certainly be signed off.

I am just returning to work after feeling very similar in the autumn term. I do have a history of depression and am on ADs, but to be honest it was the stress of work that made things unbearable. It all came to a head and I eventually went to see a member of SMT and basically said I wasn't coming in the next day. They didn't exactly like it, but were actually a lot more accepting and supportive than I expected. The break really helped me get things into perspective.

I hope you can find a way to get through- your health is more important than the job.

[temporarilyjerry]

Penny

[temporarilyjerry]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, OP. I know it's easier said than done but you need to remember that it's the system that is at fault. Try not to take it to heart.

We are also due ofsted and the leadership seem very reactive atm. To me, it implies that they are not confident in what they are doing.

[rollonthesummer]

I could have written this.

Why is it that (non-teaching) SMT are exempt from this persecution?? Getting out if the classroom seems to be the only way to sustain a long-term career in this job.

[Skeppers]

I taught for 7 years (2005 to 2012) and I often felt like you do.

I used to stand at the top of the stairs in the morning trying to pluck up the courage to 'accidentally' miss a step and break my leg. How bad is that? I'm out of it now; best decision I ever made.

Like most people, I LOVED the teaching bit (worked in FE and had a fantastic rapport with the teenagers I used to teach, it was such fun and I got so much from it) but HATED everything else; bullying- and it was bullying, several of the team made complaints which were ignored by HR- from management, constant fear of criticism even though I was an 'outstanding' teacher, complete lack of support when dealing with disciplinary matters, expectation of outright cheating to get students to pass assessments (which I wasn't prepared to do)...

I work in admin for a University now and, whilst the job is nowhere near as rewarding as the good bits of teaching, my God, I feel like I've got my sanity back and- heaven forbid- I actually don't dread going into work every day! It's a bog-standard 9-5 desk job but I get encouragement, praise and support from my managers, flexibility of working, I'm trusted to manage my own workload and basically left alone to get on with things. The pay isn't too bad either! All being well I'll hit the top of my pay scale in a couple of years which will actually put me on more money than I got when teaching, with a fraction of the stress. Wild horses couldn't drag me back to teaching at the moment.

There are other opportunities out there. You're not failing or letting anyone down. Circumstances have driven you (and many others like you) to where you are now. You ABSOLUTELY have to look out for number 1!

[rollonthesummer]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you find your Uni admin role on the university vacancies page or through Reed etc?

[echt]

This makes me feel sadder than I've felt in ages. Only on teachers' threads have I read of those who wish harm on themselves.

[Viviennemary]

Could you ask to change departments or work with a different team. When I had a job I hated I couldn't even enjoy weekends. Sunday was dreadful at the thought of Monday morning looming. Take some time off sick. That's what I wish I had done.

[andsmile]

filling up here OP - It reminds of when I used to teach, I used to think am I ill enough to justify staying off - then the anxiety about setting work, then the guilt then the fear of going back to face it all.

I'm sorry I know so many people who have been in or are in a similar boat and its a massive ticking time bomb IMO.

Keep looking, You MUST look after your health. It took me a whie to recover from teaching when I left my confidence and self esteem were rock bottom. I'm only just taking steps to return to a work environment now.

[IHeartKingThistle]

OP I've been there. I remember wondering at what point I should step off the pavement so the bus would break some bones but not kill me .

I teach adults now and I'm really happy. There are ways out.

No job is worth this.

[Skeppers]

rollonthesummer I found it on the Uni website.

[threepiecesuite]

My school is in special measures. Teenagers swear at and verbally abuse me all day long.
My morning commute involves me wishing for a minor car crash. I've started to have very dark thoughts.
I want to get out so, so badly.

[MildredDreadful]

I totally felt like this before I left teaching. Taught for 20 years and loved it til the last 4 years. Left 18 months ago and would never ever go back.had the most hideous depression and felt quite suicidal. Leave. It's not worth it. There will be another job for you somewhere. After 18 months I'm getting back on my feet. Don't wait til you feel as bad as I did.

Hugs. Bet you are a bloody good teacher too. I was.

[Skeppers]

Sometimes I think (well, in my case anyway) that when your self-esteem has taken such a prolonged battering over so many years you start to think that you physically can't do anything else.

The first time my manager in my new job praised me for a piece of work I'd done, I left the room and cried tears of relief- and I'm not normally an emotional person. You CAN do other things! Don't let your current situation hold you back.

[IHeartKingThistle]

YY Skeppers. I came out believing I was a crap teacher. It took a long time to get my confidence back. I am NOT a crap teacher. Nor are you.

[ppolly]

Poor you, it sounds awful. Get signed off to give yourself some breathing room. There are ways out that don't involve injuring yourself. Different school/supply/private tutoring/university admin...or a combination. But you sound as though you need some time to recuperate first. Career change really isn't uncommon and there are plenty of teachers who have escaped.

[TimeToGetUp]

Thank you everyone

Your support (and humour!) really helps.

I am serious about those thoughts and deep down, I know I ought to see the dr, but I'm scared of not being believed and I'm job hunting constantly and I'm worried about anything that could look bad on my cv.

I think the constant job hunting doesn't help - I always found it hard to switch off, but now I'm thinking of work in some form or other constantly.

This is going to make me sound really pathetic, but I already work part time (0.4). I think SLT see me as having this cushty job and think I live the life of Riley. The problem is that they seem to be on at me/ checking up on me/ micro managing almost all the time I am there. The full time members of staff are really stressed and I get the same level of observations and scrutiny as a full time member squeezed into my two days. I can't complain, though as the full time staff members have it SO hard that they are at breaking point and they are there full time.

I'm sorry that so many of you are also in this situation. It is good to hear from those of you that have escaped.

[ppolly]

Honestly, if you put your case to the doctor lam sure they will believe you. Do not worry about what other colleagues think. Trust yourself. I had to get signed off for two weeks with stress as a lowly ta simply because I was in a situation I could not cope with. You know how much you can deal with. Get yourself some breathing space your family and your body will really thank you.

[Letseatgrandma]

I'm worried about anything that could look bad on my cv.

This hit a chord with me. DH was signed off for 2 months with work-related stress some years back (10 years?) and he still fills in job applications (he's not constantly filling in applications, I hasten to add!) that ask 'Have you ever had time off work due to stress/anxiety/depression. Please state details and dates' which depresses him even more! It's not like it even seems to get written off after 3 or 5 years.

This massively puts me off going to the GP even though I have exactly the same thoughts as you. I feel a numb robot on autopilot trudging to work trying not to feel.


I even wonder sometimes about just driving-in the opposite direction to school some mornings-how long would it take them to find me.

You are not alone :(

[CultureSucksDownWords]

I was part time too, and felt very like you - it got particularly bad from September and I was crying nearly every day I was in work. I too would wish for a small car accident or a broken limb so I could have a break. After realising how mad that level of stress was I resigned for Xmas, without a job to go to. I felt that it wasn't me that was the problem but the ridiculous expectations of SLT and external pressures as well. Everything about the system is wrong at the moment.

My DP pointed out that any kind of secretarial/admin work would pay not much less and be so much less stressful. I was fortunate to find a non teaching job very quickly, where I am valued and respected. Makes a nice change!