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Do parents thank you after residentials?

336 replies

DoctorLawn · 01/10/2014 17:31

I've been thinking about this, since returning from a residential last Friday.

Three parents thanked me.

I'm not expecting all out gratitude, but I was quite taken aback by our return in general. They all stood in the path to the main school entrance, two parents and a childminder helped us get the luggage off the coach while the rest watched, and nobody moved aside without being asked.

It's a very upper middle class school - wondering if that means the parents are much more 'entitled' feeling than others?

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pearpotter · 01/10/2014 17:35

Blimey, I wouldn't have stood there to let someone else struggle with luggage, unless I'd be more hindrance than help. And they should say thank you - being charitable, perhaps they were so overwhelmed by seeing their little darlings again that they forgot? Smile

Picturesinthefirelight · 01/10/2014 17:39

I would assume that that the teachers would not want help with the luggage & that random parents would get in the way.

And I'd be more fixed on my child & getting them sorted with their stuff etc than saying thank you to the teachers. After all its the school that wanted them to go in the first place.

stillenacht1 · 01/10/2014 17:41

We took over 40 of our musicians on a residential at the end of last term. I would say only two parents didn't thank us.. But then our wonderful musicians (and their parents) are a cut aboveSmileSmile

DoctorLawn · 01/10/2014 17:45

Hmm, interesting viewpoint Pictures. I would have looked at others helping and joined in. That's what happens at my children's school - I suspect pearpotter's is similar..

I don't expect loads of thank yous, three just seemed a bit thin on the ground. I would say with regard to the school wanting them to go on the trip in the first place - to a certain extent, yes, but it is expected by the parents that we run it, so I would say it's more of a partnership. I chose to go, yes - but it is bloody knackering being responsible for 32 children every minute of the day and night for 3 days!

I think it was just exacerbated by the fact that people were stood around, getting in the way and not moving unless asked.

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plumnc · 01/10/2014 17:45

I would always thank the teachers and expect dcs to do the same. I would probably not have helped with the luggage unless it looked like you were really struggling - We always get told to leave it by/pick it up from the side of the coach, probably some health and safety rule only allowing the driver to go anywhere near the boot (is it call d a boot on a coach???)

DoctorLawn · 01/10/2014 17:46

Oh wow - musicians! Was it a music based residential?

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capsium · 01/10/2014 17:48

I could take or leave Residentials tbh. The presence of them within the education system now, at a seemingly increasingly young age is an added complication.

Good, if they are well organised and openly optional, not so good if there is any pressure at all for your child to participate or badly organised in any way.

Teachers seem to increasingly want to be thanked, from recent MN posts too. I have mixed feelings about this also. I do thank when a teacher has done a great job of encouraging and getting to know my child, but a blanket policy of thanking every educational professional at every opportunity, even when they appear to have got it wrong, is just not appropriate.

Picturesinthefirelight · 01/10/2014 17:49

Dh is a teacher incidentally & I run children's activities so I do understand what goes into these things.

But I've only ever seen parents 'helping' as a way to try & interfere.

Goodwordguide · 01/10/2014 17:49

My daughter went on a short residential last year - I wrote a thank you card, as did many other parents. However, I was chatting to the headteacher about this and she said she'd also received flowers and a case of wine! We are not a particularly posh school.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 01/10/2014 17:50

No. Do I think they should? Yes. I don't want eternal gratitude, by any means, but some things are a basic courtesy.

stillenacht1 · 01/10/2014 17:51

Doctorlawn yes. An orchestral/choral tourSmile

Twooter · 01/10/2014 17:52

I always thank the teachers because my mum used to moan about not getting thanked when she did stuff like that. Think I'm now a bit OTT about thanking them tbh.

DoctorLawn · 01/10/2014 17:55

Some interesting viewpoints. I completely take on board the parents helping being 'interfering'.

However, like Remus, I don't want eternal gratitude. Thank yous cost nothing though, and go a long way towards a positive teacher-parent relationship. I wonder if it comes down to personality? I am the type that says thank you to anything and everything (and sorry when other people walk into me!), and not saying a quick 'Thanks' as I walk past the teacher would just feel weird.

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Maidupmum · 01/10/2014 18:04

NO! Last week after bringing children back from a (free) residential, 1 parent was 45 minutes late to collect late at night & then was rude to me & blamed me when they arrived. Since then they've blanked me at the school gate several times.
I'm not expecting a medal (or even a thank you) but just find this entitled attitude so bloody rude!

HesterShaw · 01/10/2014 18:05

I used to run a residential to France for Y6es.

I can count on one hand the number of parents who thanked me. They mostly collected up their little darlings and left (after moaning if the ferry/coach had made us late and they had had to wait a little bit).

TempsPerdu · 01/10/2014 18:10

I'm like you DoctorLawn - was brought up to always say thank you for stuff so it's pretty deeply ingrained!

I'm an escaped former teacher. I don't think most teachers expect or want eternal gratitude at all - they understand that things like extra-curriculars and residentials go with the job. What used to bug me though was the parents who displayed almost the opposite of gratitude after trips - those who would march up to you as soon as you'd staggered off the coach after three nights camping with sixty Year 3s and demand 'Where's Johnny's jumper?' or such like.

Wouldn't expect cards or flowers, but a quick smile and a thank you wouldn't go amiss!

capsium · 01/10/2014 18:16

Thing is I don't particularly want the extra pressure of residentials earlier and earlier on in primary. If the teachers don't want to go, I really wish they would actually say something and stop organising them. If they do, why is thanking so important?

Sorry, that's how I feel. I wish I could love everything schools do, it would make life a lot easier but I just don't.

Dragonlette · 01/10/2014 18:19

Do got back from a residential last weekend and no I didn't thank the teachers. I didn't help with unloading the luggage because the teachers had the pupils organised to do it efficiently so I would have been in the way. They also looked like they just wanted us to take our children and go, not stand around waiting to thank them when they wanted to go home too.

I am also a teacher who goes on a residential every year, as well as having been on numerous brownie pack holiday so and guide camps. I am happy if all parents are there to collect their children on time. If I have to wait around for a parent then I expect thanks, but those who are on time I don't really. When we first arrive back at school I just want to make sure children and their belongings make it back to the right parents and catch parents who had been worried or where their child had had any issues (first aid mostly), I don't have time to speak to 54 sets of parents.

CatKisser · 01/10/2014 18:20

"why is thanking them so important?"
Why wouldn't you thank someone who'd looked after your child and kept them happy and safe for a couple of nights?

In our school there are the few parents who give a quick thanks and ask us all about it, which is appreciated. But there are some who don't even bother speaking to us. Just beckon their child from the school gates. I have a vile father once who had a right go because we were fifteen minutes late. He was so bloody rude as I was knackered - I could have cried.

capsium · 01/10/2014 18:32

Cat as I have said, I do thank (and have, often) when I genuinely am thankful. Just off the coach, happy and safe would not have been established, yet.

My earlier point ( why is thanking them so important?) refers to the fact you shouldn't be doing stuff in order to receive thanks. It seems quite self congratulatory. The worth of an action is intrinsic. I don't go about life expecting thanks. Added to this the best reward IMO is when someone, who is quite shy and ungushy, just shows their pleasure in small ways (v. subtle), as a result if your actions.

My DC has had some SENs and a Statement. I have come across a whole range, in terms of the quality, of educational practice. Not all is worthy of thanks, I'm afraid.

DoctorLawn · 01/10/2014 18:37

No, not all is worthy of thanks.
And I don't believe that teachers go on residential trips in order to receive thanks. They go to see their class bond, develop skills that they may not otherwise have the opportunity to develop and to see the children face, and overcome, challenges.
I think it's really quite interesting to hear from people who don't thank others, as I've always found it hard to understand myself -I genuinely am grateful to hear your viewpoints. Thank you Grin

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CatKisser · 01/10/2014 18:38

No teacher on this earth takes children on a residential in order to receive thanks! Self congratulatory? Unreal! Seeing the children flourish outside the classroom is the reward of a residential - I don't expect thanks to reenforce my smug belief that I'm marvellous, I'd expect a simple "thank you" because it's good manners.

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HesterShaw · 01/10/2014 18:41

No one does residentials to "receive thanks" FFS! But it is simple courtesy to thank the people who have cared for your child for a week and helped give them a great experience.

Manners cost nothing at all.

capsium · 01/10/2014 18:42

Cat so you'd prefer someone give thanks out of good manners? Even though it would just be an automatic response and not particularly genuine? As I have said I do thank, often, but when I do, I like to actually mean it.

ravenAK · 01/10/2014 18:44

I recently had a mum hang around until everyone else had left so she could have a go at me for responding to a pre-trip query she'd had by giving her ds the information in school, rather than by email.

I reckon roughly 5% of parents trouble with a quick smile & a thank you.

To be fair, many of the parents are apparently under the impression that we're getting paid to run trips, or we do them because we love sharing a Travelodge bed for approximately 3 hours with a snoring colleague as the price of a freebie ticket to a theatrical production...

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