On the road to capability. Broken and need to wail.

(37 Posts)
neverputasockinatoaster Sat 11-Jan-14 14:51:02

I have been a teacher for well over 20 years. I have been in my current school for over 13 years. I am pretty much the last of the people who were there when I started.
I am not an outstanding teacher and I admit I never will be but I am a good, steady, competent teacher.
3 years ago our school was Ofsteded. I was observed twice. Once I was told my lesson was a solid good lesson, nothing special but good. In the second lesson I went against all my instincts and crashed and burned. I was the first to admit it was a shite lesson. SLT did not take my failure well. At that inspection we went into Notice to Improve. As one of the teachers who was seen to be inadequate I was subjected to a high level f scrutiny and I have now developed a high degree of anxiety around observations. It does not matter how much I prepare, who I get to check my planning, I still perform badly.
My role over the past two years involved boosting individual children and covering for team leaders on a rotating timetable so there is very little evidence of progress for children I teach.
In the terms that followed I was observed by people from the authority and the SLT. On one memorable occasion a group of children didn't understand so I adapted my planning to suit and addressed the issue. The observer was full of all the positive things I'd done but then graded me as inadequate because the children who hadn't undstood hadn't made enough progress.
I then had a series of lessons graded as good with outstanding features and began to breath again.
At my end of year interview last year I asked to be moved out of my current year group and into the key stage where my strengths lie. My request was refused and my role was changed.
I teach a group of children and I have the brief to get them to level 3 by the end of ks1. We have a culture of 'optimism' over children's levels and, unfortunately, the group I have are not as bright as perhaps their levels suggest....
I was observed at the midpoint of last term and given requires improvement, the criticisms were fair and I worked to address them. I was put on a TIP and I worked hard to meet the tasks on there. About a week before the follow up observation I was/asked to vacate my teaching space and move to an area that is basically a corridor. In my follow up observation it was noted that I had addressed all the issues from before. I was, however, given requires improvement for a new set of issues....
I was then off sick with a chest infection and a sinus infection and the support I was promised did not materialise.
I was observed on Friday morning by my 'mentor' who gave me a list of things I do well and a few minor things to address. This is the sum total of the support I have had.
I will be observed again on Tuesday by a member of the slt as a follow up to my last requires improvement lesson.
I have also discovered on Friday that I am to be subjected to a lesson 'pop in' , two learning walks and a third formal observation. This will all happen before the end of January.
I am broken. The kids I teach are making progress but, spookily enough, it isn't linear and is not fast enough for the liking of the SLT. I spend my lessons building confidence, convincing these children that they are capable of the work. They are just starting to blossom but it isn't fast enough.
I know I will be on capability by the end of next week.
I am broken. Maybe they are right and I am rubbish. They are holding up the fact that my team leader's group have made faster progress than mine but there are times when she has 15 children in her room and 4 or 5 adults.
I can only see one way out.
I apologise for the epic length! I doubt there is much you can say. I just needed to wail a bit to people who might understand.

Grockle Wed 22-Jan-14 10:10:16

'My children deserve better than this'

And so do you.

not2nitedarling Wed 22-Jan-14 12:12:30

You heal my love. I really feel for you. Keep taking each day as it comes. Remember.. if you haven't got your health everything else is a struggle. Take care and keep me posted xx

BrigitBigKnickers Thu 23-Jan-14 09:31:33

The only respect an observer giving me an RI judgement would get is if they are prepared to plan and teach a lesson with my class to show me how it should be done.

Strange not one of the SMT at my school is prepared to do that...hmm

I am horrified at some of the posts in the staffroom threads. Sounds like there won't be many teachers left at this rate...

Cataline Thu 23-Jan-14 09:47:48

OP I can empathise. Been in your position and it was truly horrific. Ended up having a breakdown. On the bright side, it was the kick up the arse that was sorely needed to help me realise that it's only a job, it's not my life and that boundaries and cut off points are very very important!!
I now work part -time in a less responsible role. I love my job and the kids but my mindset has completely changed. Sure, it's still stressful at times but I can walk out on an evening and totally forget about work- because that's all it is-a job!
I could be a much better teacher but I do enough to remain 'good' and teach the students what they need to know. It's not worth my sanity or my health to do otherwise.
Please feel free to pm me if you want any advice or to hear more- there are a lot of similarities between our stories. I'm living on the other side and I'd be happy to drag you over!!
Take care, lovely.

manyhands Thu 23-Jan-14 17:59:14

Be sure to keep records of your pupil's progress, they will struggle to prove you are 'incapable' if your pupil's make good progress and if you were to agree a settlement agreement at some point, it may make a difference to what you recieve. Keep a copy of the results and tell the union.

neverputasockinatoaster Thu 13-Mar-14 22:08:19

Just a quick update.....

I handed in my notice today.

I leave at the end of the summer term.

I'm abotu 6 feet taller already.

OfstedOrganised Thu 13-Mar-14 23:02:40

Well done op keep smiling, you've made the big decision and now you can start counting down the weeks!

rollonthesummer Fri 14-Mar-14 19:58:56

Well done you! I'm very jealous.

neverputasockinatoaster Sat 15-Mar-14 11:15:03

15 weeks....

75 teaching/working days.......

Not that I've got a chart or anything you understand....

rollonthesummer Sat 15-Mar-14 12:29:03

I'd have a countdown on my phone!

Well done never, although I am so sorry it had to come to this. I am off on mat leave in a few weeks time and am currently burying my head in the sand that it will all be changed when I return....

guggenheim Sat 15-Mar-14 16:31:23

Well done. Start making a 'great escape' list of all the things you want to do when you finish. When /if it gets tough keep reminding yourself that you are going and the buggers can't get to you!

Works for me smile

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