Day Off To Attend A Funeral

(14 Posts)
lsa2 Mon 07-Oct-13 18:34:42

I am asking here as I can't seem to find the information on the internet and don't want to ask in the school office tomorrow in case I start crying. I am a TA in a Primary School. My nephew very sadly died unexpectedly at the weekend and I am not sure if I am entitled to have a day off for his funeral. Does anybody know if I am allowed to do this, if her comes under close family member, or if not if there is anything I could suggest as an alternative to the Head to ensure I am able to attend? I understand that our Head can be quite unsympathetic about things like this so I would be really grateful to have the knowledge before speaking to her. Thank you in advance for any help.

Cynderella Mon 07-Oct-13 18:53:59

Our school has an absence policy which sets out what leave of absence can be expected for specific events and whether it is paid or unpaid. It varies from school to school but I would have thought your head would have given you the day, although it may be unpaid. The only way to be sure is to look at your school's policy or ask - perhaps a colleague could ask for you, explaining that you are likely to cry if you have to talk about it?

LuvMyBoyz Mon 07-Oct-13 19:07:27

In general a nephew doesn't count as a close family member (personally, though, I really appreciate that this is just crap). You have to ask the head for permission to go and they may say yes with pay, yes but without pay, or no you can't. Never known a head to turn anyone down and in general they have had time off with pay. It is entirely at the Heads discretion. So sorry things can't be clearer when you are under so much stress.

lsa2 Mon 07-Oct-13 19:11:17

Thanks Cynderella, I am happy to have it unpaid, I have just been worried that she might say an outright No and how I would feel so awful not being there to support my sister on such a terrible day. I did try to look up the policy for my school but couldn't see it. I will ask a friend at work to ask for me, I hope this doesn't sound too dramatic but I was hoping not to say anything to anyone at work about what has happened, even my close friends, as I know they will be kind and sympathetic and I am scared of crying in front of the children or have to go into class with swollen eyes as you know how children notice these things. Thank you for your advice I appreciate you replying.

lsa2 Mon 07-Oct-13 19:23:20

Thank you for your kind message Luv, I have just been thinking about a nephew not being classed as a close relative and thinking how in nearly every family nephews and nieces are loved so much and how wrong it would seem not to attend their funeral and how the wider family would find that very wrong. I know things are different when you work in a school though so I am just going to hope that she will allow me to go.

Please don't ask a friend to ask for you - I think that's more likely to make the head say no and isn't the right way to go about it.

I'm really sorry about your nephew.

lsa2 Tue 08-Oct-13 18:08:55

Thank you for your kind words Pottering. We are still waiting for the date of the funeral as there needs to be a post mortem but I have decided to ask her at the end of my working day so that if I do cry it won't matter as I will be going on my way home straight after.

Lottiedoubtie Tue 08-Oct-13 20:33:21

I wouldn't work in a school which would refuse you this.

But I believe they do exist.

Fingers crossed for you- asking at the end of the day is sensible and try to ask as soon as you know the date to give as much notice as possible.

lsa2 Tue 08-Oct-13 21:28:08

Thank you Lottie.

juniper9 Wed 09-Oct-13 23:10:50

It's up the the LEA, not the school. The head can choose to botch the books a bit to give you a day that the LEA wouldn't (for example, I got some days in leu because I did jury duty during the holiday, but that was just my head being kind).

Can you take it as unpaid leave if push comes to shove? Or cry at the office staff? They often have quite a lot of influence over this type of thing... they'll discuss how upset you were etc when the Head's around.

Sorry for your loss thanks

lsa2 Thu 10-Oct-13 17:02:46

Thank you for saying that Juniper. I have spent the whole week feeling as if I am in a nightmare, doing my normal school routines and duties and thinking that at this time my DS will be going to see her beloved son in the morgue, and thinking of her other children in their school with such sadness in their hearts that their brother has died. My heart feels as if it is bursting with pain for my DN and for my DS and her other children. There is still no date set for the funeral but I am going to ask for an unpaid day off when I do have to ask her.

lsa2 Thu 10-Oct-13 17:51:13

Thank you to everyone for your replies, I really appreciate them all.

Ohwhatwitcheryisthis Thu 10-Oct-13 18:00:19

You could sound out your line manager. Luckily my school are uber sympathetic but sil's were awful when fil died. I got two days as we had to travel, she got asked if she could manage to just do the afternoon? Even the stoniest of heads couldn't refuse you some time off.

lsa2 Mon 14-Oct-13 21:11:56

Thanks Ohwhat, I'm so glad you've got a nice Head, our old one was very good in this kind of situation and always said family comes first so made it easy for the staff to approach her, we took it for granted really at the time but realise now that we were very lucky to have had someone like that.

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