Confessions of a teacher

(56 Posts)
PenguinBear Sat 07-Sep-13 21:10:00

Saw this thread on a teaching forum and thought it might be good for the MN staffroom!!

Anyone want to start? smile

zingally Thu 07-Nov-13 17:41:35

I have at least one, every year, that I just want to take home, give them a good tea, a hot bath, some games and tuck them up in a nice clean bed.

Some really do have horrible little lives and I'm surprisingly often the only reliable person they know. In that I do what I say I will and will react in predictable ways. And I won't just randomly hit them for no reason. They break my heart, those ones.

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 10:37:13

easily measurable.. - other subjects not as clear cut

mineofuselessinformation Thu 31-Oct-13 10:15:05

LordP - and what's that supposed to mean? grin

killpeppa Thu 31-Oct-13 08:54:07

I used to love married teachers!!
we had 6 married couples when I was in secondary school and 3 who were dating.
we had teacher who gave a girl a not to his girlfriend teacher saying could she meet in in a class room at lunch time as he needed help with some marking.
she turned up to a room filled of flowers and a proposal envy

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 08:45:10


Bet levels were invented by a maths teacher

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 08:44:34

History. Level 3 was dk thing like describing change

At what level? PhD level ?

I don't believe in levels. I mean, I know they exist, but I think it's bloody ridiculous to so specifically grade such young children.

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 04:28:09

In fact I hate levels.

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 04:24:36

Lol. Heymicky is right. Never quite so vicious though. Sure the kids said way worse about us.

I guess levels. Often

MushroomFuckerSoup Thu 31-Oct-13 03:13:05

Some of these are bloody lovely!

Heymicky if you were in my school, I would suspend you for that. I despair of a culture that a) thinks that's funny and b) thinks that other teachers will agree.

NotAsTired Wed 30-Oct-13 20:49:22

It makes me smile when I do a day's supply at a school where I was doing maternity cover last year in reception and I walk through the hall at dinner time and about 20 year 1 children scream "Miss Notastired" and half a dozen children attempt to rugby tackle hug me.

ilovesooty Tue 29-Oct-13 23:49:07

I once told a class of year 10s that the helicopter hovering over the school was an Ofsted helicopter doing a preliminary inspection. They were being watched through telescopic lenses and their behaviour was being reported back directly to the Department of Education. They even believed my story that they had to use police helicopters for this surveillance due to budget cuts. It did cause some difficulty for me when they asked the Head about the Ofsted helicopter...

blueemerald Sun 27-Oct-13 18:47:48

I work in a secondary school for boys with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties in London. Like BitchyHen I worry about most some of them when I'm not at work. Holidays are hard.
I enjoy seeing the relief on their faces when they realise you are going to forgive them for throwing a table at you.

BonnieBeaumont Sat 26-Oct-13 23:03:15

I've cried over some of my pupils also roughtyping! I've thought of a few of them this week as it's half term and I know they won't have eaten properly without their FSM sad

roughtyping Sat 26-Oct-13 19:16:50

I dream about my classes! And DH always knows because I to in my sleep and say things like, "Little Jimmy, please sit in your seat."

I've cried over a few kids, thinking of their home life. One in particular. Hard work, but I would take him home any day. And he always asks after my husband and son. sad

mineofuselessinformation Sat 26-Oct-13 19:16:44

I once went to work dressed as a punk - hair in a Mohican dyed with cochineal, festooned in chains with an anarchy sign eye-linered on my arm. The rumour went round that my twin sister taught in my place for the day. I was nearly thrown out of the staff room as they didn't recognise me, and kids were walking past and then reversing to get another look.... I have never again reached those heady heights of cool. grin
I love it when hulking great 14 year old boys forget themselves and call me mum. smile

I have convinced a few classes that when you officially become a teacher you get eyes put in on the back of your head. gringrin

Euphemia Sat 26-Oct-13 18:31:06

My class think it's hilarious that I claim there's a man called Mr Euphemia. grin It's like Mrs Euphemia is a unique identifier for me, and they can't accept that anyone else could have part of my name!

missmapp Sat 26-Oct-13 18:27:46

Steppemum- I once convinced a whole class my first name was Miss ! They kept telling me it was a good job I became a teacher, because I could use my whole name!!!

steppemum Sat 26-Oct-13 09:17:13

It is years since I was in the classroom but..

I had favourites.

And I still think of some of them and wonder what they are up to.

And we played (gentle) tricks on kids all the time.
My favourite - my first name is 'steppe' and so was the name of the NQT in the class next door. One of my year 3 (known for being very gullible) found that out and was amazed that there were 2 teachers called steppe. Ah yes, I said, it is a new rule that all new teachers are called steppe. At that moment a male teacher (also NQT) walked across the top of the hall I was in. ''Isn't that right Mr X, all new teachers have to have the first name Steppe?'' Oh yes he said, my first name is Steppe. and he walked off and the kid went off open mouthed. No idea how long she believed it!

Euphemia Sat 26-Oct-13 08:44:20


Class! grin

martinedwards Sat 26-Oct-13 08:11:12

donkeys years ago I taught in a posh boarding school. my head of dept would be in the tech drawing room at the opposite end of the school from the tech workshop where I was.

One day he sent me a note to remind me to close the windows (doh!) on a folded up sheet of A0 (ie blinking HUGE) paper.

I said thanks to the young lad who brought the note and sent him on his way.

I got 4 of MY class, got them to put on their woodwork aprons, and I wrote "OK" on pencil on the top corner of a 8 x 4 sheet of plywood, and got the lads to take my note back to my HOD.

took them about 20 mins to negotiate all the corridors because THEY were laughing so much

Eggsiseggs Sat 26-Oct-13 07:19:56

Haha and awww to some of these!

Secondary teacher here. Sooo many teacher confessions!

I, too, think regular homework is a waste of time.

I probably let kids away with far too much (love the little blighters)

I join in with any ridiculous teacher jokes possible (not nasty ones!)

I confided once (to an a level student, to be fair!) that his coursework was so shit it was making me stressed, and that the class's general apathy towards their grades resulted in me going to the pub one Friday and smoking for the first time since the 90s <v. drunk>

I listen to the kids' gossip whilst appearing not to, and saying things like 'it's unkind to talk about others when they aren't here to defend themselves blah blah' . Especially listen to gossip/complaints about other teachers <eavesdropper>

Ah, these are so mild, really. Haven't even gotten on to the teacher 'Snapchat Cock Challenge' yet grin

I am really crap at arty and display stuff. I thought I had made a good job of making a display of various 3D shapes. Another teacher said, "aw bless, did one of the kids try to build a castle out of the shapes. It is a shame to put them away again."
I just muttered, "I know but at least they have ownership of their learning. " blush
I then got the 7 year old to make a new display the next day - it was much better than mine.

I was once locking up the theatre after an evening rehearsal (boarding school). It was nearly pitch black down there and a horrible building anyway, so I was hurrying (am not really woo but was imagining horrible things!). One of the boys in UVI snuck back down the stairs and jumped into the studio shouting 'boo!' and I shrieked 'FUCKING HELL!', except it was worse because I stopped myself half way through, realising it was a boy playing a prank, and so actually just shouted 'FUCK ngng!' He took great delight in telling everyone for the rest of the year that I'd told him to fuck off, which I really hadn't, though I guess it was close enough.

I quite miss him, the little sod grin

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