Crying about the thought of going to work tomorrow

[RequiresImprovement]

I am a PT teacher in a very challenging secondary school. I only started teaching there last september. I have had issues with behaviour management from the start, not helped by the fact that I have been given exclusively bottom sets to teach. I was told by everyone that the kids there like to push new staff, and push they most certainly have. Support from SMT is poor, staff moral as a whole is rock bottom and the head teacher is a bully. Because of a single poor observation I was put on a teacher intervention problem and seem to be being observed constantly. I take on board everything they tell me but it never seems to get any better. I feel completely dejected and my self confidence is destroyed. I am sitting here sobbing with my heart pounding out of my chest at the thought of going there tomorrow. I feel physically sick.

I am not a new teacher, I have taught successfully in challenging environments previously. Until I took this job I had had a successful career. I have resigned but the thought of working out my notice terrifies me. I need some coping strategies please xxx

[noblegiraffe]

Go to see your doctor and get yourself signed off until you feel able to return to work.

[RequiresImprovement]

Thank you for your replies. I have never had to take time off work before and it feels like a massive step to admit how I feel to a Dr but I know in my heart I can't go tomorrow. So sad

[HumphreyCobbler]

I hope the visit to the doctor goes well. I do not think anyone should have to feel like this at work, remember that this is NOT your fault.

When you realise you do not have to go back there it will feel as if a weight has lifted. Best of luck.

[Chottie]

No job is worth your health. Please look after yourself. I hope all goes well at the doctors tomorrow.

[Empross76]

I've been like that a few times about going in to work, just sick with anxiety at the thought of it.
I think it would be good if the GP signed you off for a bit and you considered medication, counselling, stress courses, etc.
But, most importantly, a little time to recharge a bit away from school.
No magic answer I'm afraid as this is an ongoing problem for me, too. But wanted to support you as you supported me on my thread. Seems like we are both in similar positions.
Hope you're doing okay x.

[Chottie]

Requiresimprovement how did it go at the doctors?

[mayaswell]

Those circumstances sound enough to destroy most people's confidence, shame they have the resources to observe you but not support you.
Hope you can get some changes on place soon x

[CabbageLooking]

Hope you're ok OP. Not going in, in these circumstances, is absolutely right. You need union support; you are not being supported as you should be. Hope the doctor has offered useful advice.

[LadybirdsEverywhere]

Not your fault - this sounds like a terrible school. It infuriates me when people's lives are made miserable like this. If any head teachers are reading this, I hope they will realise that their staff are their biggest and best resource and need to be looked after. Grrr. I hope you start to feel better soon, RequiresImprovement. I'd say it's your school that requires improvement!

[RequiresImprovement]

Thank you all ever so much for your support. I did not go to school on Friday but also did not see the Dr. It feels like such a massive thing to go and actually say to someone that I am unable to function in the career I chose.

Since Friday I have been lucky enough to have had some time away with my family and now, of course, it is half term so thoughts of work have been pushed to the back of my mind. I have no idea how I will feel on the first day back though. Ladybird unfortunately my school was recently judged as good by ofsted having previously been failing, I now have no respect for any ofsted judgement, ever. The fact that the school has a massive turnover of staff for a small school seemed to pass the inspectors by. The unions are currently quite involved with the school as I am not the only one who is incredibly unhappy, but I will speak to my rep.

I just have to get through the next half term and I can now see that if that means taking time off then that is what needs to happen. I have my family to think about and they don't need me in bits. I can't wait to leave at the end of the year. The thing I am finding hardest is detaching how I feel about work from how I feel about me as a person. It just feels like if I can't do this then I am not a very worthwhile person in general, and yet I know that is utter rubbish. It's just hard sigh

Empross thank you ever so much for your support. I hope that things get easier for you soon too.

[Empross76]

That bit you just said about detaching work from the person is so true - I feel like that, too. When I feel like a failure in my professional life then I start to feel like a failure all round. It's horrible.
I've started a thread in Mental Health too - may help you as well as me so worth a look for you.

[RequiresImprovement]

Thank you Empross It's rubbish that we both feel like this but it is helpful to know that we are not the only ones. It is very hard to separate professional me (who is failing, having a crap time and not coping) from ordinary mummy me who is still loved and respected by her family and friends. They don't think any the worse of me because I am having a hard time at work so I'm trying very hard not to think badly of me either. I think it was when the crap from work started to come home and I was unable to function as me at home that I realised that this is just not right. It's just a shitty situation all round. I hope you are feeling okay at the moment. I'll go and check out your other thread xx

[SheerWill]

Is it bad that I've started wondering how many tablets to take tomorrow morning already. Want to crawl into my bed and hibernate - can the world just leave me alone for a minute while I feel sorry for myself. I love working with the children but the thought of seeing my headteacher tomorrow makes me want to vomit.

[Loshad]

ring in sick, you clearly are not well, and go and see your GP.
Another school will be better.

[Empross76]

SheerWill - is that a name change for RequiresImprovement?
If you feel like that you need to see GP and hopefully get signed off to give you a bit of time to regroup and work out what you can do to improve things. Just rest and have a bit of time and space. I feel for you. That Sunday feeling is the worst.

[requiresimprovement]

No, I'm still here, although due to technical difficulties with a slight nc, but I have to say I feel pretty much sheer will does, although I don't work tomorrow so it's not at its peak just yet. Sheerwill, I know just how you feel, though I feel sick at the thought of my classes too. Willing for it to get better for us all. Empross, how are you doing?

[PariahHairy]

I feel so bad for you, I remember being a pupil in a bad school. They so smelt fear in any new or weak teachers. Seriously they would zone in on the poor things.

If they do not respect you, seriously leave, your life will be hell, it's not worth it.

[PariahHairy]

Ahh I see you have resigned, I would get a sick note for the remainder of your notice, then try your hardest for a new job.

The little twats in my school drove one poor Woman to a nervous breakdown .

[requiresimprovement]

Okay so I have a Drs appointment for later today. Feel like such a failure. So sad. Can anyone tell me what I should say or what I need to ask for? I've been lucky enough to never have need to go to the Dr for anything other than physical things in the past. What if he doesn't sign me off? Can't bear the thought of going tomorrow. Been crying of and on all morning then having to pull it together when the kids (mine - I don't work today) are around.

[LoopyLooplaHoop]

Good luck.

Write it down.

1. How are you feeling?
   
2. Why?
   
3. What makes it worse?
   
4. What could make it better?

[requiresimprovement]

thank you Loopy

[Empross76]

Yes, agree with Loopy. Write it down. Good luck, let us know how you get on.

[SheerWill]

How did Drs go today requiresimprovement?

We had the most awful whole school assembly this morning - ironically we're supposed to be a values school. The assembly was about Freedon, but she was just horrible - laying into the year 5s and 6s because they didn't want to answer her questions. she's so intimidating and makes children and teachers alike feel crap about themselves. Just soooo negative

Luckily I managed to avoid her most of today, but took all 4 citalopram tablets to get through the door. Just 7 weeks to go and I'm outta there!! Can't fooking wait. I'm going to teach under performing year 7s and 8s in a secondary school from September. If that doesn't work out, I'm going to run a check out at Tesco.

[requiresimprovement]

Hi all, the Drs went okay as these things go. She was lovely. I cried and shook and she has signed me off for two weeks. She has put down anxiety as the reason. I should feel relieved but instead I am just sad, still shaky and still really scared about going back in two weeks time. She offered me medication to help but I have refused that in the short term hoping that time off will help. I have another appointment to see her again next week. The thing is that everything else in my life is fine, it really is just work. I even cried sending the email to say I was signed off, knowing that I will be being talked about all over school tomorrow.

SheerWill your head sounds awful. Why do people have to make others feel so bad? What do they get out of it. Has it always been bad or have things changed recently? I am absolutely dreading having to actually speak to someone at school about why I am not there. I know they are going to make me feel like its because I am not competent, but I know I was good at this job before I worked there. My self confidence is so destroyed I'm not sure I'll ever be good at it again.

I also have another job lined up for September and if that doesn't work I'm going to be right next to SheerWill on the checkouts. Have you taken time off SheerWill or have you just got through with medication? I don't know what citalopram does. Has it been helpful? I'm not sure I can continue to feel like this, with my heart almost beating out of my chest and feeling fearful all the time.

Empross, hope you are hanging in there too.