Why do parents think it's ok to talk to teachers like shit?

(58 Posts)
StuffezLaBouche Mon 18-Mar-13 19:39:20

Horrible parent today. Why aren't I entering her child for a certain test? You can't be bothered with the hassle, you don't like him, it's ok for you - you get in at nine and get to go at three, etc. etc.

If someone was so rude in my private life they'd get a firm and strongly worded mouthful. I just felt shaken after, as it was quite an outpour. Now I just feel really, really angry. I work my bloody arse off for my class and am so pissed off by the attitude that teachers can be talked to like that. I know all teachers will feel like this at some point... Today just got to me. (Not helped by the fifteen mile round trip to pick up a Gumtree item and the woman deciding not to sell after all.)

Sorry for this rant, just over stressed and a bit upset.

squeezedatbothends Fri 19-Apr-13 13:34:53

I think it comes from government - teachers are lazy and worthless, passed down through the media, into the mouths of parents and then their children. Hey ho, poor behaviour in the classroom. Last week it was in the news that 2000 teachers signed a petition about his language and behaving like a child - there are about 2700 on there now (www.thinking-about-education.co.uk ) and there's one up for parents as well called 'Our Children Are Not Political Footballs' www.thinking-about-education.co.uk/parents-petition .

Stinkypoos Mon 15-Apr-13 23:09:48

I am involved, via work, with the school which my daughter goes to.

I know both the staff and some of the parents from my daughter's class.

Recently one mother had a massive rant to me about my daughter's lovely teacher - who is also fantastic to work with. I don't think I'm being biased here.

According to the mother, the teacher was very rude to her. This is really unlike the person I know. I asked for more information and the parent seems to be totally out of order. The teacher has a class of 30 and it is not possible to comply with the mother's request.

I tried to explain to the mother how busy the teacher is during the day, how much extra work she does at the school (additional responsibilities etc) and the response was a rant about being professional. The teacher said no to an unreasonable request - that's all.

I know the mother socially and she is fine. She is a perfectly reasonable, good and pleasant company, she is well educated, has a good job and perfectly normal. I don't understand why she is acting in such a damaging way towards her child's teacher.

ProphetOfDoom Tue 26-Mar-13 23:25:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf Tue 26-Mar-13 22:27:14

That is several people you think don't like you.

BettyBlues Tue 26-Mar-13 22:26:09

Nkf - I'm not getting that response from several people. It's just the SENCO that's scared of me. And I think that she's scared I'll complain to the HT about her because she's not doing a good job.

The HT hates me because I'm not satisfied with the quality of the SEN provision. But he hated me from the day I joined because he didn't want to have to accept a 'challenging child'

The class teachers start of OK but once they realise I actually expect them to teach a dyslexic child and not just babysit them then they start to avoid me.

The whole reason they hate me / avoid me / are scared of me is because I expect them to teach my DC and they don't know how to.

However there has been progress made this week. The HT is now talking about getting a specialist SpLD teacher in so maybe things will be resolved.

nkf Tue 26-Mar-13 22:05:23

And Betty, why are they frightened of you? If I was getting that response from several people, I would do some self reflection.

nkf Tue 26-Mar-13 22:04:04

I'm not sure that letting teachers feel your wrath will get the best result for your child.

nkf Tue 26-Mar-13 21:50:17

Some people are rude. I bet any profession that meets the public face to face gets rudeness. Imagine being a policeman. And the stuff I've seen in a&e.

Some people have legitimate complaints about schools but lack the social skills to raise them properly and so they scream and shout.

Fairyliz Tue 26-Mar-13 21:23:27

The thing is you are dealing with the most precious thing in my life. Yes I get irritated if my food delivery is wrong or the dry cleaners ruin my dress; but don't do the best for my child and you will feel my wrath!
Yes I do know what its like working in a school as I work in one, like all places there are excellent employees and terrible ones.

heggiehog Sat 23-Mar-13 20:05:40

"WRT the "professional judgement" thing. I don't think any sensible teacher believes they are above questioning - but parents don't always know the "bigger picture" behind teachers' decisions. "

This.

Unfortunately, unless you have been a teacher yourself, it is almost impossible to understand the bigger picture and all the hundreds of little things that contribute to every decision teachers have to make.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 17:39:29

That is an excellent point, schmaltzing!

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 17:38:41

See your point, untrusty, but there are so many reasons why kids leave year six illiterate, and some aren't comfortable to hear.

Some have been let down by poor teaching. Undoubtedly. There is a teacher in our school who I know is letting their children down. Unfortunately they are my superior. One of the members of staff has a child in that class. Very awkward all round and wrong that its happening.

Some children haven't had the benefit of parents who give a crap. By not reading with children; not playing with them; not talking to then even, children's brains just don't develop the connections required to learn, retain and apply.

Also, some children just aren't bright. They can be lovely, kind, engaging children, but they just don't "get it." And if they do "get it" they don't apply it in their own work. This seems to be the great "taboo" in teaching, as obviously you wouldn't say tat to the child's parents.

WRT the "professional judgement" thing. I don't think any sensible teacher believes they are above questioning - but parents don't always know the "bigger picture" behind teachers' decisions. In the case that inspired me to write my OP, it was the fact the mother came in all guns blazing bt had totally the wrong end of the stick.

I can't think of circumstances where a school wouldn't do everything they could to ensure a child cold read and write.

Sorry for all the quote marks in my post; it's "one of those subjects!"

ProphetOfDoom Sat 23-Mar-13 17:36:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Untrusty Sat 23-Mar-13 17:07:28

Stuff - I know the teachers think that I only care about my DC.

It's not true at all. But the teacher comes to the conversation believing I believe that.

I do however think school really should do everything that can be done to teach a child to read and write. Whether it's my child or another one. I am equally horrified by other kids who leave Y6 illiterate.

Pretty much the only thing I try to discuss with school staff is that one of my 3 DC can't read or write and has made no progress in 2 years.

Which, now I see, they interpret is 'questioning their professional judgement' as opposed to me trying to work out what else can be done so that they don't leave primary school illiterate.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 16:52:57

That's a nice post, caramellatte. ANYONE who drags themselves out of bed and works hard at whatever it is they do deserves recognition and credit, IMO. But teaching does seem to be one of those jobs that attracts a disproportionate amount of shit. (Coincidentally these are often jobs that involve extended interaction with the general public..!) grin

CaramelLatte Sat 23-Mar-13 16:46:09

I'm not a teacher, I am a parent and fwiw I think teachers do not get anywhere near the credit they deserve. I wonder how many of these difficult parents would cope with the job, I know I couldn't. Ok you get more holidays than most but I have seen for myself the long hours that are put in, not only on normal school days but residential trips for days at a time, on duty 24/7. So thanks teachers, I for one am grateful for your input into my children's future.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 16:30:56

I'm NOT speaking, not TO!

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 16:22:43

Betty, I'm to speaking about your situation here, but in my experience, the frustration teachers have with parents boils down to the fact that the only child you give two hoots about is yours. Understandably. Whereas the class teacher has to share those two hoots between thirty children, all of whom are the apples of their parents' eyes. It's not easy and most teacher do their best.

BettyBlues Sat 23-Mar-13 15:59:51

MidnightHag - aaahhh. Now I understand why the staff hate me. It's because I 'question their professional judgement'

Thanks.

I can't stop doing that given some of the things that have happened. But I can at least understand why they hate me.

MoreBeta Sat 23-Mar-13 12:38:54

stuffez - did you explain all that to her or did she not give you the chance?

She may be very anxious about her son's progress or very ambitious and it boiled over. Not an excuse but I think you need to get into her head or it will blow up again.

ScottyDoc Sat 23-Mar-13 08:27:35

My dh is a teacher and I see the amount of stress and the insane amount of work and preparation that goes into lesson planning for one. There are grade targets to be hit as well as very intimidating observations from time to time. If I saw or heard any parent giving unnecessary rudeness to a teacher, I wouldn't hesitate to pull them up on it. Half the time, from dh's experience anyway, the kids can't be bothered to listen or to do the work, and there's a big lack of discipline at home. This backfires on him unfairly when the deluded and entitled parents are moaning that their precious darling hasn't got the grades he/she should have! I wouldn't do it for a job and I have the utmost respect for those that do it.

nkf Sat 23-Mar-13 08:13:13

I think these people probably have rows with everybody. Not much comfort but it's probably not personal.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 23-Mar-13 08:08:47

More beta, i didn't enter him for the test (a wholly optional test I must add) because he is working nowhere near the required level. Annoyingly, at the point she came in and was rude, I hadn't entered anyone for the test yet.

If she had come in sensibly, I would have been absolutely fine, but to question my professionalism by suggesting I didn't enter him for a test because "I don't like him" is beyond insulting.

Even more irritatingly, her son has been taking advantage of my free, early morning booster classes all term. So - free tuition, free breakfast, free transport to extra curricular activities..but no, I've "got it in for him."

God I need to let this go!!

ipadquietly Fri 22-Mar-13 22:27:11

Because they know we can't tell them to f off, and must maintain our rictus grins.

lljkk Fri 22-Mar-13 19:22:22

Lol @ Stuffez's stories.
I have very politely managed to make DD's teacher feel like an idiot this week.
But I promise that I was very polite about it. grin

Anyone who wants to know more about CupofTea's DD might read the archived threads on here, it's a wonderful if sad story.

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