Teacher parent relationships

(5 Posts)
tested Sun 02-Dec-12 19:42:36

Hi, I am wondering if anyone can help me with advice on a very upsetting matter. My husband is in a relationship with a teacher at our kids school. He left in June and since that time has 'drip-fed' me updates of his relationship with her. Please don't jump to the conclusion that I am a bitter jilted wife, there is a back story to this.
I encouraged my husband to become a volunteer in our sons class as he was out of work back in November. He was enthusiastic but constantly made reference to our sons teacher, texting, facebooking her. In January I asked him if they were having an affair which he denied. Things never felt right and I would find myself feeling like an outsider around them at school events.In April he became a volunteer teaching assistant in her class. Fast forward to June and he leaves. Within weeks he announces his feelings for her and her for him, conveniently in the first week of the summer holidays.
I've been having meetings with the school regarding my sons now disruptive behaviour and in one the head teacher asked me if I believed anyone at the school had acted innapropriatly to contribute to our situation. Basically it had already been brought to her attention by others of their behaviour.
She has suggested to me that I should make an official complaint as the woman in question is not teaching any of my children but is still the key stage head of year. She has been signed off on long term sick.
I have no idea what the conduct is for this type of thing, obviously its been very upsetting for me and the kids. For five months i've bounced this around my head, im not a malicious person and could have caused a scene at the school, seeing her every morning is horrible. Does anybody know anything about rules or not on this? Or even what happens with complaints? Ive looked on the teaching agency's website and nothing. Thanks.

MidnightHag Sun 02-Dec-12 21:18:27

Definite grounds for complaint (I'm not an expert, BTW). They have behaved appallingly and you sound like a saint!

MrsJourns Sun 02-Dec-12 23:11:39

I'm not so sure there are grounds for complaint.
Whilst their behaviour has been appalling there is no rule against them having a relationship. Also whilst this has obviously been very upsetting for your son and the cause of his behavioural problems it would be difficult to say his issues were the direct result of his father having a relationship with this teacher, as opposed to his father having a new relationship.
There would only be a case to answer if she has behaved in any way unprofessionally or unfairly to your son or you whilst carrying out her job.
We had a similar situation in my school (except the spouses were both teachers in the school and the new partner was a parent, children in school from both families). Tricky and uncomfortable for everyone, but no rules broken.

pudding25 Mon 03-Dec-12 18:44:35

I find it utterly bizarre that the school allowed your ex to become a TA in your son's class. This should not have been allowed and that is something I would complain about.

tested Mon 03-Dec-12 23:16:59

Thank you to all who have replied. I'm under the impression that their relationship started last academic year whilst we were still together and she was teaching my son and also mentoring my husband on his course. Other members of staff had raised concerns about their behaviour but its not as though the head could approach me and ask me did I believe my husband was having an affair. Before we separated my husband told me how she had been accused of sleeping with two married TA's before one of whom separated from his wife for a period because of it. As you can imagine this woman is no longer a role model for my children. she also spoke of an ongoing disciplinary of another teacher to my husband (I have no idea why he felt the need to tell me) despite the fact he has left the TA course and was no longer at the school. My concern is the hurt and confusion the kids have over what is going on. Do I still call her miss? Is she going to be my new mum? etc. they are receiving counselling from a family support worker but the gossip in the playground is horrible for all of us. I'm hoping things can only get better.

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