Feeling Low, took my boy to be neutered, but he died during the op.

(40 Posts)
RM76 Tue 05-Feb-13 03:00:40

I know I'm being pathetic, but hubbies asleep, and a lovely lady on a feminist thread pointed me this way. (I got a bit crabby on another thread I posted,blush). I've no right to post here really, as I've never been before, but I know everyone is asleep right now, so It felt like I could write this to nobody.

Dear Nobody,
We took our boys to be neutered today, Solomon is 10 months, William is 9 months, sorry was. Crap.
I've lost animals before, so this isn't new to me. I mean people say they're only animals and it's not like I don't know how awful it is to lose people. I lost my Dad when I was 17, a great friend at 18, my best friend at 24 and my Father-in-law at 27, And a couple of years ago my mate killed himself (TMI, sorry!)
Just the same, even though he was 'just a cat', it's so cruddy!

We have a vet that stays open late, so my husband was meant to collect the cats after work, he came home minus William, and looking so upset, poor thing had to tell me as well! Solly wasn't at all well, although he seemed better just before he fell asleep.
It's just so shitty, and it seems so weird, this time last night I was cussing him because he wouldn't stop calling and now the house is just so quiet.

The vet says it's incredibly rare for cats to die like this, especially boys.
Our last cat sailed through, and he was always a sickly cat. William was such a stomping Moggie, we even left the op late, partly because they are indoor cats, so wouldn't get to any girl cats, and partly because we wanted to be extra sure they would be strong enough. We hand-reared Solomon and got a bit protective. After all that, they should have been fine, and then this, dead

I don't know, I just hate it, I know people think it's stupid to get so upset over a cat, but he was such a nice boy, we said he was always such a straightforward tomcat, nothing fancy, so we called him 'Just William' after the books. It doesn't seem fair he has no life when he only just started.

Anyway, sorry for prattling on, I hope it makes sense as I wrote it a bit quickly and I'm quite sleepy.
I'll probably regret posting this in the morning but, oh well, I don't know, first world problems ey? Pull yourself together woman!

Don't feel bad about posting this, why wouldn't you be sad? I am so sorry to hear about William. How is Soloman? Is he missing his companion too?

I'm up nursing a vomiting child, so feel free to tell me more about your lovely William.

RM76 Tue 05-Feb-13 03:29:09

Thank you so much, didn't think anyone would be looking at MN right now, I'm so sorry about your little one, just a bug I hope.
I feel a bit weird about this sort of stuff, hubby suggested talking on here might make it easier, with it being anon and everything.
Solly seems okay now, I think he's still a bit fuzzy, but then he's always a bit daft. He's flat out right now.

Yes, we have the sickness bug here!

You seem to feel as though being sad about losing William is something you need to hide. I'm not wanting to come across as an amateur psychologist here, but did you have to hide you grief previously? Your sadness is nothing to be ashamed of, it is quite normal and to be expected and any reasonable person would sympathise wholeheartedly.

Greenkit Tue 05-Feb-13 03:50:52

I know or I think its not the done thing to give hugs on MN but have one (((((((RM76)))))))

It is bloody shitty, dont feel bad xx

I lost my beautiful dog just before christmas so I can sympathise

BBQWidow Tue 05-Feb-13 03:57:49

You poor woman. It would be horrible to have to deal with this. Just a baby xx

HermioneHatesHoovering Tue 05-Feb-13 04:01:54

Aww so sorry to hear this, RIP William sad

Oh how awful. That must be horrific, you just don't expect there to be a problem with such a routine operation do you? Big, sympathetic hugs here.

RM76 Tue 05-Feb-13 04:23:29

Thank you so much everyone, I really thought everyone would be in bed/busy with little ones, looking around MN, it seems pretty busy actually, I'm a bit embarrassed now blush

Thank you so much for the hugs, it's really appreciated.
greenkit so sorry about your dog, and at Christmas too!
twogoodreasons yes, it's a bit of a problem for me, that's why my hubby encouraged me to post, I can talk about factual stuff, or moral stuff (like on the feminist threads), but touchy, feely stuff doesn't come so naturally. Sorry to hear your little one/s are poorly too.

BookieMonster Tue 05-Feb-13 04:27:00

I'm so sorry.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Tue 05-Feb-13 04:48:06

I'm so sorry to hear this, what a shock for you. Be gentle on yourself and try and do something self-indulgent today.

thelittlestkiwi Tue 05-Feb-13 05:40:08

I'm so sorry to hear about William.

Of course you feel sad. Cats are special. We lost ours at the age of 13 and the whole family had to grieve even though she was old and unwell. So loosing a youngster so unexpectedly must be even harder.

Be kind to yourselves and remember you gave him a lovely life.

sashh Tue 05-Feb-13 08:28:10

Sorry to hear this. Poor you and your DH.

desertgirl Tue 05-Feb-13 09:04:45

Sorry to hear about William. It must be so hard, knowing you were doing the right thing but that, as you couldn't possibly have forseen, it led to his death.

Don't give yourself a hard time about grieving. It's a bit of a cliche already, but 'grief is the price we pay for love'....

susiedaisy Tue 05-Feb-13 09:09:58

Ah so sorry to hear this sending you a hug.

HeathRobinson Tue 05-Feb-13 09:17:09

Sorry to hear this. One of ours was pts recently. Perfectly healthy one minute, serious condition the next.

It's such a shock, isn't it. RIP William.


lynniep Tue 05-Feb-13 09:25:22

I'm really sorry to hear about your cat William. Pets are family members too - your grief is no less valid 'just' because they aren't human.
I lost my beloved Susie when I was 26. My step mum (quite rightly) decided she was not well enough to keep going. She was at least 22 years old and I was gutted: apart from my dad (now gone too) she was the only family member who'd been there my entire life. I don't think friends quite got it - I'd not lived at 'home' for a decade (where she resided) - but animals are friends too and you are allowed to feel their loss without embarrassment.

Corygal Tue 05-Feb-13 09:26:03

I am so sorry for your loss. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, little William.

Hope Solly is ok today. Why not have the quietest day you can?

jollymary Tue 05-Feb-13 09:30:52

How awful for you, much sympathy, no need to be embarrassed at all. RIP William. Hope Solomon is okay.

saycheeeeeese Tue 05-Feb-13 09:33:54

I left my darling girl in to get her tail amputated 2 years ago, a straightforward op supposedly (sge gad broken it).

She died in the arms of the vet as she was regaining consciousness, I cried for months remember my last cuddle with her, she was so scared and I told her she would be ok.
They are never only just cats, they are members of the family and losing them is heart wrenching.

OP a big hug to you, I know what you're going through.

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 05-Feb-13 09:34:01

Oh no, this is really sad I completely understand why you are upset OP. Hope Solomon is OK today

saycheeeeeese Tue 05-Feb-13 09:34:36

My wee cat was only 2 yo sad

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Tue 05-Feb-13 09:36:35

This is why we have the Litter Tray and other pet topics - so that you can come here in times of grief and be understood, whereas posting on Chat or similar you may get the odd comment along the lines of "it's just a.....".

I have 2 cats and a dog, they are every bit a part of my family as my daughter and I are. I have grown up surrounded by animals and have grieved each one as they have passed, but always taken heart that while they were with my family they were given love, warmth, food and a very nice life.

Some people don't get as nice a life as some pets do.

So, his time with you was short and it was an awful way to lose him - my heart goes out to you - but you gave him a very happy life and should take that as a comfort.

Hope you got some sleep and take care ((hug))

fackinell Tue 05-Feb-13 09:37:39

Oh I'm so so sorry. My little one was neutered last wk and I was terrified (after losing my other beloved boy in October.)

I can't even imagine how you are feeling but you really were trying to protect him from wandering miles and turf wars. They are a much more real risks for un-neutered Toms, than anaesthetic, usually.

You did all the right things and I just feel so sad for you. hmm

RIP little William.

CremeEggThief Tue 05-Feb-13 09:42:05

So sorry for your loss. R.I.P. William. Xxx

cozietoesie Tue 05-Feb-13 09:57:43

So sorry, RM. They're not 'just cats' are they?


I hope Solly is perkier this morning.

Hey don't apologise these furries have a way of getting into your heart, you're to grieve.

lurkingfromhome Tue 05-Feb-13 14:18:46

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Never ever let anyone tell you "it was just a cat". Pets are precious members of the family like any other and the grieving process after a bereavement is very similar. Please try to take some comfort from the fact that William's life may have been short but he will have felt utterly happy, loved and cared for. Which is all any of us can want, eh?

I know what you're going through and I'm sending you good thoughts and hugs.

RM76 Tue 05-Feb-13 18:09:30

I can't tell you how lovely it has been to read your messages.
I was up all night, then trying to get a bit of sleep, then stuff needed doing, so I've only just had a chance to read all the lovely posts here, please don't think I was ignoring anyone.
It's so nice to have people who understand, I really posted to get it out of my system, didn't think anyone would be so nice, suppose it doesn't say much about me and people. Animals are normally nicer in my experience, sorry to have thought everyone here was the same.

Solomon is back to his old self and being a little buggar as usual, he was hand reared and we are hoping the op might help him with his weird hand reared 'syndrome' if I can call it that. He's nearly 5kgs already, so when he acts like he's eight weeks he does more damage than our spaniel!

Sorry if I ramble on a bit, but I would like to say that I hope this hasn't put anyone off neutering.
I'm concerned that I've added worry to an already stressful decision to have an op that a seemingly healthy cat doesn't 'need'.

Losing a cat like this is apparently incredibly rare, the vet said it is the lightest anaesthetic they use, and the easiest op.
We think William had a rare allergy to the drugs, once the anaesthetic was administered he simply went to sleep, he did not respond to any kind of resus, and was seemingly a very healthy cat. We are going to have all the tests done but an allergy does seem the most likely cause.

We will always neuter any animals we have, even if we will now be nervous as hell.

Roaming cats die young (I think I heard that the average for an unneutered cat is 5 years, but don't quote me) roaming cats add to an already problematic population of cats, spread disease, and they often get horribly hurt whilst roaming.
I know everyone here knows all this stuff but I just thought after putting people off with this thread, that I should highlight it.

I'm so unhappy about our William, but I still think neutering is for the best (alright, perhaps I didn't feel like that last night).

Thank you again everybody, I have really appreciated this, it has definately helped, and I'm sure my Husband will appreciate it too.

monsterchild Tue 05-Feb-13 18:12:58

I'm so sorry. We just lost our cat to a fast car. It hurts a lot!

piratecat Tue 05-Feb-13 18:16:54

oh, i am so sorry. i understand how upset you are, and you have every right to be.

I have lost a few cats in recent yrs, two of them hadn't even got to one yr old. It's very hard, and it will take time to come to terms with. This is a good place to share your feelings op. x

RM76 Tue 05-Feb-13 18:17:23

And, just as an aside. In case any vets are reading here.
We feel so sorry for the vet and all the people who worked there, they were as upset as we are. If anything, It was probably worse for the poor vet, he did all he could, It really is just one of those really horrible things.

RM76 Tue 05-Feb-13 18:19:16

monsterchild piratecat I'm really sorry to hear about your cats too, it's just horrible isn't it?

fackinell Tue 05-Feb-13 19:03:03

RM76, exactly!! You were trying to prevent William from FIV, FIP, being injured in a fight or whilst roaming. They can sniff out a fertile female up to 10 miles and are extremely territorial.

You did the right thing by him. I hope you and you DH can at least take done comfort in that.

My vet cried after I had my lovely boy pts. I was begging her to try anything. I took her in some flowers and a card to say I know how difficult her job must be. I honestly could not do it!!

Have a wine and some thanks

I really feel your pain.

MyLastDuchess Tue 05-Feb-13 19:15:20

I am so sorry to hear this. Some people just don't "get" animals and don't understand why we care about them. But many of us understand completely.

I had my boy neutered when he was about 5 or 6 months old (he was fine) and when I left him there I said to the vet nurse how bad I felt leaving him and how worried I was. She reminded me then that neutered males have a longer lifespan in general, they are less likely to get run over, get lost, and even less likely to fall out of windows! (Lots of cats fall out of windows here in Amsterdam, it's a serious risk for them because we have so many flats in tall narrow buildings, hardly anyone lives in a house and certainly not in a bungalow, they just don't exist.)

You were doing the right thing for William, it's just so sad that he was one of the very unlucky few who don't survive the anaesthetic.

It must have been such a terrible shock to get that news.

As for "they're only animals", well those of us in the know are aware that every one of them is completely different with its own quirks, sweet and annoying little habits. Each one is an individual, irreplaceable and so special to those that love him or her. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Horsemad Tue 05-Feb-13 20:18:12

So sorry to hear this about your cat sad

So sorry to hear about William. I hope Solomon copes OK without him.

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 05-Feb-13 22:45:19

So sad, many years ago my DM was adopted by a young tortoiseshell, Dina she called her. She died while under for being neutered sad nothing prepares you for it.

Have you heard of the Rainbow Bridge? Just a fantasy really, but a comforting one (google it)

juneybean Tue 05-Feb-13 22:57:11

I'm so sorry OP! <<hug>> RIP little William x

Sunshinewithshowers Tue 05-Feb-13 23:06:14

I hope you are o.k.

I lost my boy cat a while back, I have never felt pain like it in my life.
I didn't eat for a week, I had to ring a pet bereavement lady. I still cry now & love him so so much.

Please don't feel silly, xxxxxxxxxxx

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