Mumsnet Talk

Tries to sniff a lit gas fire.

Tries to smell lit candles (theme emerging)

Tries to chew razors (more careful these days)

I'm wondering just how many lives he's actually got left?

He's doing his very best to get through all 9 lives.

He's not doing my heart any favours either.

My cat sits by the patio doors in the rain, getting soaking wet, meowing to come in and waits till someone reminds him that about 5 pawsteps away in the back door is an open catflap!! In fact it is the same catflap that he went out to get to the patio door to meow at to come in!!

Not particularly stupid but always makes me laugh, I love coming home and seeing him sat on the upstairs windowsill like a news reader, his default facial expression is like he's just had some bad news. I just love him.

Mine runs full tilt out of the house and launches herself at the tree, lands with all 4 legs spreadeagled hanging by her claws. She looks like a splat cat.
She also spends a lot of time staring down the loo.

Sits near my toddler. I mean, just how thick must he be to imagine he will get away unscathed from DS's kissing and tickling attempts?

Mine are pretty canny, have me wrapped around their little fingers claws for sure.

there is a very funny MN thread in archives, competitive cat stupidity. I can't top anything in there.

My Mum's kitten watches the TV. She likes the cricket and Countryfile best. we got her a DVD of Underwater World for Christmas so she can watch the fishes.

She likes to sit on the stairs and shout us through the rails. We then have to go and stick our faces through them so she can lean against us whilst she purrs and occassionally rubs her face against ours.

She will actually sit in the hall miaowing until we go and see what she wants and then she will run up the stairs and wait expectantly for a 'leaning' session. A bit odd but the other day I saw a tv report about some lions in a wildlife park and they were doing exactly the same thing against the wire fence where the keeper was standing. Moggies are fab

Latest silliness is consumption of (stolen) dried apricots, with predictable results... He also likes broccoli, potato peelings and mango!

Sneaking into open drawers / cupboards as silently as possible, then sitting there in silence whilst the human closes the door, not knowing a cat is secreted within.

Then waiting, say, twenty minutes or so until the humans are nicely settled on the sofa / in the bath, then letting out an almighty wail of "I WANT OUT AND I WANT OUT NOW" causing said humans to run frantically round the house trying to locate you.

(Mine also sniff at lighted candles, giving them the dreaded Frizzy Whiskers effect."

cat1 (mad, v damaged from long time in rescue) - goes out catflap at back of house to go to the front of the house and meow at the front door to be let in. Will mither for food, take one mouthfull, and then attempt to bury the bowl before walking off.

cat2 (skinny malinki, eats anything furry/feathery) - likes to run up trees in the woods and scare people.

cat3 (ginger Greebo) - tries to stare down cars. Sticks his head in all sorts of places it shouldn't be.

DH says -

Sits on the newspaper while you are trying to read it.
Carries her toy around and cries.
Yesterday we were playing Rummikib and she sat on all the tiles!

Mine sits in front of the computer screen when im on MN. She know we talk about her

My old cat used to wee in the shower tray. Would position himself very carefully over the plughole and piddle.

Mine's just revealed a hitherto unknown passion for mint Matchmakers

ours have their food near a cabinet that has glass front. They both do this but mostly our female, spends AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGEEES hitting the glass in an attempt to cover up their food...........you have to shout their names a couple of times eventually as she especially, will just keep going and going...........drives you crazy!

She also goes out of the front then by the time you get back into the kitchen at the back she is sat at the window shouting to come in

The male (her kitten, who is now bigger than her at 6 months!) also likes to get in plastic bags and gets his head stuck through the handle then tears round the house desperately trying to escape from this scary noisy thing that is following him everywhere

Mine likes to play fruit ninja on my iPad although she's not very good at it!

Cat 1 - loves to knock magnets off the fridge, over and over again, thank goodness DS likes putting them back

Cat 1 - has got very worried about DS's new furry hottie bottle

cat 2 - stays in all day then craps without even trying to get to the door

Waits until I'm leaning over to look into the fish tank, then leaps on my back and grabs on, so I can't straighten and have to get down on all fours to let him jump off.

Rubs against my legs the second I get out of the bath, then giving me an outraged look when he realises he's WET.

Thinks I can't see him hiding on the stairs then leaps onto my leg and thinks he's scared me.

Oh and he has this BRILLIANT meow reserved for when I catch him doing something bad, like licking something on the worktops - it sounds EXACTLY like he's saying "ohNOOOOO!"

I love the little thing and cannot believe I've only had him 2 months or so!

Brings enormous rats home and drops them by my bed at 6am.

Said rat runs up the back of a chest of drawers and hangs out with my knickers.

Cat gets locked in bedroom till she sorts it out.

loads of stuff ! rubbing round me when I am wet from the shower or bath. sitting on newspaper or any paper on the floor, I cannot use the bathroom without being checked on one in particular sits on the edge of the bath while I am in it, old ginger takes the huff if we are home late and dissappears off somewhere. one licks me far too much and two hit me for attention. I could go on.

Mine wake me up at 6 in the morning by butting their heads against my hands (to get me to stroke them, then give them breakfast). They don't seem to have realised I absolutely refuse to get out of bed before 7am!

And bringing worms in. No, I do not want your worms, especially if they've been bitten in two [queasy emoticon].

If I don't replace the fireguard Cat#1 likes to climb into the fireplace and sleep in the cold ashes. He then leaves an ashy trail of devastation behind him.

Cat#3 likes to go in through my neighbour's catflap and leap onto his bed at night, while yowling loudly, frightening the life out of him - he never does this to us

Cat#5 recently got locked in the greenhouse because he climbed into the open bag of compost and fell asleep

We had a lovely little cat who used to scream loudly if the cushions on her chair weren't arranged to her liking.

Our elderly mog likes to go out in the rain and come back in meowing. He then expects to be towelled dry.

He has also started rounding us up in the evening - he likes to make sure we're both in bed before he goes out or sleeps.

He's also 'boss cat' of the street, despite the fact he's not that big, and is 18 years old. He shouts at other cats to intimidate them. It works.

Both of mine make 'I want to go out' noises, and when I open the door, stand and sniff the air for a while, then wander off.....

Bites us awake in the morning, chewing and sucking our fingers

HAS to sleep with someone, usually me, and HAS to be leaning hard against you the whole time

Shouts out "ALLLLO" when he comes in the door

Tries to kill the bottom stair

Will run at, jump up and box visitors. Suddenly! We do have a "Warning Attack Cat On Duty" sign

QOD cat#1 has to sleep either on top of me or leaning up against me at night. He refuses to sleep anywhere else and crys and makes a huge fuss if I won't let him. Oddly enough he manages to sleep all day when I am out at work.

They weigh a flipping ton don't they?

Climbs in big drawer under ds2's bed and gets stuck there all day. Like today!

not so much stupid but Idgie sits on command and 'sits down' (lies down) As well.

My boy cat is currently talking to a bunch of flowers in a vase on the table. He seems to be having quite a chat with it.

I've just looked through Classics and I can't find the link to the competitive cat stupidity thread - could someone please link?

Mine has sniffed candles, fallen off the banister all the way down the stairs (how she managed to balance on it to begin with is beyond me) and fallen in the bath while I was in it. That little episode left me scarred for life (literally - big claw gash in my ankle - OUCH!!). Stupid cat.
I lover her really.

Jacksmania:
Competitive Cat Stupidity.

Jo jo goes to sleep on top of the television and gets so relaxed she falls off then looks round in the hope no one saw her descent , Blue the half siamese sits above me on the sofa and grooms my hair with his teeth , biscuit sits in the window talking to the birds that chattering sound cats make and then cant work out why they wont talk back, Blue also does the let out the front door and straight round to the back door to be let in

issey they sound so lovely!

We have two brothers, one very clever and the other deeply stupid. Stupid Cat took a running jump out of a first storey window when he was nine weeks old and landed flat on his face – we’re still not sure if he is stupid because he jumped, or if he jumped because he is stupid.

He gets loads of attention but makes a convincing show of being sad and neglected (I would say starved and neglected – but his pendulous belly belies this – we have to supervise mealtimes now as his default position is face down in his brother’s food bowl. Clever cat is, predictably, rather svelte and subsidises his meals with local wildlife. Stupid cat has not deigned to set foot outside (unless forced so that brother can eat in peace) since the end of summer – his dainty paws might get cold.

He spends hours snoozing next to us on the sofa, then wanders upstairs and yodels mournfully through every room as if he doesn’t understand where we have gone. Over Christmas he has developed an uncontrollable passion for the leather armchair that has been in our living room since before he was born – I’m starting to wonder DH has stitched catnip into the lining….

A few months ago he was bested in a fight by a baby thrush. I walked into the kitchen to the sight of Stupid Cat cowering under a chair a few feet away from one mightily pissed off bird with a tuft of fur in his beak.

Clever Cat's default position is as far away as position, observing Stupid Cat with disdain.

Mine likes to climb up to the top of the bookcase, run along, and then jump down behind the corner piece.

The bookcases cover two walls, and he was getting himself trapped behind them on a daily basis whilst I was out at work before I had to block them off to save him from his own stupidity.

Stupid cats make for the best stories

Sits on the upstairs windowsill watching birds, runs downstairs to downstairs windowsill and collides with annoying glass window. Then patrols the windowsill/pounces on his own shadow whilst growling at said birds.

And all the while REFUSING to go outside even when I push him really quite firmly through the front door

I've fosterered a few.

Salem once managed to escape, ran horisontally up the fence and onto the roof (bungalow) which he decided was too high.

Cue meaw get me down, meow don't touch me, eow get me down. My friend had to balance on a plasit chair to get to him and hand him to me.

Once we were all back inside friend gave salem a lecture about if he did it again he would be taking up a new career as violin strings.

Lilly and Tonks loved plastic mice with catnip in, they would just lie in the hall with one each in their mouths, if you tried to move it they would Grrrrr at you, but the grrr would get higher the further you took the mouse, you could almost play a tune.

Tonks also attacked a remote control dalek, a full on attack that involved emerging from behind furniture and knockin the dalec onto its side before holding with front paws and kicking with back legs.

Annie would 'meow' to be let out, but was deaf so her meow was silent. She would open her mouth really loud and eventually just before closed her mouth there would be a quiet 'Ack'.

Beatrice would walk on the curtain rail between two wardrobes - no idea why, probably because she could.

Oh I forgot Martha, she liked to climb into warm car engines from underneath.

Jacob liked to sit on the back of my computer chair and groom me.

I once came home to find a cat in a closed cupboard. And have also been dive bombed from the top of the wardrobe.

One of ours took a running jump at our window sill, mistimed it spectacularly and bounced straight back off the window onto the patio. Same idiot regularly falls off the bed or sofa whilst rolling around too.

Puts things in shoes.
Every time I put shoes/boots on there's a wee treat inside.
At the minute it's quality street wrappers.
But he always makes sure there's something in every shoe or boot that's out.
I once found a small potato in my work boot!

Constantly runs in to the closed conservatory door which I really shouldn't find so amusing but I do
Insists on grooming one specific friend of mine & nobody else
likes to get stuck up trees though only when its dark so you can't see him

Evil Cat (who is actually being really nice all of a sudden --am worried--) hates the rain. She waits by the back door, I open it. She huffs off, back into the house, waits by the front door until I open it, she then has to check that it is in fact raining at the front of the house, at which point she huffs off upstairs (normally taking a swipe at the other cat or the dog).

Stupid Cat (18 months) loves water, can't get enough of it. Whereas Evil Cat gets upset, he strolls outside and sits on the pavement regardless of it being a light shower or torrential rain . He plays with drips from the tap, sits in the kitchen sink(you know, for fun!) and in the morning, even though he has a litter tray and access to the outside world, rushes to the bathroom to enjoy a morning wee in the bath plug hole while myself or DD are using the loo!

I get through a lot of disinfectant

SC also loves to dribble, when he is at his happiest he drools and drools and drools. Any cuddles are normally done with the safety of an old tea towel between us!

loving reading about all these daft and endearing cats they all sound great

Mine falls down the stairs.

She stretches out on a step and then when rolling over to get more comfortable rolls off the edge.

Does it time after time and every time looks surprised that this is the outcome.

My wonderful, now deceased, cat used to carry socks around in her mouth whilst mewing soulfully. She would nearly always deposit them on the half landing.

I forgot about sleeping in the wardrobe, both of us woke up to a bump last night a then a creaky floorboard noise. OH puts the big light on for a look but csnt see anything 2 minutes later small cat leaps from the open wardrobe onto the bed.

Dds bed is a divan with sliding doors. Rosiecat is known to sneak under there when no one is looking, go to sleep and then get shut in.
She also gets shut in downstairs loo a lot .

Mine fights with her own tail. Chases it round in circles, and yowls at it, telling it off, as if its another cat!

I had an early night last night and Oscar joined me. He decided to investigate my bedside table, so walked right over my face. Thanks fatty.

My catling eats string, rubber bands, christmas decorations, and hair bobbins.
Today she pooed a bit of the string she had eaten, not all of it, so it dangled out and covered herself in poo. I had to pull it out...... I'm still heaving when I think of it.
She tolerates baths very well though, so she's very fragrant now!

You know the junk drawer most of us have in kitchen? Full of string, notepads, scissors, rulers, random pens, rubber bands?

My fluffy large cat tried to squeeze inside it just now. Very funny huge bottom sticking out. Am impressed he got about 70% of himself in there.

Oscar likes to sit in tissue boxes. That was very cute when he was a tiny wee boy, now he squashes them flat.

I just figured out that CAT2 (the stupidest one in the lot) has been using Lego boxes as litter trays. (sigh).

Lljkk that's some aim to get into a Lego box. Are they big boxes?

yes big boxes, about same size as the actual litter trays. Guess I should be glad for no poo.

My cat likes to suck anything that has make up or anything scented on. Baby wipes, cotton wool pads etc. obviously we are very careful with what we put in the bin so that she doesn't harm herself!

She will also eat cake and muffin cases if we put those in a bin she can rummage through...

Oh mine has a thing about armpits.

She likes to sit on you and put her nose as close as she can get.

A friend was round the other day and was putting her hair in a pony tail, the cat jumed on the table and shoved her nose in friend's arm pit.

bruffin - MY cat has also started spending alot of time standing on the loo seat staring down the toilet. not sure what she is expecting to see...she has a habit of then diving into the bath and then going beserk in there as if she can see something that i can't

Did you see pics on my profile bringnbuy
Dh got paranoid about going to the loo as rosiecat would cry outside to come in as soon as she heard him go in there.

bruffin - BRILLIANT! (your pictures of cat on loo seat). looks very familiar (both the loos seat and the cat!). she (the cat) also sits outside the door/scratches to come in when we close the door. sometimes i go to the loo with the door not shut, she normally pushes in and sits on this step (for dd) which is by the toilet giving me no privacy at all. sometimes when i am on the loo she jumps up and sits on the cistern. she's especially interested when i flush!! strange things cats, learning the odd thing that makes them tick. she also has a thing out of drinking some water out of EVERY glass/cup that is around with water in. dh puts a book on top of his (by the side fo the bed) but she has learnt how to flip it off, much to dh's annoyance :-D

DS and DH have just got into those strategy games where the first few years are spent painting the soldiers (in this case, goblins, tiny little figures). Our boy saw this last night and saw red, I think he was jealous of the goblins and started attacking them. Could be a whole new game there, including a giant painted tabby as the baddie.

Cat 2 watches Match of The Day and tries to catch the ball on the screen. He also does this if he watches snooker.

Ours is quite vindictive on the quiet.

Cat was trying to eat, hoover dog came along and barged her out of the way an inhaled the rest.

Cat and dog exchanged glances and it was on.

Cat wanders into the next room very nonchalantly and over to the dogs water bowl, dog is watching this.

Cat proceeds to squat and wee in dogs water bowl and wipe her feet after in a "Fuck you dog, fuck you" manner.

Dog looks a bit put out.

Big Max goes into the dryer when its full of nice warm clothes. He's only been fluffed once...

Tried to get into oven (whilst on)
Jumps in the sink and tries to hunt the dripping tap...