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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

The litter tray

We are at a total loss, scared he will kill her.

56 replies

sebsmummy1 · 05/04/2015 13:56

My two year old son is terrorising the cat on a daily basis. In front of me, away from me, it doesn't matter where we are really as he doesn't understand what he is doing is wrong.

He has speech delay so I can't explain what he is doing is cruel, although I obviously say that to him ( I know they can't feel empathy at a young age). But he gets told off every time I see him be unkind and he will get a Time Out in his room, I will shout and generally act extremely cross, he cries etc etc. but there is no comprehension that the behaviour isn't to be repeated as he will do exactly the same thing moments later.

He gets praised for 'being kind'. We do brushing and stroking, he kisses her, but then 5 minutes later he will hold her off the ground by her throat or throttle her whilst sitting on her

She is a rescue cat and we've had her just under a year. She is the most passive creature I have ever known. She will not retaliate, she doesn't hide, she just takes it from him. We have stairgates so she can get away, a cat flap that she has constant access to, but she chooses to put herself in his path constantly. I find myself trying to keep them separate and then minutes later she has jumped the stair gate, cried (she is very vocal) so of course he knows where she is, and it all starts all over again.

Do you think the kindest thing would be to rehome her? She is the kindest cat that ever was and I'm so scared he will break her neck one day and that will be that basically

OP posts:

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chockbic · 05/04/2015 14:01

Has the unkind behaviour got worse during the year?

ACSlater · 05/04/2015 14:04

Yes, I think she needs to be rehomed. Sorry.

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 14:05

I'm afraid that if you're not seeing a dramatic improvement in DS's behaviour, I would be looking to rehome her if you could. She might well be kind and tolerant but all it needs is one very bad accident and you'll have that on your shoulders for a very long time - as will DS. Sometimes, with the best will in the world, things just don't work out.

thecatneuterer · 05/04/2015 14:07

Yes she should be rehomed. Children regularly kill kittens. Killing a fully grown cat would be more of a challenge but it could still happen. In any case the cat can't be happy.

RubbishMantra · 05/04/2015 14:08

I think rehoming may be a good idea if he can't comprehend that he needs to be gentle.

My XOH's neice killed 2 kittens by squeezing them.

If re-homing not an option, then put up some deep shelves around the house for her to escape to. Cover them in carpet to make them comfy for her.

He can't drag her about like a teddy-bear.

sebsmummy1 · 05/04/2015 14:10

The cat isn't 'unhappy' but I'm not happy, it's stressing me out and scaring me. My son's behaviour has got worse with her as the year has gone on yes. He just sees her as a plaything basically and she is doing nothing to make him wary of her. I have never met such a passive creature in my life!! At first I thought that was amazing but now I don't, obviously.

OP posts:

RubbishMantra · 05/04/2015 14:12

*And I'm sure she will easily find another home, because of the way you've described her. Even tempered and gentle.

RubbishMantra · 05/04/2015 14:12

*And I'm sure she will easily find another home, because of the way you've described her. Even tempered and gentle.

Shockers · 05/04/2015 14:17

That is an awful position to be in .

Although it won't help your cat now, I can share with you that DD was very cruel to animals as a young child. We had to separate her from our dogs, and our cat for everyone's safety. Now, age 16 and after a few years of only supervised contact in short bursts, followed by more contact and responsibility as she became more trustworthy, she is gentle and kind.

The cat chooses to start on her bed each evening and to sit on her knee when she's watching TV.

She has LD, and genuinely didn't see animals as feeling creatures when she was younger. Now, she is talking about going to an agricultural college when she leaves school, to train to work with small animals.

If keeping them apart is unworkable, perhaps the kindest thing for now would be to rehome. Keep trying with him though, with petting farms and other people's pets. Good luck.

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 14:23

...My son's behaviour has got worse with her as the year has gone on yes....

Then I'd rehome her directly I'm afraid.

Good luck.

tribpot · 05/04/2015 14:24

Where were you allowed to rescue a cat from with such a young child? Cats Protection gave me quite a grilling and my ds was 4, nearly 5 when we took in our cat.

I definitely fear for her safety; my cat would have (a) made her feelings very well known by now and (b) have upped sticks and found somewhere else to live. if your cat is lacking her basic survival instincts you have a responsibility to keep her safe.

Justusemyname · 05/04/2015 14:31

Please don't think me rude but why does having speech delay mean he can't understand what you are saying? He may not be able to verbalise your requests but chidlren understand more words than they can say.

Cat needs to be rehomed. It's not fair.

aFirmGrip · 05/04/2015 14:31

You need to keep them completely separate unless you are right there in the room. This won't be easy....so yes, I think rehoming would be the kindest thing.

You could try again in a few years. Sounds like she'll find a lovely home easily.

sebsmummy1 · 05/04/2015 14:43

Sorry, when I say rescue cat it was a quick way of basically saying a rehomed pet due to change of circumstance. She came to me through a Gumtree advert. Her former owners were moving to another country and were looking to rehome her and her sister. Unfortunately her sister was hit on the road the day before they were due to come here so she came alone.

She is the sweetest little animal I've ever met and my son is actually a sweetie too and is very mild mannered in general life. I just don't think I he is able to register that she is a living creature, I've know idea when he might figure that out. He may have SEN but all I know right now is he has speech delay but very good comprehension. I doubt he understands cruel but certainly understand that Mummy and Daddy get very very angry when he is unkind to the cat. Yet he is still unkind to the cat.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 14:47

Find her a new place, sebsmummy. She may be sweet and kind but as TCN said, she can't be as happy as she ought to be, even leaving aside the very real potential dangers to her.

TheDinnerWitch · 05/04/2015 15:16

Please, please rehome her.

You're not in Yorkshire are you by any chance?

CinnabarRed · 05/04/2015 15:18

I'll have her, willingly and with love, if you're South.

Corygal · 05/04/2015 15:22

Rehome immediately. With such a lovely nature, the little cat is bound to get a safe and happy home. And don't be tempted by the thought of any more small animals for some years to come.

Psipsina · 05/04/2015 15:27

We kept ours despite some dubious behaviour towards her by ds1, and he stopped after a while, and she was Ok.

It sounds like oyur ds is a little more persistent than mine was though. I think also our very passive cat scratched him one time, and that was enough to make him think twice.

It took her ages to do it though.

I would probably try and rehome her, at least temporarily till he is a bit older.

CheshireCait · 05/04/2015 15:31

It's not fair on either your DS or the cat to run the risk of anything happening. It was lovely of you to give the cat a chance at a new home, and it's okay to realise that it's not going to work and look for a better solution for all of you. Don't feel bad about it.

If you're in Ireland, by any chance, throw me a pm.

shaska · 05/04/2015 15:49

Oh I'm so sorry, it's a crap situation. If it makes you feel better, I know several families who've had to rehome cats, even with older children, in the 2-5 bracket. I think it can be really really difficult for young kids to understand just how gentle you need to be, and some seem to get it, some don't - I don't think it's a SN thing, even.

You do need to rehome though, without delay. To be honest this is one of those times I would say going straight to a rescue is warranted, rather than waiting while you try to find her a new home yourself. Imagine how you'll feel if the worst does happen, but also, while she might not seem unhappy, she won't be enjoying it, and the longer it goes on the more likely she'll pick up emotional damage (sounds silly, I know, it's a cat, but still) which will cause problems with new owners.

msrisotto · 05/04/2015 15:53

Cripes, you have to rehome her, she can't be happy. Poor thing.

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BertieBotts · 05/04/2015 16:02

In the short term it helped with my DS to remove the cat rather than removing him. He didn't understand and the cat was totally soft and wouldn't take a swipe at him. If I removed him he thought it was a game and would go back and do it again. So I used to pick the cat up and hold him on my lap and if he wanted to come over and stroke him, then I was able to be a barrier. If I needed to do something else or DS was getting too overexcited anyway then I would put the cat into another room or outside and close the door. Also showing him some games he could play like pulling a piece of string along or batting a light ball back and forth helped to redirect his attention in appropriate ways. But of course you might want to minimise his contact with the cat at all at this point.

BertieBotts · 05/04/2015 16:05

I agree that it's just difficult for them to understand that an animal is living just like a person. Some kids get it, some don't. I swear DS thought the cat was a moving toy.

MissyMistress402 · 05/04/2015 16:10

If you're anywhere near Birmingham, I'll take her.

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