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Feeling quite fragile, tell me it will get better?

40 replies

Buttholelane · 31/01/2015 11:38

My cat is around 14 weeks old now, I have had cats all my life and always thought of myself as a 'cat person'.
I am starting to regret getting this particular cat :(

To be fair, it probably isn't all down to the cat - I have been put on anti depressants but couldn't take them due to severe side effects, I have therapy once a week, I have a young (10 month) baby who at the moment is quite trying; teething, not sleeping great because of it, mobile now..

I have a dog also, who is an absolute dream. She causes me little to no stress and as a puppy was very manageable.
She was intelligent and friendly and where she was leashed to me 24/7 I could intercept misbehaviour lightning quick so housetraining, not chewing my stuff etc was all taught really quickly.

The cat.. Well.
I like the cat a lot, and I won't rehome her, but I do regret getting her.

She just won't take no for an answer, she isn't allowed on the table and yet is persistently on there.
I don't like the idea of using punishment to get her off but just don't know what to do, nothing works.
I have tried training her 'off' giving treats on the ground, swiftly picking her up and putting her on the floor every time she jumps, have tried water spray, banging the table, she just won't stop.
I literally cannot leave any item of food on there for even a second, she has tried to steal food right from under my sons nose!
Twice now I have literally left for a second and turned to see her drinking the milk from my sons cereal, this has resulted in a bout of liquid diarrhoea.

She is quite bitey and scratchy, yes I know kittens are but I can't remember any of my previous kittens still being like this at 14 weeks.
Sometimes she literally just runs up to my hand and bites me. Repeatedly.
I have resorted to scruffing her and chucking her in another room when she bites now.
Before I would go completely still and limp or turn away and ignore her if that didn't work.

She runs at my baby's travel cot, claws out and has scratched my baby's head doing this.
Again, she knows she isnt allowed anywhere near the travel cot, I have tried rubbing the cot in olbas oil (all my previous cats wouldn't go near it), shouting at her, water spray, timeouts..

She hurts my dog.
They play together but she is too rough, she has made my dog yelp on more than one occasion and is relentless.
I don't know what to do to teach her to be more gentle.
I try and tell her off and put her in another room but a) she is so fast it becomes pointless and b) the dog thinks I am telling her off and gets upset.

She has completely ruined my dining table chairs, not that I liked them that much anyway but is just constantly running up and down them with her claws out.

When will it stop?!?!

I am feeling so stressed out and emotional over it right now.

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MsWazowski · 31/01/2015 11:51

Oh dear, you have got your hands full. She is still a very small kitten at 14 weeks and what you describe is completely normal. When she bites your hands she wants to play, have you tried using something like a fishing rod toy to distract her when she's like this? My kitten is 6 months now and has calmed down quite a lot, but still does that bitey scratchy thing when she wants to play. I make sure that we have a good session with the flying frenzy toy a couple of times a day, followed by a treat and that mostly keeps her well behaved. Not sure what you can do about keeping her off the table though.

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LastingLight · 31/01/2015 12:48

It must be tough, being depressed and having a baby, then trying to find time to play with a kitten too. The only advice I have relates to kitten on the table when you eat... just shut her away somewhere. We had this problem with a young cat we rescued and really, it's not worth the hassle of trying to discipline the problem out of them. He also taught us never to leave any food on counter tops, not even bread, as he would steal everything.

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chockbic · 31/01/2015 12:56

They do go through a manic phase until neutered. Some are worse than others.

Make sure she has plenty to eat, she may be hungry. Give her lots of toys and a scratching post. A cat tree would give her somewhere to retreat and play. Or a covered basket works well for some.

If it doesn't improve though, consider rehoming. You and family must come first.

Best of luck.

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Buttholelane · 31/01/2015 13:59

Thanks for the advice everyone.

She has a cat tree and a scratching post already, plus toys.
I will play with her more throughout the day.

I was in the kitchen earlier and the baby asleep upstairs, ds told me that the cat had jumped in the travel cot Angry and that he had tried to pick her up to take her out!
He says she jumped on my baby's head and woke her up. Angry Angry

I have told ds in no uncertain terms that if the cat does anything naughty he tells me immediately and does not EVER try and handle the situation himself.

Have checked baby thoroughly and fortunately she has no scratches but I am feeling absolutely furious right now.
There is no door to the baby's room yet as we are redoing it, I will have to start locking the cat in my room whenever I put the baby down for a nap.

Am I being unreasonable to be starting to think about bringing up the option of re homing this cat to my husband tonight?
The thought of my daughter getting injured by this cat makes me want to throw it out the ^#! window to be quite honest.
Although I know if she went I would probably miss her and worry about how her new owners were treating her.
I wish we had never bought her in the first place to be quite blunt.

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twinkcat · 31/01/2015 15:26

I would definitely bring up the subject of rehoming with your husband and see what he says. The kitten is adding a lot of stress to your life right now. You should definitely talk through your feelings and don't feel guilty about thinking of rehoming. You must do what is best for your family.

I have never had a kitten so can't offer any advice. Is she going to be an outdoor cat? Maybe things will be better once she is going outside?

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Fluffycloudland77 · 31/01/2015 15:34

She sounds very strong willed, It's very early to expect her to learn yet.

All you can be is consistent but gentle. Smacking won't do anything.

The best thing to do is play with her using toys like Da Bird & encourage your ds to throw balls for her etc. games involving running up and down stairs tire out kittens & children.

Neutering calms them down a bit and she will soon be old enough to go out exploring.

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girliefriend · 31/01/2015 15:36

She sounds like a normal kitten tbh, they are little buggers at times! I think kitten plus baby sounds like it is too much for you at the moment.

However I would say that once neutered and allowed outside they do calm down a lot so it maybe worth persevering for a few more weeks. I've also just had a disastrous trial of Ads was well so Flowers for you for that!!

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Buttholelane · 31/01/2015 15:49

I wasn't planning on letting her outside freely to be honest, I was thinking about just cat proofing the garden.
I would worry about her being bullied by other cats (there are an awful lot here!), chased by dogs - again, often running freely around my street at times, hit by a car, hurt by nutty people..
Maybe I am overthinking it.
Mind you, a friend of mine has just lost their cat that was allowed outside.

She will certainly be neutered, to clarify, I have never smacked the cat, just the table!

Hopefully playing more will help...

I really don't remember any of my previous kittens being quite like this, perhaps they were and I don't remember Confused

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girliefriend · 31/01/2015 15:51

Are you u.k based? I think you are over thinking re letting her out but then I don't really agree with keeping cats in!! Tbh she doesn't sound like a cat that would be easily bullied by other cats Wink

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twinkcat · 31/01/2015 16:32

I understand how you feel about letting your kitten out. I adopted an adult indoor cat because I would worry too much about an outdoor cat.

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cozietoesie · 31/01/2015 16:45

You sounds mainly very, very tired. You've got a dog, a house, a new baby and an older son - and all the rest. Adding a new and rambunctious kitten to that is a heavy load indeed.

She should calm down a bit though.

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cozietoesie · 31/01/2015 17:17

Sorry - young baby

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Fluffycloudland77 · 31/01/2015 17:29

I laughed at "bullied by other cats". She'd be queen of the street in a week.

What kind of road are you on?.

Is she a tortoiseshell?.

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Buttholelane · 31/01/2015 18:11

I am in the UK, she is very bold, probably not easily bullied really.
But then I wouldn't want her bullying other people's cats either!

I think that's probably it Cozie, I am just exhausted.

My road isn't very busy, with cars that is.
Although an extremely busy main road is just a few seconds walk away but my actual little road is very quiet.
But there are cats everywhere, I see one in my garden at least once a day.
Today, I have counted three!
Most of my neighbours also have dogs and often have them bouncing about off lead (myself included).
Not in an out of control, wild kind of way, they just bounce about near the houses while owners take bins out, unload cars etc.

No, she is a black and white moggy.

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Buttholelane · 31/01/2015 18:17

Here she is

Feeling quite fragile, tell me it will get better?
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girliefriend · 31/01/2015 18:23

Oh bless her she is just like my boy cat, they are called tuxedo cats!! I think if you don't feel in the best place to give her the time and love she needs then yes rehoming may be for the best.

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Fluffycloudland77 · 31/01/2015 18:35

She is GORGEOUS! Look at the eyes & the perfect bandit mask & tux bib.

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PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/01/2015 18:44

She's gorgeous! I agree with girliefriend though, if you don't feel you can give her the time and love she deserves (and I completely understand the reasons why) then it would be best for all of you to consider rehoming her.

Good luck whatever you decide Thanks

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RubbishMantra · 31/01/2015 19:04

Ah, she's gorgeous! My boy cat menace is a black and white/tuxedo like her.

When he first came to live with me, at about a year old, he was vicious and a prolific hunter. Now he loves laps and flops and squirms about on the floor miaowing for strokes if you so much as look at him. I still feel scared when he sits on my lap mind, because he'll be purring then suddenly strike out very fast like a snake.

If I remember correctly, wasn't she a surprise given to you by DH? Meaning you didn't even have time to mentally prepare for a small hooligan coming to live with you?

And don't over-think the going outside thing. Cats learn to share territory and jump onto fences away from dogs. I've got a 10 month Devon Rex who trusts everybody, and fear the day he decides to make the leap of faith over the garden wall.

Also, she will calm down a lot once neutered.

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Buttholelane · 31/01/2015 19:12

She is very pretty and yes she was.
We had been talking about getting a cat for a while but I wasn't expecting him to just walk in with one!

I hope so

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Fluffycloudland77 · 31/01/2015 19:20

Dh's dad did the same thing with a puppy. Mil had no food or bedding for it.

It's still talked about nearly 50 years later.

I'd be mentioning a liking for diamond rings & seeing if lightening strikes twice Wink

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MsWazowski · 31/01/2015 19:22

She's lovely. Just a quick thought, could you get one of those mesh type baby gates for the doorway of your baby's room. It might keep the cat out, if you haven't managed to shut her away.

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cozietoesie · 31/01/2015 19:33

Now she's just wonderful - although she looks as if you caught her on camera when she was just about to jink off somewhere and do something terrible! Grin

Two things in particular.

At 14 weeks, she's only two or three weeks off neutering (recommended at 4 months nowadays) so it's not impossible that she's already got some early hormones starting up. (A young teenager in other words.) She'll likely start calming down after that and as she gets even a couple of months on her.

Also - what's the family set up and does it mean that anyone else can share in playing with her/ tending to her needs etc? You've got a lot on your plate there even if it's only for the time being.

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lapetitesiren · 31/01/2015 20:10

have you got a cat shelter near you? maybe they would take her for a few weeks for you while you get your breath back if you can't find a home. if it's all too much though you will probably rehome her more easily the sooner you do it. Don't feel bad - cats are very adaptable and will soon get her new owners trained. You have got a lot going on and sometimes in life everything just gets a bit much and you need to find ways to destress.

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bettyboop1970 · 31/01/2015 20:30

My youngest was (is) a little shit at that age. When you feeding baby and mealtimes in general get a dog cage. I had a material one about £25 from the range. When we ate and when she got too much we put her in there. DP refered to it as lock down!
If you can"t manage her do you know someone who will take her.
Liked pp have said she will settle down when had the op and with age.

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