My youngest cat T is about 3 years old. She is the most nervous animal. She came to us about 2 years ago from someone I know who was convinced the cat had killed her birds.
T came from a home with 3 kittens, a dog who'd just had a litter, and 3 children who are quite unruly.
This woman told me that T had never been outside, but she'd had enough of her after she killed the birds (the family were out at the time, so she's got real way of knowing exactly what happened).
I'd been looking for a friend for my older cat O so I told her to bring T round.
T has never really settled. Sometimes she seems ok, she approaches us and allows us to stroke her, but if you so much as move she's out of the room in a flash. She won't eat if there is anyone in the room at the time and she won't sit with any of us. During the day she spends most of her time in a hiding hole and will come out when things are quiet and there's less chnace of anyone moving.
If she is on one side of the room and I move my hand to pick up a drink (for example) she is out of the room instantly.
Along with this, she urinates on my things. Clothes if they are left on the floor, bathroom mats, beds etc. I have had her to the vets a number of times and there is no infection or other medical condition.
She has not been upset (to my knowledge) by the other cat. They do not fight but are quite affectionate to each other.
I recently found out that T did infact go outside quite a bit before coming here (we live in a first floor flat).
I think that if I let her out, she wouldn't come back and even if she did she would not walk past a person holding a door open to get back in. The minute you opened the door she'd run away. I know she would. Well, I wouldn't even be able to get her outside, she'd have to follow me down the stairs (she won't be picked up) and when I call her, although she comes sometimes, she won't if I want something.
She urinates outside the tray (she also does use the tray) every few days. I clean the area with the enzyme stuff or with biological washing powder and it's not always in the same place she does it. I have a feliway plug in, but it doesn't seem to have made much difference.
I'm at the point now where I can't do this for the next 16 years. I get home from wherever I've been and am on my knees sniffing around trying to find the lattest puddle 
I spoke to a rescue place and the woman there said I need to think about how stressful it might be for T to go there and then be rehomed. And if she continued with the urinating, the next family might take her back, at which point they'd put her to sleep anyway for her own welfare
She then said I could let her out or I could request that my vert put her to sleep. She thinks that might be the less stressful option for T.
I really don't know what to do. I have no idea if T is stressed with just us or if she is stressed with life. I have recently been in touch with her previous owner who said she was wild the minute she got her (from a pet shop) and had always urinated in the house (thanks for the warning).
Can I have some opinions?
TIA
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The litter tray
Rescue centre suggested PTS for my nervous cat
SilveryMoon · 17/11/2013 13:14
Thank your for your reply. I have 2 litter trays, on covered, one not. It's not really a case of her missing, when I say out of the litter tray, I mean well out, like in my bedroom.
We live in a 2 bed flat (one floor) so there is minimal space for litter trays. Not sure where I could put a 3rd one.
That is the question though, better off dead or homeless. The thing that stops me just letting her out is that I feel I'd be sending her to her death anyway, just a more painful one. The pain and stress of being hit by a car, or not finding food and shelter etc. I know that cats are very intelligent animals, but what if she didn't survive? What if she did get hit and died a slow and painful dealth that could be prevented. But I also know this is what every cat owner faces who has cats that do go out.
This is just so hard. I love her to bits, she comes up all crazy for love in my face when I get into bed and for a time I forget the weeing. Then she does it the following day and I know that I can't have my house smelling like that much longer and having to replace the mattresses this often
Thank you for your support and understanding. Does mean a lot
Thanks cosie I will have a look. Have spoken to a few rescue centres and they all say there's a couple of months waiting time.
Yes, I agree, she would be better in a home without children and possibly as an only cat, she does get on really well with O, they are in-love! 
The thing that worries me about a rescue centre is they are obviously really stressful places to be in. I think she'd be petrified plus, if she spends her time there hiding, she won't be seen by the public. Then the stress of moving from there to a new home, but who would take a cat with this kind of behaviour issue? I certainly wouldn't have done if I'd known.
She's been here for about 2 years. She is well cared for, my ds's (6yo and 4yo) know not to approach her, to wait until she comes to them, which they do. They keep away from her cupboard and she does approach them and climb all over them during tv time.
She meows and purrs, she rubs her face against us, she has that upright tail with the relaxed flick, but she wees everywhere. I do want to keep her, but I can't help think if I haven't been able to get her to trust me in 2 years, she won't change.
I obviously need to continue thinking about it for a while and looking at all the options for her.
Thank you so much cozie
I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and she was shocked and seemed a bit annoyed that I was even considering having her put to sleep like it's an easy decision. Like I've just suddenly thought "I can't be bothered with pets anymore, let's just kill her"
She thinks I should let her out and at least give her a chance of life as a wild. Personally, I'd rather pts than just open the door and leave her to the survival of the fittest rule, you know?
I will have a look at the link and see if I can find some smaller places.
Thanks again
She does use the litter tray, I've seen her, but will def try a finer litter. She only wees on something else every few days. She has in the past gone for weeks without doing it, I literally have no idea whatsoever why she does it other than that maybe shee is just really unhappy or stressed out.
She never relaxes, I've never seen her sleeping, she is watching everything all of the time. I just feel so for her
Yes, she definitely needs that! At first I put it down to being a kitten. I was never quite sure how old she was, she is a very small cat. I was told she was over a year when she came to me, so she went straight onto normal cat food. Her previous owner told me she was eating a supermarket ownbrand which I then bought and did bits of that and bits of the brand I used.
After she'd been here for about a month, her stools were still very loose so I took her to the vet for a check. That's when the vet said that she seemed a very nervous animal, traumatised even.
She's always been a bit nutty, so I started to think maybe she was younger than I was led to believe, but I've had her now for 2 years so she is at least 2.6.
I suspect she had a very very rough start.
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