'adopted' a stray cat a year ago; will she ever accept us?

[Gatekeeper]

a tiny female cat starting timidly coming into our garden a year ago, very, very thin. DH doesn't like cats and is allergic to them so shooed it away for the first few days. I love cats and had eight before I met him so I didn't shoo her!

After a week of watching her eating crusts left out for the birds he said we should get some cat food. After a few weeks went by she came to us every day; we asked around just incase she belonged to someone and then asked local cat protection league for advice.

They loaned us a trap and we caught her with the aid of some nice roasted chicken legs, before taking her to local vet where she was examined, spayed etc. Vet said she was less than a year old and had already had a litter.

Kept her in our shed for a week as advised and fed her small meals four times a day. Let her out after week to a barrage of hissing and 'growling'

Didn't expect to see her after this but she reappeared a day later peering in at our patio doors.

Fast forward to today; she appears about four times a day and again we give her small meals each time , Alid own brand wet and often chicken, meat, fish...last week she was eating braised pheasant!

However she still hisses when we get to close and she makes no noise other than that- no purring, meowing or chirruping like my daft moggies used to do. She can hear so not deaf. Sleeps in our shed in a choice of beds/igloos, sheepskin so nice and cosy-well fed

Just wish she would be more friendly; anyone else been in this situation?

[thecatneuterer]

Yes I've been there more times than I can count (bar the braised pheasant of course!!). She is a feral cat. Sometimes ferals stay feral forever (although they generally become quite happy to be around their humans and to live in the house, but they never want to be touched/petted) and sometimes they do become tame. And I would say (in my considerable experience) the ratio is about 60/40 (with 40% becoming tame).

The best chance you are going to have I think of getting her tame is to get a cat flap. Ferals cats will generally only ever consider coming into a house if they are confident they have an escape route. With a flap you should be able to get her used to coming into the house and she will undoubtedly then stay in whenever the weather isn't very nice. Whether she becomes tame is another matter. However I realise that your husband's allergy means this probably won't be possible in your case.

You have to let her come round in her own time (if she is going to at all). To give you an idea, the quickest cats in my care have gone from feral to tame is around one year. A few have become tame in about 2 to 3 years, and only the other week a cat I've had for 5 years and who I have never been able to touch has just decided that he likes being stroked and even rolls on his back and purrs when I do it (Dreamies did certainly help in this transformation:) ). However, as I said, lots never do become properly tame.

Personally I get a lot of satisfaction from just seeing these still feral cats wandering about - happy, well-fed, with shelter - even if they don't really want to interact with me.

It was lovely of you to take care of her and to get her neutered and to give her a nice life. And as your situation means you probably won't be able to have a proper house ca,t hopefully her presence alone should go some way to filling the cat-shaped hole in your life :)

[Fluffycloudland77]

It looks like you need dreamies...catering size.

[Putitonthelist]

OP you sound so lovely. Your story has brought tears to my eyes.

This might sound a bit crazy but I remember seeing a documentary about babies/toddlers adopted from Romania. Because they had never been cuddled/held/had attention they were unable to reciprocate any form of affection. They would eat their food but recoil at any form of being touched.

Eventually when they gained the trust of their new parents they did respond. It just took time. It sounds llike she has had to fend for herself for a whlle and it's just made her wary.

catneuterer you obviously know your stuff - am I talking nonsense??

[thecatneuterer]

Yes putitonthelist. It's sort of the same thing. Early socialisation determines whether cats (or indeed other animals including humans I suppose) are comfortable with humans or not.

Feral cats are cats that have been born in the wild and so regard humans in the same way that say foxes or badgers do. They are, in effect, wild animals.

However quite a few cats which act feral did in fact have a home for a few months of their life at least, but after being stray for a very long time they have effectively become wild. These are the ones that you stand the best chance of taming. Of course it's impossible to know which is which.

[FairPhyllis]

My grandparents 'had' a cat like that - she was a feral/stray gone feral who turned up in their garden and initially spent all her time outdoors. Eventually she would come in the house but only the downstairs, and she wasn't crazy about being touched by anyone except my uncles. She never became a friendly, people loving cat although she obviously felt safe enough to give birth to her litter in the house when she became pregnant.

Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't meowing and purring etc among the juvenile-esque behaviours that are only seen in adult domestic cats, like kneading? So if OP's cat is a feral she won't have the same range of behaviours or vocalisations that domestics have.

[basildonbond]

what really baffles me is that Shuri was feral until he was at least 18 months and he's the most sociable cat I've ever come across. He must have found being on the streets incredibly hard as he needs people so I don't understand how he's not still wild

[cozietoesie]

Some cats just plain like people more than others. The Lodger was a street cat and he adored moving in with us - forbye he's always kept some of the street ways. (Thieving, extreme hunting, a complete insouciance with cars.)

[volvocowgirl]

My cat was an alley cat until about 1yr old when someone took her in whilst she was pregnant. After she had had the kittens they kept the kittens and wanted rid of her because of her 'behaviour problems'. She's been with us for a year now and she's settled in lovely and loves affection from anyone and everyone so it can happen. I think you just have to not try to force anything and let them know they've still got their freedom and let them come to you. Remember you're doing something lovely OP by giving her what she needs.

[Gatekeeper]

thank you everyone...lovely posts and I got a bit teary at thecatneuter's description of a 'cat shaped hole' in my life

I loved my old cats; several were strays and one in particular used to follow me everywhere, even down to the local shop where he waited outside till I was done with my bit shopping.

'our' cat is well loved and cared for even if she doesn't realise. As mentioned earlier, my dh is allergic to cats and doesn't like them one bit. In fact when he first saw her, 'offered' to drop kick her out of the garden . He now has a picture of her on his phone, facebook cover photo and does 'special' voices for her when he talks to her
Him: "does Little Miss Furry Feet want some nice chicken?"
Cat: "Yis"
He'd kill me if he knew I'd put that up there