Flea Situation - I really need serious advice with how to deal with this?

(20 Posts)
Donnaslayer Wed 07-Aug-13 12:57:20

What started off a lovely morning has gone horribly wrong.

Daughters at nursery and Boyfriend came to pick me and the dog up, to take us park near his house, get a coffee from McDonalds and then back to his for a bit of lunch.

He's got a job interview this afternoon - I didn't mind waiting at his for a bit as he was going to take me nursery later and then onto hospital for a my physio appointment. Happy Days - I thought . . . . .

But when we arrived at his house - his cat was there and was scratching like mad. "Oh no". . . I gasped "has she got fleas?"

He said he had just put a new flea collar on her. So I asked why not frontline her because flea collars are not great? He told me that in the past - she's frothed at the mouth and he's tried about 4x different flea treatments but all made her do the same, so his mum told him not to use them anymore!

His cat is his baby and he lets her roam his house freely and rest her body where ever she wants i.e on his bed.

I told him that I was concerned about picking them up and taking them back home with us and then my cat would get them too and would cost me a fortune in frontline doing both a large dog and cat plus doing the house to get rid of em!

Am I in the wrong here? please advice?

Because I just asked if he cant flea his cat because of her allerys - if mine were to catch them - would he go half's on the frontline treatment? But with that he grabed the dog lead and bundled her and me back into car saying "I better take you both home then" ???

My cat is a house cat that never goes outside and my dog is a shorthaired. I can quite happily say that over the past 7 years - I have only ever had two flea issues and each time I only saw one flea, but I know the old saying "where's there's 1x there's usally a load more" so I would treat them both for a couple of months and then stop because its very rare they ever get them. Also its a pain keeping them away from daughter and vice versa. When I put it on them and I know they haven't got anything. Its simply not worth me wasting my money every month.

But now I have been put into this predicament. . . .

On the journey home, I was very upset as it had ruined the day and said "that means we can never visit or stay over at your house then anymore?" His response was "well that's what you get when you have animals". He also said in that case "he better not come/stay over at my house anymore" because "he likes the cat on his lap - but that he could trek fleas into my house - so will just pick us up from outside the house from now on" ???

He also complained to me that he wouldn't have time to revise and practice for his job interview - and now may not get it. All because he had had to drive us home back. I said please don't put that on me - its unfair, but he just gave me the silent treatment sad

So he dropped us off home and shot back off in his car. He's left me really frustrated and confused sad

Am I the one at fault??

Fleas are non issue in my household - But am I expected to pay for frontline flea treatment's for my cat and dog really?? - just so boyfriend can stay over at my house and vice versa because he wont flea his cat???

If anything I think - he should take his cat to the vet for advice.

And/or since he's the one bringing this problem in the first place - simply offer to pay for my pets flea treatment.

I think I was more than fair offering to go half's on a problem that he's made.

What do you think - please advice?

I just feel sometime that he don't treat me right. He knows that I'm quite a vunerable person because I don't have any friends and little family. I feel that I am easy for him and may take rubbish from him that other women wouldnt because I am lonely. He also gets round me because my daughter thinks he's great and the dog love him to death too.

I feel like I am in the wrong and being selfish. Even at one point on the drive home I said I was sorry. But there a little voice inside me telling me I'm in the right.

Any thoughts or advice on this situation would be very helpful please?

Thank you
Donna

ClaraOswald Wed 07-Aug-13 13:13:53

He needs to take his cat to the vet if she has medical issues which prevent her from being adequately treated for fleas. Her allergies are highly likely to be flea allergies, so the v sooner he gets her treated the better. And he will need to indorex the house or get the council b in to do a full deep clean if it's that bad.

JohFlow Wed 07-Aug-13 13:33:57

I agree with Clara. I am sure that a vet will have something for those that are allergic to traditional treatments.

Fleas are an unfortunate reality for some outdoor cats; they can come from anywhere. So it is important to have a regime to stay on top of them. Leaving it until you find fleas often ends up being more expensive in the long run.

As a cat owner; you also take the communal responsibility of preventing the spread of fleas. It is also miserable for any cat that has them of for the people/animals that share the same environment as them. I too would not want to bring them home and would insist on treatment before I came back to stay.

I love my cats but if my partner ever said that he found fleas I would be most apologetic and offer to treat them immediately. I would also hate the idea of infestation and the little gits pro-creating in my place.

I don't think you are being in any way unreasonable but it sounds also like this is really on your mind. The flea thing is simple - it's not an option to let them multiply out of control.

There seems to be other things within your relationship though which appear to be worrying you. I think the flea argument has become a symtom of this. But maybe some grass-roots needs to be done about how you would want to be treated in future. Boundaries are good.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 07-Aug-13 14:28:29

There is an excellent prescription flea collar called seresto that maybe an option, but has to come from the vet.

GobbySadcase Wed 07-Aug-13 14:31:52

Any spot on flea treatment will make a cat foam at the mouth if it is applied where the cat can lick it. It needs to be right on the back of the head.

Had terrible problems with sister cats licking each other once grin

Rikalaily Wed 07-Aug-13 14:36:55

Did he use the crappy Bob Martin flea drops by any chance? They have been known to make some cats sick or even die. He needs to see a vet, I think there's a flea injection now which lasts a few months.

He was unreasonable to get the hump. Just because he's happy living with fleas doesn't mean he should expect everyone who comes to his house to be happy about taking them home with them.

Donnaslayer Wed 07-Aug-13 15:09:29

Thank you smile xx

His reasoning is that he just uses a flea collars because she has no problems with them and is under the naive impression that's enough to kill fleas.

He said the cat has a reaction to the flea treatment like Tiguvon, Frontline, prob Stronghold ect because she always started frothing at the mouth shortly after he's administered it to back of head.

Thinking about it though - he must have discussed this with the vet as a few years ago. I know you could not buy these treatment without seeing vet first. So I guess it must have been the Vet that prescribed the different flea treatments. All I know for sure is he gave them up as he didnt like putting her through the frothing at the mouth and she and him are very happy with flea collars.

I've tried to explain - that collars are not great but I feel has fallen on deaf ears.

From todays escapades - I think I am of the understanding that - his cat come first and that he's happy with his current flea collar method and is not prepared to change for us.

I have been seeing him for over 2 years but the cat only resurfaced back on the seen a few months ago when his room mates moved out. He went and got her straight back from his parents (who had taken her in) because he had really missed her so much. Its not my place to say anything because its his house and I don't live with him.

I would 100% stay well clear of his house but he don't seem to understand if his cat does have them that he could still spread them to my house and pets.

I really just cant believe he would not offer to help pay for frontline if mine did catch them. I bet he would say it was just a coincidence or some other lame excuss to get out of paying. I know he def the kind of man that would stand by and see me shelling out my own money for frontline - prob only then re-infect the house - if I was daft enough to let him!

Well while writing this he's just rang offering to take me nursery and physio so that is something at least. I will see if this time apart has given him time to rethink things.

I will keep you informed smile

And thank you for your advice - its helped alot and I dont feel so alone xx

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 07-Aug-13 18:45:39

As I have pointed out there is an excellent collar on the market, but he needs to see his vet. It kills fleas for 8 months and is fantastic value for money. In my professional opinion it is one of the most effective flea control products currently on the market.

girliefriend Wed 07-Aug-13 18:48:35

Advocate was the only thing that worked on my cat.....

aliciaflorrick Wed 07-Aug-13 19:01:43

I would say though it's probably a good idea to use Advocat on your own dog and cat and then even if you inadvertently bring fleas into the house, one bite and they will die. I say this, because I have a dog and also an indoor cat. The dog was treated because he went outside, the cat I never bothered with. She recently became infested with fleas, not a single one on the dog the whole time, but she managed to drop fleas all over the house before I realised. So either I (who has not been treated for fleas) brought them in, or the dog did, but either way she got them.

It's not that expensive to treat your own animals with Advocat, and I say this as someone who is very strapped for cash financially. They come in packs that will last for four months. Maybe it's worth using preventative treatments on your own pets for the sake of harmony between you and your partner. At least if they were treated you know that you wouldn't have a problem.

Donnaslayer Thu 08-Aug-13 18:13:56

Update . . . . .

Hi everyone he's said he will take her the Vet (Hurray)

Also BTW I have since found out that foaming at the mouth is actually a really common side effect with these flea treatments and dosent really harm them. But I think its best that the Vet tells him that smile

Donnaslayer Fri 09-Aug-13 15:25:45

I thought things were too good to be true. . . . . .

The Vets pfft No the cheap skates only been to Pets at Home and bought her Johnson's flea tablets and thinks problem is solved.

I have told him Johnson's are ineffective as they don't kill the eggs. Also in the small print it says that you have to give a cat a tablet every time you see a flea!

So he hasn't solved anything and wont be seeing us again any time soon!

This is so upsetting - I told him that while I would pay for front-line for my two - a rough guide price is £32.00 every 3x months for a cat and a large dog. But I begrudge paying it out of my income when mine do not have fleas and have only had 2x flea episodes in the last 7 years!!

Last year you know I actually had to throw the last pipettes in both of my packs as they had expired because I did not have a flea problem. Thats how long my happy house hold has been without fleas.

So I do begrudge paying it because of him when all he's willing to pay is a shoddy £6-7 every 3 months on this rubbish Johnsons stuff - and can trek flea eggs into my house and keep reinfesting me. Liabilty or what?? sad

Also he will not contribute anything to flea treating mine because he says they are my animals.

He tells me I am being unfair - Am I really ??

cozietoesie Fri 09-Aug-13 16:46:37

No - you're not. And you may want to post about this on the Relationships board or something.

The bottom line is that he's not really listening to you or taking you seriously. It just happens, in this instance, to be on the matter of fleas.

As I said above, you know the technical aspects now, so time to post elsewhere and discuss the relationship maybe?

All the best.

nappyaddict Mon 12-Aug-13 09:36:10

lonecatwithkitten What is the name of this collar? And how much can I expect to pay for it?

cozietoesie Mon 12-Aug-13 09:39:28

seresto it's called nappyaddict. I don't know about price but lonecat said it's from the vet so maybe you should give yours a buzz to check.

cozietoesie Mon 12-Aug-13 09:45:18

I had a look see - it seems to be about £16 on the net but as it's a prescription item, you'd need to add the cost of a vet prescription to that if you were buying online. I think most vets charge around £10 (?) for giving you a prescription so call it at least £26 out there for a comparison with your vet's own costing.

nappyaddict Mon 12-Aug-13 09:53:04

Thanks smile

oscarwilde Tue 13-Aug-13 13:36:20

Tell him to grow up and be a responsible pet owner, or get rid of the cat if he won't look after it properly. If his cat has fleas the poor thing is probably being bitten alive and is at risk of anemia and all sorts.
A flea ridden house is gross - since you have animals I wouldn't go near it until I was sure it was flea free. Tell him you'll be buying him a Rentokil treatment for Christmas unless he gets on with sorting it and then visit the relationships board for lots of LT surly childish B smile

Irishmammybread Tue 13-Aug-13 13:45:56

Another really good flea product is Comfortis, it's a tablet you get from the vets and give every month,it kills fleas quicker than anything else on the market so there's no chance to lay eggs and is ideal for cats or dogs who react badly to topical treatments. I use it on my dogs but I know a cat version was brought out earlier this year.

nappyaddict Thu 15-Aug-13 20:50:42

If you pay for a prescription from the vet (£5-£10 usually) then you can buy Comfortis online

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