Our cat is spending less and less time with us

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

Our female cat is about 7. She adopted us 4 years ago. We don't know from where. We tried to find her home and then allowed her to stay. We have fully taken responsibility for her - vet/jabs etc. She has always liked to be out at night save in the worst weather, but has loved cuddles and lap time in the evenings. DH works from home and she has often spent the day on his lap. For the last 3 months or so she has spent less and less time with us. Rarely spending any longer in the house than it takes to feed. We have not actually seen her now for 7 days. And she hasn't eaten at our house for 3 days. Of course something might have happened to her but we tend to feel she has left home, either temporarily or for good. We have DD1 (11). DD2 (8). And DS (15 months). I'm aware that he is the 'new' factor. But he is gentle and we have done all we can to keep the cat happy. We have also been bothered by an un-neutered male cat coming in through the cat flap a few times. But not in last month or so. The adjoining garden has cut back it's trees so access to our garden is harder. And next door there is a yappy dog. But none of this is new this week. We really miss her. She is a very sweet natured cat. Assuming she does come around again what can we do to make her happy? Or is it wrong to try?

[LFCisTarkaDahl]

Look, she's a dirty hooker and she's cheating on you.

The very next time you see her lock her in with a litter tray for a couple of weeks.

I really hope she is still coming back for food and it's not that tom - you need to keep him out, it will be contributing to her not feeling secure in her own home. Get a collar/door magnified so only she can get in.

[LineRunner]

My younger cat has phases like this.

She gets uncomfortable because she has an allergy to fleas (well, their detritus) so we have to work really hard at flea control, and worming, and her UTIs (!) but once she is comfortable she comes back inside and is lovely.

In the meantime she has a little outside shed with a carpet and blanket, and a water bowl outside and well as in.

Feliway helps and you could also get some Zylkene, a milk protein that relaxes cats.

[RightsaidFreud]

This is how we acquired our cat, he left our neighbours and came to live with us(the neighbours think he came to us becuase they had two other cats and 3 little kids, and he came for the peace and quiet!), had him 4 years now. We would distraught if he left, he really is a massive part of our lives. I agree with the Feliway, when we moved, it really helped to relax him, maybe try that? From my experience, cats don't like change. I'm not sure I would lock her in, by all means try, but it may distress her, if it does, I think it would be mean to keep her in.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

Thankyou all so much. Feel really sad tonight that she is not here. Keep the suggestions coming if you have any. I'll give it all a go.

[LineRunner]

Not much else to add except, does she have an undisturbed place to go? My younger cat will go sleep up in the apple tree sometimes, just to get away I think.

[RightsaidFreud]

Could you tempt her in with a nice piece of chicken/fish?

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

An update. Got in from work an hour ago and there she was curled up on the sofa as if she had never been away. She hadn't eaten our food since the weekend. Tucked into a sachet of her favourite. I've put the cat flap down and am looking out the litter tray with a view to keeping her in for a few days and making a big fuss of her. Thankyou for all your suggestions. Feel very happy to see her.