Any advice on finding a new loving home

(57 Posts)
SpicyPear Mon 18-Mar-13 08:59:54

I have two dogs. They are mostly lovely, but the little one is seven months and still in training. His main issue is stealing food and begging.

I love him, but it's not working out. My DH is seemingly unable to follow simple rules about putting food out of reach and it can't go on any longer.

So I'm wondering if anyone can help me out with a suitable rescue place or loving new home for DH? He's mid-thirties, good job and partially house trained. Ideally a home with no dogs or children and someone with the time and patience to continue his training with regard to domestic tasks. I would hate my work to go to waste.

I could take him on a foster-care basis, for an assessment before rehoming? It might be he will behave better with a different combination of dogs/children in the household?

I'd like to rehome DH too. This morning our new rescue dog, who has not had one single accident in the house since getting him (3 weeks ago), shat in DS's bedroom (he was then seen in the garden straining and dribbling so clearly has a stomach upset). Cue DH ranting and raging at ME, blaming me for it, as if I had gone up there and done the poo myself! His parting shot as he left the house to go to work was the very constructive "The dog should live outside - don't let him in house during the daytime" (over my dead body). Anyway, he has since phoned to apologise but I would be interested in swapping him for a less reactive breed.

ijustwant8hours Mon 18-Mar-13 09:30:03

I need to find a home for a loving but unruly four year old. She shows signs of responding to basic training but seems incapable of following quite basic commands when distracted!

DeepRedBetty Mon 18-Mar-13 09:33:54

I've got a pair of fourteen year olds, female. Sadly they've both developed selective deafness, an obsession with MTV, are no longer completely housetrained (can't see floor in either bedroom) and door slamming tendencies. Otherwise they're lovely. Any offers?

digerd Mon 18-Mar-13 10:08:12

Is he good at DIY ? My whole house needs doing up?

SpicyPear Mon 18-Mar-13 11:13:02

I'm seeing a need here for a "Peoples Trust" to open centres to house all these challenging individuals.

Unfortunately he is worse than useless at DIY digerd so no good for your requirements. I am the DIY bod in our house.

This was prompted by him leaving a full bowl of very sugary cereal at the edge of the dining room table. Whilst DH has gone off to work, I am trying to work from home with a puppy bouncing off the walls on a sugar and theft high. I've actually had to crate him for his own safety while the little thing calms down.

MrsWolowitz Mon 18-Mar-13 11:39:05

I'll trade for my DH.

Not housetrained. Will urinate freely on the floor in the bathroom as he refuses to turn the light on in the night and misses the loo. Every. Single. Time. I will supply newspaper and disinfectant.

He is also a bit of a food stealer and in constantly scratching his balls and he will try and hump you if you let him sleep on your bed. Maybe an operation could fix this behaviour.

He is very loyal and loving but does shed hair into the sink every morning and will leave it there until you have to pick up his razor and wash the sink out.

miggy Mon 18-Mar-13 15:01:01

mrs wolowitz grin
I fear you may ned to reword your advert and try and emphasis his good points a little

Turniphead1 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:13:35

You see this is just typical of these women that think they want a cute loveable boyfriend - not thinking of the longterm consequences when they are fully grown - nor taking the time to fully train them when first taken home

Its all very well trying to rehome him on Mumsnet - but you know the cycle will continue with him being brought into new households with the best of intentions, and eventually, sadly, being PTS.

LadyTurmoil Mon 18-Mar-13 16:16:10

Laughing out loud Turniphead1 Brilliant and oh so true grin Why is it his socks always leave bits of black all over the carpet (I sensibly wear slippers, of course!) Would need a 1,500 word essay for all the other stuff...

idirdog Mon 18-Mar-13 16:48:47

I just can't believe this thread. Typical of people today things get a bit difficult and then they want to rehome and pass on the problem to someone else.

You need to man up to your responsibilities and start training this man. First show him who is the boss, without question he needs to be put in his place. Make him watch you eat your dinner, make sure you drink before him at all times. DO NOT ever let him sit next to you on the sofa, or sleep in your bed. If he is very dominant you may need to throw him on the floor and sit on him until he submits. If all else fails get him an shock collar and zap him everytime he leaves food out.

Turniphead1 Mon 18-Mar-13 17:35:27

spicypear have you considered rubbing your DHs nose in a day old bowl of sugary cereal? Or whacking him on the arse with a folded main section of the Mail on Sunday?

Clearly I would never advocate using these methods on a dog. But for an adult male with the inability to respond to any positive modern training methods - this might be your last resort.

Sarcasm is not what Spicy needs!

I see no reason why he wouldn't respond to clicker training with food rewards. Chips may be a quick and easy place to start as they smell tempting and can be gulped in one. Don't forget to reduce his daily food allowance on his plate though. Good luck!

TooYappy Mon 18-Mar-13 17:57:00

<childish snigger>

Abra1d Mon 18-Mar-13 17:59:51

Did you just fall for his appealing looks and forget what the reality would be like?

NotInMyDay Mon 18-Mar-13 18:01:48

Is there any chance of his breeder taking him back?

bergedorf Mon 18-Mar-13 18:04:47

This is going to be an unpopular point of view here on the Dogshouse, but I think everyone is being far too soft.

PTS is sometimes the only way to go I'm afraid in these situations. You have your Dear Dogs to think about after all, and even if your DH Does get rehomed, he may well be exposed to Dear Dogs in the future. It's just not worth the risk.


In my experience Not, the breeder will run a mile before taking them back.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Mon 18-Mar-13 18:06:54

Jeez, give me a house full of cat poo eating, brain-challenged, gloss-paint splattered, half-labs over living with a man every time grin

SpicyPear Mon 18-Mar-13 18:15:45

You guys are right, i should have done more research before setting up home with this man. I found him straying around uni campus, handsome but in need of a good groom and fattening up a little, and I went with heart over head sad

I just didn't realise how hard it would be and now the dogs have come along I don't have the time to deal with it anymore. In my defence, I did meet his mother but she didn't display any of these issues.

Thanks for the tips. I am going to try keeping back some of tonight's meal to use with the clicker and if that doesn't work I'll use the rolled up newspaper.

HugeSigh Mon 18-Mar-13 18:20:19

Can anyone recommend a good place to start looking for a rescue? Has to be cat and child friendly.

I'm feeling really broody now that my baby is almost 4 and I think a loveable soft furred breed to snuggle up with on the couch in the evenings would be a good idea.

What kind of upkeep costs would I be looking at btw? I would definitely get insurance too.

I'd probably spoil the poor thing rotten! I've seen some lovely leather collars and leads to start with smile

Hmm this has made me laugh and snort and wake up the baby I am breastfeeding to sleep!

I think outdoor kennels might be the best and kindest option. You could let him into the kitchen if his feet are dry once in a while...

DeepRedBetty Wed 20-Mar-13 08:29:59

Candidate for Classics?

wildfig Wed 20-Mar-13 10:47:50

The thing is, I'd love to rehome your DH but you just can't be sure how rescue cases will turn out. They might snap, or have some kind of emotional problem peeing on the seat that you'd have to deal with.

(I got mine from a recognised breeder, and she asked me loads of questions, and in fact still does ask me loads of questions about how he's getting on. Too many, in fact. I'm thinking about a rescue next time.)

tabulahrasa Wed 20-Mar-13 10:56:54

Has he been neutered? I find that neutering can be good for behavioural issues.

SpicyPear Wed 20-Mar-13 11:25:41

Not neutered. I've considered breeding him but it might be irresponsible given his issues.

He's not fully cat or child tested but as long as he has a cozy den with Sky Sports I think he could happily be confined for a while if he gets too much for them.

On the plus side he can cover his own costs, although precious items are best kept out of reach. He's big, with long arms, so accidents do happen when he gets over excited.

wildfig Wed 20-Mar-13 11:39:12

Ah. Is he insured?

TooYappy Wed 20-Mar-13 11:42:45

I think he may settle down if you neuter him, tbh I cannot see why he has not been neutered before now, it's quite irresponsible OP. It's no wonder he isn't toilet trained properly poor mite and Sky Sports you are clearly pandering to his every need, I agree with the other poster, he needs some type of training, how old is he, sorry I may have missed this.

I know it seems bad but we once had a cat that my Dad disliked a lot,(it bit and scratched us) he drove it to the woods 3 times and it returned, he drove it 60 miles away the final time and we never seen the cat again. Could this be an option?

clearly taking this all too seriously now

elastamum Wed 20-Mar-13 11:50:32

Definately think about rehoming. I rehomed my troublesome H about 4 years ago when, after years of trying, I finally realised that I couldnt stop him straying and trying to hump things he shouldnt.

Am now only left with my two DS and 3 labradoodles. Life is so much easier grin

gymmummy64 Wed 20-Mar-13 12:11:48

I am horrified you are giving up so soon. All of the issues you mention are addressable using modern, positive training techniques. Ignore any posters who use the word 'dominance', it's ridiculous. Do you really believe your DH is trying to run the household? Laughable and outmoded.

You need to identify your DH's high value treat and reward him every time he places food out of reach. You also need to work out what his triggers are. Does he not know where things go? Dishwasher or bin too full? Using BAT techniques you can retrain DH's responses to these situations. So, dishwasher full? He can empty it. Bin full? He can replace bag. By giving your DH a positive job to do when he is faced with a difficult situation you not only give him an alternative action but you keep his mind occupied which will make him tired and less likely to act up.

I also recommend you look at his diet. Is he leaving food because he is being given too much? Or he does not like it? Have you tried BARF?

You sound like a highly irresponsible owner who has barely scratched the surface of sorting out the undesirable behaviour tbh. There is plenty more you can do without adding to the rescue burden. HTH

grin this has made my day!

If you manage to rehome, please let us know how so we can take the difficult step. They tell me you know when it is time...

elastamum Wed 20-Mar-13 12:41:13

Once you have made the decision rehoming is surprisingly easy. As long as they are reasonably presentable and friendly, there are always women out there kind foolish enough to take them off your hands...

NormaSpoonOeufEggcher Wed 20-Mar-13 12:49:41

So sorry I can't help. I already have one. He is very well trained, but takes some work, and wouldn't tollerate another competing for my attention.

Can't we just so a swap?

My DH is wonderful at putting food away. after BigDog ate his bowl of spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread the first day we bought him home

He is pretty much toilet trained. He knows his place in the pack so no need for any training, he waits til I say so before eating, lets me in the door first etc.

The only thing he cannot do is understand that none of the 3 dogs speak English.
So it's an actual waste of time to stand there saying "oh LittleDog please get off my chair, I want to sit there. Why are you still there. I want to sit down. tantrums I thought you said this dog was trained, why won't he get off my chair?"

7 years of trying to teach him that you have to use one word commands like OFF, instead of bloody lengthy, useless conversation has failed miserably.

mistlethrush Wed 20-Mar-13 13:23:49

Tantrums - I thought I was going to have to send DH to dog training classes with mistledog when we first got her as he also seemed completely unable to grasp the simple commands (that he needed to use). Luckily, however, something clicked and he suddenly got the idea. Unfortunately I don't know what the trigger was or I would share it with you. However, he is managing to remember the rules with mistlehound now and I haven't had to retrain him again, despite the length of time between dog adoptions. Perhaps the positive rewards of actually getting the dog to do what was asked rather than it staring whilst lectured it ineffectually made the difference?

elastamum Wed 20-Mar-13 13:40:44

PMSL laughing at lecturing the dog. I distinctly remember my now rehomed H doing this and then complaining when our very smart labradoodle pup just looked blankly back at him grin

SpicyPear Wed 20-Mar-13 13:57:52

This could work - he doesn't lecture the dogs!

But he might also have an extremely annoying habit of yelling "Oi!" in a mockney accent or "Non!" in a French one when the puppy is naughty

elastamum Wed 20-Mar-13 19:25:37

Whe I took doodle one to puppy classes the trainer there did suggest that she ought to run a class for husbands - but I think she meant to teach then to train the dog! grin

Turniphead1 Wed 20-Mar-13 20:45:17

Spicypear - you really are drip-feeding now in an attempt to get this creature rehomed. There was NO mention of this fake accent problem in your initial posts. Have you ever had any indication that he might start using the fake accents near children or frail people?

I am unclear how clicker training could work to reduce that potentially deal-breaking habit. Perhaps one of the behaviourists could advise?

Megsdaughter Wed 20-Mar-13 20:55:12

Please do not threaten to send back to breeder.

DDIL threatened to do this.

I moved house.

Didnt tell her where to.

Took me 30 years to home him with a nice friendly assertive young lady.


gymmummy64 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:05:50

Turnip I agree, shocking levels of dripping. If Spicy's training ability is as poor as her ability to outline a concise yet comprehensive summary of the situation then I can see how she ended up in this mess.

I'm sure the behavourists will be along soon with their expertise, but might this be one of the rare occasions where <whispers> aversive techniques are appropriate?

Sunnywithshowers Wed 20-Mar-13 22:10:29

I rehomed my former husband some years ago OP. However, his habits were really much more serious so I gave him back to his breeder.

I hear he has a lovely new home now where he is much happier.

PuggyMum Wed 20-Mar-13 22:18:28

Chuckling at this thread! I'm not feeling witty enough tonight to add but made me smile!

lotsofdogshere Thu 21-Mar-13 08:47:26

fabulous thread, made me larf out loud. I'm sitting in bed with some toast, and the dogs. DH is saying I've turned slobbish since I retired - yes indeedy. I don't want to re-home Dh as I've spent so long on positive training. I found he really didn't respond well to dominance theory and much better to treats.

LadyTurmoil Thu 21-Mar-13 09:01:06

grin smile you're a funny, witty lot, great laughs

Ok sorry, I don't want to swap anymore.

Fake accents? No no no.

At least my DH lectures the dog in a normal voice grin

3am. LittleDog why are you on my bed? You are pushing me out. LittleDog I just want to go to sleep, why can't you sleep in your own bed? Please go and sleep in your bed. tantrums your dog is on the bed and he won't get off.

I open one eye, mutter "LittleDog,off."
LittleDog gets off and goes to his bed.

its not bloody hard

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 21-Mar-13 10:18:12

I'll swap.

I also have the same problem as Tantrums. When we had puppy we had regular 2am conversations of "Puppy, you are on my side of the bed again. You're supposed to have been trained to sleep at the foot of the bed aren't you? Why are you on my side? I want to go to bed now. Please move. Get down. DOWN. Puppy GET DOWN! Go to the end! END, puppy END! DOWN! DOWN! Why are you growling at me? Stop growling at me! DOWN!" <me> "He is already laying down ffs, try OFF, that is the command we have used since he arrived here four months ago and what the fook is END meant to mean? Point to where you want him to move to and say 'here, settle', like I showed you last night and the night before that and the one before that..."

Even with dogs we have had for over 4 years he still does not get it, as demonstrated this morning...

DH: "What is the dog doing?"
Me: "You're in the hall, with your coat on"
DH: "So?"
Me: "He thinks you're taking him out"
DH: "But you trained him not to rush through doors didn't you?"
Me: "Yes, to stop him rushing him out when we were coming in, when you are going out you are supposed to put him in the dining room before you get your coat on and then stand in front of the leash rack fannying about, it's been that way since we got the dog almost five years ago..."
DH "Dog IN..., IN, FFS GET IN"
Me: "He's trying to GET IN but you won't let him past your legs. IN is into the living room, the dining room is OUT, the dining room has been OUT for almost five years...."

I've tried retraining him. I've even left lists of commands on the fridge, there was a spreadsheet at one point. I've taught the dogs sign language, Devil Dog pre-empts most cues, all you have to do is look at him, look at where you want him to be and he'll move, even then DH still cannot manage it. It's hopeless, rehoming is the only option.

I actually wrote out a list of commands, followed by detailed bloody instructions on how to use them.
You have to be very specific with LittleDog, more than one word baffles him. But DH will insist that "wait there, sit there and wait there" is going to work. LittleDog looks at him blankly, he has no idea what he is meant to do so decides that must mean "run about chasing your tail"

Littledogs recall is sketchy at the best of times. Apparently DH would rather chase him about a field saying "time to go home, come on, time to put your lead on"
Rather than "come LittleDog" which is what actually works.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 21-Mar-13 11:12:58

DH is fine using only one word, which wouldn't matter anyway, Devil Dog is quite smart and will respond if the right word is used even if it is followed with a string of meaningless words. It's using the right words that he has issue with, down/off, in/out/outside are all interchangeable in DH's mind and "sit down" means the same as sit, as opposed to sit, down. He gets very annoyed when Devil Dog sits and then lies down when he asks him to "Sit down so I can out you lead on, why have you laid down? You're laying on your collar now. UP, come on get UP. What are you doing? How I can put your lead on when you are balancing like that up on two legs like a Meekat? Come on now, sit down, no, sit down, don't lie down. Why are you behaving this way? You don't do it for her when she puts your lead on."

And training is some magical thing that the dog will automatically fully understand and it will apply to all situations, everywhere.....

"Noooo, you've eat the meatballs, why have you done that? You're not supposed to steal food of the table. D0oin, he's eat the meatballs, I put them here, on the table, he's eaten them. You told me he knows not to take food from the table" "The footstool, you use as a coffee table, eejit, I taught him not to take food from the footstool because you asked me to, remember?" "But it's the same thing" "Not to him it's not. He. Is. Only. A. Dog."

EasyToEatTiger Thu 21-Mar-13 12:08:13

My dh is growly and yappy. When he barks all the other dogs bark with him. He has delusions of being in control so needs to be in a home where all ideas appear to be his own. Only good ideas. He thrives on love and attention and is well enough trained and socialised that he is not an embarrassment. In the right environment he would be a joy.

Spicy just take him out somewhere quiet in the car and he'll think he's going for a lovely day out.
He'll be so excited thinking he's going for a walk and a pub treat that you can leave him there and he won't realise you've dumped relocated him.
Remember to remove any identifying evidence (like his name/address/phone number).
Someone will take pity on him don't worry.You know it's for the best.

I tried rehoming mine back to his irresponsible back street breeder. She'd already moved onto looking after the next batch bred by her female .
Bugger found his way back home hmm

Turniphead1 Fri 22-Mar-13 15:46:22

Good idea 70. And you can tell the kids he's " gone to live on a lovely farm with lots of space to roam" á la Monica & Ross's dog in Friends.

SpicyPear Thu 28-Mar-13 10:58:25

UPDATE: Thanks for all your input, although some of it was a bit harsh. I do feel a bit better that I am not the only one with some of these problems.

I have decided to give him another chance as it's become clear that it will be quite difficult to find a suitable home and I would feel very bad about him being bounced around from house to house. I've put some new boundaries in place and we are having fewer accidents so fingers crossed. I have also looked into a behaviourist but they would only accept him if he referred himself and it was very expensive.

Sunnywithshowers Thu 28-Mar-13 12:49:26


Turniphead1 Fri 29-Mar-13 10:31:17

Fair play Spicy. I think you have taken on board the comments of posters on this thread.

A word of caution - Easter can be a potentially dangerous time for those with that combination of ill trained DHs, dogs and chocolate eggs...

Good luck with him.

Ah yes Turnip but Easter can be a good time to re-establish the ground rules.
Long weekend, lots of time.
A few kitchen scraps to treat him if he's good (few slices of chicken and veg leftovers)

And you can assert your place as Pack Leader by making him wait for his food and s-l-o-w-l-y eat a chocolate egg in front of him.

"Mmm this is nice. Do you want some. Do you ? You can't have chocolate. No no no no no no no.
Chocolate baaad for DHs.
You can have a bikkie if you're a good boy"

It works.
Just make sure he knows he's on last warnings.
I find it helps to have the Yellow Pages left open at the Adoption/Rehoming Advice pages on the hall table wink

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 10-Apr-13 22:37:25

fabulous thread. i feel less alone. We had 2 dogs and 2 cats when my DS was tested for allergy to pet hair - sadly it turned out that he was, and so i had to rehome him.
it only took 21 years.
it was for the best. He keeps threatening to find his way back home though...he isnt micro chipped so im hoping that no one finds him and fetches him back.

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