My Berkeley has tongue cancer

[LimeJellyHead]

Sad news today. Berkeley was having trouble eating and drinking as if he couldn't use his tongue so they took a look and said possibly a tumour and big infected hole under his tongue. He had an op today to clean and have a closer look and it is cancer... very aggressive. His whole tongue has been invaded. There is nothing they can do. We were told they could not wake him up from the sedation if we preferred but we decided to bring him home. I feel sure he has some more happy days left. Feeling so very sad. My lovely, funny old boy. He is nearly 16 and I know they have to go of something one day but it has been a massive shock. I love him with all my heart.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Oh love I'm so sorry. What a horrible shock. I hope he has a few more days at home with you. Sixteen is a good age for a dog.

[vjg13]

I lost my beautiful lurcher to liver cancer last Friday and feel so sorry for you.

[LimeJellyHead]

Thank you. I need to put today behind us and have fun with him while we can. He is still so lively and funny. A massive lust for life. It's such a shame.

Here's one of my fave pics of him. I think the caption is perfect too. Sums him up so well. OMG my heart is breaking.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

So sorry . My lovely cat had exactly the same last year and in the end I had him PTS as he couldn't eat and I could see he was suffering. It's devastating, but I hope you have a bit of time left to enjoy him. Fantastic photo

[CakeMountain]

so sorry. Love the picture. What breed is he?

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

I am so sorry. We lost our old boy last summer to an aggressive cancer just days after diagnosis, I still hold dear those last few days we had with him we spoiled him rotten.

Berkeley looks like an amazing dog.

[Noitsnotteatimeyet]

So sorry - I hope you spoil him rotten and gets lots of cuddles

[LetthereBeCupcakes]

I'm so sorry Lime. Our lovely ddog was diagnosed with aggressive cancer 3 weeks ago. He doesn't have very long left, either. The first few days were he'll, we cried all the time. We've settled in to a routine now, though, and take each day as it comes.

Have you got any medication. Ddog is on steroids

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

Sorry posted too soon.

Ddog is on steroids plus some other stuff. The steroids make him wee a lot unfortunately but they keep things under control a bit.

Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.

[LimeJellyHead]

Thank you all so much. I am having a wobble this morning. He seems happy in himself but he can't eat, as much as he tries. He really wants to but it won't stay in. I just went to do his mouth disinfectant and can see his tongue has folded back on itself. I straightened it but it folds again. I'll see if it relaxes a bit today, back to flat. The op was only yesterday so we'll see. His follow up with the vet is tomorrow morning anyway.

They gave him steroids yesterday but we haven't been given any yet to take home. I think that is all being discussed tomorrow.

He is a very clever little Jack Russell Terrier

[LimeJellyHead]

Hugs to you and your doggie Cupcakes. It is so heart breaking isn't it. I always thought I would take the easy option and just let him go cos I can't stand living with this impending loss, but it seems I can do this for him. I am trying to see each day as a bonus. Not as easy as it sounds, hey. But it's early days. I am glad to hear you have all settled now and can hopefully enjoy the extra time. I hope to be there too soon.

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

Lime the first few days after Ddog’s diagnosis were awful. Truly awful. It felt like mourning, except he hadn’t died – so it seemed wrong to mourn. So then I’d cheer up a bit but then feel guilty about it. You’re exactly right in calling it limbo. Those first few days I cried a lot, at completely random moments.

Tomorrow will be exactly 3 weeks since we found it and life has reached a new kind of “normal” for the time being. We’re used to giving him his medication. We’re used to cleaning up the accidents (side effect of the steroids, plus an effect of the cancer). I’m bloody knackered having to let him out 2-3 times each night but it isn’t his fault. We definitely do appreciate each extra day we have with him.

He was diagnosed on the Friday and came home from the vet on the Saturday. DH and I had decided to give him one last amazing weekend and have him PTS on the following Monday, but when we got there he was happy and bouncy, and we just couldn’t do it. We’ve now decided that we won’t up his pain medication any more. When he shows signs of being in pain again we will have to let him go. It’s not fair on him otherwise. It’s really hard having absolutely no idea of when this will happen. It could be tomorrow, we could have a few more weeks with him. I’m praying it doesn’t happen too close to Christmas, for DS’ sake.

for you. I’ve lost pets before (including dogs) but never has it been so hard.

[LimeJellyHead]

Yeah, the limbo is tough isn't it. People are giving the impression we might only have a few days with him but I can't think like that. I have to think positively and crack on or what's the point. Anyway, even the vet said who knows so I prefer to think it could be months and months. He'll live until I am sure he has had enough and that is not yet. He's had a nice day today and seems happy even though his tongue must be raw and nasty as hell. But it is clean and I think he will soon be feeling the benefits of that.

He's such a stoic little chap. I'll have to take a video of him to show you. No one ever believes he is old, lol. People always approach our younger dog and say wow what an oldie. She's got the whole grey face and cataracts going on and looks like she should be in a wheelchair whilst Berkeley (the eldest) runs circles around everyone, hahaha.

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

A video would be lovely. We also have a second dog. She's a rescue and totally dependant on Ddog. She will be utterly lost without him.

When is your vets appointment?

[LimeJellyHead]

Vet check up is tomorrow late morning. I think she will be pleased with his progress. His folded tongue seems to have flattened back down again now. Phew. I got him to eat earlier but only by physically putting the food at the back of his mouth/tongue for him so all he had to do was swallow. It's his dinner time in a mo and I am hoping he will manage some by himself. He has learnt to drink by submersing his mouth into the water. It's not massively effective at the mo but he is doing it and I help him a bit with a syringe. He loves that. He knows when you are trying to help him

Yeah, both of ours are rescues. I don't think Darcey cares much for Berkeley. She's a timid old thing and finds him a bit full on, but he loves her and looks to her a lot. Berks is deaf (was born deaf) and he likes to have a hearing dog as a pal

Awww, I hope your dear girl copes OK with the loss, when that comes. Sad times for everyone. Big hugs.

[LimeJellyHead]

As promised, here's a video I took of my boy today. He had his first check up this morning at the vets since his op and diagnosis 2 days ago. She was very pleased with his progress. Actually astounded might be a better word for it. He bounded into the surgery, lol. Then we had a play at the dog park and then home at 2pm and as you can see he was still full of beans.

It took me ages today to feed him. His tongue is not co-operating but he is trying very hard to eat. He gets A for effort.

He has finally worn himself out and is now snoring his happy little head off. Awww I hope you like seeing him.

[Noitsnotteatimeyet]

Oh he's lovely lime - he looks so happy

(OT but I'm in awe at how tidy your hall is ...)

[LimeJellyHead]

Awww, thank you. Yes, he's a happy and lively boy. He was having a particularly bonkers day that day. So cute, isn't he. About my hall... I'm not sure about that. I hate it. I nearly didn't post the video cos it is so shameful, lol. We have a dreadful damp problem in that left wall and the floors need to be sanded back and polished up really but that's a huge job.

I thought I was coping OK with this terminal cancer lark... holding up... you know. I finally stopped crying and he had a good check up this week (vet pleased with the healing) and I was feeling like I was coping and that we were getting on with things well. But today I feel total anxiety. Maybe the reality is only just starting to hit me.

I feel guilty for sitting here all day doing my work... as I always have done. I feel like I should be savouring these last weeks or whatever with him... but that's silly, yeah? I mean, what would I do... sit and stare at him while he sleeps? Cuddle him until he squirms away. I am carrying on as normal, pretty much (with a bit more gazing and cooing at him but not too much cos I don't want him to feel something is wrong). Yet when he is gone I know I will wish I had gazed, played, cuddled more.

This is painful, hey.

How have others coped with or are coping with living with 'special time' as I call it? How are you getting on Cupcakes?

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

I have days like that, too. A few days after he qas originally diagnosed I got myself worked up into such a state I gave myself a thumping headache and had to leave work early.

You could cuddle and gaze all day long but I'm sure you'll still want more once he's gone! I know I will. You just have to try and carry on if you can, I think. Not sure how, mind you!

We're almost a month in to this now and we've sort if found a new 'normal'. DH and I are very stressed though, very short tempered. Mostly tiredness I think.

[Toomuch2young]

Oh I am so sorry to you both, such a difficult heartbreaking time, but take some small comfort in that though that is how you are feeling, your lovely dogs are happy and comfortable and not at all worried or aware of what is going on. A small blessing without doubt.
I hope you enjoy many more special moments with your beautiful friends
Berkeley looks a super boy, I adore Jack russells and their

[Toomuch2young]

sparky, cheeky personalities.

[LimeJellyHead]

Thank you, that has really helped. I need to remember that. He's happy and thinks all is well, other than the usual old age grumbles.

I need to remember as well that this is extra time with him. If we had taken option 1 he would already be buried in my garden... but for now he is here with me.

I don't really think I am cut out for this emotional turmoil though. I'm a nervous wreck. If he so much as looks sad or the vet pauses when she does the weekly check I start to feel like I might pass out with fear... know what I mean. Gawd!!!

[LimeJellyHead]

Hi Cupcakes, it is good to hear from you and hear that you are doing OK. I know what you mean. I actually look ill. My eyes are so puffy I look like I have a thyroid problem, lol.

I use guided meditation tapes every night to get to sleep. Just shout if you are into that kind of thing. I can give you some links. They are all free on youtube but loads are crap.

"You could cuddle and gaze all day long but I'm sure you'll still want more once he's gone!"

Yeah, that's exactly it, isn't it. With our last dog I had 2 hours with him from when I called the vet to when the vet arrived and even for those 2 hours I had that dreadful feeling... like I should do nothing but sit and cuddle him for 2 hours but you just can't.

I had this awful moment of clarity the other day. I decided to order Berkeley some CV247 (a sort of holistic cancer 'treatment') and the chap said to me how many months do you want? Then it hit me. I couldn't answer. He said shall we be optimistic and send you 3 months worth and that was it... it hit me.

Listen to me drone on. It's really helping to chat with you good folks though. Thank you.

[LimeJellyHead]

PS Yes, Jacks are amazing little dogs. Not easy but so much fun. My kind of dog They are like happy, mischievous little people with a high IQ, hahahahaha.

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

Thanks for the offer but the problem is that ddog needs to go out every couple of hours