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The doghouse

Am I mad to agree to home a dog to please my family?

14 replies

pygmywarrior · 24/10/2014 15:28

MiL recently lost her dh; they had many dogs she wants to rehome 1yr old springer. Dh v excited at prospect of us homing the dog.. I want to be kind to dh (& ds loves dogs) and help mil but also don’t want to make a mistake. My sil recently agreed to have puppy as db desperately wanted one & seeing her not cope with 5yr & 2.5yr old plus puppy has really put me off!

This particular dog is boisterous but so friendly - & trained! I love the idea of walks with a dog but I am unsure of the practicalities for our family right now. We always wanted a dog, but I would not ideally choose to have one now as after a day of toddler parenting (ds nearly 2) I do not have the energy or patience a dog deserves. I mainly work from home but do have occasional work trips away. Dh says we could leave dog in large kennel in garden while we are out working but I am unsure about this.

We hope for another child & thought of being pregnant with toddler fills me with dread, without adding dog walking/ house cleaning/work to the mix. I suffer from spd (pelvic girdle pain) & seeing physio - cannot walk more than 20 mins without pain. Physio said another pregnancy could be v uncomfortable which adds to worries about taking on a dog. DH incredibly supportive & does so much to help generally so I know he would do what he could, but the time he would be taking to walk the dog would be time away from us as a family & helping with ds. Then if there was a newborn to add to the mix...

Having not had a dog of our own I am unsure of the impact it will have, or if I am worrying needlessly. Am I mad to be saying yes.. or unkind to be saying no to helping MiL & giving dh & ds a dog they would both love to have (& chance to skip puppy phase)??

OP posts:
rookiemater · 24/10/2014 15:34

Marking place.
I'm having a similar dilemma at the min about getting a dog, without any of your added health complications and ttc.

fishfingerSarnies · 24/10/2014 15:42

I think if you are unsure about having a dog right now you really shouldn't.
They require a lot of love and attention and really can't be left alone for long periods.
I have a dog, a toddler and a baby on the way, it's bloody hard work especially as my husband is working away, but I felt I needed a dog in my life. For me all the extra work and worry is 100% worth it and I don't think you should say yes to a dog unless you're really, really sure.

MothershipG · 24/10/2014 15:49

It really doesn't sound like you are in the right place to be adding a dog to your family and especially not this particular dog. Springers are lovely dogs but need plenty of exercise, no way is 20 mins going to be enough. Is your DH prepared to take the dog out in the morning before work and again in the evening? Because you aren't going to be able to provide much more than company. Especially if you have another difficult pregnancy.

SnakeyMcBadass · 24/10/2014 15:53

Don't do it. Your heart isn't in it, and it will just be a huge burden. Never underestimate how trapped a dog can make you feel. Plus, a one year old springer will be a nutjob for a while yet, have boundless energy and will be very demanding. Just...no

pygmywarrior · 24/10/2014 16:16

Thank you all for replies.
fishfinger, out of interest why did you feel you really needed a dog in your life?

Mothership - dh would walk to the moon & back if it meant he could have dog bless him! He has said he would walk before & after work but would mean less time with us :( Walking is one of the aspects of having a dog which I would love so I have a feeling i would feel grrr that I wouldn't be able to walk the dog v much but have to cope with the crazy (albeit lovable) dog in the house along with little people.

Snakey, that is an interesting point that you can feel trapped with a dog - I was thinking it would encourage me to get out more. I do see in my particular case I could feel even more frustrated though.

OP posts:
helenbaker183 · 24/10/2014 16:32

From the sounds of it you're already making the excuses as to why it may not work out. I'm sure your dh will be understanding, and if you're the one who is going to be with the dog most of the time it really needs to be your decision as to whether the dpup will fit in with your family. However, it could be an amazing addition to the family if all things go according to plan. Just ask yourself what would you regret more: having the dog and having to work hard at making it work, or never trying at all?

Twitterqueen · 24/10/2014 16:39

My dog gives me my 'me time'. Horrible phrase but she gives me an excuse to go out on my own and have a lovely walk. I didn't get her until the children were old enough to be left on their own though as there's no way I wanted them with me.

If your DH says he will do all the walking then perhaps you should let him. I find it a bit odd that you feel the time he would spend walking is taking him away from you and the DC. It's not like he's going to the pub / partying. Maybe he would like the headspace?

Also, there's no reason why the DCs can't go with you (putting aside your obvious health concerns for a mo). I see plenty of mums with babies in pushchairs and toddling around, going for walks with their dog.

Be honest. If you don't want one, just say so. If your DH is insistent then make it clear that he has 100% responsibility for it. You can't just 'put up' with dogs. They need - and deserve - lots of love.

pygmywarrior · 24/10/2014 16:51

Thanks Helen - I did think my original post was weighted negative due to current mindset - lots of contributing factors inc seeing SIL struggle desperately, my frustrations with my spd and beginning to focus mind on ttc rather than a new dog.
However I can think of lots of positives towards having a dpup in our lives & lovely to hear you say it could be an amazing addition. Dh really is a star & would do everything he can to make it work and help me etc.

OP posts:
mrslaughan · 24/10/2014 16:52

I was going to say its fine to realise the enormity of the commitment , and have hesitations but still go ahead as long as you are prepared to stick with your commitment. Then I re-read your post and thought that you actually have some very valid and insurmountable issues.

I don't have a spaniel and they wouldn't be my choice of dog, purely for the energy they have and the mental stimulation they need.

How much is said spaniel used to be walked?
How much people contact is it used too. We have a lower energy breed, but he has really struggled this week, as I have had my kids home sick with Tummy bugs - he has had his walks - actually more than he would usually have had (2 hrs most days rather than 1 hour), but he is used to being out and about with my, I ride - so at the yard and doing the school run. A dog that is used to a lot of mental stimulation via going with its owner everywhere, may struggle to go back to being in the house and garden for many hours a day....and I think you could have issues, if you just put it out in the garden on the odd day you both work - it is not what it is used too. And what if it is snowing all day.
Many dogs are used to living outside in kennels - most of the dogs I grew up with because they were farm dogs...But that is because that is what they are used too.
I think the solution for when you are both working is a walker coming in.

it is an advantage that it is trained.....but maybe its best to wait until after you have had your next baby?

or could you do a trial? and see if it is as bad as you think?

CleaninQueen · 24/10/2014 17:13

If you leave the dog in the garden someone might try and steal it.

MothershipG · 24/10/2014 17:31

I don't want to be negative, and it's great that your DH would be fully committed, but it sounds like you may need quite a lot of support yourself in the coming months so adding a high needs dog to the mix really doesn't sound like a good idea.

I think you need to get on with ttc, get the next pregnancy and baby sorted and then revisit the possibility of a dog. That also gives you the opportunity to think about what type of dog would best suit your situation.

Incidentally leaving a dog outside for a day is potentially problematic. You'll need to build a secure run and kennel, not cheap, the dog won't like it if it's not used to it and will be likely to bark/howl which won't make you popular with neighbours! A better idea would be to pay a dog walker.

pygmywarrior · 24/10/2014 18:39

Thanks so much for replies everyone, really useful comments. I hadn't thought could pay dog walker & save both ££ & potential neighbour aggravation of outdoor kennel.

The support I would rely on from dh (even now tbh, not just if I were pg or with newborn) is why I would miss him if he needed to be out walking the dog first & last thing. He regularly works weekends and occasional evenings and has been known to come home to a very frazzled wife! If/when spd is better I would love the opportunity to get out walking though.

MiL lives & breathes (& breeds!) dogs so dpup used to lots of walks, attention & stimulation. One of my concerns was for dpup as deserves a happy good life - didn't add that one to my original list as conscious was weighted negative!

Ideally I would do as mothership suggests & revisit dog in few years as really do want one in future. But :( at saying no to beloved dh & to mil who has lost her dh. Also the advantage of trained dog, known breeder etc. argh

OP posts:
Kitsmummy · 25/10/2014 06:42

Well why don't you have a month's trial with the dog? That's the only way you're going to really know if it works for you, and if it has to go back to MIL after a month then no real harm done?

Kitsmummy · 25/10/2014 06:43

And just tell DC that the dog is with you for a holiday, you're not keeping it (and then if you do, bonus !)

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