At the suggestion of posters, Imoved this over here for some advice...sorry it's a bit lengthy but I've included 2 posts that I've mae so that you have the full picture and the update today:
We are a family with DS17 & DS20. About 4 weeks ago we got a rescue dog, he's about 2 ish and a cross between a shitsu and a yorkshire terrier we think. He's a little thing and has been an absolute joy and has brought a lovely new dynamic to our family.
As I was at home more of less for the first 3 weeks the dog has bonded with me and then next I suppose with DS20, we both have spent a lot of time playing and just generally being loving with him. DS17 is indifferent and DH has been pretty loving also. We all take responsibility for feeding and walks.
As he was so shy and frightened when we first got him, we allowed him into our bed and he's just sort of stayed there.
When I'm working from home, he cuddles up and spends the day with me.
Over the last 10 days or so, the dog has been growling sometimes at DH, especially when DH comes near me, tries to stroke him, or DH tries to get in bed.
This evening I was sat in bed doing some work and DH came up to the bedroom, the dog started growling at DH so I told DH to pick him up and put him out of the room until he stopped. DH picked him up and the growling got much worse and the dog seemed as though he was going to bite DH, so DH dropped him, the dog sprang at DH and seemed to have a 'red mist' moment, jumping up and bit him, breaking the skin 4 times on his legs and stomach.
We were all really shocked. DH is OK and has been to be checked out but is really shaken and upset and talking about getting rid of the dog.
I'm devasteted, first that the dog who is incredibly loving mostly would do this to DH and also really frightened that DH will insist that we take the dog to a dog and cats home.
I've been in tears tonight thinking about this but I know that if there's a chance that he would do this again then there would be no choice. I've persuaded DH to wait until I can get in touch with a dog behavioural expert tomorrow and I'm pinning my hopes that there is something that they can do...AIBU to think about keeping my dog and that there is something we can do to stop this happening again?
Today's update: I've had a long chat with DH this morning about next steps. DH does want to keep the dog but has warned that another further episode will be the last. He's still upset and at this moment feels that although he will feed/walk he can't trust the dog and feels wary.
I've thought a lot about the last few weeks, hindsight is great!. DH from the very start has had the right approach but it's been myself and DS who have totally gone over the top spoiling the dog as we wanted to make him feel secure.
I can't even begin to tell you how guilty I feel about this, this is down to me, not the dog, and I will do everything that I can to make sure that I'm treating the dog in the right way. Saying that it's incredibly difficult as the mothering instinct in me, knowing that he's had a hard time just wants to shower him with love and affection to make him feel secure - I know now that this was doing the exact opposite.
I've contacted the rescue centre and had a good long chat and they've given me some advice: For the next week, no stroking (basically ignore), keep off all furniture, must be in a bed downstairs (already have) and in no circumstances allowed upstairs. All to continue have equal responsibility for feeding/walking. Any growling to met with a firm NO, if dog not listening then I'm to reiterate the NO. It will take months for the dog to earn privilages, such as being allowed upstairs.
They have given me the contact details of a dog behaviourist they use but have suggested that I wait a week to see how we get on. We can also take the dog up to them at the weekend for them to have a look.
Thank you so much everyone for all your posts, I've read them all and the help has been so useful.
With the lead thing, get your Dh to help the dog get used to having his neck handled. My friend taught her rescue that if she touched his neck, he got a treat. So she lightly touched him, then fed bits of sausage. Mine have always been fine with their necks and heads being handled, but I used the same technique to get my pup to tolerate having his legs groomed.