How to move on from losing the best dog ever ...

(59 Posts)
furbaby Sat 16-Nov-13 21:11:29

After losing our darling boy in may (staffy who had cancer aged 12) We were so upset and didn, t think we would get over the heart break sad
After much deciding we got our new staffy boy puppy in august , he is s darling and we both love him lots but its just not helping how I thought it would .
dh seems to love him unconditionaly but I can, t help thinking about our old boy and how much smarter and better behaved he was as a pup .
I was looking at photos of old dog yesterday and said to dh "what happened to old boys kong"
Went to let new pup in from garden and he had old boys kong in his mouth , he must have found it in the garden smile
Did make me smile .
But how do you ever get over loosing a dog , I would give anything for just some time again with our special boy ...,, I love and miss him do much .
probably don, t help myself as have only pics of old boy on my phone and tablet .
dh seems content with our new pup but for me he could never reach the standard as extra special dog sad

pigsDOfly Sun 17-Nov-13 00:19:59

Can fully understand how you feel Furbaby. My girl is 2 and half so hopefully has many years ahead of her, but I can never imagine getting another dog ever. I love her so much and she's so special to me. All her funny little ways, the things she does and the way she seems to read my mind, can't imagine another dog ever coming near her.

And that's the thing, you won't replace your old dog. He'll always be special to you and have a special place in your heart and memory and you're not doubt still mourning him. You're never going to stop loving him, in the same way you wouldn't stop loving a beloved human you'd lost.

It's still very early days with your new pup and you're still getting to know him. Remember it takes quite a while to bond with a dog and to feel like he's part of your family and your life. The first months, and even first year or so, are hard work. Give it time and I'm sure you'll love this one too. As I say, he won't replace your old lovely boy, but I'd bet you'll love him in time, just in a different way.

bountyicecream Sun 17-Nov-13 00:29:13

I lost my beloved old girl last December. We re homed a new dog just a few weeks later. I cared for her immediately but did not bond properly for a good 6 months or so. Now I love the new dog dearly. If pushed I would choose to swap her for the old dog still, but those feeling get less and I do feel bonded to her now.

I had a lovely photo canvas of the old dog done and a matching one of the new dog and that helps seeing them 'together' on the wall if that doesn't sound too crazy.

I had massive guilt swapping my wallpaper picture from old dog to new dog. Now I seem to flip between the 2. And sometimes dd too wink.

But you sound totally normal. Give it time and you'll learn to love new dog for him, but never forgetting or loving less your old boy

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 17-Nov-13 01:36:26

You don't get a replacement, but someone different. Take pleasure in the differences, because to be very similar would be more painful.

furbaby Sun 17-Nov-13 08:44:54

Thank you so much for your helpful replys ...

pigsDOfly yes it is early days and I forget that , I kind of expected to have the same bond straight away

bounty I am sorry to hear of your loss .
thats a nice idea to get a canvas of both of yours ,I did get a double frame so I could put a picture of both in there .
it makes me sad that they didn't ever meet .

lonecat your right I need to enjoy the differences , I tend to think how much better old boy was as a pup but when I think about it new pup is easier in some ways ,
he is less demanding and can entertain himself better smile

ButThereAgain Sun 17-Nov-13 08:56:58

I once met a man who bred PRTs, he'd had dozens of dogs through his hands, and a series of dearly loved pet PRTs. But there was one dog he'd had that was just so special to him that he had dedicated his website to that dog. He spoke of him as being even cleverer, even more in tune with him than all the other clever PRTs he'd known. He was clearly still in love with this dog years after he had died. No other dog could match up to him.

It was very touching. I'm sure your new pup will continue to grow on you. You will build up a repetoire of memories, anecdotes, etc around the new dog and find ways in which he is unique, not a pale copy of the old dog. Then perhaps the two dogs will seem less in competition. You can keep on loving and missing the old dog without loving the new one any the less.

ParkerTheThief Sun 17-Nov-13 12:00:51

I know exactly how you feel.

Five years ago our beloved dog was PTS. He was fifteen and I loved him more than you can imagine.

We got a rescue dog of the same breed and after a few weeks I was sure we'd made a huge mistake.
The new dog was completely different to my old one (he'd had an awful start in life wnd had sone behaviour issues) and I almost resented him. I certainly didn't love him. I think part of it was the shock of going from an elderly dog to a young energetic one.

DH told me I was being selective in my memories of DogOne but I couldn't help it. I just wanted him back.

Then, after we'd had him three months we were out on a walk and we lost him. It was the middle of winter, freezing cold.
After three hours hunting for him in the dark and cold we found him and I have never been so relieved in my life. I realised that I did love him after all.

Five years on he is the perfect companion. Different to my first dog, but perfect in his own way.

furbaby Sun 17-Nov-13 15:53:38

But There again thats so nice that this guy dedicated his website to his loved dog smile
it does feel like my old boy and new boy are competing .... well its me judging new pup as he has alot to live up to .
omg Parker That must have been so scary when you lost him sad
I am happy that all went well and he one a place in your hearts .

I do love new boy ( hes snuggled on my lap now ) but I don't love him like I did old boy .
Even after all these months some times I feel all panicky and just need to give my old boy just one last kiss and cuddle .
Thought time would heal but as time goes by its been longer and longer since I have seen him sad

I felt the same about our old border collie - the best dog in the world, as I often told him.

When he died aged 15, I got a Springer x pup. What a culture shock! To go from the most intelligent, sensible, patient dog (who I swear could understand what we were spelling out in front of him) to a total dingbat loon of a puppy.

It took me a long, long time - probably the best part of a year to 18 months to realise that he is just the right dog for me now.

He is still a total dingbat, and probably always will be since he is a spaniel, but I feel I haven't replaced the collie, just moved on.

(I still chat to his ashes and ask his advice about the pup though!)

daisy5569 Sun 17-Nov-13 16:22:41

furbaby your comment about wanting to give your old boy one more kiss and cuddle made me cry, I lost my little JRT in September and to me she was my special dog and I know exactly how you feel and can remember vividly the day I came home and she had died while I was out.sad
When I got my little JRT, I had recently lost another dog a month before, and as much as I wanted another dog, at the beginning I found it really hard to bond with the little dog, she was totally different in looks and size from the dog before and I had serious thoughts about keeping her.
Now some 15 years and 5 months on I know now that she was the best little dog with a fantastic temperament and personality and I cant believe I ever thought of letting her go.
I have another old boy (who is also lovely, but in a completely different way) I desperately want another little terrier but am so worried that I will compare the new one to my old girl, so think its best to wait a while.
I think they are all different, and can see now that they help to heal the pain of losing a beloved pet, and I'm sure in time your new boy will be just as precious to you and will give you lots of joy smile

furbaby Sun 17-Nov-13 16:28:24

That did make me smile blackbird
Love the idea of asking old dogs ashes for advise .
we have old boys ashes on shelf in box so I may do the same and see if old boy has any advise for a naughty puppy .
If anyone interested I have photos of our darling old boy , new pup and our very old girl on my profile pictures .

furbaby Sun 17-Nov-13 16:35:37

Thanks daisy .
I am so sorry to hear of your loss sad
That must have been so hard that she died without you .now you have made me cry .
my only comfort was old boy was ready to leave us and was happy when the vet came to do the deed sad
At least he was on favourite spot on sofa with hubby and I either side holding a paw and sobbing .

I lost my childhood dog in 2006. He was 17.

There still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. From the day he was put to sleep I'd have recurring dreams about being in the vet, the vet starting euthanising him and him fighting back, so we could take him home and he'd never leave us. I still get them now and feel an ache.

I have had other dogs since. I love them, but it's not that all encompassing devotion. They're not as funny, as clever, as well behaved or as naughty as he was.

furbaby Sun 17-Nov-13 17:50:31

Those dreams must of been hard Mimsy I feel for you .
Then you wake and realise he is gone sad
We both could hear old boy coming up to our bed after he had passed then both realising that never again would we hear his doggy footsteps on stairs .
The trouble with dreams is they seem so real then you wake up alone without them again .

ButThereAgain Mon 18-Nov-13 08:10:46

Sorry about the sad dreams.

When I first bought a dog as an adult it triggered lots of dreams about the family dog that was killed by a car when I was 16. I kept dreaming that he had been trapped in a box all that time and just jumped out and carried on livving. I was torn between joy at his being back and awful sadness that I had let him be cruelly shut up for 15 years. It was really disorientating to realise I still had such depth of feeling about him.

TheZeeTeam Mon 18-Nov-13 23:15:36

I get this too! We lost our dog in a really horrible accident and got a new puppy 2 months later. In retrospect, it would have probably been easier to wait a while longer and also not get the same breed of dog, as I was constantly comparing them at first, always to the detriment of puppy. sad

But, as they say, time heals. And I would never be without puppy now. He is very different in temperament and looks and, tbh, is far cleverer than Dumb Dead Dog ever was!! But I will always, always have a place in my heart for Dumb, Dead Dog.

LadyTurmoil Tue 19-Nov-13 17:32:47

Why don't you foster for the meantime? It obviously wouldn't be the same but it would be helping out but without the commitment of a "forever dog" until you're sure you're ready.

furbaby Tue 19-Nov-13 21:03:37

ButThereAgain that must have been have been horrid to dream he had been shut away from you sad
new dog must have brought him back strongly to your mind .

Zee I am happy that things went well with your new pup smile sorry but "dumb dead dog " did make me laugh out loud grin

Thank you lady but we have new pup and I think that has brought back to me how special old boy was .

LEMisafucker Tue 19-Nov-13 21:13:26

You never ever forget them - i remember both of my boys, i have pictures of them on the wall - i now have two more dogs who i love just as much, but they are all individuals and i will be devestated when they go. It is a privalige to share our lives with dogs, sadly, it is for far too short a time

furbaby Tue 19-Nov-13 21:30:29

Your so right LEM it is a privalige to share our lives with dogs .... but they grow old far too quickly .
Mind you I am not enjoying new pup too much at the moment as he is bouncing off the walls ,
he had his last puppy training class tonight and I think all the being good and quiet has left him with far too much energy .
I would walk him to get rid of his energy but hes scared of the dark and refuses to walk hmm

bubalou Tue 19-Nov-13 23:24:09

Hey, just looking on here to seek similar advice. We had to put to sleep my beautiful 6 year jr - phoebe today. She was pure white with just a few spots on her ears and was deaf from birth due to her colouring.

She was so gorgeous and crazy and daft but she got non Hodgkin's lymphoma 2 months ago and has been on chemo. She was in full remission and then a week ago stopped eating and it has spread to her liver.

We had to have her put to sleep this afternoon. It's literally the hardest thing I've ever done. I can't believe she's gone.

We have our 9 year old dog left who is heartbroken and we definitely don't want to get another one. They aren't replaceable. I understand why people get a new pet to help them move on but they are all different.

sad

furbaby Wed 20-Nov-13 06:26:35

On no thats terrible bub sad
My heart goes out to you .
6 years is no age at all you must be devastated.
Its sounds like you tried your hardest to keep phoebe with you longer with the chemo .
your poor 9 year old dog must be wondering where the hell she is .
huge hugs for you thanks

Our darling mischievous Tibetan terrier ran into the road last night. He was only three yo. In his short life he had so many close shaves with death (cars, chocolate poisoning, scavenging) but ....this time his luck ran out. So sad. All happened so suddenly. Can't take in that all that exuberance and vitality has vanished in an instant. I'm too numb with shock to even cry yet........
Sorry to spill and not respond to your OP. Our previous tt was completely different in temperament to this one and for a time I resented his boisterous manner but over time that changed. Life will be so flat without him.

furbaby Wed 20-Nov-13 07:31:29

That is so shocking sheperd
to lose a dog with illness is bad enough as you at least can prepare yourself a bit and you have time to say goodbye .
you must be feeling so lost without . My thoughts are with you .
thanks hugs

LEMisafucker Wed 20-Nov-13 08:24:18

sad

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