Wish we hadn't

(76 Posts)
Chippychop Mon 19-Aug-13 14:38:25

We only got her sat (black lab ) Dh thrilled! Me, quite the opposite. I can't go anywhere as she always need feeding or letting out for a wee . Every time I try to clean sweep up she chases the broom.. Can the kitchen possibly have a doggy aroma already! The utility had so much of her crap, speaking of which I hate cleaning up her shit. Oh dear Lord will my opinion ever change????

Why did you get a dog if it wasn't something you both wanted right now?With a dog comes responsibility - you can't just swan off out for the day or expect it to cross its legs because you're fed up of having to let it out.

Are you doing most of the dog care? ie - walks, cleaning up after it, feeding, training etc. Those really are the less fun aspects of dog ownership!

Perhaps your DH should make the effort to feed and walk the dog before work and then again after work if he was the one that really wanted it.

Ok, you'll still have the dog under your feet but you may find after a while that you enjoy the company. Depending on the dog you could take it to dog agility or join a local dog walking group if you fancied a social activity that you could do together.

topbannana Mon 19-Aug-13 15:19:22

chippy with the greatest of respect, surely you realised that with a puppy comes a lot of responsibility?
Given that you are so shocked and dismayed by this it seems you are either inexperienced (we all had to start somewhere) ill prepared (frankly no excuse but if that's the case then that's what needs to be dealt with) or unwilling (in which case why do you have a puppy in the first place?)

The first few weeks with a puppy are awful no doubt about that. It doesn't matter how experienced or not you happen to be, it is like having a newborn. It will get better and surprisingly quickly, though it will not feel like it at the time. Get a cage for the pup, that way the mess is contained and you always know where she is and what she is up to when you cannot supervise her personally. You can also clear up, mop etc in peace.
The work you put in now determines the dog you will end up with so its worth making the effort now.
How much is your DH doing to help?
Do you actually like the dog, ignoring all the work she is causing?
Where is it you need to go that is being curtailed by having her? You obviously cannot go shopping but we carried our pup everywhere so he saw a bit of the world. In no way were we tied to the house because of him, it just took more planning than before. And sadly you will always be tied with a dog whatever age it is.
I think you need to consider how much of what you're feeling is fleeting and a result of the upheaval of a new puppy and how much is unlikely to change. If you truly find that you dislike and resent the dog then really you should be looking at returning her sad

Chippychop Mon 19-Aug-13 15:30:27

The dog is sweet, and nice natured.. I just feel nothing for her.. We got a kitten at the same time whom I adore. I just feel so surprisingly/naiviely over whelmed and I wasn't expecting it... I thought i feel a rush of love, but I haven't . I feel guilty going out and leaving her but the kids are on holiday so can't stay in... Dh does everything when he's here, but he is out of the house 6am- 8pm. Hoping I've got pmt and will cope better next week also hoping it does get better. I wouldn't ever be an irresponsible owner and not treat her well.. We had well loved dogs growing up... It's just the reality right now....

Floralnomad Mon 19-Aug-13 15:48:23

I'm sorry but if its a puppy you've got you can't just go out ,whether the kids are on holiday or not ( unless you are taking the puppy with you ) . With the greatest respect it sounds like not enough thought was put into the timing of this puppy's arrival .

MissMarplesBloomers Mon 19-Aug-13 15:54:22

Best time to get a puppy is while the kids are on holiday so they can all get used to each other & they can help clean up after it/play iwth it. It's a family pet after all. But that means not going out much , or if you HAVE to only for a short while. It's not fair on the pup.

Labs are gorgeous but hard work at first & can be very chewy/destructive if not kept busy & allowed to rest in equal measure.

Can your DH take any time off just for this week/next week to help?

topbannana Mon 19-Aug-13 15:56:44

You got a kitten at the same time?
As floral says, I think that the timing of this puppy is very bad. It's done now though so you simply need to make the best of a bad situation.
How old are your children? If you are going to the park or wherever then take her along. She obviously cannot go on the floor but assuming you are not wrestling with small babies/ toddlers them you can all get out of the house for an hour or so.

OP, if you bought the pup from a reputable breeder, they will be happy for you to return it. Please give them a call.

You sound very unprepared and not at all happy with this pup. Labs don't really "grow up" till they are past two, and often go through a teenage tearaway phase where they will be chewing, ignoring commands, etc. Unless you are prepared for this, please reconsider. At this age, if you act quickly, the pup will stand a very good chance of being rehomed with someone who is prepared for the work and time commitment, and more importantly is happy about being a dog owner. They should also be getting the maximum possible socialisation.

I can't imagine anything worse than all the crappy bits of dog ownership if you don't feel overwhelmingly soppy about the four legged terror who's just eaten yoru best pair of shoes, vomited on the curtains, destroyed a bed and crapped everywhere.

Whoknowswhocares Mon 19-Aug-13 17:01:57

". I wouldn't ever be an irresponsible owner and not treat her well"

Being brutally honest, if you are going out and leaving your puppy after just a few days purely because the kids are bored and want to go out, then you are already treating her unkindly.
It DOES get much, much easier but you have to be realistic. My pup is 7 months now and happy to be left for about 3-4 hours. But that is an absolute maximum. She needs training, play sessions with us, attention and love, plus exercise and socialisation. That's a fair few hours a day. Every day, forever!
My life is completely different and if I'm honest, quite restricted. It will continue to be that restricted for her entire lifetime.
I love it, and her, and am very happy to adjust my life accordingly. If you are not, then dog ownership is not for you

everlong Mon 19-Aug-13 17:38:58

But what did you expect regarding staying in to feed and let her out for the loo. That's no surprise, surely you knew this beforehand?

Puppies are hard work. We've got a 9 week old atm. He's been here over a week. I've not really been out the house so I can have as much input as possible. He's only had a few accidents.

If you put the care, attention and training in now you will reap the rewards a million times. She will be your best friend.

Please remember that she's a baby, away from her mum and litter mates, she needs a lot of love and kindness right now.

Please give it to her sad

My pup is now 24 weeks old and can be left for a few hours occasionally (we have another dog, so he's not totally alone), but when he first came home at 8 weeks he wasn't left for more than half an hour, and very infrequently. It was weeks before he could be left out of my sight for any small length of time. In fact, he still sometimes leaves a puddle in the kitchen, or digs up a plant, or makes a break for it and hides upstairs under my bed. Puppies are hard work for months, and if you're not enjoying the very early days, you certainly won't enjoy the biting/chewing/deliberate ignoring that is on the horizon.

moosemama Mon 19-Aug-13 17:56:35

We brought our pup home last week, I have 3 children, including one who has ASD and they were fully prepared for the fact that if we were getting a pup in the holidays they wouldn't be going far. (Although obviously we do carry him out and about for socialisation, in fact we've just come back from the park where I managed to walk my adult dog, carry pup and involve all three dcs.)

They were also made to understand that I would need to be on-call for the pups needs 24/7 initially and they would have to wait their turn.

They accepted this, because they understood that a young vulnerable animal needs to be properly looked after and cared for.

Having a new pup is like having a newborn baby that can also run, chew, nip and poo and wee wherever it goes, rather than nicely contained in nappies. It's blooming hard work and a shock to the system every time, even if you've had puppies before. I'm finding it tough going and this is my seventh dog, but I knew what I was letting myself in for and am totally committed to my pup.

I'm afraid I echo Scuttlebutter's advice. With a Lab, it's going to be a long time until you have a mature dog on your hands and even then things aren't going to be easy unless you put in the time and effort now. I think you need to have a very frank discussion with your dh and if you honestly don't think you can cope with all the work involved, contact your breeder and return the pup.

1MitchellMum Mon 19-Aug-13 19:05:54

Good advice from others re speaking to breeder. Do it now if you decide that's the way forward then pup will have a chance with new family. If the cute cuddly puppy doesn't endear herself to you then what about at the end of her life, when she's forgetful and perhaps incontinent. I feel upset reading your post as I have elderly dogs ... I would love it if they were puppies still and I had their lives to look forward to. If the kids are bored just days after getting a puppy then it doesn't bode well for future. I know the breeder would far rather take her back and find another home for her than have a dysfunctional 'teenage' dog if you can't cope at a later date. I hope you work something out that's best for puppy.

littlewhitebag Mon 19-Aug-13 20:02:30

Oh dear, you have only had her a few days and already you feel like this. This is not good.

We got our yellow lab at the start of last summer. My DD's were 14 and 19 yo and at home for the holidays, i work part time and my DH had the whole summer at home. We never left the pup for more than 30 minutes at a time when she was very little. We all mopped pee and picked up poo and got up in the middle of the night.

She drove us all to tears at times and we were overwhelmed with tiredness and the feeling of responsibility for her. However, we all wanted her and loved her so we did it, all four of us together. She also drove us mad with her nipping and lunging and her terrible recall.

She is now 15 mo and although far from perfect she is an absolute treasure. We took her to puppy classes then to obedience classes in wind, rain and snow. We really have put in enormous amounts of effort.

If you don't feel you are up to the hardwork and dedication then take the dog back. Let her be loved by a family with time to dedicate to her. You need to be honest with what you are able to give your pup.

milkybarsrus Tue 20-Aug-13 08:50:40

Mistakes happen, we all make them, and I feel your family has made a huge mistake in getting a dog. You now need to make a grown up decision and allow another family to have your dog, a family that wants to spend the time, money (pots of it), love and commitment. This lab has years ahead of it and deserves to be loved, not treated as a nuisance from day 1! All dog owners have their days when they think why did I sign up for this, but the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. You should all feel smitten, not just your DH, puppies are cute, and if you're not feeling it now, then you NEVER will. Get it sorted now please, just accept that having a dog is not for you.

fishybits Tue 20-Aug-13 08:57:02

What Scuttlebutter said. The sooner you return the puppy the better it is for everyone.

Well, I didn't love our puppy immediately, although I adore him now at 10 months and he is a treasured part of the family. They are not your own flesh and blood, so it can be hard to form an emotional connection with them as you would with your own child for example.

They are overwhelming at first, and they poo and wee and bite and are restrictive, it takes a bit of time to re-adjust to this, even if you thought you were ready, bit like PFB children! You are knackered and alert to their needs all the time, depends on how easy it is for you to let the other stuff go, like cleaning, chores etc etc.

For me, I got a bit confuddled! I read ALL the books going about having a 'perfect puppy' and wanted to do it 'right'. I turned dog ownership into a chore rather than a pleasure. So, it wasn't like I wasn't catering for his needs or being in any way cruel or neglectful (quite the opposite for sod), I was sort of over catering and walking, training, playing like mad.

I got some great advice on here and just chilled out a bit too. I started a thread and others actually came on and said they had felt the same too with their puppies so I didn't feel alone thinking the thoughts that I did.

OP you might just need time to adjust, take each day as it comes. Did you want to dog as much as your DH did?

Chippychop Wed 21-Aug-13 17:12:57

Thanks Needastrongone... I need to here about someone in the same position. I will bare your wise words in mind. I didn't want a dog as much as DH but harked back to my own childhood thinking how much i loved our family dog. DH he REALLY wanted one.. Whereas Now I'm thinking of the practical side of things.. The hard work, the extra cost, the impact on the DC. He's building a dog run along the side of the house at the weekend which will be better i think

1MitchellMum Wed 21-Aug-13 17:22:39

It is hard work and extra cost ... but the rewards are there for sure! Sounds like she's staying ... you must be melting already! When will she be out in the dog run? Don't want to scare you but there's lots of dog thefts these days ... unlike the 'old days' of even 20 years ago.

yesbutnobut Wed 21-Aug-13 18:22:48

OP how will the dog run help? Are you planning to leave pup in it whilst you're out for the day?

You've had the pup less than a week - my advice would be to focus your days on the puppy and not try to lead your usual life with a puppy in the background. You will also find that if you do puppy-related things like going to the park, carrying pup, that you will get more enjoyment out of her (for one thing people will fuss over her and perhaps some of their enthusiasm will rub off on you).

Try to think of the puppy who has only been away from her mum and litter mates for a very few days. She will need all your time and attention, not to mention love. The early weeks are vital for socialisation and if you leave her at home isolated, you may well have problems later on.

Playing with a puppy can be loads of fun and as for soft lab noses .. I'd be nuzzling her all day long.

Floralnomad Wed 21-Aug-13 19:28:44

Also leaving her out in a run could really delay your success with house training .

Lilcamper Wed 21-Aug-13 20:44:36

A dog run, for a tiny puppy?! This Lab will end up in rescue during adolesence. Labs are fabulous dogs but very hard work. They are very energetic and intelligent. Left to their own devices they will get into trouble. Do the decent thing and give her back to her breeder. You obviously aren't cut out to be a dog owner!

everlong Wed 21-Aug-13 21:03:56

Oh for goodness please don't leave her in the run.

Look just phone the breeder and say how you're feeling and let her go back.
It's not fair on her.

Whoknowswhocares Wed 21-Aug-13 21:06:45

I feel so sorry for this little puppy.
How exactly do you think she will learn how to behave and fit in with your family when you start dumping her in a dog run to get her out of your way?
Being blunt, you seem to have no idea what is involved in raising a puppy and no inclination to learn.
She deserves so much better than you are currently prepared to give her sad. Either give her back to the breeder or sort out your attitude and step up to the responsibility you have taken on

Please, please give her back to the breeder.

You're not in the mindset or prepared for a puppy right now.

You are teetering very close to mistreating her and I'm sure you don't want that.

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