Stuff you just can't explain to dogs

(154 Posts)
HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Sat 16-Mar-13 09:23:27

IT'S A PEACH!!!!!!!!

It's not a ball. I am eating it, see? Stop sitting, it's a peach. Go away its a peach. It's not a ball, sod off. Look. Just. Let. Me. Eat. The. Peach.
No! It's not a ball.
<<sigh>>
Let's go find your ball.
<<abandons peach>>

THERE IS NOT A PENGUIN IN THE GARDEN!!!!!!

Woof woof! Woof! Grrrrrrr woof wooooooof! Grrr!

Shush! Settle. Good gir....

Woof arooooooooooooooow woofwoof grrrrrrrrrrr

Look <<turns head>> the penguins on t.v. See? That's a reflexion on the window now settle. Good gir.......

Woof woof grrrrrrrr <<charge to back door>>

<<loops garden>>

Grrrrrrrr woof

<<returns in house>>

<<lies on carpet>>

<<sees window>>

Woof! Woof? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE ARE NO PENGUINS IN THE GARDEN IT'S THE TELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<<turns of t.v>>

<<reads book>>

<<cries a little bit>>

I know I'm not the only one with stuff I can't explain to dogs. 'Fess up please.

Startail Sat 16-Mar-13 22:50:09

DMILS cats yes we know last time the appearance of a ruck sack in the kitchen meant we vanished on holiday.

Now we are back it simply means she's going on the bus to get cat food.

DMIL reported the cats going barmy at sight of a ruck sac for weeks. Despite the fact that, clearly she went shopping far more often than she went on holiday.

pugoff Sun 17-Mar-13 06:50:44

I know its your fav toy but you broke it then ate the pieces so I have to take it away. Yes it is mean and I'm sorry.

Trying to pinch the socks off me when I'm struggling to put them on at 8.5 months pregnant is quite frankly, not on.

I didn't make it rain so stop looking at me like its my fault.

We are not keeping secret pugs from you in the bedroom. It's a mirror. It's you. No, its still you...

PromQueenWithin Sun 17-Mar-13 06:56:34

I know you've been on there, I can see the muddy paw prints. There's no point sitting in your bed looking innocent.

LtEveDallas Sun 17-Mar-13 07:37:48

You have your own bed, you don't need mine. No, jumping off the bed when you hear me come up the stairs doesn't mean you've got away with it - the bed is still warm.

It's a rabbit. It was a rabbit the last time you looked, and the time before that. It doesn't want to play with you.

It's a tortoise. It was a tortoise the last time you looked, and the time before that. It's not going to chase you, it's not going to eat you. There is no point in running away from it.

It's Simon. You see him every day at 1230. He loves you. You don't need to bark at him. You love him. You will see him tomorrow at 1230 and you will bark at him again. But he will still be Simon, he will still come, he will still walk with you. It's 1230, oh look it's Simon, oh look, you are barking again.

punter Sun 17-Mar-13 08:03:26

Horses are not giant dogs. They do not want to play with you. They will trample you or gallop away with the rider hanging on for dear life. Even the ones on the Cheltenham racecourse on the TV are not huge dogs - it is no good barking at the screen, they will not play with you.

bubble2bubble Sun 17-Mar-13 10:44:49

You will NEVER catch a sandmartin.
Yes, I know you get very close but they are honestly just taking the piss- they can fly and you can't. You will never catch a sandmartin.

Trills Sun 17-Mar-13 11:35:39

Love the idea that the sandmartins are taking the piss - they probably are!

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Sun 17-Mar-13 11:48:01

You really don't need to pull on the lead as its snowing. You don't normally. It's snow. Normal manners and protocol apply. It's snow. Not a government conspiracy to cause canine insanity. It's just snow. Now help me put my arm back in its socket. Good dog.

GemmaTeller Sun 17-Mar-13 12:10:15

Prancing about like a big gangly eejit will not make the kitten play with you, see that expression on his face? he's not thinking 'wow, you look fun', he's thinking 'wtf?'
How many times do I have to tell you lie down and wait till the kitten comes to you then be gentle with it (I know you think a big slobbery lick is being gentle).

Lara2 Sun 17-Mar-13 17:09:26

You're a girl Laradog1, so it's no good humping your brother, especially as you're both neutered. And please can you stop doing it only when we're on a walk and only in front of old people and children. Just because I have my hood up don't think I can't see you.......
Laradog2, just tell her off - just once - please! If you did she'd stop humping you.

wildfig Sun 17-Mar-13 19:00:43

See this lead in my hand? See where it attaches to you? Now see that tree that you've just walked round? And see where I am? Can you see the problem here?

littlewhitebag Sun 17-Mar-13 19:13:51

Yes, yes i know, you want to go for a walk. But if you keep chewing my hand and my shoe laces i will not be able to get my shoes on and the walk will not happen. Yes i know, you hate your lead, but it goes on at the start of every single walk. Get over it.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Sun 17-Mar-13 19:27:16

Wildfig grin

Admit it. You've had that conversation out loud. In public. Haven't you?
grin

I know I have

The broom, Hoover and mop are not trying to kill you.

Signet2012 Sun 17-Mar-13 19:35:26

I'm not taking you to the vets because I don't like you, it's because you are poorly. I'm not shaking because I'm scared of the vet I'm shaking because I'm scared for you, snarling at him won't change that. And when I buried my head in your fur I was saying goodbye and thank you for being my best friend and this was my final act of love for you.

But on a lighter note before all of that
1) the postman brings post he isn't going to kill me stop attacking the door.
2) sneezing on my dinner is very sly. It's rude and vile.
3) the baby is human and will move there is no need to jump out your skin every time she cries
4) snow balls don't disappear, you just can't see them. We have an endless supply so you don't need to spend hours searching for each one.
5) waves move. You can't out run them going towards them.
6) we go the exact same place each time we get in the car. It's fine. You know you are going to the beach there is no need to cry and shake.

grin

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Sun 17-Mar-13 19:43:28

((Hugs signet)) smile

LOVE sneezing on your dinner, that was definitely sly yet genius.

Signet2012 Sun 17-Mar-13 20:21:25

It's because he did it once so dp gave him it as I didn't want it. I had put it on the side but dp gave him it green lighting it as a ploy to get my tea.
angry

He was such a character though grin

OrbisNonSufficit Sun 17-Mar-13 20:26:13

Oh, Signet sad [follows up HPWWL's hugs with more hugs]

littlewhitebag Sun 17-Mar-13 20:40:14

I was laughing throughout this thread and now i am crying and gazing lovingly at my sinkypup through teary eyes.

Signet2012 Sun 17-Mar-13 20:46:26

Aw sorry folks didn't mean to put a downer on it!!!

He had a good life I just wish I could have made him understand why I did it.

Back to happy thoughts please or ill be barred from the dog house for ever. Of in the dog house i guess blush

colditz Sun 17-Mar-13 20:51:06

Me facetiming my boyfriend on the iPad is not a cue for you to sit directly on my chin and gaze adoringly at him. He loves me, he only likes you.

Secondly, Angry Birds pencil topper toys are not puppies. I have put them in the cupboard. I have not slaughtered your family, stop crying. Oh please.

Mynewmoniker Sun 17-Mar-13 20:56:51

Dog1 please stop taking the blame for ALL the many naughty things that Dog2 gets up to.

You do not need to sit with your head hung apologetically every time I scratch my head and wonder where the H* I'm going to start putting the house back together again.

Have you noticed how Dog2 doesn't give a gnat's p* about how cross and upset I am. Have you noticed her stood with her front legs spread in drinking girraffe style ready for me to chase her round the house and retrieve my ripped up upholstery remains from her AGAIN!

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sun 17-Mar-13 20:57:21

No, whining in the car will not get us to the dog walk any sooner, we already know you're delighted to be going for a walk.

No, the bin is not a pick and mix selection for while we are out.

Yes, we can spot our buried socks, gloves and hats in the garden. We will have to dig them up and wash them - again.

LadyTurmoil Sun 17-Mar-13 21:01:52

It's Simon. You see him every day at 1230. He loves you. You don't need to bark at him. You love him. You will see him tomorrow at 1230 and you will bark at him again. But he will still be Simon, he will still come, he will still walk with you. It's 1230, oh look it's Simon, oh look, you are barking again.

Me facetiming my boyfriend on the iPad is not a cue for you to sit directly on my chin and gaze adoringly at him. He loves me, he only likes you.

2 of my favourites but they are all funny! Hugs to Signet

Hugs, Signet. They wind they paws right round your heart, don't they. And what you did is the hardest thing to do, and shows the depth of your love - and having made that same decision for three of our cats, at different times, I know how heartbreaking it is.

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