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wanting a dog but husband not wanting one(21 Posts)
Have had dogs as a child and desperately want a dog. I have 2 kids and work 2 days A week.
My husband hates dogs and all animals. He has threatened to leave me if I got a dog.
I got our cat 2 years ago and he hates her and has noy forgiven me for getting one.
well it sounds like you are going to have to choose between your husband and a dog then.... how nice is your husband? Do you desperately want him? I wouldn't want to bring a poor dog into a household where it was hated and unwelcome. How would that be good for anyone?
What is it about animals he doesn't like? Is it the amount of commitment, time or work it involves? Or the mess?
Maybe if you can discuss the reasons then you might be able to come to some arrangement? But dogs especially are really hard work and if he's not on board could you do all the training and walking yourself?
I started a thread recently about wanting another dog and my husband put his foot down. I was really upset and acted very childish over it.
Two weeks later and we now have a second dog. We talked through his concerns, had a long talk and it didn't take him long to actually want another dog and now he is in love with him. A lot of his problem was the way I went about the first conversation but once we talked about it properly it turned out his worries were something we could easily talk about and work around. I got an older puppy with a very placid temperament and it is all going very well.
I would sit him down when it is quiet and ask him to give you his reasons and if he still isn't willing to get a dog then not much you can do.
Oh conway I feel your pain as I am in the same situation! I grew up with a lovely rescue mongrel and always thought I would get a dog when we had the time to commit to one. Big mistake though, never even asked my husband if he liked dogs, I just assumed everyone did! He grew up in a culture that doesn't really "do" dogs (Jewish), spent some late teenage years in a kibbutz where there were some pretty feral dogs and I think he's a bit afraid of them. Doesn't like the smell, mud, dog food etc etc. My brother and girlfriend have 3 smallish dogs between them, their house is immaculate, dogs well behaved but he still won't be convinced. We have looked after one of their dogs for weekends, half-terms and she's no trouble at all ... but still no luck. It has caused real arguments between us.
I can understand it that he just doesn't like dogs but it's a bugger when I really want one and think I would love it AND have the time for it now. No solution for you, sorry but I do sympathise
If he's not forgiven you for the cat after two years then adding a dog without some in depth discussion and agreement on both parts won't work. And it has to be geniune agreement, not one party persuading the other. Not that I think you would rail road someone into getting a dog, just I know it only really works when everyone is on board, so to speak.
We currently have too many dogs for my OH's liking and it's tough shit because it was his idea to get two more puppies. And I don't allow him to blame dog related issues on the dogs, me or DDs when he starts whinging, that kind of "won't work".
Wow, he hates all animals and hasn't forgiven you for getting a cat 2 years ago? Please don't get a dog while you are with this man.
I can't imagine being with someone who hates animals, in fact it would be a deal breaker for me. How really strange to feel this way. Do you know why he is so irrational?
Don't get a dog. If you have a really bad/stressful day with a dog/puppy, which can be very common, you will have no-one to help or listen to you, because chances are that he will say that 'he told you'.
I do think this is fair enough, although we all love our dog, I completely respect those that are not animal people. It doesn't make him a bad man. However, I do think you would be completely wrong to put a dog into a situation where you know he is not wanted by your husband.
I'd say keep chipping away and get the children to do the same , it took me 24 years to persuade my husband that our house needed a dog and then he didn't get the sort of dog he wanted !
If he was just not an animal person, I might suggest talking it through with him but as he actively dislikes them it would be extremely unfair to both the dog and him. A dog is much harder work and more intrusive than a cat, so if he still hasn't come around to the cat you are heading for a disaster if you go ahead without his blessing. Dogs can be very trying even if you love and have compassion for them. If you don't they would be a nightmare.
I told my DH before we were married that under no circumstances would I have pets of any description in the house. It would be an absolute dealbreaker. He likes animals but is allergic to most animal hair so we couldn't really have one anyway. Surely this is the sort of thing you discuss before you move in together - like where you're going to live, whether to have children and if so how many etc etc ? Anyhow if he just brought one home one day I would leave. And as for 24 years of "chipping away" - if DH and kids want one that much then great, but I would be moving out. Not everyone likes animals. We're not bad people we just don't.
I threatened to leave when DW wanted a dog. So...
... she got a dog. Whom I love and can't imagine being without. I'm the one who walks and looks after. It's done wonders for my dog phobia and has also means she feels like a real part of the family.
poshfrock if that works for you that's fine . FWIW when we married I had 4 horses and came from a family of animal lovers and my husband was quite open to pets . He resisted a dog because he felt it would affect our lifestyle ie the ability to go away for weekends and out for days , and it has . Unfortunately we also have an ill daughter who affects our ability to go out much more than the dog , its nice to plan ,but sometimes life just throws things at you that you have to deal with . TBH if I hadn't had my lovely dog since my daughter has been ill I think I'd have gone mad . Also my husband ,like techno ,loves our dog , I have photographic proof .
If he's willing to even start to compromise you could try borrowing a dog for a few days - looking after for friends on holiday or something - to show that it's not awful. If he's still a bit off the cat after two years I fear you're not going to get anywhere though.
It would be grossly unfair on a dog to offer it a home where one of the family doesn't want it. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
When people don't agree on whether to have another child, I have often seen the response that the one who doesn't want another trumps the one that does want another. How is this different?
I would be SO angry if my DP came home with a dog. I do not like dogs. I'm not scared, I just don't like them.
I don't like the smell, the jumping, the licking, the hairs, the mithering and the massive amount of attention, walking and training that a dog deserves.
I would not want to limit where we could go and for how long.
Seriously, it's just tough shit on this one. No dog.
I absolutely agree that no one should get any pet unless everyone in the house agrees , that's why it took me so long to get a dog .
OP - how about doing some dog walking or volunteering at a rescue or something like that, then you get your "fix" of dogs without him being involved. Just a thought...
I live between two neighbours that have dogs and there is no way I would want one. There is no way I would want to put up with their barking.. and unfortunately I have to because I live between them.
But do you think its fair to inflict their barking on other people and in their own house as well.
tropicalfish you don't have a dog problem ,you have a neighbour problem . It's hardly the dogs fault they don't know any better . Good dog owners / neighbours don't leave dogs barking , if you're neighbours are working and their dogs are barking you should ask them to deal with it , if they don't call the council and complain on the grounds of a noise nuisance .
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