Update.

(35 Posts)
doublemocha Mon 12-Nov-12 09:48:54

Hi,

Lots of you will have read my posts last week about crate training our new puppy.

I took him back to the breeder yesterday.

Rhinestone was right, I wasn't prepared. I thought I was prepared, I thought I had read all that I could, spent time with the breed, talked to breeders etc, agreed with work to wfh etc. but I wasn't. I have always been a 'coper', people laugh at me for it, just getting on with it and not flapping, having the DC never bothered me. DH has mental health issues and I deal with stuff when he's bad. So I wasn't prepared for feeling so overwhelmed, it was an alien feeling to me. By the weekend I was having panic attacks, which I have never experienced before (still having them now for gawd's sake, how pathetic is that?!). I read all your posts talling me to 'calm down', you were all right, I did need to calm down, completely I did but I didn't seem to be able to. I read all that I could and got myself in such a stress.

So we did the right thing for him and took him back while he has the opportunity to find a loving, decent home before he got too late for him. DH insisted on that and fair enough.

I am not proud of myself in any way at all for doing this to him and to my family. I am not proud of my inability to just get on with it. I guess that I could have just not posted again, but I wanted to say thanks for your support last week and, if people search this thread thinking of getting a new puppy, just to let them know to think seriously. The reality is not for everyone.

Thanks again.

spudballoo Tue 13-Nov-12 20:37:21

I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time it's been. I do sympathise. I have an 8 mth old puppy and, like you, did all the research, read all the books, found the right breeder, waited until I'd stopped working etc etc. The reality was quite shocking, and actually he's been an 'easy' puppy. It put such a strain on me, and our family relations too. And that's without a DH with a kind of issues yours has.

You've been honest and brave by letting the breeder take the puppy back, and by coming back here to say what's happened. I'm sorry you're now getting a bit of a ticking off which you don't need, sounds like you're doing that to yourself. It's very unfortunate of course, but these things happen an a 10 week old puppy from a good breeder will be snapped up.

I do love my puppy to bits, but there have been times (many times) when I have really wondered if I've done the right thing and it's really, really got me down at times. My children are at school but I'd not, for example, really thought through walking the dog in the holidays. My boys are very young and can't/won't walk too far, but that doesn't work for the dog. Just a small example.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that i'm sorry things didn't work out but I'm sure you've done the right thing for your family. And that your honesty is admirable.

tipsycat Tue 13-Nov-12 13:17:52

Hi Doublemocha, as the owner of a 12 month viszler, I can understand the decision you have made. Our viszler is lovely, but has taken much more effort to housetrain than our previous dog (labrador). We also researched the breed, and were experienced dog owners, but have found that our Viszler is more of a challenge than we expected. We love him to bits, and as I am at home most of the time, we have managed. I would not recommend the breed to inexperienced owners. You have done the right thing, take it easy!

LadyTurmoil Tue 13-Nov-12 00:47:18

To everyone on this thread. I was trying not to be judgemental and, again, I would say How wonderful if everything in life worked out as we wanted but it doesn't. I certainly don't have the attitude that a dog/puppy is something disposable, to try out and return if it's not what you expected. But you have to agree that puppies are particularly challenging at times. Doublemocha obviously did as much "homework" as she possibly could and came to a very, very difficult decision that people agree was the best one in her circumstances. I just don't agree, as LBY pointed out, that she should be written off as a potential dog owner for the rest of her life because of this one traumatic event. As I said before, it would be wonderful if life always worked out as we wanted, but it DOESN'T. Good luck doublemocha and please take care of yourself.

SpicyPear Mon 12-Nov-12 18:03:07

Hi double. I hope you don't mind me chiming in as you did come here to post about the dog, but I just wanted to second LBY. From the details you've posted here you have an awful lot to contend with in your life. You indicate that you pride yourself on being a "coper", but now you are having panic attacks, a sign of severe anxiety. Having been through something similar myself in the past I'd just gently suggest that maybe you need to take care of yourself for a bit. You are human, you don't always have to "cope".

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 17:12:49

OP, the puppy will be fine. Don't beat yourself up about this anymore. Perhaps though you should take this as a warning that you're reaching the end of your tether and go and talk to someone.

doublemocha Mon 12-Nov-12 17:08:29

Thank you for your replies, it is appreciated, supportive or not! I don't want to start a fight. I messed around with an animals life and that wasn't fair. I am deeply, deeply sorry for this circumstance.

To prepare I read as much as I could (and ended up confusing and doubting myself), I talked to three breeders, I spent a lot of time with our friends Vizsla, I grilled them about how hard it was, I went on a breed specific website. I changed my working hours to wfh. I went on a waiting list. I thought I could overcome the challenges our life had in it.

What I didn't do - failed to truly grasp everything maybe and didn't have the confidence to try my own approach, thought it through too much and didn't know how to handle the panic attacks (which I haven't ever had before). Felt I 'couldn't do it'.

There's some great advice on here and it is much appreciated.

I thought I could cope I and didn't.

BeerTricksPott3r Mon 12-Nov-12 16:58:17

Don't try and turn it into a personal attack on the OP, LBY.

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 16:53:09

Are you saying BeerTricks that the OP should not try again for the whole of her life? Do you not think that her circumstances might change or that she might have success with a different age/breed? Have you written her off forever? That's rather extreme.

BeerTricksPott3r Mon 12-Nov-12 16:47:23

I don't like the 'try again' attitude tbh. It's a small, needy dependant life you're trying again with and that simply isn't fair. Not all breeders are responsible and will take a puppy back and rescues are full of dogs that were someone's attempt at 'trying' out dog ownership.

Imagine the worst-case scenario of destructiveness, upheaval, behavioural problems and expense. Be brutally honest with yourself about the potential impact on your life.

They really don't, Look <sad face>

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 16:45:39

Oh yuck. Anal glands. Nobody ever tells you about that.

Er, I meant 'adapt' as in my routine, rather than 'I am so superior and changed my thinking.' I didn't. I still have days when I inwardly weep as I trudge around yet another muddy field trying to wear the little sod out.

Sorry it came to this, OP. As I said on your other thread, I found having a puppy very different in reality to what I thought it would be like and also struggled with my anxiety about it all. It's a shame it didn't work out for you, but I'm glad the breeder took him back and he didn't end up in rescue. I made a different choice to you and managed to persevere, but it wasn't easy. I am now the dog walker who tries to put people off when they approach me and the nutjob spaniel on walks going 'Awwwwww!'. I'm all 'Aw? Really? How do you feel about ANAL GLANDS? Oh, and this cute dog? Scared of other dogs. Tries to bite their face off. Oh, and he chews the crotch out of everyone's pants.' There has been an outbreak of working cocker/collie pups around my way, and already I know of two that have been rehomed because the owners bit off more than they could chew. So did I, really, but I was able to adapt.

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 16:34:26

She thought she would cope and it turns out she couldn't. Hardly the crime of the century. Now that the OP knows what is involved she might try again with a far more realistic view and do well.

Rhinestone Mon 12-Nov-12 16:25:40

Yes I'm judgemental of people who treat dogs as something disposable, that you can take back if, after 'giving it a go', it turns out it wasn't for you.

If you read the other thread, I was the one who suggested she take it back. I researched the breed for her and also offered suggestions that may have helped her and continued to do so. I would have carried on if she'd shown the slightest interest in the advice I was giving her.

Yes, it is obvious that she has a challenging home life. Shame she didn't take this into account. And no, she has NOT been responsible.

So don't you dare tell me to give it a rest.

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 16:19:33

You might have had some valid points Rhinestone but you came across as judgemental. It was obvious that the OP has a challenging homelife and I think you could have approached it differently. She had done her homework and found a breeder that would take the puppy back. She has been responsible.

BeerTricksPott3r Mon 12-Nov-12 16:18:34

how do you know that [owning a dog isn't for everyone] until you try..

Imagine a cute little puppy, bouncing around, eager and inquisitive. It fits right in with your household from day one, gets the point of all your training straight away.

Now imagine a pissing, shitting bundle of destructiveness, which makes mistakes with housetraining frequently and protests loudly at where you wish it to sleep/have downtime. It chews furniture, toys, skirtingboards, shoes and knocks off ornaments.
You have to plan your day around its needs and will have to do this for the next 10-15 years. You will have to put in time, money and effort to make it into a dog that's fit for society.

In general, LadyTurmoil, more people should seriously consider the second scenario before they even start to look for a dog.

The OP did the right thing in admitting she couldn't cope and I'm sure the breeder will be able to find a home for the puppy with no harm done. That's not the case for every dog and that's why I wish more people would realise that dog ownership is a big commitment and be very honest with themselsves about whether they are truly suitable to own a dog.

I don't think rhinstone is posting anything wrong.

I also work with a rescue and I foster dogs as well.

The type of "try it out and see if you like it" attitude is the reason there are so many dogs in rescue and for someone who works with these dogs, that type of attitude is infuriating tbh.

Yes, the op did the right thing. I'm glad age did it now, not after 6 months.
Hopefully it will be fairly easy to rehome the pup.

But it should make people think long and hard as to whether their lives are compatible with puppies before they "give it a go"

Rhinestone Mon 12-Nov-12 16:13:21

Lookbehindyou any particular reason you think you have the right to tell me what I can and can't post about?

Do people normally scuttle around doing what you tell them?

Floralnomad Mon 12-Nov-12 16:11:15

From reading some of the threads on here I think some people/ families are just not suited to dog ownership , better that you found out sooner rather than later . IMO and it is just MO I think to have a puppy you need to
A. Really ,really want one
B. be fairly laid back and not prone to stress
C. Have all the family on side before you start
D. Be realistic about what puppies do i.e poo, wee , chew and disrupt your life and don't expect any of the above to improve too quickly , that way you'll be pleasantly surprised if they sleep through the night and stop messing in your house in the short term.

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 16:05:36

And for what it's worth I thought you were doing fine - just overthinking everything. Plenty of non expert dog owners get on brilliantly. A learning curve isn't a bad thing.

LookBehindYou Mon 12-Nov-12 16:04:15

Rhinestone, give it a rest.

Brilliant news OP that the breeder took your puppy back. It's better to realise sooner rather than later. And perhaps this was all too much now but you never know what the future will bring.

Ephiny Mon 12-Nov-12 15:51:32

I haven't seen the other thread, but I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. But as others have said, I'm glad to see you went through a responsible breeder who was willing to take the pup back - a good example of why this is so important.

Personally I think a calm, well-trained adult rescue dog is often the best and easiest option for inexperienced or first-time dog owners. Many will disagree though.

Lougle Mon 12-Nov-12 15:26:28

doublemocha thank you for updating. I'm very sad to see that your puppy was returned, but glad that you took the decision at 10 weeks rather than 10 months.

Puppy and dog ownership is so hard, but that's why the joy is so intense when the work pays off.

I hope the breeder is able to find a more suitable home for your puppy.

Rhinestone Mon 12-Nov-12 14:54:35

LadyTurmoil I'm really rather stunned at a couple of your comments,

In time you may decide to try again...

...how do you know that [owning a dog isn't for everyone] until you try...

A dog isn't a vaguely interesting hobby to try to see if you like it and then decide isn't for you at this time but you'll maybe dip in again in the future.

You were pretty snotty to me on the other thread but I had the pup's best interests at heart and even the OP (who was also a bit disparaging towards me) now admits I was right. I'm not getting any pleasure out of this, i wish I'd been wrong.

But some of us who work in rescue deal with the fall out of attitudes like yours and it's not acceptable quite frankly.

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