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The doghouse

Gave up my foster dog, I'm so sad :(

8 replies

TheseGoToEleven · 25/06/2012 15:47

He was the first foster that I have had to give up (only my second foster, I adopted the first one). I had only had him for a month but I am a mess! I handed him over to his forever family on Saturday. I know he will be looked after and they were carefully screened and, and, and....

When he came to me he was so scared and sad, it broke my heart. And then as he settled in he let his personality shine through. He was the perfect dog, wonderful manners, no trouble at all. He had bad separation anxiety so I took him with me wherever I went, when I could. By the time he was leaving me he was a different dog. He didn't know how to play wen he got here and my puppy showed him so that by the time he was leaving they were playing together really well.

He had obviously been mistreated at some point in the past because, to begin with, he would flinch if you went near him. He was Ok once he knew he could trust us but still wary of others.

I feel like I let him down. Like I was no different than all the other people in his life before me that treated him badly, and in the end I walked away from him as well. I would have kept him except the town bylaw where I live specifies no more than three dogs and I already have three of my own.

My husband thinks I was mad to think I could foster in the first place, not because I couldn't look after them but because I would have a hard time letting them go. I want to keep doing it because I believe it is such an important thing to do and I know that because he now has a permanent home it makes room for another dog to be saved. I KNOW all this! But I am still sobbing my little socks off.

Does it get better? People that have fostered for a while, how do you cope with this?

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D0oinMeCleanin · 25/06/2012 16:39

You haven't let him down. Fostered dogs have more chance of getting a forever home quicker. You created that extra space for another dog to be saved.

It's different with different dogs. I try not to get to attatched and constantly tell people and myself that the third dog is not mine. Some are easier to give up. Some are harder. All are loved but you just 'click' with some dogs more than others.

Once that empty feeling has gone (and it will) you start to see what a great thing you have done. You'll still miss him. You always will, but it gets easier.

Are you in touch with the forever home? That helps us.

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TheseGoToEleven · 25/06/2012 16:52

Thanks for replying, I was hoping to hear from you because I know you are a foster home.

I told everyone we met that he was a foster dog as well, mostly hoping that someone nearby would adopt him so I could see him still! He has moved to a city 2 hours away from here. The family often comes to a town nearby for weekends and have promised that I will see him again, but I suspect that was to stop me from losing it anymore than I already was! So yes, kind of in touch, I don't want to pester them with questions....

I am reading profiles of dogs on the rescue's site and I keep reminding myself that one of these dogs will now be rescued because my foster dog was adopted. And of course I want to rescue those dogs too, but I just want my big boy back as well. I would fill the house with dogs if money and time were no object!

I am sure I will be OK in a few days. I will definitely foster again because I think it is such an important thing to do. And I know it will hurt next time I have to give one up but that's not really a reason not to do it in the first place. Otherwise, we'd never have dogs at all because one day they will die, kwim?

I wish they would email me and let me know how he is doing! I am giving them until the weekend and then I will have to pester, just to know he is OK.

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groovejet · 25/06/2012 16:56

I used to foster for Cats Protection and it does get easier.

Some I did get more attached to than others, a lovely big tom called Bob sticks with me, but I had to tell myself that they deserved a special home with someone who had fallen in love with them and had chosen them. So whilst I was sometimes sad to see them go you do get the happiness that they are being given a second chance.

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eslteacher · 25/06/2012 18:13

I totally sympathise. I've been looking after a friend's dog for the last four days and he is going back tonight...after less than a week I've got so attached that I am feeling really really sad about it. At first his naughty behaviour was just annoying but i feel like we've been on a little journey together and he's such a good, sweet dog at heart. I cant bear that its over so soon! Especially as I think he doesn't get a huge amount of playtime and cuddles at his home...The friend lives quite far away and so I won't see the dog again for ages. I can only imagine how much harder it would be after a whole month. I'm not surprised you are a mess! I can only wheel out the old platitudes that time is a healer and it will get easier. Don't doubt the good thing you have done for this dog. He is happy thanks to what you have done for him, and has no reason to stop being happy in his new loving family.

To think that three years ago I was in no way, shape or form a dog person and would have scoffed at myself for writing the above...ah how things change...

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RedwingW · 25/06/2012 21:23

I haven't fostered, but I just want to say you did a wonderful thing for him. You haven't let him down at all - you set him up to find a lovely new home. If you hadn't done that, he might have been in kennels and who knows what would have happened; instead, you helped him blossom into a very adoptable dog. Well done :) I know it's sad for you, but it's lovely for the dog that he has a forever home.

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theodorakis · 27/06/2012 15:15

Sorry to say it never gets any easier. On no 51 now.

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TheseGoToEleven · 28/06/2012 12:54

theodorakis, you are an absolute star. Hats off to you!

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theodorakis · 28/06/2012 13:50

It's a bit different in the Middle East, people are not generally so easy when rehoming. They expect everything to be perfect. My heartbreak is that most of my dogs have been outside alone in the desert all alone having been dumped by the (mainly expat) owners they trusted. I give the new home a rule that if it doesn't work out they must bring the dog back to me. this also helps them know if it is impossible, they have a get out clause. Usually by supporting and being on the end of the phone is enough but my main concern is they don't end up back where they were. Even though that sometimes means adding to the menagerie and risking divorce! One word of advice though...never foster a monkey, they are very smelly (just in the unlikely case you may be asked!). After that, a noisy parrot or incontinent puppy is a picnic!

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