How can I help my friend whose dog has just died?

[LeBOF]

We were really close as children and have always been doggy people- we got back in touch recently by email, and her spaniel was recovering from a leg op. she has just died suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack, and my friend is devastated. She lost her dad this year, and has had an awful lot of stressful things going on: exactly the sort of stuff that your trusty dog somehow helps you with, and now this . I am GUTTED for her: she sounds like she is in bits. Is there anything I can do?

[Scuttlebutter]

Carry on being a good friend to her - which it sounds as though you are doing. Not that you would, I'm sure, but never ever say "Oh well, it was only a dog" - fortunately no-one has ever said that to me, but I know other bereaved dog owners who have heard this, and it's brutal.

Talk positively about your happy memories of her dog (if you have any, which may not as only recently got back in touch). Do you have any nice pics of dog that you could have framed for her, or put in a scrapbook with some of the ephemera like vax cards, adoption certificate, etc?

There is a specialist pet bereavement advice service run by the Blue Cross - page talks about some of the issues and other similar organisations - I know the Blue Cross also have downloadable info which you /your friend may find helpful.

On a more practical and immediate level, your friend may value your help in deciding on things like whether/where to have cremated, a memorial of some sorts and help with disposal of things like beds, leads, unused food etc. Sometimes letting go of these things can be part of the healing process and if donated to a local rescue/pets home etc can be good to know they are doing some good. Funnily enough, a dear friend lost her dog a year ago (also a greyhound) and one of her coats now adorns one of our dogs and a collar adorns another and I always think of her when I use them, with a smile but sometimes a tear, but in a nice way.

Thinking about things like a memorial can give a focus for the grief and can be very therapeutic. Also on a practical level, if your friend was a dog owner, she would have spent a great deal of time each day focusing on the dog with routines for walking, feeding, taking meds etc. Suddenly she will be without that and may feel at a bit of a loss. As a good friend, be with her if you can and sometimes it will just be nice for her to be out of the house and going somewhere with you, say for a coffee. She may wish to avoid her dog walking routes/areas for a while if the grief is very raw.

Good luck