Masterchef 4 ways: in which figs are replaced by burnt cavolo nero

(899 Posts)
CalamitouslyWrong Thu 01-May-14 21:07:18

The other thread will be full before the end of tomorrow's programme (and is running very slow anyway), so here's a shiny new one.

The next programme blurb on the bbc website says that failure is no longer an option, so I assume Greg really was serious about the 'or death' thing.

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 01-May-14 21:08:42

I've noticed that this thread is getting full (and it's running super slowly) so here's a crumb-filled new one.

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 01-May-14 21:09:57

Wrong thread!

LineRunner Thu 01-May-14 21:12:34

Ok I found it.

coffeeinbed Thu 01-May-14 21:13:58

I like a thread where all the elements come together nicely.
Whichever way.

pepperrabbit Thu 01-May-14 21:21:59

Just watched on time delay catch up. A bit surprised Dani and Luke got through.
And I agree about Dani's hair, what is that about?
And why oh why does Greg wear that stupid hat??
<I quite liked Sophie> smile

Ellenora5 Thu 01-May-14 21:38:50

Oh lovely new shiny thread for tomorrow thanks Calam

Cremolafoam Thu 01-May-14 22:36:26

thanks Calamity. All set for the pressure cooker mishaps tomorrow.

SingaSong12 Thu 01-May-14 22:45:09

Just watched catch up. Surprised Dani stayed considering he doesn't seem to have listened to the judges and still doing too much on each dish.

Davros Fri 02-May-14 08:51:30

That's Gregg's's barra boy hat. I thought they'd send more than one home yesterday. Hope Lindy Hop man stays in as there's more chance of them showing him cutting said rug

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:30:43

Everyone all set, I'm hoping Lindy Hop Rob goes through

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:32:06

I hope Marcus is back tonight.

<lights another candle under Marcus altar>

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:32:16

Oh there he was!


Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:32:41

So it's just one dish then, and six go through, I would love to see that Davros grin

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:33:07

Phew, found you all.

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:33:11

He's not on tonight squoosh

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:35:05

Uh oh, thermo-mix bolleaux....and an oil-bath. Wtf?

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:35:24

Burnt Leeks, knew they would be somewhere

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:35:47

Even JT is questioning the burning madness!

pepperrabbit Fri 02-May-14 20:35:50

Hell, I could win Masterchef if you just have to burn things!

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:36:22

I couldn't hear him Halsall, what's he cooking in an oil bath confused

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:36:28

Yum pings spring rolls

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:36:30

I like Ping's food.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:36:59

Did I see a turkey twizzler

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:37:44

Gawd knows, Ellenora, but if he's not careful he'll deep-fry that condom plaster on his finger....

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:38:13

They keep torturing me with Marcus shots!

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:38:14

grin @ turkey twizzler!

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:38:37

Horseradish pearls! I say.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:39:15

Hello all. Oh is it pretty Jack. Dd will be upset as she is off being a witch in Macbeth.
Robs gone all Heston.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:39:32

Lindy hop does 'TheAter'

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:39:36

grin Halsall

I hope Rob isn't overstretching himself, it sounds very fancy

TheSpottedZebra Fri 02-May-14 20:40:42

Greg's smiling looks particularly sinister this evening.

Who knew that giant thumbs could look quite so evil?

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:41:22

They're never Fiona let Luke's profiterole catastrophe lie. Oh no

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:41:42

Oh I love a bit of posh finger food.

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:41:46

Poor Luke is super nervous.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:41:55

Dim sum, oh, three ways.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:42:13

Fiona? Gonnawink

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:43:10

Angela's looks like an explosion in the fish factory

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:43:18

Oh drool.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:43:34

If that tastes nice - it's a winner dinner

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:43:39

I like her, she looks like she should be running a 19th century bawdy house.

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:43:41

Enough with the sex noises Greg. Ugh.

TheSpottedZebra Fri 02-May-14 20:43:49

What's with the sauce obsession this series?

Is jus over?
Has gravy had it's day?

Is sauce the new burning?

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:44:15

I think there are too many people in this tonight

Cremolafoam, I have just scrolled back looking to see who Fiona is grin

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:44:29

squoosh grin

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:44:39

His voice dropped an octave.
We have samphire AND foam.

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:45:16

Quinoa is too healthy to make me lick my lips.

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:45:42

I think this guy might get the push.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:46:10

Dollop sauce of doom

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:46:35

Genius, looking good for Rob

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:46:45

Charred leeks aren't that bad

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:46:57

We have started the annual pronunciation of quinoa war. I say keen way, dh is wrong.

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:47:02

Rapeseed mayo? So just mayo then.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:47:35

Oh fuck NO SAUCE. You Wally

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:48:17

I say keen-woh

<smiles sweetly at Ohwhat's DH>

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:48:20

I have never tasted quinoa, I don't want to

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:48:28

Michael Gove has fucked it.
I love ping. think John does too

pepperrabbit Fri 02-May-14 20:48:36

Ping's looks good.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:48:45

grin At ohwhat

Ping Pong ding dong! Great plate

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:48:48

Ping's plate is plumtastic

pepperrabbit Fri 02-May-14 20:49:21

So it's the ladies and Lindyhop so far?

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:49:25


Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:49:31

Cod man could be in trouble

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:49:44

Ooh that looks goood!

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:50:00

Who are these people? They are not the same ones that messed up earlier this week - are they!!!

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:50:01

Keen wah. Fac. (Fucking auto correct-this is now a THING)
Jack likes his pig.

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:50:38

How can that lack seasoning?! I can literally (correct use of word) SEE the salt!

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:50:43

Enough with the Que-bloody-nelles! What's wrong with a splodge of mash?

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:50:49

Oh wait Danis vast overloaded plate

pepperrabbit Fri 02-May-14 20:51:07

And no one's made a chocolate fondant for weeks now <easily bored>

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:51:08

Bit of carb there eh Dani?

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:51:24

Ping will be the first through, she is very good, potential finalist I think

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:51:50

Taxi for Dani

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:51:57

Samphire has been cast aside like Saturday night's one night stand.

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:52:13

LOVE gyoza.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:52:49

Oh but he knows soooo much more than the judges.
Robot boys stuff looks looooooooovvvvvely.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:52:51

Luke's gone for the DIY approach

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:53:05

It's all potato fondant lately pepperrabbit, very boring

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:53:18

What was that odd sound issuing from Robot-boy? <backs nervously away>

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:54:31

Not that difficult to decide John, I wouldn't have thought?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:54:38

And quenelles after last night.
How many?
Ping, lindy and astroboy. And Fiona.

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:54:38

Dani and other dark haired bloke will be going.

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:54:44

Luke's losing the plot. < worried>

TheSpottedZebra Fri 02-May-14 20:55:06

What was fondanted the other day by Lindyhop? Was it butternut?

Cremolafoam Fri 02-May-14 20:55:13


Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:55:59

Dani and cod man to go I think

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:56:07

David is not happy with that!

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:56:19

10 / 10 to squoosh! grin

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:56:37

Marcus told me.

imustbepatient Fri 02-May-14 20:57:39

Pillow talk eh? wink

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:58:09

Ummm, yes that's it!

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 20:58:21

That it then? Fuck me Danny dyer (that well known gourmet)

Halsall Fri 02-May-14 20:58:24

Oooh, bring on the mass catering, I like those rounds.....see you next week, all

Ellenora5 Fri 02-May-14 20:58:39

I thought David would have made it through, oh well, next wednesday everybody, have a great weekend

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:58:55

<wonders if pillow talk means talking to a pillow with photo of Marcus glued onto it>

squoosh Fri 02-May-14 20:59:32

Mass catering is the best, love when tempers fray.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 02-May-14 21:00:39

Or have got him tied up in your oubliette Squoosh? wink
See you on the flip side food fans!

JustAboutAdeqeuate Fri 02-May-14 21:13:59

Just caught up. I want Michael to go next, he's so boring that by the summing up of every episode, I've forgotten he's been in it and what he's cooked. Luke's looked beautiful, I bloody love gyoza, I would have had that as a sharing starter then had Ping's main and gone home very happy. Dani had to go.

CalamitouslyWrong Fri 02-May-14 21:40:38

Reading your comments, I'm not sure why they really bother with the 30 minute Friday night show.

ohdearitshappeningtome Sat 03-May-14 09:23:34

I missed last night was in a n e !! Oops

Ellenora5 Sat 03-May-14 21:49:14

Hope you are ok ohdear, nothing serious I hope

ohdearitshappeningtome Sun 04-May-14 02:01:32

I slipped and thought I broke my
Foot! Just tissue damage tho - so all ok bloody sore though

AndyWarholsBanana Sun 04-May-14 06:58:31

Where are the scallops and pea purée?

Davros Sun 04-May-14 10:09:20

And black pudding

CalamitouslyWrong Sun 04-May-14 12:17:15

They left them behind last series. There hasn't been a hint of scallop with pea purée this series.

A broken foot sounds dreadful, ohdear!

Ellenora5 Sun 04-May-14 14:27:23

Ouch, ohdear, mind yourself

The thoughts of pea purree makes me want to hurl

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 19:59:31


HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:00:10


CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:00:42

Here we go!!
Mass catering to separate the kippers from the turbot

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:00:49

Evening all.

beanandspud Wed 07-May-14 20:01:33

Evening! Missed you all last week!

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:02:03

Wottcha calam

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:02:04

At least greg left that awful bunnet at home today.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:02:28

Gregg should feel right at home here, me old china, apples & pears, gertcha etc etc etc

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:02:52

He can set up his fruit and veg stall in the market.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:02:57

Hello all.
Oh look at all the "well I don't mind being team leader"

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:03:14

OO they have feed Ian Beale and he knows his canapés from his cockles

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:03:21

I'm looking forward to this episode of eastenders.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:03:37

I've never noticed how awful greg's lower teeth are. They're like the comedy teeth in a decrepit cartoon character.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:03:47

He can have a stand off with Ian Beale.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:04:10

Microherbs. That's what you need for this kind of catering.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:04:53

Open lasagne? So that's pasta n sauce then.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:05:10

What no samphire?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:05:16

Poached pears. A pudding no one is looking forward to.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:05:29

Hello people, only switched on, I know Calam, his teeth are horrendous

This might be a good one tonight, love when they get all arsy with each other

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:05:29

I forsee complete utter bollocksy disaster....

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:05:30

Pears'in'custard for pud then grin

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:05:33

Lasagne < disappointed vegetarians then>

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:05:39

Messy and hard to eat pasta and sauce really.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:06:32

Ping is on the ball

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:06:50

As A 'full-time mum' Ping knows how to be organised

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:06:53

Team Ping has worksheets ( scrum pled into bin)

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:07:06

We have some black pudding. Wonder if any peas will be puréed?

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:07:31

Team Lindyhop are struggling already

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:07:52

John could have fucking helped her with the door. Cock.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:07:57

It seems Michael needs help in chopping up fish.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:08:37

Arf at ping.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:08:49

That's one big feckin onion ping

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:09:04

Don't they have minions to prep the veg?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:09:44

They never get minions, surely?

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:09:47

Because Michael did so well with fish last round. Beginning to suspect Ping is evil.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:09:56

Mr Gove resents being told what to do.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:10:11

I've never understood why they have to do all the prep, in any other kitchen the cooks have someone else to prep for them

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:10:20

What was with that fist bump?!

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:10:31

She is the worst kind of evil. Cheerful and efficient evil.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:10:42

At least to peel the veg, bit pointless wasting time on that.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:11:02

Team lindyhop are scheduling breaks. Foolhardy.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:11:27

There is no way in hell those guinea fowl are going to be ready in time

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:11:38

They can have a quick Lindy Hop break once the parsnips are peeled and the Guinea-fowl butchered.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:11:44

I don't understand why they have to do it all either. They keep going on about professional kitchens, but then the challenges in no way reflect how those work.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:11:54

They should have carol and Sonia from the caff assisting. Or drunkard Jake from Scarlett's.

beanandspud Wed 07-May-14 20:11:58

I love the fact that John is waltzing around in a chef's jacket and jeans whilst Gregg is in his coat.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:12:24

Danny dyer alert

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:12:32

Good idea to put pan on side fir a huge amount of veg.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:12:58

1 hour is quite a long lunch break, all told. I never take a whole hour for lunch at work.

But, then again, I also get to have long meetings involving mostly coffee and chat. That seems to be a vital part of workload in my department.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:13:09

Are there whelks too? And jellied eels? <hopeful Cockney emoticon>

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:13:39

I loathe Danny dyer. I hope he gets a duff dish.

susiedaisy Wed 07-May-14 20:13:50

Eh, why is Ping evil??

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:13:52

Christ Ping is really in charge!!!

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:14:17

Mmm, chocolate scrambled eggs. Shame it's not Easter Jack.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:14:40

grin @ Halsall
< sings Down at The Old Dog and Duck lalalalala>
Imagines Pearlies

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:14:55

Because she's given pob some fish to make a mess of. And she's super efficient.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:14:56

Ping must seriously hate Michael to give him those whelks.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:14:58

Do 'Stenders normally get turbot & Guinea-fowl for lunch, I wonder?

beanandspud Wed 07-May-14 20:15:04

No! Surely he's not having to peel 100 spuds by hand...

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:15:29

I don't think she is evil, I think she is great, defo on the ball, knows what she wants and how to get it, I've decided now, I think she will be the winner grin

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:16:04

And her sauce doesn't taste nice, apparently.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:16:45

Team lindy hop are fecked.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:16:58

Who thought stuffing guinea fowl thighs was a good idea?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:17:08

She's certainly looking a million times better than team disaster with the guinea fowl and no pud.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:17:09

Team lindyhop fail
JT is shitting himself

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:18:16

Why don't they give them a pasta maker?

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:19:06

Rock n rolling, lindyhopping potatoes

beanandspud Wed 07-May-14 20:19:14

What they needed was cottage pie, veggie chilli, fish and chips...

None of this poncey stuff that takes ages to prepare. wink

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:19:17

If you were doing a pasta dish you'd have a pasta maker. Masterchef makes no sense. Give them the right equipment!

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:19:26

To ensure failure : tis the tv programme arc innit

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:19:45

Lindyhop is taking over.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:20:02

Same reason as they didn't peel their spuds.
Dear god, pears not even peeled!

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:20:13

They did give them a pile of turbot and guinea fowl though. So they couldn't do cottage pie.

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:20:27

How are we all!
Was dealing with poonami !!!

I think they have somehow made pings team the finalists

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:20:38

And morels? Jeez, they cost £££££

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:20:58

They haven't even managed to turn the ovens on.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:21:09

I was just thinking that, why make it hard, the eastenders people only have an hour to queue up and eat it, they want something wholesome, tasty and quick

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:21:21

Good ' cos luke couldn't find his way around a spatula

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:21:21

Where's Greg been? Swift 'alf in the vic with dot?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:21:35

Undercooked guinea fowl and raw pears. Yum yum.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:21:56

There's always 'trouble with the ovens' in the mass-catering challenge <yawn>

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:22:26

Gregg and Kat up a tree....

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:22:34

Has Michael fucked up the fish again?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:22:59

It looks like a bomb site in team lindyhop's tent.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:23:09


HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:23:23

Ooh I can't wait for that story arc Crem. Greg secretly fathered Kat's twins.

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:23:40

Why is he only putting on a pan for deep frying now? Muppet.

beanandspud Wed 07-May-14 20:23:50

Ok, maybe not cottage pie but some sort of pot roast/casserole grin

<<ponders over whether it is an offence to mince the turbot and make fish cakes>>

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:23:58

Slightly inappropriate music methinks. A quick blast of Chas'n'Dave, more like....

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:24:11

Shame that dyer has picked the blue team.

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:24:15

See they admit they have wedges!!!!

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:24:37

Oh, he hasn't. Wonderful. Feed him raw fowl and horrible sauce.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:24:49

Will there be service trolley fiasco?

beanandspud Wed 07-May-14 20:25:02

Wedges! Not poncey stuff after all.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:25:14

Everything in ping's tent is so much better organised.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:25:41


ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:25:47

And they have to serve them too! Paupers !

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:25:56

Will they drop a trolley?

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:26:38

Ping's team has this in the bag, surely?

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:26:46

Shu up Danny

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:26:50

"Keep up the insensity" - Greg's been in the vic fo'sho'.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:27:25

Holy grin

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:27:38

Oh forgotten sauce.

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:27:50

Said it before pings team are the finalists!

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:27:53

And cold. Brilliant.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:28:07

Actually that looks ok, but no sauce.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:28:23

That parcel looks horrible.

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:28:24

God danny dyer is annoying.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:28:49

Deep-fried parcel? <boak>

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:29:02

Pommel purée ..... InstAnt mash !!!

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:29:02

Danny Dyer, what a tool

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:29:06

Cockles and mash?

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:29:18

I don't watch eastenders anymore so quite surprised to see some of the old faces still there, I thought they had all left years ago

Anyway back to the food, they are taking ages to deliver it

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:29:21

x post patient blush

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:29:22

Ah. He's screwed up the fish cooking.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:29:23


CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:29:49

The lasagne looks a bit dry though.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:29:51

Bring on the CUSTARD!!!!!

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:30:01

that tomato smush looks envy

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:30:17

That tarte looks lovely

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:30:27

Wow tarte deliciousness

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:30:45

Call that a portion of tart buddy?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:30:46

I'd so much rather have tart than pear.

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:31:00

Even the pear looks lush

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:31:13

Ping is kerazy

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:31:43

Danny dyer holds a spoon like Greg does. Heathen.

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:31:55

He needs to learn how to hold his cutlery that blonde lad

susiedaisy Wed 07-May-14 20:31:58

Pear pudding for me.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:32:00

Dyer just looked like he was stoving someone's head in with his spoon.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:32:04

Is that a puff-pastry ring or is it just the way you walk?


Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:32:14

That lasagne doesn't look great

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:32:21

Great minds rooty!

Looks like they snatched victory by a sliver.

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:32:39

I loathe that Calam. DM used to arch an eyebrow and refer to a shovel (only with her children of course!)

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:32:56

Sorry I'm a bit behind, had to pause for a weewee

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:33:02

grr bloody iplayer delay

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:33:03

That's the most Tracey has ever said on tv. She's usually the mute barmaid.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:33:12

Team lindyhop will lose regardless, because John had to take over.

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:33:18

Arf holy

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:33:21

Patsy Palmer looks bloody brilliant!

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:33:49


ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:34:02

Jack is gonna be a pastry chef

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:34:05

Shutttttt uppppp Greggggggggggg

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:34:09

I love patsy.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:34:47

Luke needs to man up
Angela floundering a bit

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:34:52

Angela hasn't got much air time!

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:34:52

Jack is a sweetie smile

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:35:13

Now what?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:35:38

Missed it all loading the dishwasher. Ah here's the proper cooking. Bye Pob.

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:36:07

Agree re Luke Cremola he's really getting on my tits

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:36:18

Greg is excited by veg.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:36:18

Is jack doing more puddings? He's discovered Greg's Achilles heel...

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:36:20

Loving patsy too although watched game of thrones on Monday night and keep getting a weird flash back to her stripping in the cave. Not what i'd usually expect to think of during a MasterChef episode. Or ever actually.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:36:42

Did Robert just make up a silly name for butter beans?

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:37:00


CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:37:14

I feel a fondant coming on

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:37:30

Ooh, chocolate fondant. Superb.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:37:34


Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:37:46

Gregg was never happier than on Veg Talk, Calam, discussing salsify and Jerusalem artichokes with eager R4 listeners

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:38:18

What? Patsy was in got?
Gregg is going shag jack for that pud. (So would I)

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:38:19

Angela has already checked out mentally I feel.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:38:21

Hare - bleurgh

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:38:45

GoT patient? confused

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:38:54

Did they bring this food themselves

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:39:11

Veg talk was great. Gregg had a great face for radiogrin

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:39:28

Excellent high risk strategy.

Except, it seems to be random mosh mash of shit on a plate. It's like bad world buffet.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:39:33

posted to soon, so it's a dish of their choice then

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:39:38

Arf @ Crem

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:39:43

I made chocolate and banana bread today! Defoo win masterchef me wink

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:39:51

Is Marcus on?

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:40:32

I made a fried egg and bacon sandwich for tea. With a Dorito crumb.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:40:37

Lamb 3 ways, woohoo

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:40:52

I fear the water bath and the spherifier ( sp.)

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:40:54

Pickled onions. And bloody cooking in bags.

susiedaisy Wed 07-May-14 20:41:14

Angela looks knackered

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:41:36

Risky ping

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:41:42

Chocolate lava cake is a findant in disguise surely.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:41:43

From her mum, with tears.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:42:01

A mousse is creamy though, Greg.

coffeeinbed Wed 07-May-14 20:42:03


Why the fuck bother with the bloody parsnips?

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:42:08

Ping is shitting all over jack's fondant.

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:42:10

No but Ygritte looks wickedly like her. Keep expecting the Riccckkyyyyy call at any moment.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:42:16

< pours Ange a gin and tonic>wine

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:42:26

Ping is my winner overall!

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:42:40

I hate food where every morsel has been individually handled by the chef.

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:43:12

ha ha I thought you actually thought that Ygritte was her! I was all ready to be like, nooooo grin

carry on

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:43:59

The hair looks raw. This is the year of enthusing over raw meat obviously.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:44:01

I'm afraid Angela's dish is my nightmare on a plate

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:44:18

It's the weird world buffet.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:44:25

wtf luke?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:44:35

Things on a plate. Was my Dcs favourite. When they were 2.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:44:37

I've just had sweet honeycomb covered in thick milk chocolate wrapped in golden shiny paper, I bloody love Crunchies grin

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:44:47

I just want to put Angela to bed, poor love
Not convinced by chocoalte sauce hmm

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:44:49

Hare. Not hair. My language skills have disappeared.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:44:55

It's like my plate at Buddha Belly

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:45:04

Yellow is the colour of madness Luke

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:45:05

I will stop derailing the thread now... grin

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:45:18

Gold leaf, the ultimate in cheffy wankiness

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:45:50

I want that dessert

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:45:55

But it does look tasty.

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:46:09

Luke's last few dishes have been bafflingly unsophisticated, for want of a better word

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:46:09

Arf at patient.
Everything but the banana. Boak at cooked banana.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:46:42

It looks like it should come with a klaxon and a sporn alert

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:46:45


CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:46:58

Why is Greg surprised that a mousse is creamy?

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:47:08

Gold leaf Star ping

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:47:27

Why is her desert not in the middle of the plate

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:47:30

Raw lamb three ways.

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:47:35

Raw lamb.

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:47:54

urgh WHY do they both get their sex faces on for young women cooks?

I'm not sure MC is good for my blood pressure

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:48:12

Lamb stock. Oh god no. That's fucking raw.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:48:43

Michaels fired I reckon

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:48:43

Pob has screwed it up. But was Luke's random plate of stuff worse?

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:49:24

Everyone knows the best black pudding comes
From burywink

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:49:32

More stuffed bird.

Cauliflower and manchego purée? Boak.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:49:41

Lindyhop gets a D for art

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:50:00

More stuff on a plate (loving that phrase and am also inspired for the DCs lunch tomorrow!)

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:50:10


Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:50:17

Lindy's gone all Spanish. And ballsed it up.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:50:49

Mmn pistachio

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:51:10

So did he copy Ping with the gold leaf, or vice versa?

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:51:15

It didn't ooze, did it?

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:51:20

Lindyhop manages to say stupid stuff on camera to go with his plate of stuff.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:51:22

Gold leaf Lorry's been then

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Wed 07-May-14 20:51:53

Jacks nicked the gold leaf. Oh my life that looks gorgeous.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:52:01

Don't worry jack. You saw lindyhop and Luke.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:52:13

Weak overall today

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:52:24

Do jack and Ping have some kind of weird psychic connection going on?!

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:52:41

Luke is looking increasingly unhinged. Maybe he'll go postal if rejected

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:53:03

words that should be banned
Gregg: mellow laaaaaaaarvely
John: wonderful, thing, lovely, thing, wonderful thing, lovely thing, extraordinary THING


rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:53:19

grin Halsall

ohdearitshappeningtome Wed 07-May-14 20:53:33

Luke and man with too much on plate either going

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:54:01

That was hardly tearing into jack. Greg has little grip on reality.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:54:16

Jacks Hi-def eyebrows are going to fly off.

Raw lamb Pobs on the bus I'm sure

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:54:31

grin @ rooty

HolyDrinker Wed 07-May-14 20:54:56

Lindyhop has an extremely slappable face.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:55:10

Yes. It was a buffet. And his organisation in Albert square was shocking.

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:55:37

And breeelyant rootyangry

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:55:52

Obviously no one's betting on pob, lindyhop or Luke of the buffet.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:56:07

The camera-work rather gives the game away

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:56:38

angry angry crem they wind me up so much! I should watch something else really

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:56:52

Lindyhop dance opportunity!! Go on you will you will!!!

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 20:57:18

Lucky Luke escape there IMO

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:57:33

Michael was bloody lucky there with his raw lamb, 3 ways

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:57:36

So Luke or Michael to go tomorrow then?

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:57:54

bah I think that's an outrage, Luke has been totally shite for a good while now
and is about to go totally postal grin

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:57:58

Not more parsnips
< weak>

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:58:47

More raw meat tomorrow judging by that plate. I like rare meat, but it all seems to have gone silly on masterchef these days. They'll be serving it live next season.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 20:59:06

Ooh, Saint Mary Beard is one of the diners tomorrow. Will be here....laters, all

rootypig Wed 07-May-14 20:59:15

the world is crying out for a MC spoof calam and you're our woman

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 20:59:19

Night night pundits. See you for more cold game tomorrow

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 20:59:36

Maybe they were worried about him going postal and felt it was safer to send lindyhop home.

Ellenora5 Wed 07-May-14 20:59:54

Jack should shave his head and eyebrows for charity, he would raise a fortune

Right no great surprise there, byebye Lindyhop

Catch you all tomorrow smile

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 21:00:10

With a novelty sized axe served on the side to dispatch it yourself. You know, as part of the 'theatre' of the dish.

Halsall Wed 07-May-14 21:00:19

Calam, next year they're doing a co-production with Lambing Live grin

CremolaDItalia Wed 07-May-14 21:00:44

I wish they'd get Marcus back
Or Mary berry - shed not tolerate any raw meat

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 21:00:53

Why thank you rooty.

imustbepatient Wed 07-May-14 21:01:29

Sorry that was at Calam's 20:58 post. In case you think I've lost the plot!

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 21:01:51

Arf @ halsall. Imagine the complaints as you want the birth and then Greg and John devour the lamb.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 21:02:45

And yes, the axe would definitely add 'theatre'. Macabre theatre.

CalamitouslyWrong Wed 07-May-14 21:03:21

The question for tomorrow is whether to watch masterchef or Eurovision though. It's a dilemma.

Have watched and loved every episode of Masterchef..and sorry to come in at the last minute without reading the whole thread...BUT what do they see in Luke? he has irritated me from day 1... Annoying little man who is sooo sure he's won already .

squoosh Thu 08-May-14 16:18:58

Was nice to see a fleeting shot of the gorgeous Marcus last night.

Jack and Ping for the win. I like them and their food best.

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 19:51:42

Missed last nights...what was the format? Cooking for loads of people and cocking up

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 08-May-14 19:53:57

Two teams cooking for the cast of eastenders, followed by one dish of their choosing in the masterchef kitchen.

Still haven't worked out if I should do masterchef or Eurovision tonight. confused

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 19:55:42

Did they struggle but by "focusing" managed to pull it off in the end ?

ohdearitshappeningtome Thu 08-May-14 19:56:51

Ping to win!!

And I've just managed to finish feeding mini me in time for it starting

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 08-May-14 19:57:46

No. Ping was amazing at organising her team, even if pob did undercooked some fish.

Team lindyhop, led by Luke of the world buffet were atrocious. Luke couldn't organise the proverbial piss up. John had to step in and make sure that they actually served some food. It tasted good though, apparently.

Then they went back to the masterchef kitchen and several of them cooking abysmally.

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:01:32

Sounds ace !

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 08-May-14 20:01:41

I'm going to do Eurovision tonight, but I will be with you for the masterchef final.

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:01:57

Evening all, more mass catering tonight, in a castle no less grin so posh mass catering then

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:02:05

Joining. V excited, usually watch on player due to work.

<offers chocolate hobnobs>

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:02:37

How tough is the cooking in master chef <ponders>

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:03:06

Greg in country garb.

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:03:14

Ooh, a medieval banquet. Let's hope john and Greg eschew the tights.

Halsall Thu 08-May-14 20:03:46

Hello chaps, will they do the usual thing of picking a venue where the kitchens are miles from the dining room, and they have to rush their food half a mile over cobblestones and cattle-grids?

Hope so.

beanandspud Thu 08-May-14 20:04:24

Evening all! Have wine at the ready! should be good tonight.

Halsall Thu 08-May-14 20:05:23

Only 2 ways? Skinflints

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:05:43

Two ways !!! How frightfully 12th century

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:05:47

yumyum for chocolate hobnobs, snatches one greedily, thanks TSSDNCOP

I had a crunchie last night and I've a twirl in the fridge, I'll chuck you a piece smile

ohdearitshappeningtome Thu 08-May-14 20:05:47


beanandspud Thu 08-May-14 20:05:52

Given that they cooked guineau fowl and turbot for Albert Square will they be serving medieval spag bol tonight?

Halsall Thu 08-May-14 20:06:16

It's what Anne Boleyn would have wanted

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:06:21

I'm disappointed they didn't have to snare the rabbits first.

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:06:39

Indeed Halsall. Philistines.

And did you see the creases on that 'raviolo'? <catsbums>

ohdearitshappeningtome Thu 08-May-14 20:06:41

Beet root really??

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:07:01

<catches and scoffs Twirl>

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:07:02

Textures of beet root hmm

JustAboutAdeqeuate Thu 08-May-14 20:07:02

Ooh lots of foam there, haven't had much foam this year

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:07:08

I think the next series shoud be called MasterPrep, coz there is a lot more of that going on than cooking

ohdearitshappeningtome Thu 08-May-14 20:07:41

No samphire

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:08:05

But olive oil powder though.

Halsall Thu 08-May-14 20:08:12

It's a mark of the increased refinement that crumbs are no longer good enough. Now it's powder

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:08:27

6 veg 5 ways? Oh my.

JustAboutAdeqeuate Thu 08-May-14 20:08:33

Brave giving the venison to Raw Meat Michael.

6 veg 5 ways? Is that 30 veg then?

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:08:51

Gregs off somewhere scripting his beheading gags isn't he?

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:09:12

6 different veg, each cooked in 5 different ways. Holy moly.

JustAboutAdeqeuate Thu 08-May-14 20:09:45

No foams for weeks then two in one dinner hmm

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:09:55

I keep forgetting about Michael, everytime India mentions him I think "who" and then I'm "oh ye him"

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:10:08

Fiver says he'll direct a "don't lose your head" gag at Luke.

beanandspud Thu 08-May-14 20:10:53

Can't help thinking that they could have had some fun with a 'beheaded' food theme for Anne Boleyn. A baby turnip lying on a beetroot jus with shards of almond brittle or something...

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:10:54

I hope you all knew that if you use too much salt things will be salty hmm who'd have guessed it

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:11:04

Oh fuck TSS I have a dreadful feeling you may be right

JustAboutAdeqeuate Thu 08-May-14 20:11:13

Why would you bother deconstructing a lovely tarte tatin?

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:11:41

pmsl at Holydrinker and beanandspud grin

Halsall Thu 08-May-14 20:11:43

I wondered when the deconstructed would come in. But then Anne Boleyn was deconstructed, come to think of it

JustAboutAdeqeuate Thu 08-May-14 20:12:21

halsall grin

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:12:22


Halsall Thu 08-May-14 20:13:03

I may have stolen Gregg's joke

DuffyMoon Thu 08-May-14 20:13:05

The bloke who is the caretaker I mean

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:13:22

Luke's toast tonight.

HolyDrinker Thu 08-May-14 20:13:35

Halsall, are you Gregg? <suspicious>

TSSDNCOP Thu 08-May-14 20:14:23

Halsall are you Greg.

Is that a ruff you're wearing?

Ellenora5 Thu 08-May-14 20:14:25

Jesus your man is on about the salt again, he must be the salt chef