Muskewenches Unite and celebrate The big One Zero! Musketeers Appreciation thread X

(1000 Posts)
MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 21:23:25

Hiiiiiiihgwaaaay to the danger zone, riiiiide iiiiin to the danger zone! As good old Kenny Loggins once said....Or congratulations and celebrations as Cliff Richard once said. Whatever the choice WENCHES HAVE REACHED THREAD NUMBER TEN!

So please feel free to chose your own song to play on the tavern jukebox get yourself a goblet of wine and pull up a chair! Let the wenching continue as we head into The Final Countdown to the end of what has been a fabulous and thorough enjoyable piece of original British Drama

Raise your glasses for The Musketeers!

Part one

part two

part three

part four

part five

part six

part seven

part eight

part nine

Twit Wed 26-Mar-14 22:11:31

<runs around>

Cotherstone Wed 26-Mar-14 22:16:50

9000 posts perving over Athos. It's impressive wink

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:23:21

<bows before cotherstone>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:24:17

Hey ho!

Just looked very one second briefly at cumberbitches thread in Sleb Twaddle. They fancy his... wait for it... mole hmmconfusedenvy

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:24:26

I'm here and I have my dignity unlike Anne.

Think I'll save the alternative sex face (new title, soothes Hannah) for later.

Sparklegeek Wed 26-Mar-14 22:24:28

Well it ain't any of those 3 in the coffin.

Am worried for Athos now. He was just coming into his own.

MadamedeChevreuse Wed 26-Mar-14 22:24:33

Drink - "Tom said he was hoping to do series two so must have been alive after series 1 finished."

HOPING?? That aint good enough.


DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:24:44

And Cardinal winethanks

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:24:53


DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:26:33

The Cardinal bit was just emphasising that we were perving over him too, not just Athos.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:26:33

The Cardinal bit was just emphasising that we were perving over him too, not just Athos.

QueenAnneofAustria Wed 26-Mar-14 22:26:54

Cheers. <Smashes goblet>

Since when did this become the Athos Appreciation Society?!

<breaks second goblet, grabs Dog and leaves the Tavern>

a demain wenches.

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:27:27

Don't you think, though, that we're a fucking goldmine for social psychologists?

Put a load of posters in a themed room.
Run new sensations past them on a weekly basis.
Let them talk bollocks.
See how long they run for.

<funding runs out. Psychologists shake heads and turn away. Article in the guardian about the collapse of humanity. Unexplained upturn in sales of leather strapping.>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:28:25

It's ok drink it was outrage as Cumbersplats! Not cardinal appreciation.

MadamedeChevreuse Wed 26-Mar-14 22:28:35

I love you, Mavis.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:28:37

Strap ons?!


QueenAnneofAustria Wed 26-Mar-14 22:29:04

Oh and I am happy to leave my dignity at the door for the threads... but when my RL opportunity arises, I will be aloof and mysterious and Aramis will be smouldering at me from across the room whilst Dog sulks.

Speaking of Dog, he is waiting.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:29:48

I'm off to tickle Cardinal. He's had a hard day at work and I want to have a hard night. wink

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:29:49

In fairness Anne, as LetUsPrey is chief gif chief <not easy to say> then there has been a positive glut of Aramis links. Now, I'm not one to complain about these things but I would say it's a largely Aramis thread. Sort of.

Def not King Spaniels anyhoo

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:30:05

I think the BBC need to put one of those thing up at the end of Sundays episode - you know, like when someone dies - dedicating it to "The Wenches"

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:30:34

Well, you would be wring, Mavishmm

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:31:12

Strapping Drink you duurty fecker.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:31:21

We are very much alive though. It could be like a nail in the coffin for usshock

Sparklegeek Wed 26-Mar-14 22:31:37

And then maybe follow it with one of those Samaritan helplines?

Like when Take That split up.

MadamedeChevreuse Wed 26-Mar-14 22:31:50

Athos panic over...Wikipedia says that "All the major actors, except Capaldi, have been "contracted for the long run"."

(Sorry Malcolm.)

So maybe Tom just likes an, ahem, "different" type of bar to the other lads.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:31:56

Well,he's busy. Have a hard night on the FLOOR. Night night.

<shoves drink out of door>
<barricades it with nuns>
<gives Armand the LUSTY EYES>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:32:46

Night wenches. Cardinal sad gone sad soon sadsadsad

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:33:00

"The Wenches - Feb 2014-March 2014". Lacks the same gravitas as the passing of a Chelsea pensioner - non?

(not that I am, for one minute, suggesting that Sunday is it for the wenches. It simply cannot be)

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 26-Mar-14 22:33:40

Right I am off to bed.

MTM I don't want you to think that I've forgotten about adding Capaldi to my list. I am mulling it over, it is a serious process deciding where he should slot in. I knew you'd like that one wink

Bonsoir lovely wenches <mwah>

LetUsPrey Wed 26-Mar-14 22:33:52
DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:34:10

But he is very much present under my duvet. He even fashioned a nit so little tent out of it grin

Sparklegeek Wed 26-Mar-14 22:35:22

Can't bear to think about it.


Night night ladies. Mwah!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:35:47
LetUsPrey Wed 26-Mar-14 22:36:47



Also off to bed. Oi Anne, send dog over later would you please? I need a cuddle.

Night wenches.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:37:53

Night night then! Traville and Armand -who is WITH ME - are bickering over heads and tail tonight. Oh they are naughty but I do like them!


MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:41:08

Night all.

As much as I'd love to have that as our theme MTM it would run the risk of defining us as middle-aged librarians having one last shot of sassiness before we give in to varifocals.

I think our theme should be Surprise Surprise

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 26-Mar-14 22:46:43

Oh what a brilliant idea...we should create our own play list to remind us of these fun times!!

I am going now, they are both pawing at me while DH is asleep on the couch...saucy.

LaComtessdelafere Wed 26-Mar-14 22:47:22

Night all. Battery outage and I lost you all. I'm still worried about where Burke is. This is nothing for me without Athos. Nothing. < frets like Queen on bed, unable to sleep.> . Find him people, find him.

QueenAnneofAustria Wed 26-Mar-14 22:47:22

I concur... it is Aramis appreciation due to LetUs and her stellar work and Sparkle and her Twitter, but both make a concerted effort to include all.

Was that another lurker who will become part of the tavern (a la Madame and Comtesse et al, or are they more of a 'do you think you wenches could go post elsewhere sort of lurker?)

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 22:52:50

There was a wink so I guess the lurker was friendly or a journalist.

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:55:34

Well they will have earn't their money if they wade through all 9000 odd posts of guff insights.

MavisGrind Wed 26-Mar-14 22:56:47

Off to bed. In the morrow dear wenches. <doffs hat a la aramis as Athos never seems to doff his hat>

MadamedeChevreuse Wed 26-Mar-14 23:00:52

Anne that's Ali, she's our historical advisor not a journalist. she's in and out of the tavern. (Fair enough she does have 40 babies.)

Nighty night

QueenAnneofAustria Wed 26-Mar-14 23:03:09

No, I was referring to Cotherstone at the start of this thread.

I know and love and admire Alibaba.

QueenAnneofAustria Wed 26-Mar-14 23:04:18

<goes to bed satisfied that we have 45 posts on our shiny new thread already>

QueenAnneofAustria Wed 26-Mar-14 23:14:20

For the morning wenches. Instagram is like a fucking playground.

Bloody bloody arse wiping phone died on me, couldn't keep up.

So I will say good evening, and goodnight as you're all of having relations with various beardy men.

I have laughed all the way through the 300 odd posts since early evening. You lot are fuuuuny <pushes shoulder>

I really do love each and every last one of you. I think I'm going to write a speech for Sunday. Just feels right. <proud stiff British>

Night hos xxxxxxxxxx hugzzzzzzzzxxxxx

One last thought.....

You know, if we did have to put wenches into list. Mine would like this....

wench wench wench wench wench wench...

rather than


D'ya get me?

Cos you're all special <chokes up again> Oh blaady Nora, it's gonna get messy in here Sunday. Bring tissues. ( and baby wipes etc etc... )

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 26-Mar-14 23:39:09

And laminators grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 06:33:47

Knock knock?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 07:02:10

Who's there?

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 07:06:04


DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 07:17:30

Doctor WHO?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 07:17:42


DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 07:19:53

Ahh, it amused me smile

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 07:25:06

Hahahahahahahahahah grin
Morning! How are you doing this grey drizzly fine morning?

I hope it stays like this so I can wear my hat. (Bad hair)

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 07:30:12

Found you.
Was loving the reading through of you all on re-watch.
LetUsPrey your link to Athos, in thread 9, was OUT OF THIS WORLDgrin

Most concerned about lack of Athos/Burke at Bootcamp.

Off to read rest of this thread,shouldn't really, should be getting ready for work, am sat here in my towels , post shower - is not a good lookwink - tries to drag herself away from obsessional Musketeer thread.......

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 07:34:27

Good luck with that....

Have a good day everyone, am off to herd the twits.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 07:38:31

Morning obvs. Glad your worrying with me. Find him. Find him!!!

Right I'm off to work. Actually properly today, so I need to get my eyes off the balls and on the ball so to speak. Find Athos for me today please.

Hannah, though a newbie, because I lurked from the start I feel the same. Women are so feckin brilliantly funny. It confuses me why the majority of stand ups are men, you know??

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 07:43:02

Laughing at songs - Mavis's Rozzle Kicks.
And MTM 's take that:

"We've come a long way
But we're not too sure where we've been "

Err correction.
I know EXACTLY where some of you have been:
Bosom wenching, in and out of Cardinals' confessional booth, shagging Aramis/Athos/Porthos/Cardinal/Treville/ till you can speak no more, strap ons, leather, foody sculptures, rimming and ... the list goes on.... smile

Needs someone else to do a better summary of the last 9 threads that we have had.
Haven't we laffed and laffed.
Oh some of you are WELL funny.
certainly have enjoyed the ride........

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 07:46:12
QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 07:48:26

I posted Musketeer appreciation on Twitter. Well I was understated and said it was highly entertaining and was now reading the book and was loving it. I have been favourited by something called MusketeerFans.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 07:48:46

Obvs not ready for typing this morning. Porthos not Porhtos.

Might do a rewatch tonight. Last chance before DH is back. Which one should I go for?

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 07:48:49

Here's another contender for OUR SONG

You think it's going to be another Take That. But it's not. It is HOT. And that new imposter show on Tues has stolen it for their trailer which right peed me off.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 07:52:06

Can't see it Sparkle. It's not Tears for Fears is it?

Oblomov I might have re-posted that Athos link you liked on this thread.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 07:52:57

No it's not Tears for Fears but is a slow & building cover of their song by Lorde.

<Down wv da kidz>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 07:53:01

Drink funnily enough I predicted the outcome to that one! since the inner workings of your brain are the same as mine...

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 07:53:22

Put Musketeers Rule The World into Youtube

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 07:54:15

Re your 2nd link with the birds LetUs - I love the last pic where they all scramble into action. Oh Aramis is in a panic there isn't he?

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 08:04:48

Just dancing round the kitchen to Cell Block Tango

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 08:05:50

Not one single song that anyone ever posts from YouTube can I see! You're all in fucking Prague aren't you JUST ADMIT IT. is Tom Burke not there BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL TOM BURKE IN PRAGUE IN HIS HOTEL ROOM!?

Anyway I have a drrrrrrrramatic spanner to throw into the works. We all know Capaldi has ruined this for me and Drink us by pissing off to his stupid time machine to go running after pretend robots <DELIBERATE AND HURTFUL WORDS TO YOU DOCTOR WHO> <smashes window on TARDIS> Anyway, don't you think that there's a chance they could have rewritten and filmed the end or at least altered it? There has been a fair old bit of time between Capaldi's casting, when they finished production AND the time between finishing production and Doctor Whatever starting.

Basically I'm worried they're going to covers Drink's ears with heaving bosom HURT HIM!! <looks away>

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 27-Mar-14 08:07:23

Morning wenches!

Oblmov I forgot to say well done on the payrise, good job!

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 08:10:51

He'll either run off but in a daring fashion, or he'll get pensioned off to Italy.

And how orange does Sean Pertwee look in the trailer?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 08:11:15

Oh let's play another game. Putting pictures into sequence. Here are two pictures from my night last night. Put them into sequence and you'll get a sticker that says " I'm a Filthy Wench!"

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 08:16:44

Oh yay! Here's an idea..

Officially licensed BBC Musketeers create a scene Fuzzy Felt??

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 08:19:32

Morning wenches! On phone so suspect I can't see relevant posts. A day of school work and housework beckons. I also have to make a birthday cake. I am shit a baking. Going to be a fun day hmm

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 08:21:55

MAVIS! Make it a Musketeer cake. Put a smiley beardy face on it. Unless it's Athos then make it look tortured and soulless.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 08:23:34

My cakes generally look tortured

<shares Queenie's cooking skills>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 08:23:58

I have an office move to do today, we don't have much do shouldn't be too stressful. Then I am off to the library to get my books for revision, that I have decided it us better to start post-Musketeers - but I need to be ready.

Right Wenches, enjoy the day and I hope that husbands recover, wenches get better, cakes get baked and done serious wenching occurs.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 08:24:24

LetUs - me too.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 08:28:32

Malcolm - originally ds wanted a 'standing up darlek cake' but over the last six months I've talked him down to 'a chocolate smartie cake' <result>. Surely even I can't fuck that up? yes I can

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 08:29:41

Sorry - 'dalek' <call myself a Whovian??>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 08:36:39

Mavis THIS!!!

Doctor Who cake heaven!

I have one or two items somewhere.

<stares at bulging cupboards with DW cake stuff spilling out>

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 08:39:06

Morning all!

Good luck with the cake making, DD2 wants a Minion from Despicable Me for her birthday, she's even found tutorials on YouTube for me so I don't fuck it up

One of my favourite bits from Sunday

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 08:39:59

I was going to get some of the Lakeland stuff for the 50th but figured that I'd still have to make something edible. Smartie cake it is. Heavy on the smarties.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 09:11:24

Making cakes is easy, it's keeping feral toddlers off them that's the trick.
I would like to say I don't use cake mix.

I can't watch the songs either. iPad people, ipad.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 09:26:39

Ohhhhhhhhh Fuck to Hell.

Just had to restart my laptop & it's fucking lost the many millions of windows I had open - all my fave links from about the last 1000 posts that I was flicking through every now & then to cheer myself up perve at.

<Slams laptop into the face of a Red Guard>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 09:28:45

Sparkle I am seriously considering using a memory stick to store them all on.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 09:35:33

Hmmmm. On Instagram (my new best friend) they are expressing concern at the lack of Burke in Prague. But some of them are asking if it is a deliberate ploy to keep us all wondering.....<cunning>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 09:40:08

P.S. Anyone who can't access videos on iPads or wharves really needs to find another device to view the Rule The World vid on. There is some SERIOUS swagger at the end.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 09:40:30

WHATEVS not wharves!!!!

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 09:40:41

it says here that all FOUR of the Musketeers are returning for the 2nd series

He's either taking the pics, or it's a ploy to keep us all guessing.

It's been years since I read the book (and I know they're not following it closely), but I don't think Athos goes anywhere anytime soon

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 27-Mar-14 09:47:54

Mavis I have cakes to bake today too - one for DS2 for tomorrow, and one for my Mum for Saturday.

I made a Thomas the Tank Engine one for DS2's party at the weekend, so today's effort is just going to be a chocolate sponge - I may add smarties on the top, good idea.
Going to do Nigella's chocolate clementine cake for Mum I think, nothing in the way of decorating required except a dusting of icing sugar.

I am great at making cakes, they taste fabulous, but I am crap at decorating them, really crap grin

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 10:18:29
MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 10:26:42

Phew. Just done another run. God only knows how I managed 13 miles last year. I must have imagined it! I am enormous though since being turned out to cake and Prosecco grass all winter as it were. <sigh>

Right. I have an hour before I need to hi out again. Which one of the musketeers can I fit in, in that time? <ponders>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 10:28:43

Sparkle - that is brilliant. I never get tired of Dog running (and Aramis in general --don't want anyone to think my devotions are being diverted--)

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 10:30:38

LetUS was it you asking which episode to watch and MTM are you talking episode or actually 'do'?

If episode I would go back to the beginning or do commodities. Although really episode 9 is for you surely so you can see the Cardinal all angry and LUSTY EYES again.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 10:31:02

If it is a quick shag we are talking about, give Porthos a go.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 10:32:38

Some good links this morning ladies, keep em coming.

Naturally I am sitting on my sofa rather than baking/cleaning/working so really should try and motivate myself.

Can't help thinking that there could be some good youtube clips to come once the entire series if up for grabs. Perhaps then we'll have less "fight me or die on your knees...." <bless Dog> <ruffles hair and scuffs up shiny new uniform>

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 10:33:49

Oh, and love the idea that we are all Tom Burke in a hotel room in Prague. It would be a bit of a Being John Malcovich/Doctor Who Master Race mash up!

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 10:34:54

Ever practical Anne, ever practical....<notes how Anne can make the distinction between episodes and RL>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 10:36:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 10:41:42

Hello domestic goddess wenches.

This morning I will be mostly writing lists, as well as looking at all your excellent links and videos.

RE: athos - my latest theory is that he's joining them at bootcamp later due to "theatre commitments". (serious actor.)

Or he's too busy going through this list of bars

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 10:41:44

My shitepad (it even autocorrects ipad to shitepad now) likes to write anything I've forced it to accept in capitals, such as TREVILLE <---- there you go, my point exactly

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 10:46:33

I've managed to convince DH to take me to Prague as "I want to see the architecture". He also thinks they've removed gullible from the dictionary.

I wonder if I can convince him to go in the next few weeks - how long does all this filming malarky take?

Mornin Wenchies

Ah yes, the ever practical Anne. I was impressed and slightly aroused at Anne's organisational skills for last nights viewing. I think she did a marrrrvellous job of rallying the troops, and gracefully conceded defeat when it all turned to ratshit.
I fear, had that been me, I would've burst a few bloodd vessels, totally losing it at the sloppiness of the ranks not holding the line! grin

Malcolm - Well done you! That is very inspiring to me. I've been telling myself that as soon as this bug has gone I will get out there. Didn't have that excuse a couple of weeks ago though, and I too have been over indulging on the grassiest of banks.

There may well be a bit of hysteria going on here ref Tom Burke. We've only not seen him in a few pics. Not really cause for alarm. But then again, we are reliving our teens, so why not? Feck it lets start screaming outside his family home. Clinging to the security gates, crying our eyes out that the Musketeers are splitting up!

I am liking the MuskeAlbum. Have a few ideas brewing, will search out some links later. Shame some wenches can't see though. Can you not watch it at all?

oooh look Malcolm... he's got the nipple clamps out for you, as punishment for letting yourself go over Winter. Now get that sports bra off wench!

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 11:05:45

Oh Stinkle well done you for manipulating your dh in such a milady-esque way. I've been having fantasies of an easter break in prague too but not sure if a) we can afford it b) dp will buy it.

My understanding is that they do this boot camp thing for at least a week or so?? to hone their riding and thrusting skills, then filming takes ages probably. at least a month. Hope that helps. clearly it doesnt

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 11:07:11

WRT the whole missing Tom Burke thing...surely it's reasonable to expect that a series about the Musketeers would have Athos in it. As y'know, he's like, one of the main men?

But, yes, as Hannah suggests, we could make like teenagers and demand a help line.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 11:10:35

Hahaha oh Armand, please do punish me as you see fit!

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 11:15:12


MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 11:18:33

But is Richelieu and look what happened there!

<enjoying putting the heebie jeebies up Team Athos just because I'm feeling vindictive about losing Armand>

I think Athos is going. I bet he dies on Sunday. I bet they chop him up into teensy little bits and throw him around at one another laughing.

Athos is DEFINITELY GOING. Goodbye Athos.

<folds arms>
<slumps into chair>

Ha ha.

<foetal position>

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 11:20:16

Most YouTube is ok to watch, just not any if the ones you've posted today.hmm
I'm not watching on the PC.

What music are you actually into?

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 11:25:26

Richelieu will be sent away, or will remove himself for safety's sake when his plans go tits up.
Athos will not die unless, and I am really going out on a limb here, they fake it. They might do that to save Milady, which keeps their storyline tense.
It's all smokescreens and red herrings with the spoilers. I think Dog wants Milady alive as she knows where Constance is.

I think we should co-write the next series.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 11:27:15

Madame Prague is very beautiful so I do want to go for that reason, it's just not the main reason grin

The links I haven't been able to view have been when I'm on my shitepad, I'm on the PC working at the moment and they're all fine

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 11:28:27

haha mtm Im also enjoying shit stirring team athos.

That above list was a list in chronological order of wenches that I annoyed / offended last night with my shambolic group-watch of episode 9. Sorry about that everyone. <offers place at back of King rota as peace offering.>

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 11:32:26

Athos is in the 3 Musketeers the whole way through, and 20 Years Later.

I know they're going a bit off piste, but not that off piste surely?

The coffin in this week's trailer and the absense of Tom Burke from the bootcamp pics is just a ploy to keep us guessing I reckon.

You can't have Musketeers without Athos, it's just not cricket

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 11:33:59

Also, I think both Constance and queenie will be upduffed. Constance may or may not lose hers, but could be wet nurse to queenie. In the book she is her servant or similar and is involved in her personal life, this is how Dog meets (her pretty much).

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 11:48:22

As lunchtime representative of Team Athos, I will not be riled by MTMs stirring. We are better than that.

They can't fake his death. That would be a bit Sherlock and would force people to compare the two. Then everyone would realise they were watching it for Hot Men in Leather as the plots, scripts etc etc leave a lot a little to be desired. The BBC would then think "it's not really all in the Reithian tradition old man, what, what??" and Bang! - there goes all hope of series three.

So no, they won't fake his death.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 11:59:11

Filming took 7-8months for Series 1 wenches. We are not the only dedicated ones, see? So pleeeeennnntttyyyyy of time for touring Prague.

I can only conclude that Tom hates the lot of them then. Either that or they're teasing us

Oh - and 5 miles run while I came to that conclusion.

Filming, as per posted yesterday, or day before, or day before (a day is a long time on a wench thread) begins on the 7th April.

They have arrived at Bootcamp as per all the photos in last couple of days.

Ergo, Bootcamp lasts about 2 weeks.

Filming on the other hand would take months and months, not one! This is verrrrrry good though. It gives us plenty of time to arrange delude ourselves a trip.

PLUS: If when we do get our invite from Adrian Hodges, the director, wink <knows stuff> (we're like this <pinky squeeze>), it would more than likely be towards end of filming. So plenty of time to tighten up those vadges bodies, and shop for corsets.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 12:00:53

Do we reckon it's going to be shown at the same time next year? I have to say it would be good to have it then again, it'll be like Christmas has come twice

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 12:01:35

Big x-post Hannah!

<high five>


Go and wash your mouth out! There is nothing wrong with the plot/script etc.

It is superb. I completely get the whole concept they were going for. It is what it is. It is not comparable to anything else. I love it. Favourite show like this. Ever.

<distances self from Mavis, knowing she won't be getting an invite with that carry on>

Now stop ruining things for the rest of us!

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 12:05:11

I think we should aim lateish for the road trip. They might be a bit fed up of each other's company round that campfire by then & we could wow them with our sparkling wit & class. Plus Tom might have turned up.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 12:06:37

7 - 8 months? WTF are they actually doing? clearly I have no idea of the filming process

I was hoping they wouldn't make us wait that long, but I guess if they start filming on the 7th April, 7-8 months takes it to December, bit of fannying around with the editing and what-not, then it will take it until January.

Film it quicker people!!!

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 12:08:33

I concede that the last couple of episodes have been loads better in the plot/script department - and anyway, I'm not complaining, I'm clearly here for the Hot Men in Leather so have hardly a leg to stand on.

I'm merely observing what might happen outside the wenchiverse <like that exists>

You need me Hannah. Don't forget. We have Gretna.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 12:08:53

SleazyJet are quite cheap to Prague if we aim for September

Have to be quick though, everyone seems to want to go to Prague in September hmm

<high five back>

I completely agree Sparkle. Gives us all plenty of time for prep.

Tom might have other commitments at home, or work. I think he is quiet/serious as an actor rather than luvvie or up his own arse.

I could also imagine him being slightly less of a tart in front of the camera off screen.

Jury is still out on his sexuality though due to lack of online info. Then again we can't find Howard's d.o.b, but I'm pretty sure he has one?

Up until this series, none of them were big household names. Not mainstream anyway. I'm sure the amount of personal info will ramp up hugely now.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 12:17:14

Well I have noted that Howie's Instagram seems to only have been set up a couple of weeks ago either by Luke or a musketeers PR person no doubt

Lord help us if they decide to do one for Santiago. The internet will break.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 12:18:58

Madame - I forgave you last night sort of. Don't diss the script again ok as I might not be do tolerant and Dog has been teaching me swordsmanship and Aramis the shooting of the musket.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 12:19:48

The Internet will break - brilliant.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 12:24:50

oh, I wonder what they're discussing there

Typical bloke "it's this big" <hands far apart>
Woman "no, it's more like this big" <hands much closer together>

Stinkle, sit down luv, I'm going to break it to you gently.....

You know what we see on t.v, yeah? Well that isn't actually how it all is. You see all those beautiful settings and exquisite interiors, yeah? Well they aren't all actually one big palace on the outskirts of Musketeer town, on the outskirts of the woods.

It is filmed in about a bazillion different locations. Just one scene, may be filmed in several different places. The Palace stuff alone is made up of about 50 different castles/buildings/grounds.

So imagine having to achieve continuity whilst filming in a million different locations. It takes tiiiiiiiiiiiime. And then there is getting each scene perfect with lighting, weather, etc etc. Not to mention how many times the director has to shout cut because Santabarbara is too busy making eyes at the extras, and misses his lines <expert in filming>

But it is all good. The longer the better imho. Even though I am sizzling hot wenchy material, I could do with a few hundred runs and a chance to hone my inner sex goddess before meeting them. 7-8 months is achievable.

Look at THIS for some idea of locations. Beautiful, beautiful stuff. The rooms in Strahov Monastery are stunning.

I would love to visit Prague now just to see all of this, and because of the utterly breathtaking countryside.

Not just for the leather opportunities. So you see, all this perving is actually doing favours for tourism over there.

Oh and can I just say............

When I win the lotto - I am taking you ALL, to Doskany/Prague. We will go for a week (this can be increased). I will pay for flights, accommodation, a modest spending allowance, and travel to and from the casts location.

All you have to do, is arrange time away from dcs and work/home.

If anyone still can't make it, then you are not fit to call yourself a wench and you will be stripped of your (blue) pauldron immediately.

So I suggest you all start working on your stories/plans henceforth! <PA>

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 12:47:25

Thanks Anne. Better keep my suggestion for a new game (Good Line Bad Line) to myself then?

<quietly erects musketball barrier using furniture from the refectory.>

summerscoop Thu 27-Mar-14 13:05:02

<sneaks in whispers>

you don't think they are going to leave Athos on some sort of cliff hanger do you? That's why his not been pictured?
also i finished the book last night how close do you think it will be to the ending?


QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 13:08:29

If the last nine episodes are anything to go by, not at all or very minimally. The books are very Dog focused aren't they.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 13:14:14

Agree with anne. The story lines and many characters in the series barely resemble the book at all, which is all good imo. Not that I don't love the book, it's just courses for horses.

Not to give away anything about the book ending cos people are still reading it, I REALLY hope the series doesn't follow it. Didn't like book ending at all.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 13:19:10

Horses for courses. Jesus. Can't blame that on the shitepad.

SummerScoop Thu 27-Mar-14 13:21:04

Good, i wasn't a huge fan of the ending either. Can't see them following it too closely.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 13:23:31

Oh nooooo, I don't like the sound of the book ending at ALL sad

Hannah thank you soooo much. May I be the first to say that I will drop my family like a stone be verrrrry pleased to accept your offer when you win the lottery.

Adrian Hodges needs to make it unnecessary though.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 13:36:58

Ar'ternoon wenches. Well, I thought id made it quite clear that you were to find Athos this morning. So where is he, hmmm, hmmmm? <eyeballs>.

Sparke - did you say you thought it might be theatre commitments? This sounds right to me. Let's search all the theatres in the world. Quick! I need someone to get onto this this afternoon cos I've got a long list this pm. What are the action nuns up to? Are any of them any good on the old inter web?

I don't think it'll be the same as the book ending, this is very much an adaptation virtually no diamonds, no Buckingham etc so I'm sure Adrian (First name terms) will have been sympathetic yet original.

Hannah thanks for the invite. I'm in. I just need to renew my passport and lose 2 stone. It's do-able.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 13:57:54

I reckon they had to cut all the storylines related to England from the show cos of accent problems. Yknow....
<Porthos meeting the duke of Buckingham.>
"Allo duke."
"What ho sir. My, you speak remarkably good English for a French bloke. In fact you seem to be from south london."
"And you talk facking good French my lord."

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 14:04:34

Santiago could just have done voice-over for the lot of them. <Sigh> In his many dialects.

<goes off to find the Chile environment clip again>

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 14:05:52

Ah yes Hannah - I'm on for your lotto funded trip. September you say? Start of term? I'll just dump a load of resources...the children will be fiiiinnnee own children clearly safe with family members. I'll do a Skype chat from the Prague Marriott. It'll be educational. hmm

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 14:15:34

Didn't they speak French though? The toffs from England?

Would you be covering childcare costs hannah?

I'm wondering about Rochefort.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 14:15:38

Hannah - I'll do the itineraries and make sure everyone has the relevant paperwork etc. I'll tell DH I am learning Czech or doing research for my dissertation.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 14:17:11

Although German dude sent to the Bastille put on his crap German accent - I said this during one of the rematches, what was the point given that no one else had bothered?

You know though, I am now listening closely to Santiago and whilst he has no distinguishable accent I am picking up a twang now on certain words.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 14:18:54
MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 14:21:29

I've decided that Santiago, although not having an accent, has that 'perfect accent it must be a second/third/forth language' type of thing going on <technical> Do you know what I mean?? The 'not only can I speak many languages but I know exactly what each one should sound like'.

I know, I know, I'm rambling <but look, I'm taking an interest in Aramis!>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 14:23:34
Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 14:25:35

Thanks Hannah. I'm in.
<<locks kids in the shed>>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 14:25:58
Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 14:27:21

I know what you mean mavis I had a Swiss friend who said that when she phoned her bank and asked for a German speaking person, her German was absolutely perfect, no dialect, proper pronunciation everything. She said it was better than her German. grin

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 14:28:44

I think he takes the pictures. I'm never in photos either...

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 14:29:37

Errr. What is bonnaire doing there? For the second series?
And wtf is Burke? Getting serious now. Not happy.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 14:31:34

Glad I'm making some sense Twit.

I think that must be an old picture oblomov - you know what these Tumblr types are like, scouring the internet for Musketeers. Never catch us lot doing that, oh no!

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 14:40:34

I can't tell you the fun I've just had on Tumblr. Included in the pics I haven't linked to are Porthos with Joan Collins & Mr Burke wearing fishnets (it's an unfortunate angle).

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 14:42:48

Fishnets ????!!!!

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 14:44:51

Mavis? So they are not new?
I thought all the pictures, linked recently, were current ones on twitter etc, of them back on second boot camp?

All confused. Com

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 14:47:17

oblomov I think the one with Bonaire is an old one, the others are newer.
I am really really not worried that Athos isn't there, or is there but not in the photos.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 14:48:46

Ah Sparkle more Santiago in Vronsky mode... do you think I need to actually post the DVD on DH FB page and go 'oh look doesnt this look good' to get it as a gift.

Yes, he does have that perfect accent. I speak languages like that too.. in that I sound very native with limited vocabulary.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 14:49:20

The point of what i just said is we are made for each other.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 14:53:31

Of course you are Anne <nods sagely> of course you are..

Actually I'm very envy of those of you who can speak more than one language. I'd love to be able to speak Italian and I reckon if I devoted the same amount of time to it as I do to MN then I probably could.

Never going to happen.

Can I help with child care costs?
Oh ffs! I just knew that somebody would start taking fackin' liberties <Catherine Tate nan>

Well, I suppose it depends on size of win really doesn't it. Otherwise, I will accept a brief pm in way of application for grant, stating why you need extra help. I understand for some, getting family to help/cover loss of earnings for said family member, may be an issue. Details will be provided nearer the time.
If I win the mother load, I will stump it up no questions asked.

Unless of course you would prefer me to hire extra mini buses and a few nannies to enable us to take our darling Dcs with us???.…


Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah haaaa! <clutches sides>

Sorry - couldn't resist! Fuck me, I'm funny...

Hahahahahahahahahah <mad laughter until end of time..>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 14:59:36

Personally his language skills are not that impressive since they are all latin languages and easy to learn once you have one, particularly Spanish and Italian. It is the accents etc that people usually find harder to master.

Disclaimer: My actual language skills are limited to English and a very non-useful and unromantic periphery European language. FRench/Spanish and Italian sadly have fallen by the wayside.

Mmm that second muff photo down of Santabarbara - very nice. Devilish smile. V handsome.

You would definitely have your hands full with that one Anne, in more than just the physical sense.

I have noticed many an accent crop up. We've got Irish, Scottish, Northern English, Saaaath lundun.

Details, details, details. <dismissive wave of hand>

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 15:19:21

Santiago has got a Chilean accent I'm sure. Though it might be mixed up a bit with Madrid accent cos I think he lived there for a while when young.

Agree once you can speak Spanish you can get by in Italian etc, and vice versa. it's like two for the price of one.

But has anyone noticed that he also has an American accent when talking English, depending on what country he's currently working in?

This flagrant disregard for having one accent is kind of weird and almost offputting. His voice evolves too, like his appearance. I'm becoming suspicious about his perfectness. HE'S A CYBORG.

(Not really. I still loooooove him.)

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:21:51

Yes, I saw an interview about some kind of police drama where he had a sort of San Francisco twang. I guess he is used to adapting to his surroundings.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 15:32:23

Obviously I was assuming you were intending to win BIG, otherwise wouldn't have asked.
Some actors keep speaking in the accent they're working with don't they, maybe he does that?
Lol cyborg. Yup, which begs the question; where can I get one and does it do housework/cook naked

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 15:34:19

<debates whether to do cunning linguist joke again. Thinks better of it.>

That's what happens when you move about and are bilingual I guess. His versatility certainly is impressive. Unlike Pete, who can basically only do one accent. <runs and hides from malc>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:35:50

The more I watch him in interviews the more attractive Luke becomes. Santiago reminds me a bit of this amazingly beautiful guy I met once, he was stunning, like people would stop and stare at him. I went on one date with him and he was the single most boring person I have ever met in my entire life ever. However, he was also not an actor but an accountant so Santiago if you are reading this I am not implying that you are boring.... I am not, I would still go out with you.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 15:35:55

I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish to him in Prague & you lot won't have a clue`

He prob won't either, as my Spanish tends to turn into French half way through each sentence.

Oh & Anne - as you're here I saved this especially for you following our Me. You. Him & Him arrangement

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 15:37:11

I always wondered if that was the cast re French, Spanish, Italian anne.
I might see if I can restart French, it's a skill innit?

I have decided I want to learn typing and other related skills. Don't suppose any of you know how to go about that, preferably online and free not too expensive? I've looked around where I live and nowt happening.
<arse end of nowhere>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:38:17

Aw Sparkle... I feel we are connected forever.

Why is he so miserable in the middle one though. But the smiles from them both and Luke just does not stop talking does he. He and I are going to talk each others under garments off.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 15:38:52

I suppose if you are that beautiful you don't need a personality to get attention.
At least I've always found that

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 15:40:22

What interviews anne?

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:41:49

Twit.... YouTube is your friend for languages and there is a website, I forget its name but I will look it up - it might be Babla or something and basically you do exercises etc and someone with native language skills marks it for you and you mark people trying to learn English. And I sometimes buy French newspapers and just read aloud to myself... I can't understand the articles really anymore but it helps to develop the accent etc.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:42:31
QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:44:02

I can't remember but he was talking about playing a cop or something and it was distinctly American.

You do need a personality to maintain interest though or at least some skill. I'm not sure how kindly he would take to me suggesting he be Vronsky tonight and Aramis tomorrow night.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:45:16

Oh I don't know how you learn typing... there are programmes online where you can practice speed etc. I can type fast due to the nature of wok that I do, but I have never needed to touch type in the traditional sense.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 15:47:13

Get that minibus booked Hannah

I like the comment underneath

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 15:47:33

Yes I agree -anne which is probably why I have no mates grin wink

Cool sparkle
My stepdad is Greek, so in theory I could ask him to teach me Greek (or Turkish) but I don't want to.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 15:55:06

I taught myself to type by just doing loads of it. Helpful for posting and watching tv at the same time.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:57:07

oh Twit learn Turkish and then we can go on holiday together and invite the boys.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 15:57:34

In fact i have a great location for series 3.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 15:57:34

I don't think you can "teach" yourself to type, you just kind of do it.

I can touch type, but I've not been taught, it's just happened the more and more you do

there are some speed tests here

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 15:58:12


Can anyone else hear that sound?


Oh what's that the peasants are cutting up and putting in their curry?


Why it looks that a....OH MY GOD ITS ATHOS!!!!!!!


Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 16:02:20

From my forays into the world of Social Media I can conclude that it's not just series 2 bootcamp pics Tom is missing from, but any sort of pic at all other than ones he is contractually obliged to be in i.e. press appearances.

From this I ascertain that Athos was just a figment of our collective & very overactive imaginations.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 16:03:35
Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 16:11:09

Cool thanks everyone.
He might not want to teach me Turkish being a Greek who grew up in Turkey though. Not Good.

I'm off looking for interviews now,
Smoke me a kipper etc...

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 16:16:05

there are a few boot camp ones here from series 1 He's in some of them, but they look like they're BBC ones.

There's nothing else apart from proper official ones, the odd film premiere but no falling out of night clubs, no punching photographers - nada. The ones he is in he he doesn't look exactly thrilled about it. I don't like having my photo taken either though, I'm usually caught gurning or something

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 16:32:06

Apparently Athos reads the Musketeer Daily Mail. He believes all the stories in it too. Because he writes them

<evil laugh>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:33:16

I am getting irrationally annoyed at being included in a Whatsapp group of DH family where they don't fucking stop talking shit. More so though because I ask him simply what time is he coming home and he won't bother to respond and has not replied to me at all today, however is having some huge conversation with them all.

I can't actually stop looking at that Tumblr picture of Santiago and Luke. It is cheering me up and I love them both.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 16:36:01

Imagine if you text Aramis? He would answer straight away and tell you he was coming home as soon as he could be because all he could thing about was giving you the most orgasmic evening of passion you've ever had in his life.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:36:53

I wonder if my fantasy men have given me unrealistic expectations of him, or if he genuinely is a bit of an idiot a lot of the time.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:38:08

I bet he is a great lover.... shiney chin alert when he comes here on Sunday.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 16:39:34

We'll we aaaaall know why it's so very VERY shiney! Dirty boy.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 16:40:56

Let's do something really horrible to Athos while all his groupies are too busy to pay him attention. Aaaaaw we will really miss him not being in the next series!

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 16:43:06

hmm? I have one eye on here you know.

Homework wars have commenced (I've just had to Google what a scalene triangle is blush )

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:43:20

You already chopped him up and made him into a curry - I am not sure how much worse it can get. We could leave him in one piece, castrate him, cut out his tongue and chop off his fingers.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:43:42

Go on then Stinkle what is it?

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 16:45:35

All sides are different lengths.

How am I supposed to remember this shit 20 30 odd years later? I've never had to know what a scalene triangle is in my entire life

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 16:49:27

Maths and Satanic Practices are on the same par for me.


Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 16:49:52

and...and...and, we had to "define a reflex triangle"

Well, thanks to 10 minutes with Mr Google we now know there's no such bloody thing (something to do with angles being more than 180 degrees so therefore impossible).

Bastards with their trick questions

I think my brain may have fallen out of my head recently

Sparkle <gasp> that is so, so, sooo not okay! grin lucky biatches

Oi you two caahs stop with the Athos bashing. How would you like it MTM if I started saying Richelieu wasn't going to be in next series, huh?

Oh wait.... no, that wouldn't work would it. <tilt>

I totally disagree that good looks equals no personality. Look at me <gestures up and down> I am smoking hot and I've got a great fucking personality! <modest as you fucking like>

<swaggers off>

<hears another baby scream>

<dogs start barking>

<shop window shatters>

<pulls hood back over face>

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 16:52:44

This is year 4 maths FFS. For 8/9 year olds.

Why the fuck can't I do it?

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:52:52

Maths and Satanic Practices are on the same par for me.

Basically this ^

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 16:53:08

Send the homework back with the secret password!

If teacher isn't one of us then it might not help much but if they are, which I bet is very very likely, then the homework will be taken care of.

<adjusts hump>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:54:03

It might be Mavis! She is a teacher right?! I am sure.

Oh yes, oh yes.

Btw - was it Spaniels fingers (which I think it was) or spaniels ears?

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 16:55:52

A-ha, repreive. She's fucked off to watch Cartoon Network. I suppose I should go and fetch her back, but...pfft.

I'm pretty sure Mr C isn't one of us, he may like the Musketeers, but probably not for the same reasons - to be honest, he probably does watch it for the architecture

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:56:02

Every thread I venture onto I hope to bump into a a fellow wench so that I can use the password.

I have been thinking about it and are we trying to fit spaniel fingers in as an entire phrase.... I think it would be best for the greeter to incorporate spaniel and the responder to incorporate fingers.

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 16:56:20

MTM stop with the Athos bashing/choping. You're getting on my nerves now.
Why have you suddenly turned on Athos?

Mavis? A teacher?

You're avin' a fuckin larf aren't ya!

Her? In charge of our future generations. What? Educating them?

I've heard it all now.

<walks off, titters>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 16:57:24

Well it is pretty certain Mavis isn't Mr. C though.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 16:58:20

A Wenches Theme suggestion to help homework time pass more easily. Do not play out loud in front of children.

I mainly suggest this because I think it is MTM in the form of song.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 16:58:27

Ah yes, the scalene triangle
<nods sagely>

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 16:59:10
LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 16:59:15

< forward rolls into thread to rescue Athos and drag him to safety>

<assesses body for damage. Gives him a good once over and a drop of wine. Buffs him up. He's fine, just fine: all in working order>

Listen I'm saving lives all over the feckin shop here. How am I meant to go home and get tea cooked?

Ooh yeah good one Anne. I did see a wench this morning, and I have to confess to trying to completely invent a RL scenario just so that I could post on thread including Spaniels fingers. Which is why I need to clarify the term.

I would defo be up for a bit of

1st wench: spaniel

2nd wench: fingers

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 17:03:29

Trouble with "spaniel fingers" is that it's a bit, well, specialist.

I should think the only reasonable place we could shoehorn it into a thread is in the dog section.

I have a spaniel, and I have fingers, but they're not really related in any way so it could be difficult to post it on a thread in AIBU for example

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 17:05:27

Now then. Any of you who feel like a bit of fan fic have alook at BBC-musketeers live journal. Can't link <old>. , < incompetent>....

I can tell you there's some stuff on there that would make MTM and Hannah blush. O yes siree.

Still no feckin sign of Mr Burke. Cant one of you.younglings tweet Dog or Howie and get them to photobomb him or whatever the youth do now??

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 17:08:44


Let's think of some better words then.



Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 17:10:03



Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 17:11:02



Which is why Anne's 'break it down' <street> idea is perfect.

My example was this.....

Reading a thread about what daft thing have you done this week. Saw Drink on there "marking place" and was itching, absofuckinglutely itching to pop up and say spaniels fingers.
Didn't think it would be appropriate, so instead wracked my brain trying to remember an instance to use, where I could cram the words in.

Instead I invented a whole story about how I cut my finger last night (true), dropped something (false) and slammed finger in drawer (false)..... all of which we're building up to my departure comment of...

Doh! Spaniels fingers! <eye roll>
(like butter fingers, but spaniels)


Ran out of time finished poo before could type. Then forgot.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 17:12:28

Or just a smile and no one would know who it was meant for or whether it was a genuine smile or a PA smile

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:12:43

Haha Madame that's a great tune! It's the tortured sound inside my mind.


(I wasn't going to put the like butter fingers bit though)

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 17:13:39

post wine as a marker for Athos

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:15:26

Here's that game again that I played by myself earlier! Put the pictures in order. WHO WANTS A STICKER??!

<completely unhinged>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:16:37


MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:18:54

Sorry Oblomov, I'm just feeling a bit sensitive today because Sunday is drawing closer.


This would be on repeat in my music to shag Athos to Album. But really, it would suit any of them.

Imagine rocking up to the empty nuns convent of last week, on your horse, weak and exhausted from your journey.... in a Beauty & the Beast type scenario, but where the heroic/evil chosen one, would keep you in a constant, and intense, deep state of desire...

...obvs with MASSES and MASSES of banging and licking and sweaty, thrusty clinches.

You have to turn it up full blast, and ignore the video.... although Lindsey (lead singer) does sport a white billowy shirt, so not all bad....

Take me now Athos and give me your BIG FAT ANGRY WEAPON Uh, oh, Uh, oh, Uh, oh

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 17:29:23

The point of the password is that it is daft... otherwise we might as well just <wave> and no one will know where we are from anyway.

The fucking password stays and each wench takes a word. Deal with it.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:29:53

I must admit to having a little laugh to myself when I saw that fans-with-Aramis pic & compared it to what our shot would look like.

Aramis would be smouldering at the camera, everyone else would just be staring at Aramis. Or maybe trying to sneak in a stroke. All the time trying to look cool & nonchalant.

It would be seven shades of shit.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 17:30:28

MTM sorry really can't link as my phone is having somekind of freezing issue brought on by too much musketeers perving etc. You'll find it easily. They are rude girls I tell you. I came all over Athos a bit Mary Whitehouse for a moment...

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 17:30:39

I am not a fan, I am his life partner.

Know what I'm reading tonight! grin

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:36:31

I think it's about time Luke gave us a daily update. It must be getting on for 24 hours since he last fiddled with his phone.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 17:36:32

Have I missed something.... what this reading you speak of?

Oi! Yeah Comtess.... I just scrolled back and realised there is no mention of where.

Stop teasing!

Copy and paste the address bar of said site.

Then you put

2 of these [ at start followed by 2 of these ] at end.

It says it down there v v v v v v v

Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 17:40:27

All forgiven MTM.
I KNEW it was because
i) end of series
ii) end of Cardinal


Or just copy and paste the address bar. <desperate>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:41:15

I just found it.

I have only read one synopsis & didn't dare click on it grin

We are so getting the invite rather than them pervs.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 17:42:03

What are we searching for?

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:42:10
MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:44:09

Oh Em Eff GEE!! That live journal thing! shock


<reads over and over and over again>

I'm not sure what to make of that!

<reads over and over and over again>

It's rather....erm...


Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:44:16

I like the way it's gone dead in here grin

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 17:45:21

I think I just read the words 'd'Art sucks them off in turn..' I feel traumatised.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:47:21

"sins Of commission"

My ovaries are actually throbbing and painful.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:48:12

<nothing but the sounds of clicking links and eyes reading and gasps of OOOH?>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:48:26

Yeah that's as far as I got Anne. I didn't want to hear it.

Hahaha! I just had a very weird moment...

I was walking from kitchen reading this on my phone. Read the last few posts, mind boggling, when dd starts shout SPECIFIC RIM. SPECIFIC RIM.....which I'm hearing as specifically rimming......

My brain took a while to catch up grin

Apparently it was an advert for the film Pacific Rim.

<runs off to click link>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:50:49

I can't bring myself to proceed when I get the ADULT CONTENT warning!

I don't want them to bang each other....

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:51:19


"Before he could say anything further, Porthos had pulled him up and kissed him, licking deliberately into his mouth and dragging him half into his lap. D’Artagnan kissed back instinctively, and it didn't hurt that his now rigid cock was rubbing against Porthos' thigh."

Well and doubt that our threads were a little too saucy have now well and truly evaporated!

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 17:51:44

Thanks Sparkle, I was trying but failing Hannah. Sorry, if I'm not at the pc it all goes to shit. Agree whole heartedly that Adrian will think we are deffo the safer bet. He'll probably offer us some walk on parts.

Interesting to see some people have really invested some time on this. Dedication. Ooh dedication. <insert Roy Castle stylee trumpet solo> . It makes my whole Athos, Aramis threeway look very pedestrian...


Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 17:53:22

<Finger in ears> LALALALALALALALA!

Off to look at Dog holding a baby again.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 17:55:18

Why aren't there any stories about how they are hot for wenches? Like oh I dunno...Richelieu demands his favourite wench pleasures herself for his entertainment...or something?!? Stupid internet!

I haven't even looked at anything past homepage yet, but I'm guessing from your posts we are talking a gay fan site?

Bloody gays!

I told you.

They are sooooooooo not coming on the Coach trip now. Can't risk it. We wouldn't get a flippin look in. Dirty bastards grin

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 17:55:48

<waves goodbye to the two blokes in pub>

I think I diverted then pretty cleverly there wenches.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:00:13

<still thinking about Richelieu and Treville>
<wonders if can be a gay man in next life>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:02:00

Comtess. Fuck Doctor Who, YOU are now my favourite doctor!

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:05:21

Yes, where is Dog holding a baby? I'm not even clicking, it's going yo be like never google on MN isn't it?
Are here any good interviews to watch? Had a quick look on YouTube, but not very good at this stuff.
Do you think Dog speaks Italian?

On tumblr Twit. Think was tues discovery.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 18:07:59

Aw. MTM. < chokes up little> can't imagine when I last felt so proud.

< gets sugar pink Gwyneth Paltrow Oscar dress on ready to make tearful speech about how I love all the wenches>.

< decides to have a long hot shower first as feeling a bit grubby after looking at that site>.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 18:08:02

Here Twit

And yes, I'd say the Italian would be a sure-fire bet.

And finally - good diversion away from the gay porn.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:09:01

Aww sweet.
How who are you feeling today?

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 18:10:08

Well it's not my Aramis day so I guess that means I'll be speaking Italian later.

Don't mention the porn in the tavern

I feel dirty now.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 18:11:27

Hmmm. the musketeer on musketeer action really does nothing for me. wenches need to be in it. pref me but I'm happy for you all to have a go. surprised I'm so old fashioned. < deletes bookmark> < clears history>.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:12:34

Ooh it's me isn't it?
I'd forgotten all about it shock
That's how good you all are...
<picks out favourite corset>

Malcolm is having a field day over there.

Dirty betch! grin

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:14:25

Wasn't hannah going to do something?

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 18:14:51

She is ON HER OWN.

I am glad we all feel the same way. Except Malcolm.

Do something what?

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:18:04

Lol, same as usual then. Each to their own and all that.
Bless her.
Oi mtm get back here!

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:18:32

Some special writing?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:22:01

OH FOR FUCK SAKE! I can't even read homoeroticism without SOMEONE killing Richelieu. I've had enough now.

<throws internet in bin>

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 18:23:37

Aww, it's ok, you're back home now, nice and safe.
<clutches mtm to bosom>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:25:08

It's ok, I have bookmarked the best ones won't go there again!

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 18:29:13

Oooooooh I've just seen a thing on twitter listing 6 scenarios that are still to be tied up this series....& the producer has replied we get 4 of them on Sunday!!

They're all things we've discussed but I haven't linked in case of spoilering

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:36:20
MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:37:01

Sparkle can't you link but just put a big warning about spoilers??!

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 18:40:27
QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 18:40:34

Yes sparkle do that. Pleeeease.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 18:41:12

Finally caught up.

I'm sure I've glanced some Cardinal + wench + confessional type stuff on Tumblr. I usually just skim past it. If I find some, I'll link to it.

Not sure what episode to go for tonight. Decisions, decisions.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 18:41:14

There's actually nothing there that we didn't already know.

I don't think.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:42:40

Aramis nose is too pointy! Athos's is definitely better.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 18:43:17

I would say it pretty clear which 4 as two are not that big a deal and I have seen the spoiler picture for one of them. I will be delighted to see Aramis is the emotional state that I like (there are two so hopefully keeping it alive for those not looking).

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 18:44:01

MTM - have a biscuit

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:44:40

Please please please pleeeease let there be a SWORD FIGHT!! It's all I ask. Sexy sexy SEXY SEXY Richelieu giving it all with a big old sword. Please god, please please pleeeeease god? Please?

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 18:44:54

I have decided that Luke might be a better/freer dancer than Santiago. Lucky I am doing a one for all sort of thing.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 18:46:20

I don't think I have updated my FB status for weeks.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:46:54

I think Anne, we might not be friends after Sunday!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:48:42

Can anything be better than LUSTY EYES though I wonder?

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 18:52:34

We can be friends just stop picking holes in Aramis. I have never said a bad word about Armand - ever!!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 18:59:23
MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:00:31

Anne, if Aramis does anything nasty to Armand I'll rip his stupid tache right off his stupid face!

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 19:01:42

As I was the one who wouldn't click on rude vegetable links there isn't a hope in hell I'm clicking on the Never-mind-the-wenches-lets-fuck-each-other-in-the-garrison stuff.. <prim>

MTM your tetchiness is palpable....he'll be in the tardis soon enough and you're bound to still want to fuck him <realistic>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:02:08
Oblomov Thu 27-Mar-14 19:02:13

Gay musketeer on musketeer does nothing for me.
Leaves MTM to it.
Not for me.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 19:03:48

I've always been so nice too Anne. <sniff wibble sniff>

Perhaps the musketeers could teach Richelieu how to walk properly in his boots. In the episode where he's strolling through the gardens with Treville, he can't walk properly in his boots. I've never liked to mention it before grin

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:06:54

Oh come on. These boys are so hot of course they would give each other the raging horn! Ok, perhaps they'd keep it to theirselves. And their blogs...

As for the Doctor. I have NEVER fancied him before biggest lie ever so this could well be my first time! it so isn't

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 19:07:32

OK, quick poll. Favourite episode so far? (name or number)

I think mine is between Commodities or Knight Takes Queen.

<planning a watch tonight. Can't make up mind>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:08:25

LetUsPrey you will hang for such accusations! He OWNS those leather boots. The sexy sexy sex sexer.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:09:00

7,8 and 9!

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 19:09:11
Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:11:22

He's coming to get youuuuuuuuu

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 19:12:36

I can't pick a favourite episode. I've tried but I can't.

Not decided which one to watch tonight.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:13:40

Commodities, knight takes queen and the one where they go fishing.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:14:54

Feral toddler is not going to sleep. He is running around shouting at everyone else to go to bed. Chance would be a fine thing.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 19:26:27

2, 3, 4, 9 mavis

Oh you guys...Lolz at the gay erotica reading session followed by appalled stampede to photo of Luca holding a baby.

I'm gonna miss you... <twinks away a small tear>

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 19:27:37

I know which 4 of those scenarios my money's on.

Oh & MTM - mess with one of Team A & you mess with us all. Just sayin'

Bonaceiux (?) & Richelieu scenes won't happen.

Think Richelieu will leg it rather than have to face any consequences/admit to any involvement.

Episode 1 - the bucket, swagger hat doff down street walk, need I go on.

Episode 9

All of them.

I fucking love it. LOVE IT!

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:33:20

confused wink grin

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 19:33:40

I think Richelieu will go out with a bang.

But not the sort MTM wants.

Bonacieux is a non-starter.

Treville? Surely not.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:36:07

twit well you know what? Another pair of arms would mean 10 MORE FINGERS. So every cloud and all that jazz.

<kicks Aramis or whichever one it is you like>

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:37:46

Right, am off to herd small twits in a bedwards direction, big twits in a 'GET ON WITH IT' direction, babyTwit hopefully in a 'please go,to,bed' direction and me in a tidy up neorealism bed way.
DH back soon, so I'll probably have to talk to him for a bit hmm
<dances around singing lalalala Aramis is coming tonight lalalala>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 19:38:15

Buusy day, I stink a la mode de 17th century France. Busy evening too so will check in later to say good night. Cardinal is all yours MTM up till then. sad Yes, that busy...

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:38:40

I think there is no denying that this Sunday's episode is probably going to have us on thread 15 by Monday lunchtime!

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:39:59

Haha, you just kicked Richelieu he is my favourite. Hahaha
He really is my favourite character. I will miss him.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 19:41:01

Hi drink hope to catch up with you soon.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 19:41:21

Oh yeh and episode 1, goes without saying. All of them apart from 6 and 7 actually. 6 was a waste of a good aramis-centric episode imo.

Please can someone tell me which 4 scenarios the producer confirmed in that twitter thing? I can see the 6 scenarios and the bla bla posts underneath but no producer???? <witless>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:42:26

Aaaw Drinky-poos, hun. (((((((((Hugz))))))))

I'll take care of Armand and I promise to hurt him as much as possible. He's a very naughty boy! Aren't you...I SAID AREN'T YOU?

<unties gag>



MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 19:45:00

Hello Drink - laters.

Good luck with the child herding and the dh chatting Twit.

Well, I haven't made a cake yet. Will do tomorrow. Nor have I done the work I was supposed to. Ah well. <rolls up sleeves> <pours wine> which episode shall I have.....

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 19:45:43

<glowers at Madame>

Why the fuck not 7? Huh?

<chews gum>
<twirls hair>
<blows bubble>

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 19:49:30

Hopefully see you later Drink

Love those pictures Twit

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 20:05:18

Oh god. <flicks through copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People>

malc it's just that I thought ninon was annoying and I didn't like the confusion over whether it was an athos-romantic episode or an aramis-romantic episode. And I really really didn't understand why aramis would have given ninon his gift from queenie, after giving her the stare and everything the week before.

Why, were there some good cardinal bits in it? I cant remember those. Do remind me.

Anne isn't around is she??? <scared> she has forbidden me from critiquing the plot.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:09:18



DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:10:23

There were no 'good bits', all his scenes are pure art, geddit????

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 20:11:40

<chucks HTWFAIP in the bin.>

<terrified whisper>


Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:13:00

He was poisoned and they got sex face from him writhing in panic and pain.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:14:43


LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 20:16:34

Excellent summary there from Twit grin

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:19:18

<strokes Drink like Ernst Stavro Blofeld's cat>

Who the hell ARE YOU Madame?

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 20:19:33


Have started episode 9 again.

It really is beautifully filmed. <misses point of thread>

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 20:20:03

Twit grin

Have started episode 9 again.

It really is beautifully filmed. <misses point of thread>

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 20:20:30

I clearly feel strongly about this.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:27:51

No everyone needs to fancy Cardinal but his PC's talents cannot be disputed!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:29:04

<looks smug>

See, Drink knows where it's at!

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 20:30:04

1. Friends and Enemies - loved it half nekkid Aramis
2. Sleight of Hand - Aramis protecting Queenie and giving her The Stare. Dog being fighty. Rain = wet musketeers
3. Commodities - Bonnaire was great. Billowy shirts. Drunk Athos flinging doors open
4. The Good Soldier - extra fighty Aramis. Cross Aramis. More rain = wet musketeers again
5. The Homecoming - CSI Musketeers, flirty Porthos, Athos taking his hood down.
6. The Exiles - stroppy king, top snark from Athos, Aramis, Constance sword fighting, Aramis holding a baby
7. A Rebellious Woman - Athos flirting, the fighting with books, that scene at the end between Dog and Constance <sigh>
8. The Challenge - church scene between Aramis and Porthos, fighting, grey shirt, me screaming at the telly for dog to look at Constance when she was finishing with him ^because she was crying you numpty"
9. Knight Takes Queen - practically everything.

And Cardinal being wonderfully, schemingly evil in everything.

Still can't choose.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:32:34

I. Agree mavis , it is beautiful, like art, you could freeze frame and the colours, lighting, scenery, props costumes! every thing is lovely.

BabyTwit is in bed.
SmallTwits are asleep
BigTwits are finishing homework
DH will be late
Aramis is here
We are ahem, busy.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:35:56

I think Madame needs to go back and study the threads from the number 1. Maybe then she'll get on with the program.

You see what you made me do, you see?! I have work to do!


Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:36:58

wtf I don't remember the homecoming one shock

Richelieu is my favourite character, PC does a fantastic job with him.

He still resembles an insect, which us good, emotionless,driven by instinct to survive etc etc.
And I still wouldn't.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 20:37:34

Fabulous summary there LetUsPrey. I would add: I really like the bit in Commodities where they do the 'prepare the patient' and Athos punches him. Mostly cos of how he says 'we've learnt from experience' .

Other key scene I really like is the bit where Richelieu does the deal with Ninon for her life and how he refers to the convenient corpse. Superb.

Ooh, and in the challenge I love the bits where they're practising for it, Aramis and the not looking shot, Porthos throwing the other chappie, Athos baiting Dog to improve his swordsmanship (fnar).

Love iPlayer.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 20:38:07

OMG Let Us thanks for your re-cap. It has made no difference, though, I just can't choose I FUCKING LOVE THEM ALL.

In answer to whoever asked it, the producer hasn't said which 4 are happening on Sun, that would spoil it, non? Just that 4 of them are

<Are all going to join in when they SAY IT?>

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:38:19

Court of muscles? Is hat he one?

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 20:38:32

Are WE all....?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:38:52

<raises eyebrow>

Has anyone ever seen this tumblr page??! warning: IT CONTAINS RUDE WORDS AND DIRTY CONFESSIONS!

Not my scene but some on here might like it.

<next page>
<next page>

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 20:39:21

it all came flooding back while I was putting ds in bed just now.

EMETIC!!!!!!!! EMETIC!!!!!!!

I massively apologise. Really liked the whole evil papal envoy bit of ep 7, and when Cardinal sent him back to Rome in a little wooden box. And the sex face obviously. Just that that whole storyline seems to have temporarily attached itself to some other episode in my head.

Sorry. It's just that if aramis isn't in a scene I sometimes drift off a bit.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:40:01

Muscles? Er, miracles Arf.

Yes, I might whisper it and squeeeeeee a bit.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:40:56

I am always here!

Episode 1 and Commodities which is 3 I think are my favourites, Commodities is just so funny and Aramis does his whip thing, followed closely by which ever one has Connie and Dog throwing weapons around. Then episode nine and them Aramis and baby.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:41:25

Ok Madame you're free to go.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:42:40


Is this one of those occasions when 'Never Google..../click on.....' should run through our minds?
and we never listen

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 20:42:49

And purely Athos bits, love the ice bucket, the orig sex face bit, the duty and pleasure, the do it, dooo it bit, the I'll pretend I didn't hear that bit, the Milady snog, the Gallagher snark, all the Convent bits esp the roll and the'they'll hang you'. I'm a tragic fool. But a happy one. Roll on the DVD.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:43:14

<kicks Twit in fanjo for the insults>
<kisses it better for the praise>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:43:23

Ok own up, which one of you wrote in that blog about sitting on Tom Burke's face?

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:43:52

I think letusprey's breakdown is pretty accurate.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 20:43:54

Love the way this episode (9) is shot. The nun raising the axe on the convent roof reminds me of something but can't remember what.

Also, and sounding really poncy I have liked the sound across the whole series. Peter Capaldi gives good echo!

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 20:44:12

Oh yes the whipping noise by Aramis <big sigh>

I will be simultaneously squeeeeeing and saying one for all when they say it on Sunday

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:45:11

[Grin] oh it's ace!

I bet this was Drink

"Peter Capaldi is so sexy! I want him as Samuel Kent in The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher. i have a thing about Victorian men- I want him in my bed in his night shirt, and I pull it up so I can stroke his beautiful arse."

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:46:26

Yes, they have clearly spent the budget making it look and sound amazing, so had to get some bloke from the pub to write the script for a pint and some pickled eggs.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:46:56

Oh please wenches read that link, it's actually hilarious!

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 20:47:19

Twit I think you just got struck off the invites list sad

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:47:29

"I want to sit on Louis Theroux’s naked lap and call him Daddy."


Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:48:28

<me after drink kicks me>
<me after drink kisses it better>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:48:45

Mavis the nun on the roof with axe reminds me of Morher India for some reason.

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 20:48:52

You're going a bit off-piste there MTM.

Although LT sounds like he should be a Musketeer in name alone

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:49:29

"I want Matt Smith to fuck me so hard I can’t walk the next day"

Don't we all, love, don't we all!

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:49:36

I'm already here writing it for favours free

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:50:25

I too wonder why nobody wants to sit on Rupert Penry-Jones's posh face.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:50:47

Ugh no. No no no.
I'd do PC before I did him. envy <-- boak face.

Love that Mavis felt compelled to add grin to that otherwise heartless msg.

Drink, your passion never fails to arouse me. I sometimes feel that a five way between Malcolm, Anne, Me, You and the Comtess, could get very, very, passionate angry.

Btw - it's not that I don't want the rest of you. Just that you don't necessarily fit into this particular unstable volatile scenario.

Mavis for instance, would barely be bothered to glance over us. We'd probably be doing it all wrong. And she wouldn't want to click on anything. <prude>

But there is something massively enticing to me about Malcolm's constant state of aggressive arousal, and Drink's borderline hostility towards all wenches. Diluted only by the occasional shed tear when she's on the prosecco tired.

Not sure what that says about me?

Sorry been typing that for aaaaaages! We're prob on different thread by now.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:52:21

anne we're too busy slapping it.

I feel like I recognise RPJ from RL in my childhood. 'Tis weird.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:53:43

OMG Andrew Scott is GAY??! No one fucking told me that! angry

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:53:51

Before RJP?!

I have a no blonde man rule mostly because one has never actually tried it on but ...

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:53:58

Right, I'm going in. On your head be it.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 20:55:05

Even I knew that mtm.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 20:55:25

I'd ride Penry Jones! Fo Shizzle.

<shoves face in Hannah's cleavage>

I fucking love you.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:55:44

I am always ready for a bit of aggression violence in the bedroom.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:55:46

Slander! slander!

I'm not borderline hostile or otherwise towards any wenches. Just toe the fucking party line, okay?!

grinsmile<--- you see, friendly smile!

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 20:56:41

Yeah, I thought the word 'borderline' was unnecessary to be honest.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 20:57:15

Whaaat? Andrew Scott gay??? No one told me <crazed eyeballs>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 20:58:29

<friendly Glaswegian kiss for Anne>

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 20:58:38

Sorry I'm not keeping up.... Just had to read that ENTIRE fucking tumblr.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 21:00:07

Yeah, Andrew scott prances like a little pony. I'm confused and shockthat anyone is shock.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:01:01

MTM - re Andrew Scott being gay - you're just getting that now? <have recently watched Riechenbach Falls>.

I think I said on an earlier thread, I'm seeing Andrew Scott on stage next month. Yay!

Oh, and Hannah I may have slightly, internet based, prudish tendencies but I do have hidden depths... <enigmatic> <not kidding anyone>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:01:28

Hahah comtess it's a good one! Some you think yes, some you think no. Some you didn't even realise you would!

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:01:52

I take it that being spread eagled across the tardis console was from you Malc?! Lots of River love on there eh. I always liked her in ER. Ahem. Anyway. Turns out we aren't the dirty dogs after all. Except you lot who've added your filth to the tumblr.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:01:57

MTM have a google of Richelieu Milady fanfic. I'm sure that will bring something up <fnar> you might enjoy <double fnar>

I also did not know Andrew Scott was gay

<sings Always The Last To Know>

Oh the long fingered garden fingering is definitely Malcolm, surely?

<punches Drink on the tit> <you fackin luv it you shlag>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:05:04

It wasn't me, but it's so wonderful to see that there are more of me out there!!

Haha "prances like a pony" I can see it now! but it never really occurred to me. These thespian types are camper than Glastonbury festival.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:05:39

<disappears into google>

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 21:06:15

What comtesse said.

"Two words: Luke Goss"


Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:09:19

Erm.... who is Andrew Scott????

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:09:35

Culture warning ...alert!

Unlike me to be highbrow but has Anne or the culture wench brigade mentioned that there is a three part audio adaptation on Radio 4 extra with Philip Glenister in it??! You can download on BBC iPlayer radio app.

Now, back to the filth < feels Mavis's stern teachers eyes on her, gets off slightly on this, acknowledges convent education>

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 21:10:43

I don't know why people like jack davenport either. Met him walking the dog when I was a kid and me and my friend both thought 'tosser' we were about 12 at the time grin

Disclaimer, I'm sure he's very nice now.

Some of those are just plain WTF?

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 21:12:30

Andrew Scott - Moriarty/Moriaty ? in Sherlock. Very good he is too.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:12:43

<hides alcohol consumption from resident thread GP> Oh, no, def less than 14 units per week...

I'm not a stern teacher. I teach the littlies. This might make my presence on this thread worse actually.

Forget I said that.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 21:12:51

Moriarty, sparkle.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 21:14:44

I never listen to the radio but I hear that radio 4 has lots of great stuff so I might get a little radio for the kitchen.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:14:44

Confesses that all this talk of sitting on faces has led to an interesting role reversal in my Aramis Athos threeway which I am working out in detail for contemplating in a bath shortly. But I also need him talking all snarky and posh, and be able to hear him so it's getting complicated. Fucking hell, life's tough at times.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:15:54


<starts fizzing>

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:16:47

Mavis, I love that. Love it. Ps noone tells the truth on the units per week. That's a given.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:18:30

Would DEFFO sit on Athos's face. And Porthos. And Traville's. Cardinal, well out of respect for the fact he is a man of the cloth I'd rather not say.

Probably not Dog and Aramis. Far too pretty for that filth.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:18:31

An adaptation of The Three Musketeers that is!! ( with Glenister. You can get the radio via normal.iPlayer btw.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:19:00

I find those details work themselves out Comtess grin

Glenister would make an excellent baddie in the new series. I like the idea of Jason Isaacs though.

I've plumped for Commodities.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:19:53

I've ready so much filth today, I feel like I've eaten a pot noodle! Dirty.

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 21:21:09

Good choice Letus, enjoy.

<whiplash noise>

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 21:21:43

<clears history >

I'm not going there again, far too addictive and sometimes shock

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:22:08

Oh god, malc, now because of my convent repressions I'm actually thinking yes to the cardinal/face. Bit dirty and wrong but mmmm. Think that could work!!! Bad, bad contess.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:23:15

I hope there's some decent extras on the blu-ray.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 21:24:03

I had 2 men beg me to sit in their faces. I'm nothing if not helpful. grin

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:24:05

Have just started 'Commodities' off the back of LetUsPrey's brilliant overview. The BBC should use it for the cover of the DVD which I'm clearly going to have to buy

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 21:24:47

Can I just say, thank god for homoerotic Musketeers fan fiction. I'm sure it's not exactly what the writers had in mind, but I have killed myself laughing at some of them.

My kids are absolutely doing my head in, they won't go to, and stay in, bed. I've had a shit day and have another one ahead tomorrow and I've realised I am a dunce as I can't do year 4 maths but that cheered me right up

<I think I might be slightly hysterical and will slump rocking in a corner shortly>

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 21:25:01

Bloody hell we will need a new thread tomorrow. MTM's prediction of thread 15 might cone true.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:25:06

Ah, good choice LetUsPrey. A fine episode.

Glenister? Really?

Nah. Don't get that one.

But then, I don't get Sean Pewtree pertwee ptetree? either. Sounds like an angry hobbit coming off helium.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 21:26:28

Aww stinkle
I'm still not going there though.

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 21:27:25

Agreed hannah

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 21:27:49

Hannah I completely agree

Twit Thu 27-Mar-14 21:28:25

Right, I'm off to bed.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 21:28:31

Are there any extras on the DVD?

Only I've got all the episodes safely tucked away to see me through the dry spell until series 2, thanks to Sky+

I'm not parting with cold hard cash if there's nothing else on there

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:12

Me too Letus I hope they're not just all the vts off the bbc musketeers website cos I've watched them all to death already.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:16


MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:21

I can't say I get Glenister but I do have some odd crushes Ken Stott anyone?? No accounting for hormones taste.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:32:49

The episodes are only available on iPlayer for another 10 days or so. I'm going to have to buy the dvd. We could have weekly monthly reruns in the tavern.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:33:02

"Any notion of a personal life ended the day ..... out of the gutter and made you my creature"

Excellent. And the look she gives him just seems to say Just Die

None of the homoerotic fanfic does anything for me, same for the Johnlock stuff (Sherlock)

Loved it when Madame Bonnaire bit d'Artagnan and Porthos just laughed at him grin

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:33:17

There'd better be extras as I'm going to have to buy it as in all the frenzy I forgot to record them at the start. And pretty soon they're gonna start falling off iPlayer <sob>

Now I'm going to have a think about what extras there needs to be.

I do know there's 4 discs <helpful>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:34:15

No. He'd not sample this wenches purse.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 21:35:46

Oh I'm definitely getting the DVD. Try and mother frisking stop me!

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:35:59

Mine should arrive on Monday. Very excited!

MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 21:36:25

Fucking hell. Have none of you properly watched Life on Mars? I mean come on.

I'm off too. Wenches, thoses were brilliant episode synopses earlier. Will have to revisit episodes 6 and 7 cos I feel I may have been too harsh on them first time round.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:37:19

DH just told me he's away 4 nights next week. Great for Muskeperv marathon I thought. Then he tells me he's off to the feckin CZECH REPUBLIC!!!!!!!!! <stamps foot, rolls on floor with toddler tantrum, whines> .

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:38:46

Here are the extras I'd like please:-

1. Footgage of them learning The Swagger
2. Costumes - discussion of the details while each musketeer models their own.
3. Hilarious out-takes of fucked-up lines & falling over & cast getting the giggles
4. Backstage access into actors' dressing rooms
5. Ditto hotel rooms
6. A special French/Spanish section courtesy of Cabrera

Anyone else?

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:38:50

If you could prepare the patient.



MadamedeChevreuse Thu 27-Mar-14 21:39:53

<runs back>

Nooooooooooo comtesse!!!!!

Can't you kneecap him and go in his place or something??

Random thought - doesn't Luca have just the most gorgeous genuine smile ever. The boy has come a loooooong way.

I think it's fair to say, that we would all give the 'feathery stroker' one or several now.

Bless 'im

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:41:50

I think it's fair to say that Anne & I have said that right from the start.

So back of the queue

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:43:05

I do agree though - he is seriously one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:43:34

That is some bouffant hair he's got going on in that flashback.

I could totally live in Athos's house - pre-fire of course.

OMG it could be the Muskewenches' house! <hopes no one has already suggested this>

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 21:43:48

Agreed Hannah - I think he's the most predisposed to good comedy. Originally I thought he was 'well placed pretty boy' a la bloke from Atlantis. However he has grown on me through repeated viewing.

Comtess! Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Why does he have to go there?

And more to the point, why the feckin feck, are we not scheduled to go with him?




<scratches own eyes out in pure jealous rage>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 21:44:33

Can't you go with him. Comtesse? What do you have him for?!

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:46:00

My DH has actually worked for the BBC & did he get to work in Prague? Salford Quays more like angry

Sparkle - stop trying to lure me with your aggression. You minx wink <pokes Sparkle in the vadge>

Well Salford Quays is alright innit. He still got his room swipey passes for motel?

Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 21:48:00

I did agree re his prettiness Hannah. So we are as one.

Neverthless, you are behind me in The Queue.

But you can go waaaaay in front of me in Queue Athos - if he ever turns up.

He will, he will.

when I get off him

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:53:25

Aramis speaking Spanish.

Very very cross Porthos

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:55:54

I truly cannot believe it. He usually has to.go to boring industrial parks in Germany or Poland. It just seems a real twist of the knife. I'm fucking furiously jealous. Although I'm pretty sure theyve got a perimiter around the bootcamp with descriptions of us all for security. But even so. Grrrr.

Dear Hannah
I'm thinking of punishing my husband in various ways for a misdemeanor he won't understand unless he gets hold of my internet ramblings.

How do I proceed??

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 21:59:40

Sparkle, you've reminded me that Burke still hadn't been spotted in the CR. Maybe I don't mind quite so much. Where the feck is he though? Hannah, where have you got him?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 27-Mar-14 22:00:06

Oh Comtess what a fucking WASTE. can't you leave the bastard?

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:01:17
Sparklegeek Thu 27-Mar-14 22:02:42

All I know is that he is working beneath the radar of the Social Network channels. How cunning.

And listen Comtess, if those 4 girls earlier can get up close & personal with sweaty Aramis then we sure as hell can. Security schmecurity.

"Fifty sous & I'll take you to heaven"


LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:03:49

Milady just found Athos in the house. She seems a big miffed with him.

Letusprey - 2 of your last 3 posts have not been links. Is this as should be?

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 22:09:02

I really don't like his nostrils. I think that is what puts me off. I do however think he has an incredibly sexy voice.

Comtess that's truly shit.

I have decided to dream fantasise about meeting the boys in a salsa bar on my birthday. I will be dancing with both Luke and Santiago however it will end with me and Santi.

Letusprey great choice in episode. It is my favourite I think. The Cardinal was great when he told Bonnaire that his life depended on it.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:09:07

Yes grin. I'm rewatching Commodities and giving my own little running commentary to myself

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 22:11:44

Ooh I love the whole bit in the house. Do it. Dooo it. <gush> . <tries to cheer self up. Fails. Kicks chicken and punches it hard a la prepare the patient punch>.

Fuck. Fuckity fuck.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 22:11:49

I am very much enjoying it Prey.

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 22:13:55

I think I may have to track down Third Star now

I recorded all the episodes, they don't disappear unless I delete them <no fucking chance> so I'll put the cash into the Prague fund

Countess LTB! (That's the first time I have ever said that on here grin

Stinklebell Thu 27-Mar-14 22:14:31

Argh, shitepad, I meant Comtesse

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:15:08

Is there any chance you could disguise yourself as your husband just in case he happens to be indisposed? Could I disguise myself as your husband and go in his place?

Execution? Imprisonment? Whipping? <whipping noise> <thud>

<hits rewind - again>

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 22:17:07

LetUs, btw love your idea about us wenches moving into the Chateau De La Fere. Bagsie the nice bedroom with the couch. Mines a big bottle of dusty wine with a weird cork stopper. At least now I've got a new address I can LTB!!!!

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:19:37

Love the bit at the end where they're pretending to protect Bonnaire and then Aramis and Porthos have their little pretend fight grin

Dear Comtess

<plays tape>

The clinic is now closed until 9:00 a.m tomorrow morning. If you have an emergency, please call the out of hours service on 011-4-1 1-4-011 696969. Alternatively please leave your msg and I will endeavour to get back to you, first thing, on the morrow.


Please replace the handset and try again. Please replace the handset and try again

Haha! My number linked! Don't call it. I have no fucking idea what it does.

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 22:24:29

Dear Hannah

Can't believe you've fucked me with the out of hours service. I'm off to the Chateau de la fere (pre-burn) and locking myself in....

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 22:42:44

Look how beeautiful he is smile

No insect in sight.

QueenAnneofAustria Thu 27-Mar-14 22:48:07

Since Dog is otherwise engaged with Sparkle and Its Twits turn on the rota, Porthos and I are going to get drunk and probably shag like animals in the hall.

See you in the morning.

MavisGrind Thu 27-Mar-14 22:53:08

I've been out with the Dog an am now turning in. Night wenches.

LetUsPrey Thu 27-Mar-14 22:55:58

He reminds me of someone else in that picture Drink but I can't think who.

Right then, I'm going to bagsy (no, not like that) Treville before all that's left is the king.

Night wenches

LaComtessdelafere Thu 27-Mar-14 23:02:31

Looks a bit Michael Sheen in that pic to me.

<closes shutters in Chateau, swaggers off to down glasses of red and caress bouffy portrait>

Night wenches.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 27-Mar-14 23:15:29

Blind wenches!
<shakes fist>

I don't think this, but do you mean Billy Connelly, Prey?

Fortunately for my clients, I decided to do a little over time this evening.

See you in morning wenches.

So, Comtess, ..... please sit down, on my slightly uncomfortable leather couch.

Actually, do you mind if I call you Cum for short?
Comtess seems so half-assed/fraudulent, what with it missing an E on the end, and all. <hollow phoney laugh>

Well Cum.... Seems to me, you have yourself, a bit of a "situation"....... <checks notes>..... Soooo, let me get this straight..... <flicks notes back and forth importantly>.... Hubby is off to Czechland, and you're not invited? He has never been anywhere like that previously, and you feel this is all a bit of an unfair, inconveniently timed, coincidence? <head tilt>

<sucks Athos willy shaped pen seductively - because everything I do is thoughtfully>

Oh Cum. <sigh> Oh Cum, Cum, Cum.

There is no "coincidence" I'm afraid. It is blindingly obvious. To everyone but you, it would seem.You poor, simple, cerebrally challenged girl. <mock pity>

Your husband is clearly gay. He has found your stash online. Has discovered the impending Prague Wench Trip. And with an ill timed link, has discovered the Every Man For Himself Homoerotica website.
In a fit of lust, panic and jealousy, he has invented this "work" trip to get himself over there forthwith, on the off chance that Athos (suspected borderline gay/straight), can be swung firmly in his, dh, direction. Namely between his legs, and up into his Starship Enterprise.

The only thing you can do at this stage, the only thing.... is to book yourself in for a sex change operation immediately. In fact, if you can - have a go at it yourself. Will save time.

Lose the boobs, Steri-Strip the vadge, and stitch on a penis. (Ask at your local butchers for any off cuts. But I wouldn't go bigger than a sheep. Bull might be a step too far!) <eye roll>

Grow a beard don't shave for a few days, buy yourself some leather garments, practise your Cuban heel swagger, and perfect the ultimate smoulder/cutting remark delivery.

Then, and only then, do you stand a chance.
Lure Dh back in with talk of shared years, Dcs, your extensive knowledge of the human anatomy, a never ending supply of surgical gloves and those tongue spatula things, and a mutual fondness for Athos.

He, inevitably, will break down and beg for your forgiveness.

At which point you will deliver your pièce de résistance... You will look at Dh, as Sandy did at Danny, on the love shack ride at the end of Grease, with her stilletoed foot on his shoulder - only yours will be Cuban heel on (blue) pauldron - and you will say, in your best 'couldn't give a shit' tone, "It will be my duty, and my pleasure"

Cue the joyful reunion music. Crisis averted.

Then, <dramatic> ... you kneecap the bastard. Change yourself back. Have the tickets changed to your name, plus one - me, and hot foot it over to Czech to get our man.

In fact, they will all need testing for gayness, in case the HomoFictionSite boys, have invaded, dressed as wenches.

Cum - you will need to take one for the team. You will need to take one for all of us, from all of them. All for one, and one for all! <Hurrah>

And they all lived happily ever after. except for dh locked in basement

<looks at watch>

Well, I'm afraid our time is up. Why don't you go and work on that for the weekend.

(Invoice in post)


~ Where sharing, is always caring ~

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 06:36:05

Drink I think we should have one more just to make sure he really is beautiful...yes I conclude he is.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:06:19

Morning by the way! Oh it's Friday. Which means it's almost SEXMAS DAY! But it's a torturous one this week.

If I ruled the worlds (and one day I will) I would schedule 6 months of Musketeers and 6 months of Doctor Who. All men would have long hair and sensible sexy facial hair.

Also I've though about it and I'd bloody love to sit on Aramis's face.

Oblomov Fri 28-Mar-14 07:07:34

Back to read HUGE amount of posts since last night!!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:18:41

Oh I know Oblomov. They talk such rubbish, filling up these threads with disgusting and crude conversations! All I've wanted to do is discuss the plot. SHAME ON THEM!

<rides cardinal in confession booth>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:25:48

Oh I am SO excited for Sunday! It's going to be amazing. I've ordered the DVD and the new book. Richelieu Musketeers will never leave me!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:30:26

Let's take a moment to appreciate the best actor in the entire series and on earth ever and his lovely, lovely, lovely blue eyes...


Oblomov Fri 28-Mar-14 07:31:13

LetUsPrey's episode summary was fab.

Moriaty is gay? Who knew. Joins in with 'always the last to know'.

Hannah's counselling sessions with Cumtess is beyond funny. Hannah your writing style is getting better and better.
Have you actually started the dirty novel yet.
I hope so, young lady. Jump to it. And yes. That IS an order.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:31:15

<tries to think about something else>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:34:30

I think Hannah will rake it in with her services. I actually think the BBC will employ her as their own personal psychiatrist and pay her with both money and unlimited access to the Musketeers wardrobe department at any time!

Oblomov Fri 28-Mar-14 07:36:59

miserable athos

Oblomov Fri 28-Mar-14 07:38:39

Christ, we've got to get one of us in there.
other than comtess's friggin husband.

Oblomov Fri 28-Mar-14 07:39:39

I mean on set. Into the wardrobe/ adjusting , doing anything (quite frankly), on set.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:42:52

Whoever it is, we can wire them. They can scan the joint, get inside info for us. We can then work out a strategy that'll mean we can all get in through a window or even dig a tunnel. Once we are in, if we live there for a few months unseen then we can claim some sort of sitting tenancy surely?

Sparklegeek Fri 28-Mar-14 07:45:34

DH casually dropped into the conversation last night that it was a shame he's no longer at the BBC as he could've got me all the inside info from the musketeers web development team

I'm LTB angry

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 07:48:27

Oh my goodness, how many bad DH do we wenches have?! Sparkle I hope you told him that he will have to live in the Bastille?

LaComtessdelafere Fri 28-Mar-14 07:52:35

Sparkle. Gulp. That's an actual tangible thing. Wtf is it with these men? So near and yet so far...

Right I'm off to work, (via the butchers to inspect the offcuts). Thanks for opening late for me Hannah. I think.I still prefer the Cuntess tho, you know, conversationally between us.

Laters wenches

LaComtessdelafere Fri 28-Mar-14 07:57:08

Athos alert!!!

Mrs Athos has a pic from Howie's instagram of 'Brother Athos'. He's been following us!! He's acknowledged the call for evidence.
(Can't see date/time but think from yesterday..

Thanks Howie. I do think you're fucking lovely.


Fuck, I'm now very late.

LetUsPrey Fri 28-Mar-14 07:59:53

Morning wenches. Hannah, excellent advice there.

I've a family member <keeping it vague> who works at the BBC. Something in the IT/web stuff. Hmmmmm.

And because I'm running a bit late this morning, I'm re-posting grey shirt and leaning because I love it

DrinkFeckArseGirls Fri 28-Mar-14 08:01:51

Fuck that motherhood angry

I always get ready whilst DD eats breakfast so I fewl guilty/ put CBeebies on. Then she doesn't eat just stares at the screen = more guilt.

So I think: I need to sit with her, obviously.well, so no she has audience there is milk spitting back un to the ball, finger dipping in my coffee and laughing like a horse. Whilst I'm still not dressed and ready to leave. How do you get ready in the morning and interact with tour children? confused

DrinkFeckArseGirls Fri 28-Mar-14 08:02:17

In to her bowl.

Twit Fri 28-Mar-14 08:02:42

'he reminds me of someone else'

Yeah, me too mtm, me too.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 08:04:08

Oh Comtess this one...

Look at the shirt and the chest. Ooooof!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 08:05:36

<shoves handful of live mantises down twits cleavage>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 08:07:18

Oh bloody hell I have so much to do today and I can be arsed to do absolutely none of it.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 08:08:35

Drink cbeebies is there to keep us sane! Use it to it's full advantage!

Mr Bloom? Hell yes.
Andy? Definitely!

Oblomov Fri 28-Mar-14 08:10:42

Te he.

Am NOT in charge of children. Still not dressed. AND ds2 has his school photo today. But has gone into the cupboard and has helped himself to a brainlicker. So now he has blue tongue, teeth, lips. All over cheeks.

what was that? You said about getting children ready on time. Not here, I'm afraid.
Not happy angry

Twit Fri 28-Mar-14 08:10:47

drink there are many days when I am getting ready and the Twits have to fend for themselves in the morning, with me shouting down the occasional order reminder of what they should be doing.

LetUsPrey Fri 28-Mar-14 08:11:15

Just had another look at that PC picture posted last night.

Bizarrely he looks a bit like Hugh Jackman.

Twit Fri 28-Mar-14 08:13:21

Right am off to herd the SmallTwits to school.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 08:16:07

He's got such a lovely sparkle in those blue eyes. Oh and his cheek bones and his smile, and the beautiful lines on his beautiful face. He's so nice I love him.


QueenAnneofAustria Fri 28-Mar-14 08:22:01

Morning Wenches. Glad that the Athos panic is over. Phew. The thread may have combusted what with OC not being around and then Athos too!

The little Princes mostly get themselves ready whilst I shout for them to hurry up etc. the littlest prince follows me around begging to get dressed.

In the DH stakes I have a good one this morning, he woke up and said he would take DC to school. I am almost face him a blow job there and then but thought I take them all the time and get nothing for my trouble.

Anyway he is in good books.

My bedroom looks like a launderette so my one task today is to get all clothes into a wardrobe and clean and dry.

Sparklegeek Fri 28-Mar-14 08:23:49

I know Comtess. So effing far.

The thing is, as of 2 weeks he needs a new contract anyway so I've told him to get that CV in the post pronto. And to actually get himself ON their team. And with me on board I could tell them EXACTLY what needs to go on their webpage. But it would involve me and a couple of my assistants to go out to Prague to interview them/arrange photoshoots.

I'm liking this plan more & more.

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 08:46:03

Morning all,

Mornings here are chaos, with me mainly bellowing up the stairs like a fishwife, we make it out of the door on time, but only by the skin of our teeth - DD's school being virtually next door helps, as does working from home, as it means I really only have to pull jeans on over yesterday's knickers and wave from the gate

Day of reckoning with DH this afternoon, will be pacing around and obsessively clicking on musketeers links all morning (should do some college work really but...pfft)

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 08:56:49

Morning wenches. I hate being rushed in the mornings so get up ridiculously early so I'm sorted before the dcs are up. Doesn't stop daily 'we're late!' shouts up the stairs though.

Hope all is good with dh stinkle.

Laters wenches, I have stuff to do. Like the cake I failed to make yesterday.

Mornings here are spent trying to get dd to eat herfeckinbreakfast! That girl would take an hour AN HOUR to eat two slices of toast, given half a chance.
Weekend day, she would inhale it within seconds. Oh the injustice!
I have been known to make every threat under the sun and have often shoved her out the door clutching it. This happens whether up 1 or 3 hours before school.

Drink - don't over worry about these things. Bit of ceebeebies in the morning is nothing! We can't all fit in stimulating/educational conversation over the breakfast table. You're a busy mum. You do your best. She will learn stuff from it, honestly.

Right then hos, looks like we're all "busy" today. Have good ones all of you.

Sparkle - kill him. Letusprey - that job needs to be got. By any means necessary!

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:11:52

Morning wenches. Ditto Mavis's dh wishes Stinkle.

Another picture of the lads minus Athos in their beanies.

I cant express highly enough my respect for those (all??) of you with jobs / multiple children who STILL manage to find the time to keep this thread filled with porn and laughter.

Anyway. EMPTY HOUSE EMPTY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's that you say Aramis? Bugger the rota, you're going to fuck me to the moon and back for the next two hours? Go on then.

<Runs around house naked with Aramis while other wenches are off meaningfully contributing to society.>

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 28-Mar-14 09:16:19

I agree with cbeebies. Currently convinced I have a three year old palaeontologist on my hands. He honestly wouldn't know what a triceratops was if it wasn't for Andy.

Contemplating another coffee before attempting laundry.

DS1 and DS2 being picked up by my mum and going for a sleepover so hoping to get everything done, chill out with the little one and get him to bed early. Nice long bath tonight and sort out all my revision ready for starting once Aramis has left after our lengthy adieus over Sunday/Monday.

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 09:19:50

I was actually posting from bed Madame wink Dcs at their dads so I get a sneaky lie in. I am now up and clearly avoiding doing any work.

This thread is a bit light on pictures. Instead of getting on with what I should be doing I will scour the internet.

<and that is how approx. 10 wenches who work and have dcs have managed to write almost 10,000 posts in less than 5 weeks...>

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:20:11

mtm YES Andy and Mr Bloom. Top two cbeeboys.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 09:20:56

How GREAT would they both look dressed as Musketeers???

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 09:21:32

Madame I think you and I are actually as one! <love>

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 28-Mar-14 09:22:04

We should collaborate on some kind of money making scheme, we clearly all have the commitment for something that interests us.

Madame do as you will, I have 48 straight hours coming to me and it will include the emotional turmoil that us Subday night

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:24:23

And with beards!! Err...maybe not Andy. But Mr Bloom definitely.


Mavis it's down to you and me. The wenches are depending on us.

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 09:26:37

Athos beginning to crumble at the thought of life without the wenches..

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:28:18

God, it's been years since I last suffered cbeebies, there wasn't a lot of perving potential then, must investigate, it's got to be better than bloody Cartoon Network and I-fucking-Carly although I do quite fancy the person who plays Carly's older brother

Whatever happened to the Boobahs? DD1 was utterly obsessed by them

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:29:35

Oops got distracted from Mr Bloom quest...

Anne dont worry I'll get him to save a bit for you.

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 09:29:47

Happy Musketeers! <clearly not featuring Athos>

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:29:49

Have we had the sex faces yet on this thread?

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 09:31:38

Ooooh, the things I'd do to this man......

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 09:33:11

My duty, and pleasure Stkinkle.

Right, I'm all out of pictures. I have to do some work now.

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:33:36

To be fair, Athos has been a bit smilier the last few episodes. He hasn't laughed yet, but there's definitely evidence of a smile there. Although, we're back to abject misery on Sunday.

Perhaps he'll progress to actually laughing in series 2 if he's in it

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 09:34:33

bloody hell is that Mr Bloom??!?? <ditches cardinal>

Stinky, boobahs was completely mental. Like, really, really mental. Absinthe and LSD cocktails ahoy!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 28-Mar-14 09:35:28

Cardinal's sex faces are much better.

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:37:33

God yeah, Madam is that Mr Bloom? (Whoever he may be). bollocks to Athos, off to find Cbeebies <fickle>

MTM Boobahs were mad, we used to play an online game which seemed to solely consist of making them fart. I loved it

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:39:11

Sorry Hannah, I know you patented The Sex Face, but that second one is most definitely the best one out of the two

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:41:52

Is this the Mr Bloom you're all perving over? Really?

Erm...sorry Athos, will you take me back?

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 09:45:27

And Andy? Cbeebies pickles your brain you know grin

MavisGrind Fri 28-Mar-14 09:50:45

I've always liked you Stinkle... Now stop wasting pictures on CeBeebies presenters. We can google them if we need to. <teacher voice>

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:52:00

Mtm Stinkle it's Aramis ffs!!!!!

Like how we're slowly chipping away at Malc's devotion to Cardinal. Back of the Aramis queue, Malc.

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:54:27

And another...

If you google Santiago in Spanish you get loads more good photos. <smug>

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 09:57:56

No stinkle this is the Mr Bloom I perv over.

AnotherHelenB Fri 28-Mar-14 10:02:35

erm... <meanders back to thread after several days of RL, and several hours of catching up on the threads!>

Tom Burke is definitely in the next season, you can look up who is and who isn't easily enough. Do I say how and risk being shouted at for spoilers?

Re. extras for DVDs/Blue-rays, I suggested action figures some threads ago (stupidly near the end of the thread in the middle of a live commentary, so no-one noticed, and now I can't even find it)

Anyway, obviously all figures need to have moving sword arms and weapons, plus extra grime and sweat to add to your taste, then as extras:
Carndinal - needs swishy cloack and twiddly fingers
Athos - needs bottle of wine and something to lean against...
and then I ran out of inspiration sad

<wanders back to RL again>

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 10:03:34

I still don't see it nor Malc's obsession with PC for that matter

I did quite fancy this bloke from Tikkabilla though

Stinklebell Fri 28-Mar-14 10:05:00

Helen link it, we can click if we want to which of course I will

AnotherHelenB Fri 28-Mar-14 10:14:33

Problem is, now I'm pretty sure I know who's in that coffin, and I'm not sure I really wanted to know before I watched it.

You need to search for the actors on and then scroll down the screen to the listing of their work. (I did put in links to them all and then took them out again because I couldn't decided whether to include my coffin suspect or not... dither... wibble... etc.)

MadamedeChevreuse Fri 28-Mar-14 10:15:29

Hi AnotherHelen. Liking your action figures idea.

Dog - special cloak pocket for Nokia Lumia.

Aramis - GUM appointment card.

QueenAnneofAustria Fri 28-Mar-14 10:15:37

Stinkle - wtf! Andy is ok, but I prefer Dr. Ranj.

DS3 just got excited when he saw a picture of Mr. Bloom and Andy.

Madame - enjoy him while you have him, that picture is delicious. When you say google Santiago in Spanish I assume you mean those exact words?! COnfusing myself.