One For All And All For One. Muskewenches Are ALWAYS Ready. Part III

(1000 Posts)
MalcolmTuckersMistress Tue 04-Mar-14 21:58:38

Part 1

part 2

Well would you look at THAT! These threads are coming quicker than a wench in the Cardinal's Wine Cellar Of Sin.

Welcome to part THREE! We can now post pictures...HURRAH! That was a successful outcome to a Wench driven campaign.

Please feel free to look around and interact with the exhibitions. Toilets are second on the right and there is a vending machine for refreshments situated near the back entrance. Come and go as you please, but please remember CARDINAL RICHELIEU IS MINE you must pay for all breakages.

Let the feasting commence!



MavisGrind Tue 04-Mar-14 22:17:41

Hannah, it is your job, nay, your duty (to be completed with pleasure) to post the Athos Sex face picture on every thread. There will probably be a further 30 threads to this one so should keep you busy (while I sneak off with Athos myself).

This is a somewhat elaborate placemark. I'm not loosing you all this time. No Siree <scuttles back to part II>

AnneWentworth Tue 04-Mar-14 22:54:51

Hannah- do you get another six pictures now we have a smutty new thread (profound thanks to Malcolm).

Lets get this party started. A gift to all those leaving my love alone ...

Itsjustajumptotheleft Tue 04-Mar-14 22:57:49

Can I just say, for my first post (am not a troll, I have lurked for months!!) I feckin love each and every one of you. I've followed these threads and am crying with laughter (whilst drooling over the many pics of Athos !). As you were ;-)

PS: I would so do Athos yum

MalcolmTuckersMistress Tue 04-Mar-14 23:24:42

Oh now, I don't know which is sexiest...Athos or that luuuuurvely horse!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Tue 04-Mar-14 23:37:20

Hahaha drink you are a biaaaaatch!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 04-Mar-14 23:38:28


DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 04-Mar-14 23:38:57

Good morning and good night. X

MalcolmTuckersMistress Tue 04-Mar-14 23:39:44

Right I'm off for zzzzzzz. Cardinal says so! Nighty night wenches!

I'm sorry to break it to you JustaJump... But... erm... no you wouldn't!

You see, there is a mahoosive queue, it's take a ticket and wait your turn.

But all the while he is married to ME, he won't be out to play with any of you hussys anytime soon!

Oh game over is it??

Well night night to you too and your shitty game!

Fanny friends.

LetUsPrey Tue 04-Mar-14 23:43:54
DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 04-Mar-14 23:46:16

He looks like falsified everywhere depiction of Jesus there.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 04-Mar-14 23:46:38

Seriously. Night, wenches.

Night Wench Drink.

Night Wench Malcolm

Night Wench LetusPrey

Night Wench Anne

Night Wench Atia

Night Wench Obloms

Night Wench Mavis

LetUsPrey Tue 04-Mar-14 23:50:12

Night cumly wenches.

I am off to bed and would very much like an Aramis/LetUsPrey shagathon dream pleaseandthankyouverymuch

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 04-Mar-14 23:50:26

Are you trying to kill this thread, already?! grin

LetUsPrey Tue 04-Mar-14 23:51:00

grin Drink

Night Wench Stinkers

Night Wench Hector

AtiaoftheJulii Tue 04-Mar-14 23:53:24

Night all!

Actually I must fit in one last photo before midnight - off to look for one.

errrrr.... <panics>...

Night Wench <muffles>

.... oh... I'm breaking up... what's that?... I.. can't ... hear.. yo-------------------------------------------------------------------

Please replace the handset and try again. Please replace the handset and try again-----------------------


AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 00:00:12

What, two of us aren't enough? You want Gaius Baltar too?

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 06:10:58

Can't believe I went to bed last night, thinking that you would all do so too.
And that you'd still be on thread 2 this morning.
Silly Obs!!!

Well done Hannah for remembering to post the thread link. I KNEW you'd all get carried away!!

I still can't see Hannah's links. Most upset. Plus my MN has gone wierd, and I have a speech bubble to reply in. What is that?????

I so love the Athos links that I CAN see though.

Re joiners/ new members, as Hannah says they need to get in the HUGE line, and wait their turn for Athos, Aramis, and the Cardinal particularly.
Should we introduce a lidl meat counter 'ticket machine', so that we don't get any queue jumping?

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 06:35:57

AND on my phone app, not only is there no picture, but there's just a gap. No indication that someone has even posted a picture.
So I don't even know when a picture has been posted.
<<goes off to look at main computer, so can catch up on wtf has been going on..... Will have to repeat, sporadically>>

Am severely narked.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 06:50:02

Am back. From the main computer. Back on my phone.
Nowwwwww I get it. Now I get what the fuss was all about.

Have seen all the photos.

Oh bugger. Am not happy about not being able to follow thread on phone. Is just un-follow-able.

REALLY REALLY narked. angry

All this crap about iphones and mn being nothing like on your phone, nothing like what it is on a computer. DRIVES ME WILD!!!!!!!!!!


WeAreDetective Wed 05-Mar-14 06:54:07

Morning all!

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 07:08:58

Hey, my photo buttons haven't come back! 6 a day? When does the day start again then?

Obloms, I am on an android phone, but I use the mobile site on it rather than the app - always preferred it, and you can see the photos, although only in small.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 07:46:34

I <<of crap technology skills>> don't even know how to link to still photos. Will someone please explain<< in idiot proof D'artagnan speak>>. Please

I now have iPhone app and mn mobile on my phone. Switching between the 2, so that I can follow the photos thread. At all.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 07:55:12

The way I do it on my iPad and iPod Touch is: (please note terminology probably incorrect)

When you've got the picture you want, press and hold on the long name in the address bar until it brings up an option to select all. Press that and then press copy. Go to your MN page and type in a message like you normally do and paste in the link by pressing on the screen where you want to put it and then pressing paste.

That probably doesn't make any sense and there's most likely a simpler way of doing it, but that's how I do it.

I only do one at a time though because sometimes if I go away from the MN page to browse for more stuff, when I come back my message has gone.

Morning all by the way

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 07:56:35


The photos the photos the photos! Perhaps it's WITHIN 24 hours from when we start? Oh no.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 07:58:19

How about just pressing the "view full site" option at the very, very, veeeeery bottom of the page?

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 08:00:56

Are you lot because I consider you lot hard core and myself merely an Athos admirer seriously up to Part 3? Over 2000 posts on the musketeers. Well I never!

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 08:09:05

HectorVector we obviously spend a lot of time discussing the finer points of the plot, historical accuracy, and various other in depth <fnar> issues and that is why the threads get filled up so quickly.

For instance, here's a very important plot point involving me.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 08:10:12
LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 08:12:35

Is it up to six images per 24 hours? I've noticed I've got one left now underneath my add your message box. I'm assuming I've posted five.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 08:13:39

Do you think after 2000 posts we should discuss the plot now? The bigger picture?


Me neither.


Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 08:16:02

Yes, lots of discussion on authenticity of 1630 etc etc.


More links of Athos Please.
And a few of Aramis aswell.

will keep me most happy wet

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 08:18:36

I have 6.
Just can't work out how to do it. Yet. Bugger. (Thanks for tips LetUsPrey, will try and work it out, after I have finished work)

Is it 24 hrs from when you first posted your first picture? Or 24 hrs from when you used your 6th?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 08:19:33

We need more Athos. Definitely. LOADS of Athos.

Cardinal levels are satisfactory.

Aramis we need more of him topless. I'm fact we need him ONLY topless.

Porthos too. Topless and with his naughty, naughty grin.

And we all know what the other one looks like. Yeah yeah yeah very pretty. Meh. (Still would!)

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 08:20:35

Thread 3?? shock

How much time have we wasted on this?

If I had spent even half the time on things I'm supposed to be doing my house would be spotless, I'd be up to date with work and all my college work would have been handed in on time

Ahh, but it's been worth it grin

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 08:21:22

OBLOMOV! Go to the bottom of the page to select "View as" option!

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 08:27:28

And we have pictures. My life is complete

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 08:29:18

Aramis we need more of him topless. I'm fact we need him ONLY topless.

Your wish is my command, o glorious leader

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 08:35:44

I see this as him saying to me "your wish is my command"

And on that note I'd better get DS2 to school and myself to the internet drought that is work

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 08:43:18

I can picture the daily mail headline now "Mumsnet crashes due to their members unhealthy obsession with the Muskateers" - ladies, ladies think of the servers, will no one think of the servers!!!!

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 08:46:34

On a separate note I googled Porthos in google images and all of the images are of this little chap?! (star a trek apparently).

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 08:47:10

Star a trek?! Star Trek obviously.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 09:26:16

Oh yes wenches! Well done with Wednesdays Topless Aramis challenge!

Hector...I laugh because you must be on an iPad. My one loves to throw "a" in, in the middle of things all the fucking time. Doctor a Who. See, that's it's favourite.


I'm not sure what phone you have, or how much of an explanation you need, but here is my perving by numbers offering....

I am on an iphone 4s. I use the MN mobile site NOT the app. I get photos now and can link. The photos are small but I just swipe fingers (ooerrrr) to enlarge.

I did all of my links up to the Athos breaching MN storyline, here on my iPhone (sat pm) Yes it pita, but needs must.

However, when I click on my own links it sometimes gives me the image on its own, and other times takes me to the tinypic page grrrrr. BUT, I have noticed that on laptop the links go straight to picture on its own. So I console myself with that!

Linking: two ways - either press and hold on picture until options come up to save the photo. On phone it says save image. On laptop I select 'save as..' which takes me to photos, where I just hit save again. The photo is now in my photo stash. From here I upload to a tinypic account.

If you want to use tinypic let us know. We can explain, but I won't type it all otherwise.

second way: on internet, click on pic you like until it is on its own, unless it is part of page you want to use whole of. From there tap and hold on the address bar. Hit select all, then copy. Or just copy depending on your device. Once copied, go to MN page. In message box, type [[ then with no space, tap and paste your link. Then leave 1 space type whatever text you want like 'l@@k at Athos big willy here' then leave no space and type ]] to close. These instructions are underneath the message box.

Play around and hit preview. If your link is working it will change colour (in preview). Tap on it to see if it works. If your link stays black and does nothing, there is a mistake. Check your typing. Remember [[ no space type link leave 1 space type message]]
You don't have to type a msg. It will just show link text instead.

The mobile site isn't as good as laptop obviously, but I've survived on it long enough am just truly dedicated not a sad muppet

Good luck and if I completely misunderstood your needs, then at least it didn't take you as long to read this msg as it took me to type it so feck ye sorry about that. I'm a twat

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 09:31:04

What is it with iPads? Why do they think they know what we want to type more than we do ourselves?

Fucking thing...

iPhones are not much better. I speak a whole other language that I wasn't aware of.

I've read lots about so called "time wasting" on these ere threads. And that we're going to get slated in the Daily Mail for crashing servers etc etc

So, I've got my journalist cap on to save the poor darlings some 'work'......

Just how much is this thread impacting on your lives?... <proffers voice recorder to thread>

Come on people, let's have your not so stealthy boasts of dedication to mid life crises the cause.

Stinkers has already gone. But a bit more elaboration would be good. Over sharing, as always, is very welcome.....

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 09:45:12


I die cruel rich anal.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 09:45:36

Actually, to be fair, my work avoidance techniques are very well honed.

I could be wasting my time buying pretty clothes online, lusting over shoes that would cripple me or watching videos of cats on YouTube, DH should actually be grateful, the Musketeers are saving him from bankruptcy grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 09:51:37

MTM you are quite a beacon of productivity.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 09:58:47

Anyway, bidding you farewell to deal with yet another crappy work day.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 09:58:49


I work as an stay at home mother artist so mental creativity is essential to my productivity.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 09:59:58

Think of those punishing fingers Drink! Oh now that would be something worth <ahem> coming home to.

So Stinkers what you're saying is that the musketeers are potentially saving your marriage?

<applauds> <pride>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 10:16:18

Ha ha! Yes.

I'm also not watching Homes Under the Hammer instead of sorting out the spare room hmm

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 10:19:31

I am indeed on an iPad! smile

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 10:21:48

Hmmm, working is not working out. hmm

Just raged internally at been reading the Mrs HisName HisSurname thread. Thank god my and Cardinal can't marry, as I just would refuse to be Mrs Armand Richelieu.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 10:22:02

Oh here is today's dilemma.

You could have the night of absolute orgasmic passion beyond your wildest dreams with ALL of the Musketeers (not Cardinal HE IS BUSY OK?)

However, to do so you would have to sign an agreement to say you would never be allowed to eat anything but hard boiled eggs, sprouts and pickled onions for the rest of your life. That's it. All you were ever allowed again

Would you do it?

You're fantasising about that Martin regeneration dilemma aren't you, you dirty shlaaaaaaaaag

FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!

My 3 favourite foods that is not why I'm single

<looks for surname thread>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 10:28:14

Hmmmmm...i dunno, Martin's rocking his Dad jeans today grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 10:28:36

It's in AIBU.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 10:30:22

I embarrassed myself on another topic. Clearly they don't have the same sense of humour as we do over here.

my lonely thread

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 10:36:05
MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 10:40:03

Haha Drink, for a second there I got really excited! Meh.

Have you ever seen the episode of Aftersun he was in??

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 10:41:10
MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 10:44:40
AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 10:45:02

I got to the second page of that name thread and nearly exploded. Thought I'd better stop.

I dunno, one night - however fucking amazing - against 40 years of monotonous food and killer farts? Hmmm .... probably grin

I've got one for you - foreplay only with Porthos, or (no feathery strokery) make sweet gentle luuuuuurrrrrve with D'artagnan (and he will probably cry)?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 10:49:06

Porthos! By a mile. Filthy dirty and hung like a Trojan donkey. (One assumes.)

Order of filth ranking as follows:


Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 10:57:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 11:02:38

And as for the pickled onion/night of your life dilemma, I think I'd pass

1 night versus a lifetime of noxious farts putting the kibosh on all future night of your life opportunities

Athos ain't all that grin

Well I have just posted on that thread. So if your feelings of rage were coming from the other viewpoint, then can I just ask please that we don't let it come (fnar) between us
<peace keeper>

I thought it was time to venture out into the world slightly. Since finding you lot, I have been hiding out here in this seedy, dirty little hovel, and was worried I might stereotype myself to SEX MAD SLUT SWEARER, status.

I feel cleaner now having stepped outside briefly.

<runs back in and sniffs Athos' leather thong>

My order of filth:

Athos - I can see it in his dark brooding eyes

Oh and foreplay with Pothos. No doubt.

He would know some tricks......... I have been surviving on self applied foreplay for years would just be grateful for somebody else's hands so I don't have to do the lie on arm til hand goes dead and it feels like somebody else thing

grin grin grin

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:21:22

Definitely foreplay with Porthos. Filthy, filthy filth.

I don't know about the who egg diet thing. I would want to have sex again withalltheothermuseketeersatleast without fear of flatulence.

But overall I need to shag Aramis so I am going to do it.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:21:42

And whoever instigated topless Aramis day... genius.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:22:25

Oh Hannah that made me sad and smile in equal measure.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:30:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:33:19

And also Hannah, you are making me want to have sympathy sex with you. I'm not even remotely lesbianic although I'd have slept with the King's mother no questions.

And does this night of passion mean NEVER having relations with any of them ever again?

And was it chance for one night when you otherwise would never have had anything?

About the foreplay Anne?

Don't be sad

I'm actually really good in bed!

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:34:01

Oh and my contribution to the Daily Fail journalistic research is....

I have 144 read and loosely actioned emails in my work Inbox, two 3,000 word essays to write (one involves extensive discussion of the phallus and clitoris so mildly relevant). One I have a small infatuation with the lecturer and must perform. DC is broadly looked after and entertained, in spite of DS3 catching me watching The Musketeers. I still haven't finished the book I am reading and haven't even got anything out for dinner and the house is a dump (to be fair this is not a new thing).

DH usually gets some good sex (like just now) when i am in infatuation with fictional characters Santiago Cabrera and others. I am thinking I might take a French history module in my final year next year, I will be reading the book, and I have recommended that all my friends watch it likely improving everyones sex life and therefore I conclude it has contributed positively to my marriage, my life and everyone elses.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:35:09

So am I Hannah - and I have regular sex too... sometimes I am just better at it wink

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:35:56

Oh, I have neglected my 50 Books this year thread that was my previous preoccupation.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:37:52

One night only.

Then eggs, pickled onions and sprouts UNTIL YOUR DYING DAY! <Cliff Richard>






AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:38:04

Malcolm - whilst I conform the societal standards of monogamy I do secretly think unpopularly that we should all be allowed a daliance or two, but I guess things like this level depravity online are there to fill the gap thats why God invented the internet

I would let DH shag Constance if he let me shag Aramis.

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 11:42:12

Oh, now I don't imagine Porthos as having any tricks (unless the chicken coop counts as a trick!), he's far too rough and ready. And his trojan donkey cock is going to be of limited benefit. I thought that one might be more difficult for you.

Hannah I can't believe you would prefer King Spaniel to Pretty Boy! Now I might cry.

(Still no picture buttons. Sulk.)

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 11:44:36

It's like the list on Friends - everyone should get 5 free passes. I've told dh that he should be happy for me if it ever happened with whoever is currently on my list.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:45:38

Credit where credit is due Atia.... those arms and that big physique.

Right! Well then MTM...

This is Mrs Hannah Athos de la fere <controversial> <wink> reporting for Mumswench -

It would seem the main thing to remember here is that we are living in WenchVille. It is entirely fictional and we get to make up the rules ie lots of shagging. So feminism etc doesn't really apply here because... and this is the important part _IT IS NOT THE REAL WORLD.

So yes, I think it should be made compulsory. By law. That all of them shag all of us. They're all single anyway, so it's every wench for herself.

Back to the studio <sparkly smile>

And as for RL .... simply purchase a potion from the online store allowing you to boff the man/woman of your choice, without it affecting anybody else in any way at all.
ie Capaldi and Malcolm become unmarried, as if they had never even laid eyes on their dw/dh. They have the night, week, month of their lives depending on which strength option they chose, and then back to reality. All is fine.

We are animals ffs. It is in our nature to be attracted to others. Not acting on it is our choice. But it doesn't remove the ability to be attracted to others and is no reflection on how much you love your oh. It is nature.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:49:37

And, he really is very snoggable. On a day when I had some patience and was feeling in charge I would make him the great for any ladies that fancy him afterwards.

I only have one picture left and I am saving it to make LetusPray jealous when Aramis comes round tonight.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:50:00


MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:50:26

That was for Porthos NOT Dogtanian!

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:51:23

Ok, so with the 5 fictional passes are we having them all in Musketeer land. I might have to kick Wentworth to the kerb.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:52:18

Isn't he Malcolm... I feel he is rather neglected amongst the wenches. cannot give up Aramis

Malcolm loves d'artagnan Malcolm loves d'artagnan


MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:55:06

Yaaaah! I can have sex with imaginary fantasy men!!!! Thank you Hannah. HANNAH FOR QUEEN HANNAH FOR QUEEN!

Next on Mumswench TV Martin from Homes Under The Hammer has an erotic encounter with Dominic Littlewood in a special episode of Caught Under The Red Hammer.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:55:57

Fucking daytime tv. I'm feeling ill today and have ill children and it's doing my fucking head in.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 11:56:28

iPlayer is your friend and will make you all feel better.

You are very welcome.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 11:57:13


Caught under the red hammer <snigger>

Just scared the dog with that cackle grin

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 12:09:42

Shaves legs frantically, he is coming for me.

Must admit, you do put forward a strong case Anne.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 12:14:36

My day is turning into one of those days where you want to rip someone's head off and shove it up their arse for being such an incompetent fuckwit, so where might I purchase this special potion from Hannah.

I'm going to compile my list of fantasy shags DH won't know about before I combust in a fit of rage - I've tidied the living room and don't want to make a mess again

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 12:18:57

My DH fancies Julia Bradberry and Sheridan Smith. His taste is far in superior to mine I'm afraid.

Aramis has shagability of about 756 out of 10 I'd say.


It's from

Or can be found on our sister site

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 12:35:24

Mine fancies Jessica Alba, but rarely comments otherwise. I am clearly more of a perv than him.

or on our brother site

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 12:36:52

I have run out of picture allowance. Back to links.

I have filed my emails... only 10 in Inbox. Feel virtuous and ready to preen myself for grubby Aramis.

or on our cousin site


OR our aunty site

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 13:23:46

www D'Artagnanwouldntknowwhattodo/andwouldask"isitinyet"

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 13:30:10

To be fair to the poor boy, he did shag Milady or did she shag him?

Oh, you've been on our uncle site then Malcolm?

How was Martin? have you.. ahem... finished "watching"?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 13:35:46

Not very well, as Peppa Pig says. sad

I'm coming down with sore throat envy

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 13:36:33


ice hard in all I rec u.


Poor d'artganan fan--s--. We need some more company for the d'artagnan brigade.

Dilemma: You get to kiss a naked Aramis, but only between the stinky, athletes foot toes.

Or snog the king full on tongues the lot?

DrinkFeck brew - get thee to thine bed with the Cardinal at once!

<ignores Malcolm knowing the answer for the next 50 anagrams>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 13:40:25


Lean chair ridicule


Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 13:40:34

I wouldn't say. I to D'artagnan to be honest, it's just his hair that puts me off, it looks sprayed on, it never moves.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 13:41:54

I'd totally snog the king. Because the Cardinal would be watching through the keyhole and getting MIGHTILY turned on. Then he would see to me in a way I have never been seen to before!

GoshAnneGorilla Wed 05-Mar-14 13:42:24

Ohhh this thread is so good!

Carry on ladies grin

Anagram: Feel the lads oar <ignores extra letter>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 13:45:01

Er, that should say I wouldn't say no to D'artagnan.

shItePad strikes again

And I'd snog the king too, I'd choose him over Aramis anyway I think. Despite Sunday's waver, I've gone back to thinking Aramis looks really weasily

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 13:47:10

D'Artagnan's hair - just authentically glued into place with dirt and grease and sweat. Lovely!

Ok, if we're all anagramming: Danger! Cum kaftan!

GoshAnneGorilla Wed 05-Mar-14 13:49:25



AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 13:50:10

Stinkle - I refer you down the page to my hairy chest Aramis. More for me though me thinks.

Re, Hannah's dilemma: I will leave both options thanks. I'd rather snog nobody than snog the king and as much as I love Aramis his feet aren't that appealing. If it was part of the foreplay then I would do it.

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 13:50:12

What's yours, Hannah, Athos whatever-his-count-name-is?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 13:50:40

Oh I love a weasely looking filthmonger.

<rubs hands>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 13:51:27

Thank you, Hannah <weak cough, small violin>


lather safe doe!

(no female in bubble bath)

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 13:56:13

I have run out of pictures, but oh my goodness those arms!!!


STINKER!! shock - are you honestly saying you would rather bang the King with his whingey, spaniel haired ways, than slide all over Aramis' shiny slippery hair free chest?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 14:03:32

Oh my GOD Anne! I want to smother him in something divine and lick it off.

Ok, seriously guys, I am looking not very well for a new area to live.

It needs to be south.

Where is Musketeer county??? This could be the place I meet future dh, and is also where I will go out on weekends to play musketeers by myself in the woods

I wish rightmove would have little beard icons instead of drawing pins, to attract me to the most facially hairy parts!

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:04:36


I do not like Aramis at all. I know admitting that is like me shitting on your doorstep, but there...I've admitted it

Not that I fancy the King, but he's filthy rich and could keep me in the manner I'd like to become accustomed to

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 14:05:07

Ooh imagine sitting in a chair being forcefully held with your hands behind your back by the cardinal and having each of the musketeers taking turns to eat jelly form your corseted cleavage?!?

can almost taste the salt on that arm..... Thanks Anne - you are really providing for the wenches now. It hasn't gone unnoticed and if you carry on like this, you will be reserved a seat at the back of the coach. thanks

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:06:13

I would like to analyse our contribution and allegiances on this thread:

So,I am 32 (age ain't nothing but a number etc etc)

D'Art is 24 so I reckon I came feasibly shag him without it being too much of an issue.

Athos is 32, so I could but I don't really like his beard and we are too similar in age.

Porthos - I don't care how old he is... he is the only man I would do missionary for - those arms again!

Armand - is 55. That's a year older than my dad and although I am these days partial to an older man this for me is a deal breaker.

Aramis - is 35 ... which is obviously perfect. Will continue shagging him.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 14:07:15

I fancy Aramis. But I'd also go with the king because the cardinal would definitely want me and even though he tries his best for the king, he thinks he's a twat so would take great pleasure in knowing it was him who was filling my wenches purse!

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:08:41

Hannah - thanking you most kindly. I can inform you that my research tells me that Aramis lives in London (as do I - convenient). However Paris is my spiritual home so we may be splitting our time.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 14:08:41

I am the same age as Aramis. This means I am allowed to have it away with anyone between the age of D'Artagnan and Richelieu. HURRAH!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 14:09:10

Does no one appreciate my kinky jelly fantasy then?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 14:09:22

Really, you sounded much older, MTM. <head tilt>

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:13:16

I thoroughly appreciate the kinky jelly fantasy although I will be having Porthos holding me with those arms (I can't let it go arms are my weakness) whilst Aramis in particular licks whatever he wishes.

Oh my goodness.... threesome!!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 14:14:15

I do love you, MTM but in love and war all tricks...

And I do love the Cardinal so...wink

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:15:09

I would also like to point out that my part of London has an awful lot of well knob/famous types. Party at mine whilst we hunt look for a husband for Hannah.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:15:44

Or even well known... many of them have the aforementioned.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 14:17:42

That'll be my experience Drink. Cardinal doesn't like those who have less to, how can I put this...offer. <brushes one of Richelies hairs from shoulder>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:18:00

Well, I'm 39 21

Older than all of them apart from Richeleu (never in a million years)

D'artagnan - young, but would probably have the stamina to go on all night, as long as I could ruffle his hair up a bit first
Athos - hell yes, same decade so near enough
Porthos - got to get past the Craig Charles lookie-likee first
Richelieu - not even if my life depended on it
Aramis - same decade, but no thanks

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:18:48

You see you just never know... here I would D'Artagnan till he couldn't walk.

Aramis and Porthos letting the side down.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:19:25

Stinkle you are an ungrateful wench.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:20:02

Eww, v neck t shirt + pokey out chest hair - too Simon Cowell

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 14:21:29

I'm really worried these gentlemen have wives or, heaven forbid, mothers who are MNers! ;)
You lot are insatiable!

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:23:42

Santiago has a wife it's me but I am sure she understands.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 14:24:19

Stnkle lady doth protest too much

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:25:36

I refer all doubters once again the bitch wench who knows who she is to Gaucho Santiago Aramis the Great!!

MTM - Aramis's shaggability is now 177777677679689 out if 10!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 14:26:05

I thought about it, Hector. PC said once his daughter was trailing online to see if he was favourite for the Doctor. He couldn't tell her then that he already had the gig. Hope she or her DM don't come here! shock

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:30:16


Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:31:09

Surprisingly, I couldn't find a picture of a weasel dressed as a Musketeer

D'artagnan will be a sexy older man I reckon.

Porthos - just does nothing for me in real life. He's a bit too baby faced and, well, soft looking.

If I'm starting out again - I'm going for a man's man. I want hair, I want calloused hands, I want rough skin, I want a lived in look.

MTM - I have only just managed to compose myself after the jelly idea. <lying> It was the quite restrained element - ie jelly in the cleavage not anywhere else - that actually made it more exciting. The less is more thing.
Think we have over indulged ourselves with too much pure filth, that holding back slightly has increased in sexiness.

Well I am 35 but sometimes I get asked for i.d <stealth boast>, because of my youthful looks. then they get close enough and say oops sorry our mistake

So I reckon I could ave all of em!

But I quite like the idea of an older man. Shame Cardinal looks like a rat raisin testicle not really my cup of tea. Though I would want to be blind folded most of the time, so it probably wouldn't matter. <lights fuse>

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:35:40

Oh, I see that the Gaucho Santiago Aramis The Great is a film being released in June.

Aramis worshippers be warned.

Oh Stinkerbell - I just LOVE that picture of the Cardinal <clasps hands>

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:41:23

And he is a priest before he is an outlaw. Off to find out if I need to add this to my Amazon basket for pay day. Santiago fest.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 14:44:22

What picture of the cardinal? can't see anything!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 14:47:48

Apparently Hugo Speer is 44 shock

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:48:41

That's doable for me, but only when desperate for a shag and the rest are all busy defeating the baddies.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 14:49:07

Santiago Cabrera -Aramis dies NOT live in Lindon, he lives in Berlin with his wife.

I think I am the oldest MN'er here sad and I look dogTan'ian tired, so old before my years. So I couldn't shag many of them. I'll stick with Athos then Aramis.

I could do jelly. I have had once the best cleavage EVER.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:49:37

I have a basket containing £115 worth of Santiago related films/series.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:50:39

Between London and LA I am told Oblomov! Anyway he lives with me some of the time.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:52:04

Oh, Captain Treville at 44 is more like it, he looks like a strictly missionary kind of guy though

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:53:56
AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:55:49

AFter looking through pages of photos I have decided I will take Santiago in every concievable character he has ever played... particularly Aramis and Priest Turned Outlaw Gaucho The Great and Luke/D'Artangnan for a real life if not married journey of his life.

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 14:57:55

Eugh Anne that link is awful... Just awful. I need to go and disinfect my eyes now!

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 14:58:42

If you have a similar Athos one, I wouldn't mind a peak! ;)

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 14:59:21


Right off for real life school run.

I leave you with nothing new but pleasing none the less.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:59:54

Anne what? Even after seeing that picture? (Of Luke whatshisname I mean)

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 15:00:00

Oh Anne. Wait until he has a 30 year career and you are only familiar with his very first and a few middle bits, and some recent very sweary bits. Then suddenly one day, thanks to Zoe Ball, he goes from being a bloke you have always admired and found funny and rather inexplicably attractive into THE SEXIEST BEING ON EARTH AND YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL. Then you will know that £115 is NOTHING.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 15:00:46

Oh dear Tom Burke topless brought up a very errrmm interesting set of pictures.

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 15:02:37

In what sense <too scared to google>?

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 15:03:15

OH MY GOD <wonders if you got the same pictures I did>

Not of Tom Burke I hasten to add

<stampede to google Tom Burke arse>

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 15:04:20

My point was that at 44 he looks older and more haggard than the Cardinal who is just over 10 years older, Stinkle. There's no accounting fir taste! shock

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 15:04:32

Although there is a rather interesting one that is of Tom Burke wink

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 15:05:14

Link it StinkleWench!

I mean naked!

Arse was (amongst other things) what i found!

Nice peachy bum <bite>

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 15:05:42

Stinkle - I expect we did get the same images. This is my work laptop !!!

DrinkFeck I can't be faffed to tiny pic and as I have 5 hrs to go you will just have to look yourself..

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 14:30:16

I still think the Captain has been seriously overlooked. In RL he is my preferred choice.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 15:08:12

Although, on closer inspection I'm a little disappointed

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 15:08:45
HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 15:12:24

I can't see that at all on my iPhone!
<ponders using DH's computer>
...but he might get a bit confused if he checks his history.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 15:16:03

But that is a Mouseketeer!


Well hello there dear AW, we've been expecting you to pop out at some point.
Surprised it took this long tbh!

Dare I say it???.... dare I??????.....

FIRST ONE TO COMPLETE THE MUSKETEERS WILLY SET gets a night with all of them, 5 star accomodation and all the wine/jelly you can shake a dick stick at!

terms and conditions... that means Athos, Aramis, Porthos, d'artagnan, Armand, Treville and the King.

(something tells me D won't be hard to find)


DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 15:17:55

Well, yeees. But 'rat' doesn't rhyme, sweetheart...

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 15:20:20

I went and got my ipad.

FIRST ONE TO COMPLETE THE MUSKETEERS WILLY SET gets a night with all of them, 5 star accomodation and all the wine/jelly you can shake a dick stick at! - that's funny.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 15:22:00

EE blocked it!

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 15:23:09

So it seems that Donkey Punch is the film we all need to watch

No but much like Armand, darling.....

If it looks like a rat, smells like a rat, then it IS a rat.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 15:39:08

There are no cock shots anywhere on the internet of Richapaldi. Believe me, I've exhausted that search! I've seen arse and I've seen him in speedos. No cockage though. None. So is he grey or is he not grey? I don't know.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 15:41:18

Speedos? Link please!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 15:41:31

<punches Hannah>
<uses up Athos 6 x spunk limit in 24 hours allowance>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 15:42:09

Actually, I don't think I do want to watch Donkey Punch. It's not very Athos-y

<Off to look at pics of men in billowy shirts with swords>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 15:43:36
HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 15:45:40

You lot are making me laugh!

Stinkle I'm with you... I need him 17th century styley. Only 17th century, unwashed, hairy and leathery will do, preferably on a horse (and preferably clothed).

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 15:46:34

Loving the socks and the towel. Watch out, Simon Cowell.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 15:52:07


Do pubes go grey first or ho grey last?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 15:54:03

Do you think we will be onto another thread by Sunday? Cuz I do!

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 15:55:16

I can't deal with that level of pastey man. That's why Aramis, Porthos and D'Artagnan (have you noticed how he has grown on me today) are totally my cuppa tea.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 15:59:44

You would think there is only so much we can say, only so many pictures we can find.

However, who would you bof here in order of preference

I believe the photograph order is Athos, Aramis, Porthos and D'Art.

Me I am going for, Aramis (there is a pattern here) and will leave the rest thanks.

And for those partial to the Cardinal

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 16:03:34

Porthos I think - 3rd from the left, brown jacket

aaaaah! Bless him. He looks beefier with his clothes off. I actually wanted to kiss his little belly.

What's that from Malcolm?

Loved the belly flop! Haha! He has my swimming style.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:04:14

Pleuuugh. No there is ONLY one cardinal for me!


MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:06:01

Hannah, it was Aftersun. The full episode is on YouTube. It's quite funny!

Can someone answer my grey pube question! Do they grow grey before or after the head hair?!? I need to know.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 16:07:09

Me too MTM

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:07:31

Stinkle... you just have a complete aversion to Aramis.

Craig Revel-Horwood on the far left at a push. But it's a no from me otherwise.

Dragons Wench: or Wench Den:

I'm ooooout!

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 16:08:20

Hannah, thank you so much for your instructions. Thanks for thew effort of typing that all.
I am trying << very trying, thinks everyone else>>, btu I just can't do it.

Most cross. With myself.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:09:06

I just want to know what I'd see close up out of curiosity!

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 16:09:36

Am just back from work.
And can not believe that we have descended into willy pictures.
Is that really Tom Burke?
Are we sure?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:09:55

Right am I going to have to start another thread on AIBU?

Well I was cursed with going grey young not that you'd know it but I have yet to discover a grey pube.

when the time comes I will fall to floor in front of all the Kings horses and allow them to trample me out of my misery

or on a less dramatic day - go totes baldy.

So I would say head first, knackers last.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:10:43

Oh Oblomov, it was always going to happen. I'm amazed it's taken this long!

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:10:50

Yes, that film had pretty shit casting.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:12:03

So how grey would you think Cardipaldi is now? 1 being white 10 being nothing.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:12:22

Bumpy nothing I don't mean no pubes I mean no grey!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:12:50


An 7/8? Tbh I haven't nestled my face in the bush of an over 50 man recently --ever-, so I honestly wouldn't have the foggiest.

But! I imagine it goes a bit salt and pepper - which can be pretty sexy.

I wonder if it goes at same time as facial hair??...

Check out his stubble.

Some men never go grey facially even if they're white on top.

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 16:16:30

*Am just back from work.
And can not believe that we have descended into willy pictures.
Is that really Tom Burke?
Are we sure?*

I'm chuckling so much here. smile

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 16:17:42

It wasStinkle miss... <grasses on stinkle>

I was going to say 8 but I chucked a 7 in last min. <doubtful>

Can't imagine him with a white platformed willy?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:18:28

God I'd do anything to see his pubes.

<touches fans self>

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 16:22:06

I watched that film yesterday. Porthos, because I love love love Ray Stevenson. (I watched King Arthur today until he died. I'm ill, I don't usually lie around watching films all day.) And then probably Athos because Matthew Macfadyen had such a lovely voice. Then Aramis, and my god please never Logan Lerman.

I am going to book me some time to watch Aftersun. If nothing else, I am curious to see what all the fuss is about, with PC.

I get it in Musketeers - because of the character. That is the turn on, combined with the performance.

But otherwise, he's never really crossed my radar.




AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 16:28:46

That's the great thing about having older children, they make dinner themselves.

Anne, have you watched The Borgias? I might have to.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:30:06

DH just cancelled our lovefilm account. I could so do with saving myself £115 and watching every Musketeers film ever.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:31:40

Atia - account just reached £140 thanks so much. Someone send me a free three months lovefilm offer.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:32:14

Can a wench enlighten me as to how one writes witty words in links?

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 16:33:38

MTM - re the grey pubes question - I started going grey at 17, not sure how grey now as I haven't seen my natural hair colour for years. I noticed my first grey pube a couple of weeks ago

And Hector, who asked for the willy pic link? Mmmmm?

It is Tom Turkey, further Googling led to a film he was in called Donkey Punch

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 16:33:50

Are you not a Malcolm Tucker fan then Hannah?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 16:34:13

Hannah, if you want a list of Capaldimendations then let me know! Honestly there is LOADS. He's done stuff as himself (honestly he is the most wonderful human being ever!)

One thing I recommend to EVERYONE on this thread because I KNOW you'd all love it is Lair Of The White Worm. It's so deliberately bad it's sheer genius!

watch it watch it watch it!

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 16:34:26

LOL @ my shItePad's Turkey autocorrect

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 16:35:27

Anne, it tells you how down the bottom. caption

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 16:36:21

Oh that doesn't work! [[ no space, link caption, no space again ]]

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:38:10
AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 16:38:37

Thanking you kindly.

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 16:39:27


No I haven't watched Malcolm Tucker.

I have of course seen Peter Capaldi before. I just don't recall anything he was in, as I didn't pay him that much attention after the credits finished.

After clicking on The White Worm - I saw enough of the opening credits to see the name Ken Russell. Judging by that and the grainy picture, I'm building up an idea of what we might be dealing with here.

I am SO watching that! grin

You may make a PC fan out of me yet.

I'm already on side for the Cardinal, because he is just so dark!

Shagging world book day tmw!

Am I the only one still trying to figure out wtaf my child is going as??

countdown to photo allowance....... nearly at the last hour now.

Hope I can control myself and not explode my load onto the page in one go, as per d'artagnan.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 17:56:46

I've just realised that I haven't actually managed to post on this new thread yet - so going slightly off-thread, here is what I found when googling 'billowy white shirt' inspired by the dressing up for sex thread

middle picture <lust>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 17:59:18

OMG Hannah (this is somewhat unrelated) but have you ever seen Caligula?? Four words. Right. Up. Your. Street! Get thee on Amazon!

You'd love Malcolm Tucker by the way. Haha he'd totally be your kind of man! Netflix are still doing free month trial so you should check it out if you can. There is the film version too, In The Loop and he had got some of the greatest lines you'll ever hear!

Also, search for Cricklewood Greats on YouTube. He wrote and directed that himself and it's very funny!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 18:02:25

I did start watching The Borgias, but it was so raunchy I had to stop - DH and I were going through a very dry patch and watching it just made me cross. grin

Perhaps I should try again? Cesare is hot.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:06:04

Alibaba - is that FAssbender as Rochester.... swoon.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:06:31

Is it raunchy.... shifting it up my list.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 18:07:24

Right, I've not been able to catch up properly. Got in, had dinner and then have to take DS1 to his martial arts lesson.

I would be willing to share Aramis, as long as I get first dibs on days of week with the letter y in them <reasonable>

Lord, but I'd ride him like Seabiscuit

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:07:40

Once The Musketeers is finished and has disapeered off of iPlayer I propose mass, syncronized watching of The Borgias.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 18:09:42
Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 18:11:32

Anne it is - I haven't actually seen that film.

<adds to list>

This evening DH and I are watching Thor II. A very acceptable substitute for the Musketeers.

Oh good Lord - calling Athos fans. New sword-fighty bit added to here today.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 18:12:24

Anne I am definitely up for synchronised Borgia watching.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 18:12:37

Won't need to do that. Musketeers is released on DVD on 31st March. Which is the week after DH is away and will be back home. Selfish bastards.

<writes down list of Capaldi viewing>

<dumps list midway.....>

<rushes off to find dressing up for sex thread>

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 18:15:09

What is wrong with me? Why can't I get this to work. I am so cross. I can link at work. I can bore you titless with management accounts and due diligence.
But I can't do this. Moron.
<<pours third glass of rose>>

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:15:39

Somebody link to the dressing up thread please. Trying to make dinner boilsomepastaandfindthepesto

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:16:57

ooh that one on Aliba link - large picture of athos eye crinkles near bottom <swoon>

All men should have a procedure whereby the reverse of line filler is given.

Should be line giver.

yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 18:21:31

Hannah, I can't do it. ( no not THAT) I mean link photos. sad


Type this EXACTLY how I say

link leave no gaps

to insert your own title

link leave 1 space type title

Oh fuck! - although it does prove my point....

put [[ before my link.

put ]] after link.

follow my instruction in between the two sets of [[

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:31:42

Oblomov, I just learnt how to do the writing/link thing today.

Mumsnet gives Mumsnet


I will shag him until we both die

This would appear as a link that says 'I will shag him until we both die'.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:32:00

Oh thats bollox it didnt do what I wanted..

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 18:38:25

Oh Hannah. I did. I swear. I read your instructions again and again.
No gaps. But it just ended up as a link instead if posting the picture/photo to the thread.

Maybe I need to leave this fir another day. I hD the best day at work ever. But since then , it's gone to pot.
My diabetes gone mad. Beyond tired. Aspergers ds1 bad. I have mixed up dates. Cooked too much spaghetti.

Am beyond salvation, me thinks.
<<pours n'other glass of rose>>

Are you talking about wanting to post links Oblom or are you on about the photos that appear on the thread

Right, if you're on about photos on thread (can't imagine you are) then that option is below msg box.

The only way I get my pictures through links on here, is to save the photos to tinypic.

Can you set up a tinypic account? I did, just for this thread grin

MTM gave me some instructions when I kept having problems. As far as I can tell I'm doing it properly now. Somebody else will need to verify that though.

I have noticed however that when I am on my phone the links take me to tiny pic page. But when I'm on laptop the image itself is all that comes up when click link.

If you want to do this, set up a tinypic account (it's quick and easy) and then report back.

You SHALL have linky pictures Obloms. If it's the last feckin thing we do!!

thanks for diabetes.

Go sort ds1 out.

Ignore the pasta.

Sort the dates.

Try to have bath, get to bed asap.

And always leave for tmw anything you possibly can!

Anne - unless you time it to perfection, one of you, actually you if we go by your wording of 'I will' - will actually be shagging a corpse.

That was the plan, yes? <head tilt>

Right then I'm off you shlaaaaaaags. See you next tuesday later.

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 18:56:47

Right ladies, I am leaving the thread for today. Bedtimes and seriously my uni work won't do itself. My boss is back tomorrow so I will be busy until after lunch when I will likely return and look forward to many pictures reassuring me that Aramis remains as delectable as I remember not to mention in excess of 150 posts. I am relying on you all.

Until tomorrow, adieu my fellow wenches.

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 19:07:19

oblomov that could be anybody's bottom, it could be your bottom. In order to prove it's Athos' bottom you need to be able to see Athos in the picture too, not just a random bottom! smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 19:14:02

Anne good luck with the uni work. I will trawl for some nice Aramis links for you smile

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 19:38:34


MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 19:40:53

I hate everyone.

........ capaldi? hmm

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 19:51:37

I didn't mean to do the woe is me. Sorry.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 19:59:02

Oh Oblomov no such thing as being woe is me when you've had a shitty day.

I will seek out some Athos (it is Athos isn't it?) for you.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:01:21

My bottom? Ha ha.
You're having a laugh. I have a jay lo bottom. Huge.
Huge boobs. Tiny waist. Huge hips.

This us Tom Burke. A-la donkey punch. Get blush if his bottom.

My bottom. I wish. Shave off three quarters !!

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 20:03:29


MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:03:41

Come on Oblomov, let's go to the pub and get twatted. Kick a few chickens and the shag a few Musketeers on the way home.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:03:50

Thanks LetUsPrey.
Can solve all problems!!

errrrrrrrrrrrrrm you do still understand though that I am still at front of queue don't you???


Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:07:49

Let's go!!!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 20:08:13

Oh dear, mtm shock

Hope you're feeling better soon. In such moment you need to remember your faith in the Cardinal. He will save you from yourself grin

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:09:30

I think Athos needs to play a game of Blind Mans Muff.

He is blindfolded, whilst we arrange ourselves at the <ahem> ready. Porthos can turn him round to disorientated him and then he is unleashed with a throbbing great pan handle, and whoever he penetrates is the winner!

Who is up for it?

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:10:11

Hannah ?
To whom is that to? wink
Which queue are you at the front of, wink

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:13:07

MTM is Rhys a spin-the-bottle / midnight game?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:16:31

Well how about the jolly game of Spin the Wench On The Musketeer?

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 20:20:25

Sorry got distracted by the stupid bloody bastard arsing wank twatting shitness that is trying to finalise DS1's book day costume for tomorrow.

And I can't even have a fucking drink because of the bastard antibiotics because if I do, I'll die or something similar.

Anyway, where was I? underneath a rampant Aramis looking for pictures of Athos

OBLOMOV...... 'ere have this little gem...

L@@k at him... he's saying

After I have finished with Hannah, I'm going to tell you to drop your knickers immediately. Incidentally it will be my duty AND my pleasure.

Guess who's only gone and got their allowance back grin

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:22:59

So we are all having a bad day?! Well in that case there is only one thing for it. I'm going to use the strap on, on the cardinal!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 20:23:58

MTM you cannot simultaneously be at the front of the Cardinal queue and the Athos queue - unless of course PC in his Who guise has leant you his Tardis? wink

Here is a dilemma for you - PC as the Dr taking you on the bridge of the Tardis, or the Cardinal bending you over that desk of his?


Malcolm the first game sounds too easy.

He'll be attracted to me immediately.

Because of my alluring perfume.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 20:27:00

Just remembered the earlier question re having them all at once for the one night followed by a lifetime of fartfood. I would think that after a night of the best sex ever in the history of life the universe -- and everything-- I'd pretty much be finished off and go with a smile on my face

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 20:27:39

Oh FFS wenches! 317 posts since this morning! Right. Just marking place. Will be back by the time you've probably started the next thread.

Stop letching for a minute and let me catch up!

As you were.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 20:28:00

Balls. Strikeout fail. Balls.

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:31:17

Thanks Hannah .
I can still do: Athos/Aramis/Porthos/ Treville/ king Louis / D'artagnan/ Cardinal
On , spin-the-bottle,you know!!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 20:32:52

I think we need a speadsheet. Who is on the thread and who they fancy. <look at me all quiant>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:34:37

Oh!! Alibadbadbadandthe2dilemas!

Well I guess being an older gentleman The Doctor would prrrrrrobably know a few tricks.

Although Cardinal would DEFINITELY be more of a "sort".

Hmmmmm. I'll say Cardinal now PURELY for the fact that I don't know what 12 is like yet. We might not be compatible!

No fuck it. Who am I kidding?? It's got to be Doctor! Because he is also 11, 10, 9, 8 and 5 rolled into one! (We will ignore 6 the others...)

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:37:19

All of them. Give me Constance and the King's mother too. And you know what? BRING A HORSE. Everything is sexy.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:37:53

<worries horse joke went too far>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 20:42:34

I think it's about time the BBC released some new pics for us to latch over, there can't be many left we haven't linked to

I did find topless Aramis and a nice and moody Athos - don't know if they've been posted before

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 20:44:00

Latch should be letch obviously hmm

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 20:44:57

Neigh lass, it didn't.

Cartoon Athos

Athos - enough for a few of you

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:45:57

Don't you think Athos has the finest silhouette?

Oblomov Wed 05-Mar-14 20:47:19

Worries that it is really serious that we have exhausted all links. Already.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 20:47:25

Fighty Athos in his billowy white shirt

You're welcome

Oh Stinklebell - Aramis <le sigh>

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 20:48:32

Good choice MTM - The Doctor IMO much sexier than the Cardinal. especially 10

My answer to the sex/sprout dilemma - I would definitely cope with sprouts for the sake of an all nighter with Aramis, Athos, Porthos and D'Artagnan. I reckon that Porthos would be the one I kept going back to - the arms and that dirty twinkle. Hell yes.

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 20:50:27

I've brought a horse, please let me join in!

(Where's that fucking photo button?)

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 20:50:56

Athos definitely has the best silhouette - it is the aristocratic poise.

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 20:53:10

I know,it's serious Ob. What if we really have run out, run the resources dry and peaked too early.

We'll have to write begging letters to the BBC

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 20:53:21

Have skimmed read, clicked on links and perved at pictures. My, my you've been busy today! I'm going to treat myself to episode 6 again this evening if I can get my work finished in time.

Still Athos/Porthos/rest form an orderly queue here. I'm a loyal sort.

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 20:54:05

Oh, and sadly, I think I'm the oldest one here.....<eyes Oblomov suspiciously>

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 20:54:58

Oh now. That picture of D'Artagnan...yes I'd let him stick it in me!

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 21:00:21
DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 21:01:48

Fine. No one wants to do a spreadsheet. All the other well respected long term threads do.?

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:03:02
MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:04:13

I'll spread anything for those French fancies. En garde!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 21:09:38

Tsk. Well, nevermind. It's just that organisation is the key to success. Well that and showing up. We have the latter worked to a tee but the former? Oh, no. Just a few disorganised queues.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:09:59

Ali let me know if you've never seen the necked David Tennant in a Policeman's hat picture!

summerscoop Wed 05-Mar-14 21:10:12

Am i too late to join the queue? Although D'Artagnan looks pretty free.. happy to keep him busy

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 21:11:11

You're second in the queue for D'Artagnan.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 05-Mar-14 21:11:51

Not for me, but there is one more misguided line you, newbysmile

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:14:56

Never too late summerscoop he'd be glad of the attention!

SEE! White beard. Defo white pubes then IMO.

Can any male lurkers of a certain age please come <huh huh> forward and clarify.

<disgusted at MTM horse too far 'joke'>

HermioneWeasley Wed 05-Mar-14 21:16:53

Goodness, I missed a whole thread! I thought the Cardinal was particularly masterful and commanding in the most recent episode. No doubt I have misses some wenches going misty eyed over Aramis hold a baby.

By the way, the reason I've not been around? Been shagging the Cardinal until he begged for mercy. He's a husk of a man now, but do what you can with the remains. you could still sit on his fingers

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:18:07


DrinkFeck all you need to know is I was behind the name Athos on the spreadyourlegssheet.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:20:27

Ah Hannah. I think a bit of grey pube action would be SO erotic. I've never had the hots for a gentleman so much older than me before, but it is WILDLY EXCITING!

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 21:21:02

You know d'Artagnan's swishy locks in the early episodes? Extensions.

Bet none of the others needed anything falsely extending.

HermioneWeasley Wed 05-Mar-14 21:22:09

Ha MTM! Not quite!

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 21:22:32

My, my you've been busy today!

Do you think you could say that a bit louder so my husband can hear.

Stinklebell has been very busy today

He didn't believe me sad

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 21:24:45

Does no-one like the Athos links? I know I keep forgetting who he's for (excellent idea for the spreadsheet Drink), but someone must like them


MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:25:57

Cardinal is going to have to start taking afternoon naps soon.
hermione, Drink we are going to HAVE to organise some kind of rota.

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 21:26:56

Me! Me! Me! - very much appreciated LetUsPrey grin

summerscoop Wed 05-Mar-14 21:27:14

<giving up trying to catch up on previous threads!>

Oh older gentleman I yearn for have no problem with at all. It's just the Calpaldi part I'm not so gagging for.

Malcolm - I would LOVE to go and get twatted by Athos at the pub with you lot. Do you think if we make it to 10 threads we'll have bonded enough to arrange one at a central point between us all. Kind of like a Wenches Reunion??? <pretty please with the Cardinals nob on top>

Stinklebell Wed 05-Mar-14 21:30:28

letus yes! although only the fighty one works for me sad

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 21:31:15

Oh and I think I'd be in the older more experienced wench section with Oblomov and MavisGrind

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 21:32:47

Hannah - I have been working through thoughts on reunion today actually - I think that is a splendid idea. 1o thread... keep going wenches.

I will also volunteer to create aforementioned spreadsheet although I might need some PMs or you will need to be more vocal.

As you were, back to the books.

LetusPrey - I love them too. I just seem to be on some kind of time delay here atm so I forget wtf is going on. Great work though girl! You get to give a tit wank to the member of your choice!

I am really trying here not to do a d'artagnan and splurge my load in the first few minutes. There are photos. Enticing me.

Btw - my day shit too! I'm on the vin rouge now. (musketeers) Bottoms up wine

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 21:33:43

A wenches reunion! That would be something on BBC3. OR AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE IF THEY WEREN'T AXING IT! Fucking bastards.

(Don't axe Musketeers!)

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 05-Mar-14 21:33:48

Oh now. That picture of D'Artagnan...yes I'd let him stick it in me!

I knew I could make you come round to my way of thinking grin

And, er, I'm fairly old. Not grey pubes old, but almost as old as the captain.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 21:37:03

Stupid fucking links.

Let's see if this works for Stinklebell

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 21:39:30

I want wine <stamps foot>. I can't really have any due to arsing antibiotics so will have to contend with pouting and counting down until Saturday instead.

It appears that I'm the same age as LetUsPrey. I think us older especially single wenches get first dibs. What with us likely to have less time left <trails off dramatically>

I'm not old enough to be Athos's mother but I am old enough to be Dogtanians. So I suppose I will just have to settle for brushing D'artagnans fringe out of his eyes and insisting that he wears his coat whilst out. <licks hanky, rubs cheek> <not mine>

HectorVector Wed 05-Mar-14 21:39:39

DH has gone upstairs to potter about on his computer so ice got the old iplayer on... Episode 4 for me.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 21:48:23

<links arms with MavisGrind in solidarity of no alcohol due to arsing antibiotics>

Yy, we have less time left, tis true. I was surprised to learn that Captain Treville is only a year older than me. Either he doesn't wear it well, or I do. I suspect I know the answer.

And Hannah, sadly your suggestion of a reward would be ... <looks down at minimal wenchlyness>

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 21:49:34

Aramis tit wanking will have to be my job them. It's a hard life.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 05-Mar-14 21:50:00

MTM I have not seen it, do enlighten me!

I can recommend Thor, not sure about the plot but I am enjoying it hugely grin

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 21:54:31
MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 21:56:17

LetUsPrey - I'm not entirely convinced I can't drink on these ones but the sad fact is I have no wine so enforced sobriety it is.

I don't know what you're all going to do with your time once this series finishes, the speed this thread is moving suggests that little else is being done!

Don't start talking about David Tennant as well, I'll be up all night! Lovely that man is, lovely.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:02:49
MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 22:05:50

Oh you've done it now MTM <reaches for Casanova DVD, which, incidentally, also has Tom Burke in it - lucky bonus!>

See y'all in three hours...

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:08:37

Hahaha Mavis! You know how to have a good night. grin

AnneWentworth Wed 05-Mar-14 22:09:05

Right wenches. I am really signing off now. Until the afternoon.

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 22:09:59

More billowy shirts...

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:10:24

Farewell Anne! I wish you success in your missions ahead.

LetUsPrey Wed 05-Mar-14 22:10:26
MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:11:09

Mavis, Tennant seems wrong with blue eyes though, don't you think?

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 22:11:26

Son of Casanova...

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:12:19

Hahaha LetUsPrey that's a good one!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:12:40


MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 22:15:42

<fingers in ears> Not Nick Berry, No!

And absolutely about DT having to have brown eyes. I believe it's the law. Interesting fact: DT is the same age as LetUsPrey and I. This means we were of a vintage year ergo, we are hot. True fact.

MavisGrind Wed 05-Mar-14 22:17:49

Those crinkly eyes again MTM.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:19:11

Oh well that means you have only just begun to ripen up a treat!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:19:43

Those crinkles are DIVINE!

MalcolmTuckersMistress Wed 05-Mar-14 22:35:57