Master chef

(961 Posts)
Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 19:58:57

Is there no thread this week?

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:00:58

Think novelty is wearing off sad

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:02:07

Oh we'll

Chaos must be away

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:02:14

<tumbleweed>

wibblyjelly Wed 27-Mar-13 20:04:01

I'm still enjoying itblush I was wondering where they get their giant bulbs of garlic from....

I'm still here. Hello!

StuffezLaBouche Wed 27-Mar-13 20:04:24

Well I'm glad you've started this one. :-)
Is it just me who wants the woman who loves pressure to fail in spectacular fashion?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:05:23

It isn't fair

This is the first time I've had iPad and remote at the same time and everyone has buggered orf sad

Present company excepted of course

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:05:36

I'm here! Was just dishing up paella before sitting in front of the tv with it - pure class here grin

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:05:53

Oh goody, biters

Oh yes, Stuffez! grin But you know, she lives breathes, drinks and...err...shags cooking, you know?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:06:21

I like inventions

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:06:49

But this guy is a bit smuggy

A full tasting experience. That'll be 'too many things on the plate' then.

StuffezLaBouche Wed 27-Mar-13 20:07:30

Hey, the inventor could be good! Hold on, bloody cat eating my beef stew!!

2cats2many Wed 27-Mar-13 20:07:32

The bartender's sauces don't sound so good...

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:07:55

Funnily enough, Greg had a good wrist action

Paul has a naturally annoying face.

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:08:50

I miss the days when the standard was much lower and the invention test invariably produced morccan vol-au-vents with chocolate sauce, peanut crisp and a brussel sprout mash (or similar)

StuffezLaBouche Wed 27-Mar-13 20:09:15

Actually yes, there is something off about him.

Come on bean- what about 'pancakes avec chocolate sauce' last week? Pure clarse.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:09:42

Missed a bit as getting my tea...anyone annoying yet?

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:03

Fire lentils grin

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:22

Oh dear

StuffezLaBouche Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:30

Beanandspud, I might have dared enter if that's the case. :-) I'd love to enter but would be afraid of making a tit of myself like pancake woman last week.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:31

Can I just say how much I'd love to do Toby's job

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:37

What's velouté then? Gravy?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:11:17

Yy bean. There should be one mess.

Maybe this is it!

veloute? a smear. Or mash. Dunno.

StuffezLaBouche Wed 27-Mar-13 20:11:31

Great minds! :-)

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:11:48

No smears yet ? Ha ha ha pressure I usually cook French woman

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:12:01

Bingo! Mango and capers grin

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:12:33

Confused. Is that their new word for a mess?

hattymattie Wed 27-Mar-13 20:12:34

I like that guy's blue eyes. Not sure about his lamb though;

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:12:59

Velouté is more of a very smooth purée I think

Divine Jill! Good.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:13:32

Was that a cheeky smear on bartenders plate?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:13:41

I would like this one

I like meat and spuds. She's ok

2cats2many Wed 27-Mar-13 20:14:02

Jill looks pretty bloody good for 55.

Veloute of spud with a rich bisto jus.

Ooooo palate test. What tonight? Squid brain in jam?

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:16:44

grin at squid brain in jam.

Can't believe Greg got so excited about pappardelle, it's pasta Greg...

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:17:00

Meatballs?

Lidl do nice ones

So pasta with tinned toms. What a difference from last weeks mad salad.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:18:49

And ikea...very horsey...allegedly

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:19:48

I could cook this

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:20:02

I thought that, last weeks was awful, tonight's is student central

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:20:26

Well not scratch pasta. But the rest is easy surely

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:21:11

Mmmm meat feast meatballs

Why are people always touching their food in the pan on this programme?

And has annoying face Paul gone barking mad?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:22:28

Jill is doing well

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:22:52

Which is Paul? The bartender is a little...ummm dense

She made her own! I like Jill.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:23:41

Spank her Greg for not mixing...spank her

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:24:00

Stairs, that's the thing that gets me about the prof kitchens. They touch the food all the time and they sweat!

Noooo Duffy.. do not speak of the spanky man.

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:24:45

I like Jill although for some reason I picture her more on Casualty than Masterchef.

Yes, Mary. And wear rings. Rings! <stares hard at pressure-woman>

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:24:50

Pressure woman looks like she is wearing a Christmas Day frock smile

Her rings match her frock. I judged her on that.

And remember, its a judgy programme. So set free your judgey side.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:26:26

I may have judged the frock slightly blush

Your balls are a bit heavy, Toby <frown>

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:27:21

Can I judge John on the way he says 'paaarrrrsta'?

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:27:27

Hate the feel of heavy balls in my mouth...

Yes. In fact, you are obliged to, bean.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:27:46

Leon...what the fuck is that

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:28:24

Mmm wet balls

I am laughing Duffy, and also feeling revulsion. Interesting combination.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:29:19

Whose going? Leon and pressure woman?

Love the balls discussion.

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:29:42

Ewwww, 2 different minces. Sounds grim

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:29:54

Parrrsta disarrrrsta

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:30:14

Or Paul ? Hmm

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:30:31

<snigger> @ lack of experience with pasta and meatballs

Yeah. Leon wet balls and blandy Paul balls. Sophie had heavy balls.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:31:05

Snigger

And poor old goeballs had no balls at all <thanks Dad>

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:31:43

back to mixology and pressure

Oh well, I dislike them both. Wanted to see Sophie in a pressurey kitchen though.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:32:36

Professional kitchen. Yawn

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:32:46

Why they are excited at skivvying in a kitchen is beyond me

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:32:56

Just as well. I don't think they are great today. Except Jill. I hope she copes in the kitchen

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:33:00

Toby should be good under pressure

Yes, they seem to relish the hell.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:33:19

So pretty...

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:33:21

That tuna thing sounds disgusting

So just plate it? No cooking?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:16

Sorry. This isn't food.

Admittedly I'm a phillistine

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:20

It looks like a clown face dinner for a food refuser

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:23

Another 'very busy restaurant with paying customers'...

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:43

But looks nice.. I think you would need a slice or 2 of bread and butter with it to fill you up mind

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:59

I don't get fish with pasta either

Can I just confess 1) I have just eaten 2 packets of prawn cocktail crisps, in rebellion against all this food. And 2) I cant spell resteraunt. Just needed to get that off my chest.

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:35:57

Not a restaurant to go to if you're actually hungry?

Joins Maryz in Phillistine Corner.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:36:24

Another 'very busy restaurant with paying customers'... who happen to all order the same three dishes hmm

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:36:37

You wouldn't want to be hungry going to any of these places would you?

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:37:06

Oh my...is the restaurant getting busy? At lunchtime shock

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:37:31

Oy, Stairs! Have you got any more prawn cocktail crisps? Lob them over here please?!

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:37:48

Looks like a toddler's painting not a meal

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:37:54

I will join the philistines' corner. I have had a packet of mini cream eggs and some thorn tons chocolates instead of dinner.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:38:43

Mmmm prawn cocktail

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:39:02

I had a ready meal fish pie...tesco's finest mind, naturellement

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:39:10

Unpredictable, the pressure being on.

I always find it quite helpful, when I am trying to hurry with something, to have someone bellowing 'faster, faster' at me...

Lots of skips here spud, for I have been to the pound shop.

<throws several packets at random>

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:39:41

Which hospital does he work at ... hmm

grin Bessie

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:40:20

Is Jill cooking at all or just arranging?

What a waste

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:40:57

If you don't like duck, you're rather stuck

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:41:20

Lovely smear action

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:41:24

Des is putting a pizza in the oven. A frozen one of course

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:41:50

Ds not des

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:42:18

Surely the first rule if you're applying for Masterrchef is to perfect your 'splodge and smear' technique?

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:43:27

Paul looks like he is storing food in one of his cheeks...

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:43:39

We have duck with cherry, duck with orange or duck surprise grin

Not lamb with fecking lentils again!

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:44:28

More fish pasta

More lamb

More lentils

StuffezLaBouche Wed 27-Mar-13 20:44:49

And presumably duck surprise is duck without orange or cherries? :-)

Oh, whoever said pasta with fish is not right. Yes.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:45:14

Fran fucking ticity

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:45:43

You've got it Stuffez

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:46:01

Ambitious [sceptical]

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:46:04

Don't worry, by the semi-finals they'll be cooking everything in that posh boil-in-the-bag thingy. Or ballotines.

Bring back all the chicken wrapped in prosciutto.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:46:10

I remember when it was all black pudding and pea purées round here

Indian street food is where it's at.

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:47:15

Oh, much better. I hope her sauce works. I like her

Raw lamb. Check.

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:47:48

He' ll be able to bring that lamb round

grin Duffy

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:48:10

As a skilled intensive care doctor he could revive that lamb

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:48:17

Is that a blood bath?

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:48:19

I'm desperate for someone to serve up beans on toast on one of these

Beurre blanc looks good!

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:48:48

That was one big mouthful

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:48:52

Potato purée ...aka mash?

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:49:09

Yum. Fish. Potatoes. Sauce.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:49:20

It would be oven baked pinto beans with a sundried tomato sauce, on a bruschetta base.

Potato puree/ smashed potato/ veloute. All mash.

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:49:37

Urgh, the shortbread stack looks snotty

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:49:54

He he Greg said Cumble

Diamondcassis Wed 27-Mar-13 20:49:59

Jill is a teachers pet goody goody. They never win!

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:50:04

You mean 'haricots aux tomates sur le pain grillé' Bessie wink

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:50:11

It's my fish pie ! shock

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:50:12

grin @ pseudobadger

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:50:18

Nicer than it looks I think, that dessert

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:50:37

And beanandspud you are so much better at this than me...

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:51:36

So apple slices not textures.

Wankery, I think.

Wet fish, Paul. And cheesy cream.

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:52:15

Oh dear

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:52:25

Wet balls all over again

I'm going to use that line.

'DS: Your homework- successful. Your bedroom? Not so.'

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:53:15

Heh at Virgin Mary sauce. Spicy tomato sowsse, then

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:53:16

Bleurgh

oVERCOOKED!

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:53:56

stairsinthenight you made me laugh

Lamb. Fail.

Cremolafoam Wed 27-Mar-13 20:53:59

I like Jill but schoolgirl error - style pud.

Oh fuck more lamb'n lentils

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:54:05

Bleurgh again

Diamondcassis Wed 27-Mar-13 20:54:22

Ooh Toby. Massive big AND ugly.

Ok... lamb not fail -just ugly. Better.

Cremolafoam Wed 27-Mar-13 20:54:37

Ugly and swimming in butter goop

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:02

Do they ever just send one through?

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:10

That sea bass was all a bit beige though.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:21

Last week I think?

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:28

Did they just fucking high five

Cremolafoam Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:28

Jill's pud looked like bird food fatball

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:35

maryz they did that last week, no?

Paul's sour jelly. Its all a bit Rachel Papers.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:53

Urgh he 'got off' on that risotto

HIGH FIVE!

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:56:20

No wonder it was so wet

Bessie123 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:56:36

Heh

'bird food fatball' grin

Cremolafoam Wed 27-Mar-13 20:56:51

S'jill innit

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:56:58

High fives? WRONG, WRONG, WRONG?

Oooh. Didn't see that coming.

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:57:20

What the actual Jeff????

Cremolafoam Wed 27-Mar-13 20:57:29

Medics goin home

PseudoBadger Wed 27-Mar-13 20:57:55

No one thought it would be you mate

Maryz Wed 27-Mar-13 20:57:59

Thanks for the company. See you tomorrow

Cremolafoam Wed 27-Mar-13 20:58:23

More lambs to the slaughter tomorrow grin

beanandspud Wed 27-Mar-13 20:58:44

Night all, see you tomorrow.

Ahhh... that was fun. Indiana Jones banquet tomorrow....yeah... whatever that is, John. hmm

DuffyMoon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:59:00

Night all, see you tomorrow

Night!

John is weird! That was fun! Off to watch Sarah Beeny on catch up now smile

pepperrabbit Wed 27-Mar-13 21:41:02

I was out and have just watched this on catch up, with this thread for company - it's like a little subversive voice in the background smile.

Davros Thu 28-Mar-13 16:34:12

I thought velouté was a smooth puréed vegetable of any sort, possibly enriched with cream. DH has had a whole bowlful as a starter before, it can't just be mashed to buggery and smeared?

drwitch Thu 28-Mar-13 16:39:02

Did anybody else think JT's pasta dish was just wrong?

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 19:16:23

I'm not sure about velouté, but I'm absolutely certain that crushed potatoes are badly mashed potatoes, and that "reduction" means gravy.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 19:19:50

It was meatballs with slightly slimy lasagne sheets, wasn't it?

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 19:32:59

Yes the meatball offering did not look special. Big slimy straps of noodle n sauce.
A velouté starts off like a bechamel but has stock in it instead of milk or cream< too much cookery show watching emoticon>grin

drwitch Thu 28-Mar-13 19:35:32

yes maryz with the kind of tomato sauce i would make when i was a student, fresh toms and then cooked ones and topped with red wine because that is really sophisticated.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 19:39:53

It was odd, wasn't it.

Any of my kids could have produced that. And probably identified all the ingredients (apart possibly from the pork - they would use beef).

8 tonight. I'd better get my skates on.

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:01:00

Staaand aout or yer kicked out

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:02:10

Right more step up to the plate
Pushing of envelopes and feeling passionate about food

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:03:59

Evening all

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:05:25

Baldy
Banker
Masseuse

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:05:45

Here we go again...

Evening all!

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:06:32

"Turning ingredients on their heads" ...pears in pastry hmm

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:07:19

Mmmm fishy pears...

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:08:19

Bit of east bit of west
HIGH 5grin

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:11:32

'Massoose'? hmm

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:07

Pear thingy loves lovely. Greg may need to check his WW membership as the season continues?

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:33

looks lovely even.

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:39

Hello - I can stay tonight. Had to post and run last night as had to erm cook tea.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:13:15

Who would have thought that pears n fish don't go together

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:14:18

Mmn pears chilli and spinach salsa
With fish

Frangipani man did ok

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:14:25

Johns showing off spot

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:15:15

I love this bit but I hate beetroot.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:15:17

So we have gone from a glorified spag Bol to this ? .

Greg's job is just to look slightly quizzical.

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:16:36

Noo John , its not an INGREDIENT FEST. He just makes this shit up

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:16:38

I'll have the beetroot, the relish looked great until he puréed it. And will anyone guess at cooking potatoes in milk and olive oil?

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:17:29

Bit complicated his thing - I could have just about managed the meatballs last night.

Only just joined you. That girl at the front looks really pissed off.

Who do we like so far?

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:18:51

It's just the contents if the Green Room fridge.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:18:54

Anyway it may not be their palates...John could be shit

PseudoBadger Thu 28-Mar-13 20:19:23

No one wrote Horse unfortunately

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:19:26

Big baldy bloke is likeable and I quite like blonde lady so far.

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:19:45

They like the blonde lady and the big bald guy - I think they did good puddings.

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:20:35

I like Sophie . She'll be good at bread making- as a masseuse

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:21:01

Baldy blew it.

Oh use a spoon or something ffs!

PseudoBadger Thu 28-Mar-13 20:22:36

Disaaaaarstaa

Floristneedsaname Thu 28-Mar-13 20:23:04

Christ I've just tuned in. WTAF did John make? Looks like remnants from Pompeii!

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:30

Nervous girl will just melt into a puddle of panic if she goes through to the restaurant round

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:52

Fishy pear bloke - goodbyeeeeee

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:59

Mmn raw bambi

Yummy raw cutlet. BLEUGH

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:25:33

A bit late tonight. What's up?

Raw cutlet- that the fishy pear man?

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:26:21

Yes, raw bambi is fishy pear

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:26:22

Taxi for Spudless man

As far as I can deduce- fishy pears. Raw cutlets. Again. And beetroot of course.

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:26:51

Yes, I think fishypearman might be going home early.

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:27:30

Wow. They've really saved up the duffers for this one.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:27:57

Whose out . Fishy pear and scot/Italian ?

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:28:37

That looks like pork chop and runny mashed spuds.

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:29:04

Looking forward to seeing jumper-lady in the professional kitchen.

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:29:05

No one has mentioned half of them cooked a lamb chop

Floristneedsaname Thu 28-Mar-13 20:30:25

I hate people that pull their sleeves down like that woman in the orange.

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:30:27

3 out ill betgrin

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:30:28

House !!!

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:08

I think only baldy did lamb - and they've kept him. Other guy was cuter.

Hi Crem smile

Well. They all seem a bit crap to be honest.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:43

I wonder will the be cooking or arranging tonight.

SoupDreggon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:45

Yes, only one cooked lamb.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:58

Will it be a busy lunch service perchance?

SoupDreggon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:36

Ive not watched avidly but this lot look bad compared to the others I've seen.

Floristneedsaname Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:39

There will be paying customers Duffy

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:41

More arranging.

ffs.

Why not go to a children's art and crafts class [mutter]

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:45

< waves at hattie>

There's going to tears.
And shmears

Smearing, Mary.

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:49

Pretty plate-arranging again. Pah!

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:02

No pressure at all.

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:09

It will indeed Duffy and for paying customers nonetheless grin

Do I get additional points for 'rustic drizzle'?

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:29

Oh, are they going to let this one cook fish?

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:34:11

Paying customers? In a restaurant? At lunchtime?

Floristneedsaname Thu 28-Mar-13 20:34:34

Maryz £50 says she'll fuck that fish up good.

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:34:56

I frequently drizzle rustically

Duffy. It may get pressured. Cooking does not get tougher. Than this.

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:35:14

I wouldn't have them near my restaurant. I think the Chefs who accept them are very brave.

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:35:33

How come Farhana (sp?) has to do NO COOKING AT ALL? hmm

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:36:07

Snot green bird vomit
And pan fried crispy skin

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:36:24

Was that pistachio ice cream on the chicken ?

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:36:26

Clients should get 20% off if it's cooked by a Masterchef contestant.

I would be SO disappointed if that was my lunch. Slivers of vegetables.

Floristneedsaname Thu 28-Mar-13 20:37:11

Ambridge because Farhana will have a total melt down if the last round is anything to go by.

Beetroot makes my wee go pink blush

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:37:29

Can I use this thread to boast about my new oven that was delivered today that cleans itself?

My life is complete blush

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:05

Ooh goody grin <rubs hands expectantly>

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:28

work on that drizzlegrin

Cremolafoam Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:28

Domes to hide the masterchef shame

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:36

"You need to work on that drizzle". Wrong, wrong, wrong.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:38:54

Should they let her loose with a blow torch then ?

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:39:12

She has to flambé the goats cheese, does she?

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:39:30

Orders are coming in? At lunchtime ?

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:39:35

Gosh, 7 whole orders. They're really piling up, then.

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:40:33

Do welders flambé pipes then hmm

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:40:35

Her crumbage is poor grin

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:40:58

Now imagine plating up that dish week-in-week-out. Not terribly exciting.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:40:58

I mean it's pretty, but is it food?

I can't imagine taking dh or either of the ds's there. They would need to be fed before and go to a kebab shop afterwards.

There must be a happy medium between good food and filling food, surely.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:41:18

What did you learn? I learned to drizzle hmm

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:41:20

Drizzle obsessed?

Fucking fingers! In the pan touching peoples lunch!

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:42:20

the mash looks nice. But I would want to put the chicken in to the saucepan and eat the lot.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:42:41

Can you tell I haven't had dinner yet grin

Floristneedsaname Thu 28-Mar-13 20:42:50

I'm eating my drizzled words as the women seem to have held it together. Although let's face it, not difficult to lay beet root on a plate.

Exactly. 30 seconds to eat chicken sliver. Then off to chippie on way home.

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:43:02

Yup - I'd need a side order of chips with that lot. With drizzled on ketchup. grin

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:43:49

<<Drags Maryz back to Philistine corner>>

With vinegar in paper bag.

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:44:26

Love the synchronised chin-lifting, guys

That face pulling is getting a little old.

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:45:11

pearls before swine.

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:45:35

greg has fewer chins to lift these days

Shes serving up her own heart

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:46:17

my passion on a plate boak

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:46:39

polly grin

He'll be back on the WW by the end of this series, surely

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:46:55

If you don't like duck...

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:47:01

grin

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:47:58

Awwww a pea purée, like the first cuckoo of spring

Minted pea puree. Ah, that brings back memories.

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:49:08

Oh dear, this'll not go well.

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:49:13

might as well stop,it's burnt

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:51:12

Indiana Jones girl's going through.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:51:15

They are very complicated, this lot.

They make the celebrity ones look good.

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:51:32

Micro-herbs = cress

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:52:06

Are microherbs cress?

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:52:20

x-posts grin

Oh dear, raw fish

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:52:43

No, but they look just like something you'd grow on blotting paper at school grin

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:52:43

blooper!

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:53:51

Oh dear, all falling at final hurdle...

SoupDreggon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:53:56

Andrews out.

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:54:12

That stroganoff looks like it came from 1989 when stroganoff was generally the only vegetarian dish on any menu.

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:54:22

raw blooper 2

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:54:36

So am I having egg and micro herb sandwiches ?

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:54:39

Andrew and Sophie neck and neck then.

raw fish, raw meat. disappointing.

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 20:55:30

Only one going through tonight?

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:55:32

smile duffy

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:56:11

Ok, no-one goes through here, maybe?

SoupDreggon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:57:51

He had to go for stuffing up the palate test so badly.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 20:57:58

Only Andrew?

Goodness. They aren't a patch on last night's, who weren't a patch on most of last week's.

hattymattie Thu 28-Mar-13 20:58:04

Andrew out - see you tomorrow ladies.

Ambridge Thu 28-Mar-13 20:58:32

Jill to go through, please!

DuffyMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 20:58:44

See you all tomorrow

pollywollydoodle Thu 28-Mar-13 20:59:14

meh!
nice to meet you

beanandspud Thu 28-Mar-13 21:02:24

See you tomorrow for the 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' round!

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 21:06:32

tomorris is quarter isn't it?

That rather nice Ollie will be back. And Jill. They are both better than either of today's. I didn't see Tuesday.

Night.

Maryz Fri 29-Mar-13 20:26:17

Ok, I can't watch tonight sad. Munster are playing and dh and ds2 have outnumbered me.

Normally I wouldn't mind but the commentary is in Irish and I hate it hmm

So if anyone would like to give a running commentary, I'd be grateful. I know we have one from Wed (can't remember her name) Jill and Ollie, and two youngish girls from last night, I think?

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:35:54

I'm here Mary - bloody Munster FGS

Paul: We have some brûlée and something
scientific foo
Sophie the masoose. There is pastry and STRESS it means everything to hergrin
Leek and pancetta suet puds AND PEAR CRUMBLE
Jill: 55 Buckinghamshire
Pasty with duck and Harissa
Fig and almond tatin
Greg is worried about TASTE
fahana us wowing with carrots in filo
I shot you not lime ice cream tooconfused

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:36:36

I'll try and help Maryz - I suspect it could just be us tonight.

We have Paul (who's making a spherical crème brûlée), Sophie, Jill (nice lady), Farhana (carrots, filo, coconut and mango dessert hmm and possibly one more that I misd whilst typing.

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:36:58

I *shit you not

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:37:35

8 minutes left
Greg says the ducks not quackinggrin

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:37:57

And Shelina is back as a judge - boo hiss.

But gastro-Tim is here - hurrah!

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:38:09

Paul is giving us his cherry jus

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:38:50

Johns impressed
Duck skin flabby

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:39:26

Greg and John impressed with Paul's dish. But he needs to 'do the spherificatiom' whatever that is.

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:39:32

A ' spherical ' thing now

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:39:59

It's a chocolate Tube

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:40:19

They hate itconfused

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:40:23

Spherification even - bollocks to that. But not going down well.

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:41:23

Sophie's got poached( boiled ) beef

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:41:44

Are you there Maryz?

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:42:13

Looks ok actually. Stoopid shape veg

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:42:43

Sophie done good with poached beef, suet leek pudding and gravy.

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:43:26

Would you like a wine Cremola? I think all the best commentators do grin

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:43:27

There's a toffee apple- gotta be goodgrin

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:44:16

Can you tell I've had 1/2 bottle alreadywinewinewineblush

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:44:32

Looks nom

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:45:38

<<cheers>>

Sophie's doing better than I thought she would.

Jill is doing something that involves watery veg.

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:45:42

Right Jill - give us your duck
Oh no watery vegwink

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:47:04

Ooh pomegranate and molasses sauce. Pretty.
Shalina likes it

Greg: lacks depth

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:47:45

Oh, and John is wearing a very strange tight-fitting cardigan that looks about two sizes too small.

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:47:45

The gig tatin looks winkwinkwink
'Substantial'

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:48:25

Jill's tarte tatin very good. Greg almost orgasmic.

pollywollydoodle Fri 29-Mar-13 20:48:42

ooh great commentary...in bed with smartphone and d n v....feel like i'm there....smile

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:48:47

Soggy bottom
Sad music
Sad Jill shock

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:50:43

Crazy fahana;
Go go go
Shes late : bless
Curry beef
Asian steak& mash

Too much ghee

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:50:46

Polly you may not want to see Farhana's daal thingy in your current condition hmm

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:51:25

'curried splosh on a plate'. Is that a compliment?

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:51:51

Lovely
There's icing sugar deco going on

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:52:51

Indian pudding looks (and apparently tastes) very very good.

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:53:00

Aw she's a bit wibbly.
They love the carrot pudding

pollywollydoodle Fri 29-Mar-13 20:55:28

nor the choc tube, beanwink

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:55:33

Lots of talk of 'letting myself down'.

Given that they were all the best of a bad bunch in the heats the standard was good tonight.

Is got to be Sophie and Farzana.....

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:56:27

Paul gone.

Jill gone sad

Sophie and Farhana through to the next round.

beanandspud Fri 29-Mar-13 20:57:19

<<High fives with Cremola>>

See you for the Olympic 100m final in Rio?

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:57:35

I'm liking Sophie tbh
Of all if them hers looked like something you could scoff

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 20:59:15

grin Woohoo!
Hi5
Morewine
Mary hope you taped it .
Next week we have steel wool muffins to look forward to!

Dam you tablet. Sorry Farhana...

pollywollydoodle Fri 29-Mar-13 21:00:12

brill-o! grin

Cremolafoam Fri 29-Mar-13 21:06:27

Get well soon polly!
Come back soon Maryz.
Ps I'm in Ireland too

Maryz Fri 29-Mar-13 21:49:10

Sorry, I lost the computer too sad. ds2 decided he had to look up something urgently about maths, so he said [sceptical].

Anyhow, thanks, I think I got the jist of it - Sophie and Farhana - I'm surprised about Jill, she looked promising.

Do they do a losers' week like they did one year?

And Munster lost.

pepperrabbit Fri 29-Mar-13 22:46:20

I've had to watch them all an hour late this week angry
So I've just watched tonight's offering - Jill was good but just didn't seem to have a spark/seemed a bit safe, Farhana looks so nervous I'm convinced she's either going to cry or drop all her plates.
I enjoyed seeing Dhruv (sp?) and Tim again,
Looking forward to steel wool muffins!

Helloooooo? <echoey voice>

I have to talk sarcastically to myself? shock

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:03:08

Evening smile

Ok. I can do this.

You know, watching this in HD can be pretty gruesome.

Oh DUFFY! I thought I was aloooone

'a bit mad' hmm

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:04:03

Singer songwriter hmm

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:04:19

Helloooooooo!

'a mushroom filled with mince' BLEUGH

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:05:02

No, less and less each week...though I never watch masterchef if I can't bitch along, it's dull otherwise

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:05:10

Hello!

Are ve alone?

hELLOOOOOO BEAN!

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:05:57

Yoo hoo.

Here we go again.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:09

Is she a pilgrim father ?

Yes, I wouldnt watch either unless I was carping on and enjoying myself. I wish they would tie their hair back.

Helloooooo TSSDNCOP <cops a squeeeeze>

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:38

Why has she rolled those balls in foliage?

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:06:51

Helen 'once cooked a six course dinner party for her friends'

Is that really the most exciting they can say about someone on a cookery competition?

PseudoBadger Wed 03-Apr-13 20:07:01

Hi, I'm here until I go to collect my curry

Pancakeflipper Wed 03-Apr-13 20:07:47

<feet up tell DP to take over the evening meal and ignore the children >

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:07:55

Ooh Stairs [bugrin]

He'd like to take it all the way <theatrical wink>

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:08:30

<<waves at Pseudo>>

Could you get me a king prawn saag whilst you're at it please? smile

Bertie, bwahhhhhh creamy burger bleugh

Hello MaryZ, I am glad you are all here. I hope you have better food than me to eat. I made a shit lasagne tonight.

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:08:52

Where'd the blardy bunnies go?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:08:55

Yes I notices that bean ...are we supposed to go fuck me its like she's flown to the moon

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:09:13

Burger and chips. Yum

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:09:59

Mmm...Mincy mushrooms

Oh DEARY me. That looked vile, to be fair. Like an ailment.

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:10:42

WHY HAS EVERYONE THROWN GIANT GRASS CLIPPINGS OVER THEIR GRUB?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:11:00

Which is never good in a meal

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:11:02

Oops sorry for yelling.

Sheep dip? Who would one cook that when trying to impress?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:11:33

Smears are over, foliage is in

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:12:23

This is a bit basic - meatballs, shepherds' pie, chips, toast confused

grin mincey mushrooms

I quite like her.

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:13:26

Not sure what to make of Bertie. He's a little, ahem, 'quirky' perhaps?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:13:34

Not much of an invention test seeing as these are the cut above the home cook...apparently

Bertie reminds me of Rumplestiltskin in that Shrek film.

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:14:28

Cab for Shivi after that round.

Burger boy takes pole for round 2 I reckon.

Greg is arranging his face.

Cue: Quizzical

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:15:02

ds could do better with mince, mushrooms, potatoes and random crap.

He does good mince-y meals hmm

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:15:11

Duffy agreed. On this basis I do an invention test very night for DS's tea hmm

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:15:22

Chicken pie?

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:15:38

So John's gone from crazy noodle salad to chicken pie confused

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:16:16

The palate test is the only interesting bit now...rest is so predictable

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:17:12

Personally I like pastry on my pies bottom.

Ullo.

smile

I am covered in Tweens, we are having a fsleepover.

hmm

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:17:26

That's burnt hmm

Even I could do that, honestly! This is weird.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:17:49

Yes ...the cupboard/fridge/freezer nightly invention test...and I wouldn't make Mincy mushrooms ms singer/songwriter

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:18:01

A stayawake, Chaos?

Pastry only on the top, fgs, anything else is stodge.

But TSS does it not go soggy? I would like it if it wasn't like raw gloopy sog. Can you do that? <agog>

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:18:53

I deduce <sniffing and poking> that its chicken pie and coleslaw.

Tough one.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:19:06

I wonder if you can buy that genuine masterchef sacking

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:19:34

Stairs I can't, but M&S can grin

Tweenies, Chaos? Not Bella I hope. She is a bastard.

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:22:24

Helen's pastry looks lush!

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:23:07

God I could eat some pie

Thank feck not Bella, DD3 is a bossy creture - they'd cretainly clash. hmm

YUp to a stayawake.

sigh.

But they're all here watching MC with me.

Squite civilised.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:23:28

Oh ffs strap on a pair

Yes, poor Helen, it wasnt cooked though. Actually I always ruin pies so this is useful. Thicker roux. Good good <makes notes>

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:24:10

I thought that Duffy about the sacking. I wonder how many production meetings it took to agree on the logo-ed sack rather than a couple of checked tea towels.

Cremolafoam Wed 03-Apr-13 20:24:15

Aargh am out and can't watch!
Thanks for VOgrin

Maryz Wed 03-Apr-13 20:25:01

yy, mine are always like chicken soup with pastry on top.

I will thicken my roux.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:25:22

Perhaps Lakeland sell it...so you can play along at home

Oh Cremola, that's tragic...

Bertie is strangely compelling. Not in a sexual way.

Sunnywithshowers Wed 03-Apr-13 20:25:59

This week's restaurant kitchen tests will take place in:

Wetherspoon's
Toby Carvery
Pizza Hut

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:26:18

Is it me or do they seem to be massively kissing Shivi's arse? Her pie looked nothing like john's!

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:26:42

Local paper said that Dave is from 'round here' <tenuous fame claim>

It was a small tasty thing though, Stuffez hmm <licks lips grotesquely>

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:27:25

Helen
Bertie
Dave

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:27:40

They always suck up to the young lady-eez...bitter old bag emoticon

YY , TSSDNCOP

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:28:31

I think Bertie is pissed

I bet Bertie says holibobs, though.

I actually have no idea. None.

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 20:29:33

Watching this in hd for the first time, I have noticed JT is a properly messy eater. Things have gone flying off his fork every time not that I'm one to talk

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:29:34

But a least he is stiff and not floppy

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:29:47

Is Bertie a Harry Enfield character in his spare time?

I do hope he makes it to the professional kitchen.

Cremolafoam Wed 03-Apr-13 20:29:52

Rofl @ ailment stuffed shroomsgringringringrin

Noooooo, that's a shame.

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:30:36

Urgh, I shudder! Honestly, her pie looked like someone had done a wee in it. Shivi very annoying - the kind of person who'd force their company on you when you were suffering with a crashing hang over.
Poor old Bertie - he could have been the next Keith ffloyd!

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:30:43

No ! Stop cooking ...that'll learn the bastards at masterchef

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:30:46

Bertie was robbed there.

Shivi is going to get on my wick.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:31:08

Wll it be a busy service hmm

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:31:16

Bean - YES! :-)

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:31:46

A portrait of duck ha ha ha ha ha

Quick, fast & responsive. Because it is lunch. And lunch service s busy. <nods head>

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:31:57

Drizzles of jus for the paying guests.

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 20:32:21

"Portrait of duck" makes it sound like she has to paint it, not cook it FFS.

I prefer a drizzle to a smear.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:33:22

Will they be doing the only three dishes on that day because it would be embarrassing if they had fuck all to do the three most popular dishes on the menu

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:34:01

Mushroom powder hmm

Frodgspawn.

ugh

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:34:20

I half expected "shivi is going to be preparing... Scrambled egg.
God I fancy some nice pink duck though!

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:35:07

What is a transcriber btw ?

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:35:50

Lamb chops and wedges. Back to DS's tea.

So is the trick when cooking to part fry then oven cook stuff?

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:36:30

Duffy wasn't that what Chandler Bing did?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:36:42

And for the 3rd week running, if you don't like duck, you're rather stuck

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:37:12

Ducks fucked

Everyone has gathered to rubberneck at Shivi. good

grin at Transcriber!

Think RAchel Karen Green thought he was a trans trans transponder!

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:38:03

tssdncop grin

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:38:37

It was Transpondster! (I think!)

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:38:39

Chaos you're right that was Chanandler Bongs occupation grin

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:38:43

Well done lamb ?

Sunnywithshowers Wed 03-Apr-13 20:39:53

Rice pudding with fish. <gip>

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:40:10

Crack on shivi...

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:40:18

Cous cous.

Just why?

In no manifestation does it look anything other than sinisterly wrong.

Chefs: give.it.up.

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:40:20

So, you've arrived at a London restaurant for lunch and you find out that the Masterchef contestants are cooking.

Do you stay or do you make your excuses and leave?

The halibut looks loverly.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:41:07

Are they all marvellous now that service is finished hmm

That's it!

Transpondster.

How many different categories of towel did MOnica have?

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:41:39

Bean

Far, far away.

Oh I fancy a Friends thread.

Anyone?
Anyone?

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:42:38

Was is 19?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:42:44

Oi...masterchef bitching!

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:43:01

Sorry Chaos we're on a break grin

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:43:54

Annoyingly, I bet the Shivster pulls this one out the bag.
I wanna be in the friends thread!!!

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:44:38

I can't help thinking that Shivi will do well here.

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:44:50

Stuffez I fear you may be correct.

What was Rachel's real favourite film?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:45:27

Shivi's cooking sea bass and Greg looked at her as if she said she was cooking fricassee of unicorn with a dodo smear

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:45:30

Weekend at Bertie's!

Oh god, incoming: Greg orgasm face

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:45:44

Bernie's!

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:46:11

Duffy iPad covered in tea.

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:46:27

grin at fricasee of unicorn and dodo smear

StuffezLaBouche Wed 03-Apr-13 20:46:51

Oh arse, ipad dead. Over and out!

grin duffy

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:46:55

Oh yes stairs...I felt things were stiffening as she reeled off her pudding

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:47:34

Ha ha ha ...slop

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:48:07

Was she bunging syrup on the top of her pudding ?

a squirt of syrup on the top, I do that. top chef see?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:49:05

A reverse fried egg smile

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 20:49:29

A woman would impress Greg by making an online Dominos order if she was pretty enough.

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:50:00

Hang about, there must be some squirty cream in the back of the fridge.

No? Just have to use the syrup.

Not enough Ice Magic used on Masterchef these days.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:50:04

Ah the old flavour so subtle you can't taste it

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:50:20

Brown followed by brown from Helen.

Shivi is extremely beautiful though!!

Why is she so annoying? Is it her voice? Or her eyes?

Veh good, beanandspud.

grin

I shall start one in a mo.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:50:56

grin twinkly

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 20:51:05

Everything poor Helen cooked is the same colour.

Oblomov Wed 03-Apr-13 20:51:12

BERTIE. Dh knows Bertie. Used to work with him. Loveliest bloke.:-(

Cremolafoam Wed 03-Apr-13 20:51:23

I am in tears laughing in a completely inappropriate location.
Dodo smear grin

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:51:42

Dry fucking pudding...that's one of the four horseman of the apocalypse surely !

Oh poor Helen. She made a weird pud.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:52:46

And everything Helen cooked was seemingly dropped from a great height

Cremolafoam Wed 03-Apr-13 20:52:54

That and fondant-dryness
You can get an ointment for thatconfused

Now this looks odd ....... His presentation is awful but I could eat this

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:53:37

Bet poor Greg flopped at the sight of the toffee "disc"

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:54:14

Dave n shivi through ?

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:54:37

Shivi to go through? And... .???

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:54:54

TBF the toffee disc looked like it'd crack your bridgework.

Helen to go through

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:55:11

Dave

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:55:14

Flavourless pudding the best in the room John ????

Cremolafoam Wed 03-Apr-13 20:55:22

Have we had the Brillo pads yet?

Helen out I think.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:55:50

And Helen has cooked a six course meal for friends ffs

Its not a shame. They were shit.

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:56:53

Get in < pumps air in v sad manner>

TSSDNCOP Wed 03-Apr-13 20:57:45

Until tomorrow.

Chaos where's the Friends quiz?

beanandspud Wed 03-Apr-13 20:58:03

Back tomorrow for more? Can we have wine and snacks to help things along?

Pffft. See you all...tomorrow?

DuffyMoon Wed 03-Apr-13 20:58:13

Night all...see you tomorrow

Cremolafoam Wed 03-Apr-13 21:02:56

Thanks for the running commentary - ye are brilliantgrin

Holdon, TSS, will link in a mo.

Nightnighty MCheffers.

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:01:51

Hellooooooooooo ?

PseudoBadger Thu 04-Apr-13 20:02:27

Ola!

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:03:25

Thought I was billy no mates

PseudoBadger Thu 04-Apr-13 20:04:37

Oh dear on schedule for overlooked pheasant breast and undercooked fondants!

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:04:55

Hello!

I have wine and wasabi peas tonight and I'll share nicely smile

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:05:03

Oh I am sad

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:05:25

Phew

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:07:39

Wahay! Chocolate fondant in the invention test...

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:11:26

What have I missed...had to let the dog out to bark ...at nothing hmm

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:12:17

Love my potatoes al dente

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:13:16

I thought it was something I said Duffy wink

Fondant.......................

Perfect!

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:14:06

What are fondant potatoes...a cross between baked and roast ?

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:15:43

I think you half cook them in stock and garlic and then roast in the oven. Or is it the other way round?

That's why I'll never be on Masterchef, I can't remember how to cook anything much without a recipe.

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:16:38

Seafood chowder looks very very nice though.

Sunnywithshowers Thu 04-Apr-13 20:16:55

I think that was baldy's cum face. <boak>

PseudoBadger Thu 04-Apr-13 20:17:52

That's wheaten bread, not soda! And who cooks it in a tin?

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:18:03

Ffs sunny I am eating !

Sorry, I'm late. Can anyone precis who/what/where/bleurgh?

Please?

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:20:41

For Chaos

5 cooks - none particularly memorable
1 chocolate fondant - very good
Pheasant and omelette - very bad
seafood chowder and bread now now being copied (improvement on chicken pie)

Sunnywithshowers Thu 04-Apr-13 20:20:51

Today's people are better cooks than yesterday's. But so is the bloke at my local Wetherspoons.

They're cooking seafood chowder. And baldy 'lurvs' smoked haddock.

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:21:07

Missed a bit myself...no one really standing out, one contestant made choc fondant in invention test so has cojones if nothing else

Thanks, beana, sweetpea.

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:22:20

One of the girls, think it was catered my own wedding has a dreadful cold and red nose, not ideal

pollywollydoodle Thu 04-Apr-13 20:26:13

evening all..

Which girl, Duff?

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:27:16

Sarah...she catered her own wedding...

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:27:34

Scone girl

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:27:57

I'm really struggling with the three girls, they all look the same.

pollywollydoodle Thu 04-Apr-13 20:28:02

ooh you don't want a damp patch emma!

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:29:19

I like the way they line them up by height grin

Ambridge Thu 04-Apr-13 20:29:27

Evening all, can I join in? Still disappointed that Bertie went yesterday. At least he had comedy value - this lot all seem a bit meh

grin at fish dessert.

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:30:58

Come back street food forrin, all is forgiven

Sunnywithshowers Thu 04-Apr-13 20:32:05

Duffy grin

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:33:09

Am liking the name Larkin, wonder what the story behind that is

Ambridge Thu 04-Apr-13 20:33:14

Ooh, a busy lunch service coming up

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:34:33

Duck again...

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:35:17

And it's duck... Again.

For goodness sake, is there a duck mountain in this country that I've missed?

Ambridge Thu 04-Apr-13 20:36:01

But this is a French duck...

The scallop dish looks lovely.

Yum.

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:36:49

When he described it I thought he said 'Dongdong' duck but I'm guessing it's Dordogne?

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:37:29

Where is the chef from? Odd French accent

Sunnywithshowers Thu 04-Apr-13 20:38:03

That's the most unpleasant French accent I've ever heard.

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:39:00

Dong dong chicken grin

Ambridge Thu 04-Apr-13 20:39:19

Cambodia? Vietnam? What used to be Indochina, maybe

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:39:35

He was born in Lyon with a French mother and a Japanese father if that helps?

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:39:41

Are restaurant kitchens busy at lunchtimes then ?

My money's on CHris.

Ahem.

Ambridge Thu 04-Apr-13 20:40:08

That's me told grin

beanandspud Thu 04-Apr-13 20:41:06

Yup Duffy. And apparently full of paying customers!

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:41:16

Cold? Bung it in the microwave

pollywollydoodle Thu 04-Apr-13 20:41:28

surprisingly it's all about the timing...

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:41:50

Something burning under a salamander ??

3MonthMaid Thu 04-Apr-13 20:43:00

That mans French accent is comedy. But not funny. Yuk yuk yuk

pollywollydoodle Thu 04-Apr-13 20:43:11

burnt lizard??

Ambridge Thu 04-Apr-13 20:44:14

Chris is teacher's pet. Not much doubt who's going this time...

DuffyMoon Thu 04-Apr-13 20:44:27

Fuck me...you have to practise a lot to get into a professional kitchen, thank you for that insight

TSSDNCOP Thu 04-Apr-13 20:45:19

<puffs in>

Sorry I'm late, darn DCs - have we a contender from these three?