14 yo DD has very large breasts & very low self esteem/body image

(52 Posts)
Milla37 Mon 16-Jun-14 12:05:30

Hello! Any advice gratefully received....my poor 14 year old daughter has very large breasts, around size 44G. She is so self-conscious about it that she doesn't want to go to a shop to get fitted properly or buy bras - not helped by when she did finally pluck up courage to come with me to get fitted at M&S in Richmond & the lady measured her & then had nothing at all in her size. I've done some "trial & error" ordering for her from Evans - but out of about 5 bras that I ordered for her only 1 fitted, and that wasn't great. She really needs to go somewhere to try some on & get properly fitted, a nice friendly sensitive shop in West or Central London that has a decent stock of very large sizes. Rigby & Peller would be great, but I can't afford to pay £80 for 1 bra, & even they only seem to have a choice of about 4 in that size!!! Any suggestions? She's SO sensitive & easily upset about it all :-( ...Help!

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 12:09:35

Are you sure a 14yo is a 44 rib cage size ? M+S have a terrible reputation for measuring properly. Have you checked out the bra intervention threads on here for the correct way to measure...it has transformed many MN'ers figures.

Seeline Mon 16-Jun-14 12:11:22

If you can get to a Bravissimo shop they are brilliant. They usually don't even measure you, but know the right size for you. They will also really explain how to work out whether a bra fits you properly or not, so you are more confident of going elsewhere. Many of their bras are expensive, but are worth it. They usually have a good range in stock as well. Once you know her size (I wouldn't rely on the M&S fitting at all) you can use the Bravissimo web site.
M&S measured me as a 42D and the bras in that size didn't fit in any way. Bravissimo measured me as a 36G. The M&S bras in that size do fit me, and I order on line as they rarely have them in the shop.

Milla37 Mon 16-Jun-14 12:14:47

I'm a bit skeptical about the 44 measurement actually....I might take a tape measure to her myself later just to check. She is quite overweight at the moment - suffering with some mental health issues so I'm obviously trying to deal with the weight problem with as much sensitivity as I can....

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 12:14:58

Yep, nothing wrong with M+S bras themselves but the measuring is shocking.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 12:16:43

Measure under her boobs around the ribcage and pull the measure tight.

Milla37 Mon 16-Jun-14 12:17:41

I've had a look on the Bravissimo website & they don't seem to go higher than a 40" back/under-cup size. I guess I could get her fitted there, but it takes so much courage for her to even get measured that it's horrible when they then say that they don't stock anything in her size - not sure I want to put her through that trauma again at the moment :-(

TickledOnion Mon 16-Jun-14 12:19:47

If M&S measured her as a 44, then she is probably more like a 38 back. Please try bravissimo. They are lovely and will do their best to make her feel comfortable.

beccajoh Mon 16-Jun-14 12:21:12

There's a Bravissimo in Ealing, or Guildford might also be an option. I highly doubt she's a 44G, just that M&S are hopeless at fitting. I wear bras that are a 28/30 back size but M&S would put me in a 36 for reasons I've not yet worked put!

beccajoh Mon 16-Jun-14 12:22:49

Bravissimo bras are more in the £30-35 per bra range. Once you know roughly what her actual size is you can order online from places like Brastop or Figleaves so she can try on at home if she'd feel happier that way.

Seeline Mon 16-Jun-14 12:24:29

Agree - M&S always seem to be 5-6" bigger in their measurements. I am overweight, but still only measure 38" at the moment. I was only a 36" when they measured me as a 42".
As I said BRavissimo don't usually even need a tape measure - they are so helpful and friendly.

juneau Mon 16-Jun-14 12:24:31

John Lewis also have a good bra measuring dept and a large range of sizes and styles. If her breasts are really that big its essential that she's wearing a properly fitting bra or she could get back and shoulder problems as a result.

motherinferior Mon 16-Jun-14 12:25:22

I'd be really surprised if she's much over a 36.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 12:26:27

Measure tightly around the rib cage under the boobs (tightly)

Then measure the fullest part of the boobs leaning forward

The difference between the two in inches is the cup size eg. 1" difference is an A, 5" would be a DD, 9" would be a FF

motherinferior Mon 16-Jun-14 12:26:39

This shop is out of your way but I can recommend it.

CurlyBlueberry Mon 16-Jun-14 12:32:19

There used to be a Leia in Richmond which was fab when I was a teenager with large breasts, but it seems to have closed down now sad

Get her to a Bravissimo. They will have something in her size I am sure, and I would be very surprised if she was above a 40 back anyway.

Theas18 Mon 16-Jun-14 12:34:36

M+S measurements WILL BE WRONG!

Unless your DD is genuinely a very large lady she is never a 44 underbust. I wont tell you my size but I ain't small and wear a 36. My friend who is a dress size 22 is a 38K and can get bras from bravissimo though a limited choice.

Please take her to bravissimo. Book ahead, maybe even pop in and tell them the problems she's had and how she's feeling. The fitting will be by a bravissmo busted lady almost certainly and they are just fab at making girls feel comfortable.

My just 15yr has been a bravissimo girl for years. M+S have been increadibly rude to her almost along the " noone has norks that size" but bravissimo have aways been lovely.

Can you tell us her weight /dress size?

KarlWrenbury Mon 16-Jun-14 12:34:53

is she VERY overweight?

KarlWrenbury Mon 16-Jun-14 12:35:23

ah yes, Sorry. I missed your post - even so I agree wiht the others about that back size

KarlWrenbury Mon 16-Jun-14 12:37:19

show her the Freya ones - so pretty

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Mon 16-Jun-14 12:40:28

They are lovely in bravissimo. I am really self conscience about my tummy and stretch marks etc and I used to wear a strappy top and just roll it down so that they didn't have to see it. I don't care so much now as they put me at ease but was a bright red mess at 14 y.o. in M&S.

Wafflenose Mon 16-Jun-14 12:46:32

Please take her to a Bravissimo. They are lovely.

M&S would have me in a 38. I'm a 32!

TheTerribleBaroness Mon 16-Jun-14 12:47:23

When I was 14 DM had me in 38DDs from M&S. I'm actually a 32. Bravissimo have lovely bras, young and trendy and a properly fitting bra will make her look slimmer anyway.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 12:47:25

M+S measured me years ago as 36A.

I am actually a 32DD.

Another voice saying 44 rib cage sounds unlikely and to try bravissimo.

I went from being flat chested at the beginning of year 7, so aged 12, to having 36 GG bosoms at the beginning of year 8. It was really horrible. Because they grew so quickly too they were covered in angry res stretch marks and I hated them. I'd go as far as to say that I hated them for years- all the other girls my age could wear boob tubes and slippy summer dresses and I was humping around 2 stone of horrible tit on my chest hmm

I'm now 17 years on and a 38 HH so the good news is that they didn't grow much more. I also in the five years between acquiring the beasts and starting sixth form grew about 7 inches in height which helped my body image. It was really hard for me as my boobs are unprecedented- my mum is a 32 AA and my only sister a 32 B... We assume my huge breasts come from my dads adopted family as the women in my mums family are all very slight and short and petite looking. I, on the other hand, am this tall hulk of a woman with massive feet and big breasts! I had to learn to dress myself really but soon discovered that dresses looked much better on me than separates and that no matter how much I wished I could wear strappy tops and jeans, I just can't. It looks bad.

Find a bravissimo shop and get your daughter properly fitted there. Even if you can only afford one great bra for her it will help everything- there's no piece of clothing it won't improve the look of once she's got it on. Maybe suggest getting her some new clothes for new figure as a present for her birthday or something? Again, if she's got a few nice pieces to wear she will feel so much better.

And as hard as it is for her now there will come a time when she will have grown into her new figure, the gentlemen in her life will admire it and her friends will be envious. It's hard being busty at her age but you as a mother can help her confidence.

Moofins Mon 16-Jun-14 13:03:06

I would try and measure her at home first if you can. I went into Bravissimo and was very embarrassed when they told me they didn't go up to my size. They didn't know what to say or suggest and I left feeling awful (Post baby blues). I have found a few good style of bras which I am comfortable in and happy with the size through trial and error (and before I saw the bra intervention threads here). I hate going bra shopping but am happy trawling the internet. Clara Olivia website is good - I like the Caitlyn bras as have side support as well. However I think the style of bra and comfort has much to do with the shape of your boobs as well as anything else, there are lots of balcony bras in larger sizes which don't suit me at all but would probably suit more youthful boobs. For sport support the Elomi Energise is fab.
I really sympathise with your DD this has been a sensitive and upsetting issue for me as well. Thank god for online shops!

dwinnol Mon 16-Jun-14 14:15:16

Stay away from M&S, they measure in "their owns sizes" ?! In inches but M&S inches??
I can confirm that a good bra will make any outfit look better so it's well worth investing.

Georgethesecond Mon 16-Jun-14 14:20:20

Is she just busty though, or is she in fact considerably overweight which will also affect how she feels about herself? If so then her breasts will shrink if she loses weight, surely? So better to try bravissimo than risk R and P prices on breasts which may not be with her forever.

lljkk Mon 16-Jun-14 15:34:38

Please tell us her under rib cage number, OP. I'm dying to know.
34G is just about plausible.

Milla37 Mon 16-Jun-14 21:13:58

Thanks very much for all your help and advice everyone! She's not just busty, but is generally overweight, & I know that her boobs will shrink if she loses weight...however I'm keen to help her to feel better about herself by getting her underwear that fits properly & gives her a nice figure. I've been there myself, & know very well the miserable vicious circle that is low self-esteem/overeating when it comes to body image. I also know that even if she loses a lot of weight (she's probably about 3 stone over, but she is fairly tall/big-framed so hides it well) then her boobs will still be pretty large & she'll still be very top-heavy as unfortunately that's a feature of both mine and her dad's families!

I've not had a chance to measure her yet - but have mentioned the Bravissimo idea to her. She's fairly positive about that, although Moofins has confirmed my fears about them...however we shall see.... I have had to resort to internet shopping for her 46" school shirts, & even they are tight around the bust - poor thing!

somewhatdizzywhore1804 - thank you so much for your lovely comforting post, it sounds as though you're going through a similar experience to my DD, and I will try & reassure her that it's not necessarily so bad to have big boobs! I know that most men prefer curves to flat chests anyway!

Thank you all again - I'll keep you posted :-) x

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jun-14 21:22:53

With respect love, what has "what most men prefer" got to do with this ? confused

I think OP was referring to my final paragraph where I listed the positives of having gigantic boobs now I'm almost 30 as apposed to being 12. One of those was- tongue firmly in my cheek here- that friends are envious and men like them grin

I never thought there would be positives when I was trying to strap the fuckers down in year 7, but I've grown to love them.

FinDeSemaine Mon 16-Jun-14 22:57:39

There is quite a big area in between 44G and a 'flat chest' tbh. At 14, your DD doesn't need to worry what men prefer. It is far more important for her to be healthy and happy in her own skin. If she is several stone overweight, I'd concentrate on that, really.

Effic Mon 16-Jun-14 23:06:48

Hi. Measure her round the rib cage and then ring bravissimo first! The women who answer the phones are not just telesales - they have been trained to give advice on bra fitting so if they don't have bras to fit, they can tell you and save the embarrassment for your daughter. They are LOVELY folk and you can ring and pre- book a fitting in a shop so if they have a rough idea of size, they can make sure they have some bras in her size available.

I'd still be really shocked if they're a 44. My very overweight (like 25 stone) SIL who is 6ft and has a BMI getting on for 50 is only a 42 inch back size in bras!

goodasitgets Tue 17-Jun-14 00:12:27

She won't be a 44 - if her school shirts are tight at a 46, and we presume the 44 back size is right then adding two inches gives a 44B
I measure 46 over bust and wear a 32K at the minute

Trollsworth Tue 17-Jun-14 00:18:13

What waist size is she?

Trollsworth Tue 17-Jun-14 00:22:41

I can tell you right now that if she fits in a 46 in shirt, she is not a 44g bust. I measure fifty inches around the largest part of my chest, and I wear a 38g.

TheTerribleBaroness Tue 17-Jun-14 08:27:28

A properly fitting bra could easily take her down a dress size too.

outtolunchagain Tue 17-Jun-14 08:32:27

Definitely second Bravissimo , I would also call first, explain the situation and book a shop appointment.The ladies are lovely , in the Cambridge one the fitting rooms are downstairs so really private , they also have big fitting rooms so you are not squashed in.

Maryz Wed 18-Jun-14 00:34:23

I have always said that the one plastic surgery I would fund for my dd (if needed) would be breast reduction.

Having been teased and ridiculed throughout my teenage years for something I couldn't change, I wouldn't let my dd go through the same.

If it is a boob problem (as opposed to a general weight problem), I would be taking her to a cosmetic surgeon.

Ah Maryz really? That's so sad. As I've detailed on this thread of have very large breasts and they looked even larger when I was 12 and 5ft tall but I've grown into my figure and really love it now. It's part of who I am. I did hate the buggers as a teenager but I'm not sure what message it would have given me if after one of my many moans in the M and S changing room, my mum had packed me off to a plastic surgeon! hmm

I'm a dress size 28 and am not a 44 - so unless your DD is seriously obese I suspect that the fitting she has been given is wrong.

Maryz Wed 18-Jun-14 00:48:27

I wouldn't "pack her off", dizzy, but if it was something that was ruining her life I would fund it.

I had infertility treatment which reduced my boob size from ginormous to enormous but acceptable, but I still hate them. If dd was a 34quadruple K I would support her in dealing with it. Not "pack her off" but listen to her and help her if it was a real problem for her.

thecuntureshow Wed 18-Jun-14 00:57:31

I'm WAY more than three stone overweight and wearing a 40 back from Bravissimo. I think a 40JJ.

Been in their London stores and they have always been amazing. I would definitely book an appointment so neither you or they are rushed.

They will account for any embarrassment on your dd's part.

Have found Rigby and Pellar great too. Bras I bought were about £50 but worth it.

Alita7 Wed 18-Jun-14 07:52:27

m and s told me 38 A??????? When even looking at my boobs they're massive.

I'm currently a 34-36 ff- G due to pregnancy but normally I'm a 34 E. How someone can think I'm an A is just hilarious!

So I BET they are wrong.

ppplease Wed 18-Jun-14 14:53:15

Roughly agree with Maryz. But I would wait until she was in her early twenties at least.

I was told by a chiropractor that my boobs were too big for my frame, and that might be causing me neck problems.
They are a big weight for me to carry around.

bevelino Thu 19-Jun-14 23:25:49

OP if your dd is truly size 44, out of fairness to her a proper balanced diet leading to weight loss will surely do more for her self esteem than a well fitting bra.

Greenrememberedhills Thu 19-Jun-14 23:45:27

34G here!

I have one tip- I know that the Freya make within the Bravissimo range suits me best, and buy them half price or less on Ebay.

mathanxiety Sat 21-Jun-14 22:04:56

Forget about telling her what most men prefer.

A bra that fits right will do a lot for her overall figure. So she really needs to get properly measured. You can buy bras online once you have the proper measurement. Looking better and feeling better about your shape can sometimes be a spur towards better food choices.

Try USA sites that ship to the UK for large sizes - but I bet she has been measured all wrong.

I am 15 stone and still only have a 36 inch back measurement. She needs to be properly measured so she gets the correct size

Kormachameleon Sat 21-Jun-14 22:23:38

Pretty much what everyone else says is correct

There is no way is she a 44. I'm a dress size 22/24 and I'm a 38/40 J
Marks and spencer are notorious for being shit at measuring

Read the bra intervention threads on here, measure her yourself

Simply yours online are good, have a good range of bras, go up to a 50 JJ and you can order loads and send back whatever doesn't fit nicely. You can also pay monthly as its a catalogue.

I bet you any more she is no bigger than 36/38

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now