Miserable shopping trip

(82 Posts)
Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 17:48:48

sad 14 year old DS. The trip was essential for school shirts and trousers because he has grown a stupid amount lately. Then on for some smart clothes for work experience.

So the shopping trip was all about him!

I have never witnessed so much eye rolling, tutting and moaning in my life. Asking 'when can we go home?' every 5 minutes,

Apparently I WBU to make him go in the changing rooms to try stuff on too.

Never ever again. angry wine

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 18:23:24

I hope he hasn't got any homework and I really don't want to ask.

MissScatterbrain Mon 06-Jan-14 18:25:29

You have my sympathy. Apparently asking him to try things on in the changing room is NOT on hmm

I resorted to ordering a pile of stuff from Next and then forcing him to try these on before returning stuff that are the wrong size or whatever.

Claybury Mon 06-Jan-14 18:36:43

Don't take it too hard. My DS stopped going anywhere with me well before he was 14 and the other day I was shopping and saw a mother and teen son having coffee together and I felt quite sad as there's no way my DS would do that with me. My DS (15) saw me on the bus a few months back and although we were the only passengers he ignored me.
It's a difficult age and shopping can be annoying too. Shop online !

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 18:40:12

Thanks, It has made me quite sad. He needed the clothes so why couldn't he just make the best of it and just do it?

Miss he had to try them on as he's gone all gangly. Why can't they just accept that sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to? angry

sad Clay didn't he even come and sit with you?

MissScatterbrain Mon 06-Jan-14 18:48:39

It drives me mad re the not trying things on. I often end up taking things back to exchange for a more suitable size.

MissScatterbrain Mon 06-Jan-14 18:50:14

One thing I found that helps with shopping trips is to go to a town that isn't your local one. I think its the embarrassment factor of being caught shopping with middle aged Mum by people from school hmm

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 18:52:16

We were in the town where it would be most likely to see someone he knew. shock But that was where the uniform shop was. grin

There is a window of time in a teenager's life when it is Not Cool to be interested in doing or being anything. Even being cool is uncool.

On the 0-100 scale of uncoolness, showing any animation or interest in anything parents say or do is around the 98 mark - about the same rating as settling down to watch Countryfile with a nice cup of tea, or a Geography teacher's Farah polyester slacks .

You cannot win during this thankfully brief era. Don't even try. Just prod them repeatedly with the handle of a Vileda Supermop until they do the pathetically simple household task that you have requested and keep all attempts at meaningful conversation at an absolute minimum - just enough to avoid starvation or total duvet hibernation.

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 18:57:25

I have to say I think you may be right Talc. He is so uninterested in anything.

Poor people at the office where he is doing work experience. sad Although he will have full personality change for that and be all sweetness and light. angry

Technoprobe Mon 06-Jan-14 18:58:59

Talc thank you for making me smile despite my frustration at my 13 year old DS who has mastered the art of Not Cool whatevs

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 19:00:10

I went to link arms with him. blush he was not having any of it. sad

Technoprobe Mon 06-Jan-14 19:00:41

Sparklingbrook it's the sweetness and light for everyone else except me and DH that I find the most maddening hmm

Measure them and order online. Just don't do it.
(Voice of bitter experience)

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 19:01:49

Yes Techno-round at other people's houses. It really is like Kevin and Perry and Mrs Patterson. angry

bigTillyMintspie Mon 06-Jan-14 19:03:24

I find ordering from M&S online is easiest - then you can return whatever doesn't fit.

However, DS doesn't mind shopping with me, especially when there are clothes for him/food of his choice involvedwink

bigTillyMintspie Mon 06-Jan-14 19:03:57

And yes, they are horrid at home and then angelic to everyone elseangry

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 19:07:50

We stopped for lunch. Silent it was. sad

LynetteScavo Mon 06-Jan-14 19:08:50

You made him go into the changing room to try things on?

You must be evil! grin

I have a pair of school trousers which I've just sewn a name tape into, which I ordered on line, and DS has never tried on. Because he won't.

He has needed new school trainers since last august/september. He totally refused to come shopping, and in the end asked me just to bring some home. hmm DH managed to get him to the shop yesterday, and he's gone up two sizes.

Technoprobe Mon 06-Jan-14 19:09:52

You have my sympathy Sparklingbrook. My DS is so foul to me at the moment I wouldn't dream of suggesting a shopping trip. And the last time I tried to hug him, he shrugged me off. sad I can't seem to do anything right.

Ah, that's OK thanks

It is so wonderful when they emerge from the chrysalis of disinterested angst - like fresh-winged young adults that even bring you a cup of tea occasionally.

This does not extend, however, to replacing DVDs back in boxes or putting washing in the laundry basket or bringing crusty plates and cups down to the kitchen or turning off the light in the bathroom or scrubbing skiddies off the pan or not dumping your clean washing on the cellar floor so that they can tumble dry two pairs of knickers and a sock or making sure that the fridge door is closed properly or putting the tea-towel back properly instead of stuffing it down behind the bread bin.

That bit comes later. But they do talk to you and even acknowledge your existence in public.

I had this with ds1. He wouldn't even give me a peck on the cheek in the privacy of our own home for about three years. sad

Thankfully he seems to have grown out of it and has given me the odd kiss and cuddle now. He's 17 so it doesn't last forever and he did have moments of being brilliantly good company in that time. Just enough that I didn't lose hope completely.

SidandAndyssextoy Mon 06-Jan-14 19:11:37

I think I may love you, TalcandTurnips.

bigTillyMint Mon 06-Jan-14 19:12:25

Silent lunchsad

Although I have to say that DS was mighty embarrassed by DH and I when we all went into Subway in another city and DH and I ordered subs with everything on and then made a right mess eating themgrin
I think it was because there were loads of cool skateboarders who he will never see again DD didn't seem that bothered.

I think part of the reason DS doesn't mind going shopping with me is that he is very clothes oriented!

The irony is now DD (18) is delighted to come shopping with me. Because I have "good taste" shock
We used to come home empty handed in fecking tears when she was younger.

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 19:12:52

It is horrible. I love him so much, he was a little bit cuddly at Christmas but we are back to cold shoulder again now. sad

DS2 (my baby) is 12 this week. I will squeeze him tight on his Birthday. grin

bigTillyMint Mon 06-Jan-14 19:14:04

Katieflowers - good taste!

DeathByTray Mon 06-Jan-14 19:14:10

When mine were that age, I used to threaten them with a bit of cushion/curtain shopping if they didn't put their face straight. Apparently that was akin to Hell on Earth.

I'm also happy to report that they do indeed get over it and they will now even hug me in public.

I have the same taste I always had. It's simple, nothing for school that makes you look like an off duty hooker.

SilverApples Mon 06-Jan-14 19:18:08

Talc speaks much sense. grin
But although you said the trip was all about him, it really wasn't. It was about boring clothes for school and work. Like when you have a day off, but it's to sort out the kitchen fitters.
I find small intensive bursts, with food and mooching in more interesting shops helps the pain. I don't tolerate rudeness, silence is better.
Mine tend to bow to the inevitable and it's over far more quickly.

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 19:18:15

I wanted to pop into Tesco on the way home. I didn't because I was too scared. blush

My youngest, who will enter her third decade this year, even borrows (without asking, of course) my clothes, jewellery and accessories.

I saw a selfie posted by her on Twatter, in some nightclub establishment wearing my silk top from fecking East. She thinks I don't know.

Ha.

SilverApples Mon 06-Jan-14 19:20:39

Mine are both very huggy and cuddlesome, leaving school made a difference I thnk.

First up, best dressed round here too Talc. Even my naice bras hmm

woodrunner Mon 06-Jan-14 19:23:13

Sparkling, I read them the riot act if they behave badly when something is all about them. I'd have taken him home straight away and made him go to school in ankle swingers with popping buttons and pinching shoes. Then say you'll buy him new clothes when he can behave.

Tbh, even on school uniform shopping trips I always say - there's the Apple store/Game/HMV. I'll meet you there in 40 mins and take a breather from them at some point so it doesn't get too challenging.

Katie - not the bras! shock

Luckily my daughter is fuller of norque than my sad old Spaniel's Ears - otherwise I'd have an empty lingerie drawer too.

SirChenjin Mon 06-Jan-14 19:25:44

Oh this sounds very familiar. In my head shopping trips with DD are lovely girly occasions, where we laugh and joke, and try on things, and spray perfume, and admire each other in our new clothes, and link arms, and go for coffee and cakes. <disclaimer: I don't know why I think that>

In reality, we bicker and fight, she rolls her eyes at everything I suggest, decides that she hates shopping around 23 minutes into the trip, moans that everyone walks too slowly, she huffs and puffs at how boring it is buying stuff for her hmm, and we go home not speaking.

Technoprobe Mon 06-Jan-14 19:26:47

Sparkling are you me? I daren't do Tesco with mine either sad wo-man up Techno

Sparklingbrook Mon 06-Jan-14 19:29:09

I think I must be Techno. I was thinking if I nip in, leave grumpy in the car and use the scan and shop I could be ten minutes tops.

But I couldn't even bring myself to ask him if that would be acceptable. blush

I had a lovely shopping trip with dd today. She's 10. I really hoped it would be a way to stay connected as she got older, unlike with ds1. Seems I'm sadly mistaken listening to you lot.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 06-Jan-14 19:35:52

Oh spaarkling and talc - you're making me sad

My little DS is only 13 months and thinks I'm the best thing ever. He also wears whatever I want. When will this all change?!

SilverApples Mon 06-Jan-14 19:36:03

Oh Sparkling. sad
I'd have gone to the supermarket, and if he'd grumbled, I'd have pointed out that he likes eating, and that meant stuff needed buying.
That would have made sense to his Aspie logic.

Fairylea Mon 06-Jan-14 19:36:24

Oh gosh yes I feel your pain.

Dd is 11 so much younger but is definitely entering teenager type years.

We went shopping today because she NEEDS some school shoes and she needs to try them on in a shop because she is between sizes etc etc.

I told her before we went that I also wanted to look in one shop for me because I literally have NO jeans that fit properly and it's a rare thing that dh has a day off to look after ds 18 months so I could have a browse.. I also said I would treat us to a McDonald's which she normally loves so we could have a bit of a girly day out.

We came home with no shoes as apparently they were all horrible and she will manage with what she has! And lunch was near silent here too. And in the one shop I wanted to browse in she made such a bored huff and puff that I barely enjoyed looking at anything.

Feel sad really. I really wanted it to be fun. Seems I am uncool.

Gobbolino - you have roughly twelve years, four months and sixteen days.

The clothes thing may come a little earlier - but at least the channels of communication will still be open at this stage.

Total shutdown/face of surly thunder/grunting comes around the same time as the first surge of hormonal ouput from the pituitary.

That bastard gland has a lot to answer for. angry

Chlorinella Mon 06-Jan-14 19:50:24

This is normal

DS would only be seen with me at the till while I was buying him something .

DD is better , but only if we're not in our nearest town .

Hates going into old ladies shops < East ! > though .

We can have a girly lunch out , as long as we're a long way from home .

She refused to come school shoe shopping , so I chose her some Naice black pumps from Clarks , and that's what she wears they've already lasted 3 times as long as the papery things she wanted from New Look

Claybury Mon 06-Jan-14 20:15:19

Talc thank you for making me laugh and see that it's not just me - DS is 16 and he's getting worse not better. How much longer ?! It must be so horrible for them to maintain this level of scorn and nastiness. DH and I have had enough of the surly ungrateful teen stuff. It's particularly hard to spot him from afar looking positively jovial with mates - totally different body language from around me.

Sparkling- no he did not sit with me on the bus. He got on the stop after me and totally blanked me. Imagine doing that to the person who has met your every need for almost all your life.

BeadyBagsaTella Mon 06-Jan-14 20:24:17

DSs won't go shopping with me for their clothes, but are happy to enter a supermarket with me.

I think it reflects their priorities at the moment - food definitely rates higher than style!

saintmerryweather Mon 06-Jan-14 22:01:21

Thats shocking from your ds claybury. Id have sat next to him

Travelledtheworld Tue 07-Jan-14 09:49:37

My son 14 refuses to go clothes shopping at all and as a consequence only has school uniform and pyjamas. He doesn't go out very much.

He is totally not interested in clothes.

He is also very tall, into Men's medium sized clothes. In desperation I rush to M&S, BHS or top shop, buy several pairs of trousers, take them home for him to try on and return the ones that don't fit.

Otherwise the local Sainsburys does good value jeans and casual menswear.

Hopefully they will grow out of this weird attitude when they get interested in girls. But I know very few adult men who enjoy clothes shopping.....

Sparklingbrook Tue 07-Jan-14 10:44:26

It's so annoying. He was the one moaning his school stuff was too small. he needed to try it on.

Anyway this morning it was all stress because his shirt hangs lower than his blazer.

'Tuck it in' I say.
DS1- hmm

woodrunner Tue 07-Jan-14 13:53:42

Talc 'chrysalis of disinterested angst' is genius.

Please send it to the OED as a new and perfect definition of the word teenage.

chocoluvva Tue 07-Jan-14 14:22:16

You could be describing my 14 YO DS too Sparklingbrook

Does your DS manage to reply to a yes/no question in such a way that you can't tell whether he answered yes or no?

We now use online shopping and a matter-of-fact it's grim but it has to be done - let's see how quickly we can get you shoes approach.

Before next session I think I'll just give him money and send him off on his own (nervous face).

Sparklingbrook Tue 07-Jan-14 15:10:16

Oh yes choco the vagueness is astonishing. angry

He doesn't even listen to the question and says 'not sure' to most things. So frustrating.

muttonjeffmum Wed 08-Jan-14 23:12:41

We do a "supermarket sweep" with 15 year old DS. Fortunately he isn't into designer style and is happy to go to Primark. He is a skateboarder and exceptionally heavy on his clothes. Jeans only last a couple of months. I now leave it to him to tell me when he is ready to go. We march into Primark like it's a military operation - straight to the menswear. He rummages to find jeans that he likes whilst I have a quick look at their t-shirts for him. He tries 2 or 3 pairs on, says yeah or nay to the t-shirts and then we pay. In and out in about 15 mins - then of course, he lets me buy him lunch. It is only successful if we can leave his 12 year old sister at home. Trainer shopping is a bit more fraught but I've now worked out how to do it without stressing anyone out. He goes and finds them - I then meet him and pay for them. Easy Peasy!

chocoluvva Thu 09-Jan-14 08:34:47

We march into Primark like it's a military operation - straight to the menswear grin that's us too.

Very annoyingly I don't trust DH to go with him, after one session where they didn't "see anything" and the time they bought expensive designer lightweight plimsolls shoes for the winter term 1.5 mile walk to school.

Sparklingbrook Thu 09-Jan-14 10:52:34

Oh yes. DH wouldn't be allowed. it would be a disaster.

ShesYourDaughter Thu 09-Jan-14 14:02:17

Yeah it's the Kevin phase, everything's So unfair!! ;-)

Just get him to shop online, let you know when he's finished and then you can go through his basket together to make sure he has enough of everything, maybe order a different size or colour as well.

Next are really good for both free delivery to store and returning things. My son was a growth nightmare and Next saved our lives, especially the extra long trousers.

Cerisier Thu 09-Jan-14 15:26:08

DD15 and I have a system where she goes into town and tries things on with a friend. Then I am allowed to go next day with her to pay for the items. Recently I have just sent her with cash and have told her and friend what to get. They took the responsibility seriously and did a good job. It saved me having to go at all, which was nice.

Sparklingbrook Thu 09-Jan-14 17:53:07

YY it's unfair Shes. To me! grin

Cerisier that is brilliant, she sounds great. I am wondering if that would work with DS, but I don't think he would apply himself. sad

MissScatterbrain Thu 09-Jan-14 18:05:27

I don't think it would work for my DS either - he once went to town with friends and bought a t-shirt that was too small. Guess who had to take it back to change it hmm

Sparklingbrook Thu 09-Jan-14 18:09:06

I think DS would go into town with the thought of getting the stuff but end up having a Subway and gawping in GAME for two hours, before coming home.

bigTillyMint Thu 09-Jan-14 18:15:13

My two just go clothes shopping with their mates and come back with what they want. Saves on a lot of wasted time and money from my PoV - they tend to be careful with what they spend when it is their pocket/Christmas etc moneywink

lalsy Thu 09-Jan-14 18:20:45

OP, there is hope, I used to have terrible shopping trips with dd, often involving storming out/tears. She now often goes with friends or on her own (she is 17), but on Monday we went together, and she reached out, took my hand, and said I do like clothes shopping with you Mum. I resisted the temptation to offer her anything in H and M smile.

My 14yo ds can only abide shopping trips of under five mins. I avoid at all costs.

ishouldcocoa Thu 09-Jan-14 18:29:11

My DS (15) is a PITA to get to go shopping, but we have settled on the following:

1. TK Maxx to get everything. If its not in TK Maxx, then it doesn't get purchased. End of.

2. Lunch after where he chooses. It was Yo Sushi last time. Lucky they had a deal on as DS munched his way through 11 plates. shock

3. Home.

lastone Thu 09-Jan-14 18:40:12

This is all so familiar. My eldest was a nightmare, in fact we keep a photo of her on the fridge, at her worst, about 16 and on a day out, looking super sullen and horrid. But, like TalcAndTurnips says, they do come out of it. At christmas, now 25, she turned and said to me 'do you know, everything you ever said to me turned out to be right'. And I didnt even say I told you so, just smiled sweetly and thought 'finally'.... only took 9 years!

chocoluvva Thu 09-Jan-14 20:30:45

9 years shock and [despair]

My 17YO has just offended me by claiming that she's much more educated than me, more logical and knows more important things. Thanks a bunch DD angry and shock

ishouldcocoa Thu 09-Jan-14 20:42:47

I remember seeing a mug with the words...

TEENAGERS!
Tired of being harassed by your parents?

ACT NOW!!

Move out. Get a job.
Pay your bills while you still know everything.

Not entirely applicable to most of our DC's - (or DTs??), but it makes me smile...

Graceparkhill Thu 09-Jan-14 20:53:09

This is my favourite thread ever. DS aged 14 has not been near a shop for two years. I buy uniform at the school suppliers and they kindly exchange it for me if it doesn't fit.

I buy shoes online and if I find any casual clothes he will actually wear I will by the next size up as well.

He has no interest in clothes or shopping and until recently was wearing school shoes 2 sizes too small without a word of complaint.

When I think of all the expensive and carefully fitted shoes he wore when younger I wonder why I bothered!

Sparklingbrook Fri 10-Jan-14 18:47:19

Two years? grin Blimey.

notnowbernard Fri 10-Jan-14 18:55:32

Funny/sad thread

Have you lot read Zagazoo by Quentin Blake?

It's soooooo spot on!

<dreading teenage yrs>

MrsDavidBowie Sat 11-Jan-14 10:41:56

Ds 14 is great to go shopping with. We too have to go for a work experience rig out, so are planning to go late night shopping next week. Mind you, he knows we'll have a coffee/something to eat so that helps.

Dd 17 is awful. I have had many hissing moments in changing rooms with her, and gone home without her. I now order online for her.

Snog Sat 11-Jan-14 10:58:50

"Never Again" is an extremely sensible conclusion that you should stick to!

I could have written this about my dd (14) a while back. It's the trying on that is the worst bit although even the looking seems to be a trial. She is fine when we aren't shopping for clothes for her though!

My solution is as others have suggested try mail order and if not give her the money and get her to buy the stuff on her own. This means she either can't be arsed to get anything (her look out), or buys and wears some stuff that is quite unflattering imo but I just have to shut up and hope she gets better at choosing stuff that suits her rather than just stuff she likes! It's a learning curve for all of us after all. I would prefer it myself if lovely clothes that fit me just appeared in my wardrobe whenever I wanted them without needing to go shopping for them!

hamptoncourt Sat 11-Jan-14 14:50:51

Does anyone else suffer the "walking 20 paces in front of you" phenomenon?
It drives me bonkers. I look ubernormal. I don't walk around the shopping centre singing or dancing, well not when I am with DC anyway.

Why can't DD 16 just walk with me? Our shopping trips always end in tears and/or sulks but if I just give her money she buys shit she never wears again or that is so short her arse is hanging out so I feel resentful.

I guess maybe when they are older it is actually their money they are spending so maybe that is part of the reason it is less stressful? I am just so desperate for DD to grow the fuck out of it. Been three years already. Three years of being told daily how crap I am sad

dontcallmemam Sat 11-Jan-14 14:55:32

I have so been there.
DS2 (17) works in a supermarket after school. I saw him in there last night but studiously ignored him in case I embarrassed him by breathing or looking at eggs inappropriately
He actually came up to me and said "Hello Mum''.
I could've cried with gratitude...I'm seeing a light at the end of that very dark tunnel.

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-Jan-14 15:15:44

DS1 has gone into (the same) town today. With his mates. angry they are going to have lunch, and look round the shops.

That's what we were supposed to be doing last Monday. sad angry

MrsDavidBowie Sat 11-Jan-14 16:24:49

Ds is doing work experience in a few weeks in John Lewis. I plan to pop in [ grin]

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-Jan-14 16:25:59

shock MrsDB will you be allowed?

DS1 is doing his 100 miles away and staying at my DBs. grin

lalsy Sat 11-Jan-14 18:57:25

I once stormed out of a changing rook leaving dd (then 15) in it. She was trying on a dress for a posh do. She got stuck in the dress, couldn't undo the zip, too shy to ask the assistant for help, I was out of mobile reach.....

chocoluvva Sun 12-Jan-14 10:39:41

I once stormed out of a dressing room too....out of the shop and drove home leaving DD to get home herself blush

Sparklingbrook Sun 12-Jan-14 10:40:33

shock Ooh I did well to not storm out then.

Chottie Sun 12-Jan-14 19:43:25

The post of hope for you all smile

My DS actually came and picked me up from work before Christmas so we could go shopping in BW together as he wanted some new clothes and wanted my opinion smile he also bought my Christmas present at the same time. He also asks my advice about recipes and Christmas presents for friends with children too.

Sparklingbrook Sun 12-Jan-14 20:00:54

shock Chottie.

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