condoms for my dd1 and her boyfriend??

(71 Posts)
condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 10:52:40

She's been in a relationship for a few months now and they are thinking about sleeping together.Some people won't agree with me here but I think I need to help them out before it happens....He is 16 and she is 15 and,rightly or wrongly,I feel the need to make sure they are protected.She's told me that they are both too embarrassed to get some condoms so I said I would get her some to discreetly keep in her handbag just incase things started to 'happen'.Embarrassingly for me, (45 with 3 teenage kids!), I have NEVER bought condoms in my life!!! What should I get her for 'starters'?? HELP!!! blush

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 10:59:03

also,errmm size?? or are they all 'average'?

londonmum14 Thu 10-Oct-13 10:59:18

How about a chastity belt? shock
Providing my underage child with condoms wouldn't sit right with me.

CressidaMontgomery Thu 10-Oct-13 11:01:43

You're 45 and you don't know a thing about condoms? And as for 'size' .. They're pretty standard unless you want to casually ask him if he's a big boy?

I would NOT buy my 15 year old daughter condoms and if she is ' too embarrassed ' to buy them then she is too embarrassed to have sex IMO

She is underage. Be a parent and stop trying to be all liberal and cool would be my advice

YoureBeingADick Thu 10-Oct-13 11:02:57

I think you can get packs with various sizes in it. Also- its brilliant that she is talking to you about this- but why does she have to discreetly keep condoms? Im very much of the opinion that if you are mature enough to have sex then you damn well better be mature enough to do it safely and there is nothing embarrassing about practising safe sex. Personally i would advise both of them to visit the family planning clinic beforehand where thy will get advice from someone non squeamish and free condoms.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 10-Oct-13 11:04:34

The pill
A visit to the GP/family planning - take them together smile

CMOTDibbler Thu 10-Oct-13 11:06:09

You need to get her to the family planning clinic (most have special sessions for young people) so she can get on some contraception and get condoms.

In my area, once you've been to a clinic/seen a sexual health advisor, you get given a special card that you then just show at the pharmacy counter and get a plain bag of condoms free

Hadmeathello Thu 10-Oct-13 11:07:34

As the mother of a 15 year old daughter myself I have to say I completely agree with Cressida.

BurberryQ Thu 10-Oct-13 11:08:16

you should not facilitate this as he is 16 and she is 'underage' which could lead to a whole heap of trouble.

Madlizzy Thu 10-Oct-13 11:09:33

Yes to visiting the family planning clinic. It's great that she's communication with you too, but it is good to remind her boyfriend that he will be breaking the law if he does have sex with her, and a few months is not a serious relationship. She may have sex with him then regret it. They may split and he could tell his mates that he's slept with her. I keep telling my daughter that just because they are going out, they don't HAVE to have sex, it's not mandatory. I also tell her that her body is the one thing that is ever truly hers and she should respect it and expect others to. I think you are right to provide access to contraception, as long as you provide the information that's needed.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 10-Oct-13 11:09:41

I would agree that if she isn't mature enough to buy condoms then she probably isn't mature enough to be having sex.
That said, she won't see it that way and she will probably still have sex, so you need to do your best to make sure that she is protected.
Rather than giving her the condoms, I'd research some local family planning services or clinics aimed at her age group. She will be able to get free condoms there and will also have access to advice and support should she need it.
She could also look into getting a C card.
Encourage her to take responsibility for her own contraception and provide her with the information about how to do so, rather than the condoms themselves.

somethingscary Thu 10-Oct-13 11:11:43

If teenagers want to have sex, they will. Better that they have an open relationship with their mother. I would either send them to the clinic or buy them some in Boots or the supermarket. Mine waited until she was 17 but I would have been very pleased if she had wanted to talk to me about it at 15. At least the op's daughter isn't doing it unprotected on a pile of coats with someone she's met at a party.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Thu 10-Oct-13 11:19:10

Ha ha!

All those saying that you shouldn't provide an underage person with condoms are probably going to end up being grandparents young! grin

All this "too young to get condoms too young for sex" is idealistic and completely putting your heads in the sand. Being too embarrassed to go to a family planning clinic or buy condoms (would they have the cash to even get them their selves?) won't actually stop them doing the deed if they get carried away one day.

I doubt that a couple of horny teenagers are going to stop and think in the same way as us older people would. If you want to protect your teenagers you need to think like they would think . . . and its likely they will think with their genitals.

MN makes me laugh sometimes, and not in a good way!

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 11:22:21

thanks all! I SERIOUSLY do NOT think I'm cool haha!! I do,however,find with my own kids at least,that allowing them to be able to tell me ANYTHING,that they-up until now anyway!-are not sneaking around behind my back.(Unlike an awful lot of other kids who come to ME for advice because they don't feel comfortable around their own parents!) I am not shy about ANYTHING and some of their friends have shared stuff with me that would make some parents' toes curl--obviously,I have to be careful that the information that I give them,is sensible and sometimes I have to tell them NOT to tell me TOO much as that would make me responsible and I would have to tell their parents anyway. The condom thing however,is just something I never had to do.I was married fairly young and we didn't have any reason to use them at the time...just OUR thing. Sorry if what I'm doing offends you,but I believe my parenting is as good--and,yes,sometimes at fault!--as anyone else!!! Thankyou to those of you who have supported me though smile

twoteens Thu 10-Oct-13 11:24:45

Great that you have a good enough relationship for her to talk to you about it and ask you to get some condoms, how many young girls get pregnant because they cant speak to there parents about about it or know that there parents would disprove. (and of course we would prefer for our teens not to have sex)
maybe try and guide them to a family planning/brook clinic were there are professionals who can guide and help them they must deal with a lot of embarrassed teens.
in the mean time buy some from boots a selection so that there are some available if the need arises.
and keep the lines of communication always open maybe chatting about if she is ready and not to feel pressured etc but she is covered if she makes that decision.
better to facilitate this then a unwanted pregnancy.

twoteens Thu 10-Oct-13 11:26:45

x posted

CressidaMontgomery Thu 10-Oct-13 11:26:46

Just this once ... I have a 15 year old DD and what with not having being born when dinosaurs were roaming the earth, I'm more than able to 'think like a teenager'

I'm as sure as I can be that I won't be a grandparent young. Of course I talk to my DD but facilitating sex in your UNDERAGE CHILD is just bonkers. Seriously ... You don't 'have ' to be all laid back and accepting and cool. You parent effectively, you discuss it and you strongly advise on the best course of action. Which ( unless you're mad ) is not encouraging underage sex by purchasing condoms.

I'm not old fashioned, I just don't want my DD to have sex yet. If you want your 15 year old to have sex, well, that's your issue.

I'm not even convinced by this OP either so we are probably all going to argue for nothing grin

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 11:27:25

yes,you're right! some people need a reality check!! smile

YoureBeingADick Thu 10-Oct-13 11:29:22

Just to make an obvious but as yet unmentioned point- pregnancy is not the only reason to use condoms- being a young granny is not the worst thing that could happen here.

HerrenaHarridan Thu 10-Oct-13 11:29:29

You are absolutely doing the right thing by making condoms accessible.

Not having condoms won't stop her having sex. Having condoms will hopefully stop her having unprotected sex.

SoupDragon Thu 10-Oct-13 11:32:51

What should I get her for 'starters'??

A trip to the family planning clinic and a heart-to-heart about whether she is absolutely 100% sure she wants to have sex with this box.

ParvatiTheWitch Thu 10-Oct-13 11:33:56

Having protected, consensual sex at 15 won't harm her or ruin her life. Getting pregnant/an sti might. You know what to do OP.

Although 15 is young, and as we are well aware, under age - if teens are going to have sex, they'll find a way to do it. I clearly remember a classmate leaving school aged 14 because she was pregnant. Her bf was 17. She was due to return when the baby was a year old, but got pregnant again...

Rather be open and honest so that your DD feels she can discuss this with you.

Agree that they should both be going to the family planning clinic. I don't think I'd be comfortable with my daughter having sex young (although she's not 3 yet!), but realise that in reality I can only advise and suggest best course of action, and be supportive.

TheAwfulDaughter Thu 10-Oct-13 11:41:59

Kids mature enough to have sex sort themselves out. I got myself down the clinic and got on hormonal contraception as to me, condoms were not safe enough.

Although it's great you have an open relationship and you should be commended, mummy shouldn't be sorting out the penis sheaths. I don't think you should be selling them as a reliable form of contraception either, I need two hands to count the number of teenage parents from my school who used 'the condom split' as a reason for the events that followed.

You should give her some leaflets and have her go to Brook or the GP herself. I would also steer her away from the pill and condoms and look at the implant or depo.

The implant was my choice at that age as the only failure rate is from imperfect insertion, it will also cover her through her years at college and school.

I don't really see you sorting out her contraception as a good thing. Firstly it looks like you are condoning underage sex (which they all have, yes- but it's still your job to put your foot down) and also, if she is mature enough to have sex- it's her responsibility.

And I am 20, so I remember these years very well. I'm glad my mum was totally against me having sex with my horrible shitty boyfriends before I was 18 as it honestly showed she cared. I remember being so jealous of the condom buying and sleepover allowing mothers at the school- but strangely, a lot of those girls are now posting Facebook statuses about their 3 year olds bowel movements and birthday parties.

Dwerf Thu 10-Oct-13 11:47:30

I'd take a moment to remind her of the concequences for him because she is under-age. A conviction, sex -offenders register etc. I don't know how aggressively the police would pursue this. Anecdotal experience ranges from 'conviction' to 'not at all'. Is she 16 soon? Could they be persuaded to wait a few weeks/ months?

That issue aside, I'd point her in the direction of the family planning clinic, where she should get access to free condoms and long-term protection. If she's mature enough for that relationship, then they should be mature enough to sort out the contraception. That's the way I'd play it to her. Her future is in her hands and the adult thing for her to do is to make sure she's doing the adult stuff safely.

It's good that she can talk to you though. Long may that continue.

specialsubject Thu 10-Oct-13 11:52:07

belt and braces, plus patience needed. Get her down the GP for the pill, and a session with the family planning nurse on condoms and how to use them.

and knees together until she is 16, because that's the law.

adeucalione Thu 10-Oct-13 11:53:33

Hilarious that some people think that teenager won't have sex with their partner because a parent has told them not to. Mind you, I might have been of that opinion before DD1 met her first boyfriend, which was a bit of a reality check for me.

OP - it's brilliant that your DD can talk to you honestly (whereas I lied to my parents to avoid disappointing them) and it sounds like you know what to do.

FWIW my advice to DD1 (in a long relationship) was to abstain until they were both 16 but that, if she felt ready, and thought it might happen, to make sure it happened safely. However, organising contraception was down to them.

flow4 Thu 10-Oct-13 11:54:22

Talk to her about the emotional aspects of sex first. Lots of young people (and adults too) think of sex as a purely physical thing. They don't consider that sex will also set off all sorts of complicated feelings - wild joy, desperate grief, obsession, irrationality, jealousy, panic, fear - that they need to be able to deal with and might not be ready for, even if their bodies are ready.

Then take her to the local sexual health clinic. I personally think it's best for you to take her on her own, because she's more likely to talk openly to staff about what she wants if she isn't with her boyfriend.

The UK has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe, and it's wise to be pragmatic rather than idealistic. One of the reasons why is because parents' fail to talk and act sensibly about teenagers having sex...

Heymacarena Thu 10-Oct-13 11:59:10

I have a 15 yo DS - but I remember being a 15 yo girl. I wouldn't have spoken to my DM about sex - and was doing it at 15. Unprotected. Luckily without any consequence.

It is fab that she feels able to discuss it with you. But. Can you persuade her that it would be better to wait? The boyfriend will be breaking the law - and could end up on the Sex Offenders register - unlikely, but it could happen - and then his future career path will be ruined.

I wouldn't be going out buying any condoms for them. But I would find out about the Family Planning clinic for them. Drive them to their appointment if necessary. If they are old enough to have the sex - then they need to be mature enough to make sure it is safe.

TheAwfulDaughter Thu 10-Oct-13 12:04:43

And also Dwerf, the consequences if she gets pregnant for him. THERE ARE NONE. He can fuck off any time he likes.

That alone is reason enough for her to go to the clinic and discuss all of her contraceptive options, rather than mum shoving a box of Durex Pleasuremax in the weekly shop.

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 12:33:18

well be convinced,i've been a member of Mumsnet for a long,long time but I changed my name this morning...! Apart from that,although I allow my daughter and her boyfriend time together alone,I know for a fact if I didn't,they could walk down to the beach and have sex so that is not an issue..'liberal' or not!! Also,to be fair,they have both decided that they are not in any hurry to have sex,and,for all I know,they could split tomorrow..noone can predict the future...All I want to do is to help them out JUST IN CASE things get out of control...WHICH HAPPENS!!! and all I really wanted to know was which ones to give to her NOT WHETHER YOU AGREE WITH ME !!! again,thankyou to those of you who have given me some sound advice grin

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Thu 10-Oct-13 12:36:45

The police wouldn't be even remotely interested in this because its a 15 year old and a 16 year old. If he were in his twenties then maybe, because he would be seen to be taking advantage of a younger more vulnerable person. As they are with months of each other in terms of ages then they would not an interested at all.

I had a friend whose boyfriend did get in trouble for it but he was 19 and she was only just 14. A massive difference to this situation.

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 12:39:31

oh,and for the record,I have talked all about the emotional side with her and she is actually a very mature young lady who is herself doing a project on 'teenage pregnancy' at school..

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Thu 10-Oct-13 12:40:25

Mates are good but not as expensive as Durex.

There are a lot of naive posters on this thread. Probably the very same sort of people whose children tell you all those things you mentioned!

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 12:41:39

She's also had a 'talk'to one of my friends' sisters who,12 years ago,found herself pregnant at 13!!! She gave my dd some sound advice without being judgemental.

condomania Thu 10-Oct-13 12:42:35

haha yes 'once or twice' EXACTLY!! thankyou for your unbiased help and support smile

Beccadugs Thu 10-Oct-13 12:43:47

Condomania I used to work with young people in a sexual health clinic, and wanted to say well
Done for your pragmatism.

A bog standard box of durex, or boots own will do the job. You could always add them to your online shop!

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Thu 10-Oct-13 12:47:15

also, all this talk of teenagers not having sex if they are not mature enough to arrange protection . . . none of the girls i knew as a teenager (including myself) were mature enough because if they had been there wouldn't have been so many pregnancies and sti's. They still all had sex!

Since when has "you're not old enough to do this" ever worked with any teenager since time began.

This is why the teenage pregnant rate in this country is so high, because adults have their heads in the sand about the reality.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Thu 10-Oct-13 12:58:30

I really think it is great that you can talk to openly to your daughter op. I regret having sex at 15 but that's because it wasn't with a proper boyfriend and i had got myself into a situation i didn't know how to get out of. I couldn't talk to anyone about it as my parents weren't as open as you. I was also raised to think that it was my job to keep others happy which i translated into not wanting to upset the bloke by saying no. My mum would tell me that i should go out with a boy if he asked me as it was only polite! She never told me that it was ok to say no.

So even though i regret it i don't believe i would have regretted having sex at that age if i had felt i actually had a choice and if it had been with a caring boyfriend. It must be lovely for a first time to be like that.

I intend to talk openly with my children and hopefully make sure that they have good self esteem and that they know they don't need to allow things to happen unless they want them to. I never felt i had choices about these things, my job was to keep everyone happy.

I so don't want my children to feel like that and i think self esteem and knowledge and openness is the key.

I think it's very sensible, actually.
There is no point closing the door when the horse has bolted!
She is grown up enough to have had an open discussion with you and buying her condoms is a good idea knowing now she is thinking of having sex. Also mention the pill aswell, and mates are cheaper.

I'm not a mother of teens yet, my oldest is 10, but i hope when she reaches this age she feels comfortable talking to me and protecting herself in the appropriate ways rather than going off and having sex unprotected without my knowledge.

There is no point being niave these days

Sparklingbrook Thu 10-Oct-13 13:04:40

I think condomania is being sensible, it's brilliant that she has a great relationship with her DD and can be open enough to discuss it.

Dwerf Thu 10-Oct-13 13:56:39

The Awful Daughter I thought the risk of pregnancy would have been a given to talk about .

I stand corrected on the legal side. It was something I told mine to bear in mind at that age. More as part of the entire 'make sure you know what you're getting into' conversation rather than a threat to keep them chaste. I don't think anything keeps teenagers from having sex, but I strongly believe open discussion and education keeps them safe. Or safer at least.

flow4 Thu 10-Oct-13 14:24:25

Condoms are free to young people visiting a sexual health clinic. I think that's a really important thing for them to know, since condoms from pub vending machines, chemists and supermarkets are expensive, especially to teenagers with no regular income. It's tempting to make economies...

flow4 Thu 10-Oct-13 14:27:32

And while some teenagers (like the OP's) may be happy for their mum to know they're having sex, they may not want mum to know how often! grin

PigletJohn Thu 10-Oct-13 14:34:14

Lots of people get embarressed at the idea that people will know they might be going to have sex.

A mixed pack is a good idea. Beginners can entertain each other with different colours and styles and hopefully get used to them. Get more than you think will be needed. The FPA will supply a free bag. Durex seem to smell especially rubbery which lingers. Non-latex ones are available at greater cost without the smell.

Obviously the idea that young people can be prevented from having sex by preventing them having access to contraception is ridiculous. So too is the idea that they will necessarily mention it to parents beforehand.

condomania Fri 11-Oct-13 13:12:19

well..thankyou so much for all your support! I DID get some condoms today-online shopping hehe! Bought Durex and told my daughter to keep them somewhere safe and to have them in her bag/purse when she's with him.I'm not throwing them at her and telling her that because they're there,she has to go and have sex.I just want her-both of them-to be careful.Now that i've bought them,I'm wondering whether to just slip a few to my 14 year old son and 13 year old daughter aswell.Again,only because I know what SOME 13 year old girls are actually doing (and,let's be honest,NOBODY knows exactly what their own kids are doing when we're out of sight!) I think we all need to be aware and supportive these days.Things have changed SO much since I was a teenager---although I have to say,my Great Grandmother had her first son the day before her 16th Birthday and that's 100 years ago!!!

flow4 Fri 11-Oct-13 13:34:37

I just put them in my bathroom cupboard and let my sons know they were there.
When I was a teenager, my boyfriend's mum was a family planning doctor with three kids who all became teenagers within a few years! She had a drawer in the kitchen which she filled with condoms, plus a couple of doses of the morning after pill... It was very unusual back then, but always struck me as very sensible.

SoupDragon Fri 11-Oct-13 14:17:23

As an aside, you might want to get her to check her boyfriend doesn't have a latex allergy!

flow4 Fri 11-Oct-13 16:19:58

Not just her boyfriend; she could have one too. Latex-free condoms are also available free from sexual health clinics, but oddly they hand them out in much smaller numbers, as if people with latex allergies won't want sex so often! confused

SoupDragon Fri 11-Oct-13 16:25:37

I assumed her mother would know that though.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Fri 11-Oct-13 16:36:05

I'm sure if he has a latex allergy he can work that out for himself without the op asking him.

SoupDragon Fri 11-Oct-13 16:39:59

But if he does, the OPs preparation will have been in vain.

YoureBeingADick Fri 11-Oct-13 16:46:14

Condomania teens have been having sex and babies since the beginning of human existance. Teens having babies is not a new thing and your great grandmother will have been one of many many girls having babies before the magic age of 16- its just that it's more talked about now than it was 100 years ago (which was very much still victorian in it's attitudes to sex. Teens will have sex- they are programmed to have sex and babies in their teens and most will try it (the sex, not the babies) the best you can do is arm them with all the facts and the self confidence they need to say no when they dont want it. The decision is theirs.

AllMumsTogether Fri 11-Oct-13 18:34:57

May I just remind you that the law of consent say that it is Illegil for any youngperson under the age of 16 to have any sexual intercourse. By providing your child with condoms your not only breaking the law, but encouraging them to break it too.

YoureBeingADick Fri 11-Oct-13 18:38:09

hmm

It is not illegal to give condoms to under 16s- if it was then the family planning clinic would be in serious trouble- not to mention those machines in toilets or any shops that sell them.

Sparklingbrook Fri 11-Oct-13 18:39:00

Is supplying condoms to a 15 year old with condoms actually illegal?

It may be the law for under 16s to have sex AllMums but like it or not underage sex happens and we as parents need to realise that.

Sparklingbrook Fri 11-Oct-13 18:39:39

Sorry I meant 'Is supplying condoms to a 15 year old actually illegal'. Obviously.

FlirtyGurty Fri 11-Oct-13 18:51:09

Its a shame your daughter is so embarrsed to provide herself with condoms if she wants to have sex.

I hope you have explained to her that once she becomes sexually active she will probably need to be able to discuss the fact she is sexually active with a Dr at somepoint.

Its standard practice for any pharmacist, nurse or GP to ask girls of menstruating age questions about the probability of being pregnant before making any diagnosis or dishing out any meds. Thats usually just the opening question. God forbid she may get asked more questions.

I am no prude and although I admire your efforts to protect your daughter she sounds rather immature.

I really dont think young girls having sex realise the implications. She needs to be mature enough to get over her embarrassment and deal with her own sex life and all the implications that go with it.

How many condoms did yiou buy? What will she do if/when they run out? Put in another with you??? How often are you happy to supply them? What if they are horny as hell and you need to order in bulk on a weekly basis - will you dock her pocket money??

She needs to grow up and I am all for having open relationships and discussions but that should include guiding her to manage her own sex life and be aware of the implications and questions she may be asked by health professionals even if she pops to the GP for a common cold.

She needs to go to a FPC and have a chat there imo. Chucking condoms at her with little else is not really support imo.

adeucalione Fri 11-Oct-13 18:51:25

According to the Family Planning Association it is not illegal to provide contraception to under 16s and the laws surrounding the age of consent are not designed to prosecute mutually consenting teens who are over 13.

I suspect that those posters who are shocked by the OP either have younger children or 15yo children who are not in a relationship yet.

fishandmonkey Fri 11-Oct-13 19:16:48

or weren't having sex at 15 themselves adeucalione

at 15 it's way more embarrassing to walk into boots and buy a pack of condoms than have a quiet private conversation with a health care professional. the op's dd doesn't sound immature at all. she sounds fab, as does the op. of course she'll provide as many condoms as her dd needs and won't dock her pocket money flirty. how ridiculous. condoms are healthcare - do you dock your kids pocket money when they need a new tube of toothpaste or a packet of plasters?

Allmums what is the alternative? I think op is being sensible, and by doing what she is doing, she is protecting her daughter from hiv, various other sexual diseases and pregnancy.

Being naive about this will not stop a 15yo having sex and lecturing her about it won't either!

flow4 Sat 12-Oct-13 11:12:22

My 13 year old son tells me that some kids have 'yellow cards' which mean they can collect free condoms from the school nurse. Some have been using the service since they were 11-12, though (says my son) most don't until they're 15-16.

It's not illegal and parents don't even need to be told.

This service operates in most English secondary schools. Apparently it's needed because too many parents are in denial about teenagers and sex.

BurberryQ Sat 12-Oct-13 11:58:53

May I just remind you that the law of consent say that it is Illegil for any youngperson under the age of 16 to have any sexual intercourse. By providing your child with condoms your not only breaking the law, but encouraging them to break it too
that is not going to stop them doing it is it?
Surely any mother would want her child to be protected?

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Sat 12-Oct-13 12:32:08

Fuck sake! There are some ridiculous people on this thread. Illegal? Not mature enough? Bla Bla Bla. None of this will stop them!

THIS IS WHY SO MANY TEENAGERS GET PREGNANT

Totally agree JustThis, it's all very well for certain posters to be naive but of course it's that kind of ignorance that will lead to their child maybe ending up pregnant or worse.

Just because parents actually speak to their teens & buy them condoms does not mean in any way they agree with it. All it means is that they are there for their child and are helping them prevent pregnancy and stis should they go ahead with having sex.

Homeiswherethefartis Sat 12-Oct-13 16:51:48

TBH - preganancy is the least of the problem out there these days.

Hepatitis and HIV. Syphillis is on the increase and if not caught in the first phase you are fucked - thats a killer too. Catch any of these atany time is not good but the younger you catch them means the longer battle ahead.

I agree that kids will do it when they want to despite laws, parents etc so yes it is responsible to have condoms but I dont think I would be handing them out to my DD myself. Instead I would be making an appointment for her at the FPC and making sure she goes and even offer to go with her. If she is old enough to be having sex then in my mind she is old enough to learn to deal with her sexual health her self. By that I dont mean I would just leave her to get sorted on her own but guide her into taking responsibility for herself.

Not sure just throwing condoms at kids and hoping for the best is good parctice on its own. They need to learn they are entering a new phase in their life that involves some adult type responsibility - hence being guided on how to do that for themselves.

Ridiculous that people think a 15 year old girl will not have sex because her mum hasn't bought her condoms... she'll do it anyway if she wants to, but wouldn't it be safer with condoms?

I'd suggest making an appointment for her at the family planning clinic, to go on the Pill/injection, but I'd also recommend condoms to prevent STDs as much as possible.

Don't leave her to just rely on condoms - my current situation is proof that when you only use condoms, all you have to do is get carried away once, forget to use one and the rest of your life has changed. I'm 19, and I'm handling it ok, but I wouldn't have been able to cope with this two years ago, never mind at fifteen, and my parents have struggled too.

17leftfeet Thu 17-Oct-13 07:21:42

I can't believe how many people are saying have a talk to her and tell her her boyfriend will get in trouble with the police, you are encouraging her etc etc

The police wouldn't give two hoots about a 16 year old having consenting sex with his 15 year old girlfriend

They are obviously considering having sex if they haven't done it already and asking for condoms is very sensible

I'm sure the op isn't saying 'of course darling, I'll sort it out, should I get you some candles etc and make myself scarce for the evening'

The reality, whether we like it or not is that teens have sex

We all have the benefit of hindsight and realise that 15 years old is too young but a 15 year old doesn't have that -they live in the here and now

IMO it's our jobs as parents to guide the decision and make sure they have all the info available to make informed choices even if we know believe its the wrong one

zippey Thu 17-Oct-13 20:35:15

Yes there are a lot of risks when having sex; risk of pregnancy, sti's, regrets, emotional and physical hurt. But in the melly of reminding our kids the bad things that can happen, I think we forget that we also need to remind them that sex with other people can be a lot of fun and that it is to be enjoyed. For both genders.

QueenoftheSarf Thu 17-Oct-13 21:14:34

She is underage. Be a parent and stop trying to be all liberal and cool would be my advice

Being "all liberal and cool" doesn't come in to it. Being realistic and pragmatic does.

Your advice won't be of much will it CressidaMontgomery if the OP follows it and her DD comes to her to tell her she's pregnant or has an STD, or worse still, both, will it?

How about you wising up to the fact that underage kids have sex whether you like it or not?

Thankfully schools don't have your head in the sand attitude and educate children about condoms and give out "C" cards so they can get them if they need them.

Telling kids that sex under age is against the law tends not to be a very effective form of contraception.

Eviejaes85 Thu 17-Oct-13 21:41:46

I would talk to her & explain to her that you don't want her to go through with it. However, I would then say that if she still wants to go through with it then you will take her to a gp/clinic. Explain how if she wants to have sex then she needs to do It protected.. Sorry if you have already decided it won't show me the second page.. smile

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