flow just needs a quick moment of pride! :)

(84 Posts)
flow4 Mon 17-Jun-13 16:50:45

My DS1 has just had his end of first year BTEC diploma results, and has bagged himself a clutch of passes, one merit and one distinction. smile

Anyone who has read my posts over the last few years will know we've been through a lot, and nine months ago (when he was taking drugs, getting arrested, stealing, being violent towards me and generally being a total arse) I could never have imagined this was possible. And more importantly, I know he couldn't either.

I am so proud of him for getting himself together and working so hard this year. It's really hard to believe it'll last, but I think he might have turned a corner. smile smile smile

Ineedmorepatience Mon 17-Jun-13 18:04:04

Wow, well done flows ds and more the point well done flow for not giving up on him. You need a medal grin and some flowers

LineRunner Mon 17-Jun-13 18:07:00

Nice one, flow. That's great news for you and your DS. smile

It just shows that things can and do turn around.

MuchBrighterNow Mon 17-Jun-13 19:15:16

grin I am happy for you and your Ds.. Makes me feel more hopeful when I hear such positive news.

Well done FlowDS. Not to mention well done Flow for persevering and never giving up on him flowers.

flow4 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:13:13

Thank you, thank you!
>>bows, flourishes feather with which you could have knocked me down<< grin

DeathByTray Mon 17-Jun-13 20:15:44

thanks well done to you and your DS.

Onwards and upwards !!!

Fressia Mon 17-Jun-13 20:41:06

That's amazing , and a inspiration to me to know things can work out ok x

flow4 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:47:52

I'm glad Fressia. That's what I wanted. This time last year I was desperate for a bit of hope.

(And ha! That was my school motto Tray!)

SanityClause Mon 17-Jun-13 21:00:49

I remember your posts from back then, and I often read your posts, thinking how wise you are.

I'm so pleased he is doing so well.

herladyship Mon 17-Jun-13 21:04:33

thanks lovely news smile

flow4 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:13:43

Thank you herladyship and Sanity. blush

mumeeee Mon 17-Jun-13 21:49:46

Well done to your DS Flow and well done to you

mindfulmum Mon 17-Jun-13 23:56:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood Tue 18-Jun-13 00:07:44

Well done to Flow's ds, and, as others have said, to Flow for continuing to be there for him. It's great to hear when they pull things round after a tough time. smile

piprabbit Tue 18-Jun-13 00:20:21

I hope you have an hour of pride for every second of stress you have endured. And I hope your DS basks in your pride and continues to flourish.

flow4 Tue 18-Jun-13 05:24:40

Thank you mumee, mindful, Back and pip. smile

That's a lovely blessing, pip. I hope so too. 9 months on, I am still suffering from stress-related illness, so the teenage years certainly have taken their toll.

cory Tue 18-Jun-13 07:57:03

Oh that is lovely smile Well done, flowds- and well done, flow. You've hung in there! flowers

Thats brilliant! Well done flows ds and you for hanging in there and not giving up hope.

You inspire me and your posts give me hope for the future for my family.

All the best and keep going! X

flow4 Tue 18-Jun-13 08:26:12

Thanks cory and Ghosts smile

amumthatcares Tue 18-Jun-13 10:05:26

That is wonderful news. Well done to both you and your DS!! flowers

I read your replies too flow and I am struck by how clear, concise, non-judgmental, helpful and always spot on they are!! We know the troubles you have had and this has clearly given you the ability to advise and help so many other people on here. If anyone deserves good news, you do!!

Maryz Tue 18-Jun-13 10:47:18

Wow, just wow

gringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringringrin

You have (both) come a long way.

ds's results are due soon [wibble] But however he does, I'm still proud of him for seeing out the year and actually sitting the bloody exams - having been out of education since he was 14 it was a massive step for him to even try.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Jun-13 10:53:43

Good for you flow and good for your ds !

You have been an inspiration and a comfort for many of us going through the "teenage horrors"

There is light at the end of the tunnel, that is for sure

<good luck also to maryz >

If you don't mind, I would also like to report that my dd (this time last year complete nightmare ) has just got her end of year results at college and has bagged grades A, B, B for her mid course results smile

Maryz Tue 18-Jun-13 11:00:42

Isn't it amazing how sometimes they just grow up shock.

If only we could see into the future and maybe put them on ice for about five years we might not get so stressed about it all.

The majority seem to so ok in the end, leaving their parents as quivering wrecks.

chocoluvva Tue 18-Jun-13 11:28:26

What a lovely post smile

SuperiorCat Tue 18-Jun-13 12:52:10

Fantastic

flow4 Tue 18-Jun-13 15:26:43

Thanks everyone. I am really touched by how many people are posting their good wishes - it's lovely! smile

And oh Maryz, I am soooo glad your DS sat his exams! I missed that news, and wondered, and didn't dare ask! I'll keep my fingers crossed. Then you, me, AF and anyone else whose teen has achieved something this year, can breathe a big sigh of relief and crack open the bubbly! grin

willwegetthrough Tue 18-Jun-13 16:02:30

Great post! Well done Flow DS1 for achievement and Flow (and Flow DS2) for hanging in there!

Oh, what lovely news. I have been away from MN for a while and this is the first thread I clicked on, and, wow, fantastic news!

grin

LineRunner Tue 18-Jun-13 16:11:27

My DD, who wasn't even living with me for some weeks a little while back, is finishing her first year at sixth-form college and is in the Rock Challenge regional finals.

I think she is going to go to university.

She doesn't always seem mega-happy, but fingers crossed, like you say flow. smile

goinggetstough Tue 18-Jun-13 18:07:31

Great News!

tuttifrootie Tue 18-Jun-13 18:32:49

How absolutely fantastic Flow!

Well done to you both. That's black and white evidence that all your effort and refusing to give up (and blood, seat and tears!) have paid off!

The start of better things to come and a great future for your son, I am sure, so hope you have some time to look after yourself now. xxx

Rascalls3 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:10:11

Awwh this has made my day. Flow you are a huge source of common sense, wisdom and comfort to so many. So happy for you and your son.

SanityClause Tue 18-Jun-13 20:15:28

Oh, LineRunner, I remember your DD moving out.

I'm so pleased she came back, and that she's working things out.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Jun-13 20:28:17

yes, congrats, LR....I remember your traumas too

igotaway Tue 18-Jun-13 20:42:46

Just a few words from me Flow - well, well done, to both of you

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 18-Jun-13 20:48:56

That's wonderful. Well done, to both of you.

flow4 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:49:58

Line, I'm really pleased for you, and well done to your DD! The Rock Challenge is no mean feat! smile My DS is talking about university too, which is amazing, considering that this time last year he was talking about spending his life on the dole getting stoned, and the year before school were telling him he'd be lucky to get two Es at GCSE. hmm I am so happy he looks set to prove them wrong!

flow4 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:50:39

And thanks everyone! grin

flow4 Tue 18-Jun-13 23:08:22

Awwwww! DS has just wandered downstairs and stopped off (on his way to get yet more food!) to say to me "Y'know, a year ago I would never have imagined I'd be where I am today... I've done alright, haven't I mum?" smile smile smile

LineRunner Tue 18-Jun-13 23:20:14

Aaaw, thanks for all the kind words. smile

You are right, flow, things can turn around quite dramatically, for the better.

Maryz Wed 19-Jun-13 00:16:31

Oh, line I'm delighted she is home smile

It is nice to have some good news for a change smilesmile

How's things for you atm, Laura? I was thinking of you the other day.

Doinmummy Wed 19-Jun-13 01:00:39

That's fantastic news Flow . Well done to your son and you x

Fantastic news, Linerunner I am so pleased she is home again. All these positive stories - it's so heartwarming. And it shows how right we all are not to give up on these tricky children, because they so often grow out of the challenging behaviour.

I am fine, Mary , thank you so much for asking. You are the first person to ask after me for a while <violins> DS is keeping his head down, obeying all the rules <hollow laugh> and is itching to on with his life, so is taking all available advice. So maybe this will be a turning point for him. I hope so. We are just learning to say 'Nope' when he starts asking for money/more visits/a home when he comes out. It's difficult to harden our hearts but he has had enough chances. If he hasn't learnt from all this, then there is no help for him <shrug> (see how detached I am? grin )

Anyway, it is so lovely to hear how much progress all the families have made. I am so happy for you all (and a teeny bit envious, but in a nice friendly sort of way)

flowers

LineRunner Wed 19-Jun-13 08:27:03

Thanks, Maryz. The advice on here was very, very good. I managed to finally stand up to and set my ExH straight about a few things at the same time, following a discussion on Relationships.

I started to learn to differentiate between the stuff that actually matters and that stuff that just drives you nuts.

emsiewill Wed 19-Jun-13 08:29:36

You don't know me flow (I mainly lurk on the teen threads hoping to become wise by osmosis by reading posts from people like you), but I am so pleased for you. You offer so many people such wise advice, you and your ds deserve this great news.

LineRunner Wed 19-Jun-13 08:30:01

Laura, if he's itching to get on with his life, then that's got to be major progress. flowers

I hope so, Line

I am keeping everything crossed.

Maryz Wed 19-Jun-13 10:36:54

That sounds fairly hopeful Laura. It must be very tough to have to visit him, but hopefully you can put it to one side when you aren't actually there and relax a bit.

It will be hard when he comes out. It is so difficult with kids like this to completely cast them off so we constantly veer between not wanting to over-help (so they learn to stand on their own two feet), but still wanting to support. It's very confusing.

Flow: "I've done alright, haven't I mum?" - that's really great. It's fantastic when they start to get a teeny bit of self-belief back.

ds (as you all know) stopped school at just 15. Last June all his peers finished their A-level equivalents and headed off to university. But a lot of them have dropped out, some of them ended up on the same level of post-school course as he did, some of them have just been sitting at home for a year. So suddenly he is no longer behind, no longer a failure, no longer "the one who dropped out". I think that has given him a boost.

In particular I met the mother of a friend of his the other day - the one mother who refused to talk to me at all when he went off the rails and blamed me for the whole thing. I was guiltily rather pleased when I discovered that her son who had been sent to a very expensive school for the last two years of his education had flunked his exams, got onto a course he didn't want to do and dropped out, costing them a fortune. The temptation to say (as she had said to me five years ago) "some kids just aren't worth bothering with" was very strong. But I resisted.

It's tough, yes, Mary, but it's given us some breathing space to work out how we want to proceed with him.

The other children, my marriage, our bank balance and our sanity have never been healthier, so we have no inclination to have him back or bankroll him any more. He has made his bed and all that. We have told him - we love you dearly and you are welcome back for Sunday lunch but you have to find your own way now. Harsh but the other way was just enabling him to create merry hell for himself and all around him.

So that's sort of good news from me too. My DS may or may not have changed, but we have changed the way we deal with him and are much happier. And life is so much better.

It must be a funny sort of relief to find that some of your DS's peers are misbehaving or underperforming too. And, Ha! to the woman who was so sneery about him. Karma in action, I say wink

AnyFucker Wed 19-Jun-13 12:38:42

I don't know your story, Laura but good luck with it x

Maryz Wed 19-Jun-13 13:01:48

Sorry, AF, I forget that not everyone knows all of us from the "challenging teenagers" thread blush. I sort of think that everyone is watching and judging all the time. Laura's son is having a bit of time away from society to consider his options iyswim.

ds was so lucky that all (touch wood) his time in trouble with the police etc was before he was 16, so he has managed to so far escape with a clean record, as has Flow's son, I think. I consider that to be luck, as certainly his behaviour was criminal for a long time.

Laura, does he get any sort of education, or any support when he gets out?

BIWI Wed 19-Jun-13 13:07:30

Brilliant news, Flow

Oh, thank you AF - it's a whingey sob story of a once happy family and their quest to rid their son of drink, drugs and out of control behaviour.

Eleven years of support, counselling, fresh starts, money, and more talk than any mouth was made for, plus neglected other siblings, a marriage on its knees and all the trust destroyed... And now he is a guest of Her Majesty's. And it's a bit if a relief to be honest.

With the advice of the wonderful Mary and Flow plus good wishes from so many other struggling parents, I have learnt to 'detach detach detach' and save my own sanity.

And now I will stop hijacking Flow's thread blush flowers

Mary Not much help really. He is too educated already to qualify for lessons in prison - his particular place only help those who have literacy and numeracy struggles, but he has been to university (left before taking his degree)

They have offered him a hostel in the town where he committed his crimes (sensible, eh?) and then it'll be back on the jobseekers allowance. Meanwhile, inside, he has had drinks counselling, anger management help and the doctor keeps him on antidepressants and keeps an eye on his self harming, which had only happened a couple of times so seems better.

Part of me wants to jump in, sort out a job for him, find him a flat, put some money in his pocket and clothes on his back... but that way leads to madness. He has to do it for himself.

heronsfly Wed 19-Jun-13 13:32:36

Congratulations to you and your son, what a lovely OP made me smile grin

AnyFucker Wed 19-Jun-13 14:49:10

as mary knows, my own challenging teenager has (so far) spared us the worst of what some of you parents are experiencing/have experienced

I have a low level one, for which I am thankful smile

flow4 Wed 19-Jun-13 18:31:52

Hijack away, Laura! I said I wanted a 'quick moment' of pride, and I've had much more than that... grin And besides, it's good to hear from you. smile I'm glad you're feeling fairly upbeat about things, and it sounds like your DS might have learned something, too.

I am (and there is no way to say this without sounding a bit weird and wet, but here goes...!) um, kind of humbled by those of you who have been kind enough to say you find me wise and useful. blush I have posted through all but the very darkest times, and it has often been a sort of therapy for me: it has made me feel not so useless to try to be a bit useful to other people, even when my own parenting seemed to be failing so spectacularly, IYSWIM. I am so glad to hear that I really have been helpful to some people, and it wasn't (just) a deluded displacement activity! grin

Thanks, everyone. smile

AnyFucker Wed 19-Jun-13 18:42:44

Flow, you are wonderful

I've said it before and it merits saying again smile

flow4 Wed 19-Jun-13 18:49:36

Now I really AM blush blush, AF!
Thank you. smile

Maryz Wed 19-Jun-13 19:05:16

Flow, you were the first person I ever "met" online or in real life, who actually understood me.

After four years of feeling I was going nuts, I started talking to you and realised it wasn't me who was mad, it was the situation I was in.

Sadly there seem to be a lot of people here atm going through similar sad. At the time I felt so alone.

It's made such a difference, talking to someone who genuinely understands, not just people who are making sympathetic noises while simultaneously just feeling slightly smug that they aren't having to cope with it.

So thankssmileflowers

AnyFucker Wed 19-Jun-13 19:20:52

Mary ain't so bad either smile

TheRealFellatio Wed 19-Jun-13 19:24:11

Well done Flow and FlowsBoy - fantastic to have come through such a tough time in one piece. I hope this is the beginning of an ever-upward trajectory. Sometimes things have to get really awful before they can start to get better. He could not have done it without your unswerving support - even if it half killed you. grin

flow4 Wed 19-Jun-13 19:29:43

Wow. Blimey. I'm shock

Maryz, I think all I did was match your openness and honesty.

In 'real' life, we get so used to filtering and censoring what we tell people about our DCs, because we learn we and they will be judged, or rejected, or despised, or condescended to. 'Real life' becomes quite unreal, IME. Here in this 'virtual' world where no-one knows us (or if they do, they can't decently mention it), we don't need to pretend. We don't need to worry what people think about us. It makes for conversations that are often much more real than real life; much more open and honest. And we all learn more as a result.

We may have teens who are pains in the arses challenging us, but I think we're lucky to have found each other here. smile

flow4 Wed 19-Jun-13 19:31:24

(Come on, quick, someone fart or something! It's all getting terribly earnest!) wink grin

Parp

grin

I know I said it earlier, but in case you missed it Flow - you and Mary have been a real life line for me through these last few months. You both understand what it is like to be involved in this madness and despite all your own troubles, you both take the time to help fellow travellers. I might not post much (it's hard to express sometimes, just how bad I feel) but your calm voices keep me plodding on.

I am genuinely thrilled for you both that corners have been turned. And to everyone else

<hands round hugs and medals>

BIWI Wed 19-Jun-13 20:19:47

<plays cheesey music>

grin

<sings 'Now I've had the time of my li-i-ife and I've never felt this way before'>

flow4 Wed 19-Jun-13 20:28:07

I just Googled 'schmaltzy' to see if I could post a suitable pic to go with BIWI's cheesy music... And you would not believe some of the weird images that came up! LOOK! grin

flow4 Wed 19-Jun-13 20:30:45

I mean, lard?! KNITTED EYEBALLS?!?! confused grin

lmgeorge92 Thu 20-Jun-13 13:07:37

Congratulations to you + you son
and also to Maryz + her daughter
I WAS that child a few years ago, maybe not so extreme but the day I got my A levels results my dad cried because he'd never thought id get that far.
I'm now two years into university and glad I stuck it out.

Keep the faith.

LineRunner Thu 20-Jun-13 19:56:25

My DD's 'team' came 3rd in the Rock Challenge finals. So chuffed. smile

I agree totally about having 'fellow travellers' on here. Even if I was just lurking on threads, my god it made a difference. Thank you.

Well done to your daughter, Linerunner . Fantastic news!

LineRunner Thu 20-Jun-13 21:58:18

Laura thanks so much. Hope you are doing ok.

FlyingFig Thu 20-Jun-13 22:58:44

<bursts in singing the theme tune to The Golden Girls> grin

Just wanted to give you a high-five flow4, considering all you've been through, you always manage to find the time to help other parents, with such sound and practical advice.

I posted back in about February about my DD1; things are still tough, but at the beginning of our journey, you (and others, but you especially) really helped me stay calm. From reading this board, I've developed coping strategies, learned that I'm not 'The Only One' and above all else, learned to detach from the bad and make the most of the good, thanks to you.

I don't really post on MN that much but when things are bad with DD, a quick search usually brings up a thread with a similar issue to ours, and more often than not, you'll be on that thread with fantastic advice, which is so helpfulflowers

So thank you; I'm over the moon for you and your DS, you've every reason to feel proud smile

Also, while I'm gushing, a huge shout-out to MaryZ. I'd always luffed her from reading her posts on other boards (especially her ability to sniff trolls out from 20 paces grin), but finding her over here, being so helpful and yet honest about her own struggles, well it's fair to say she gained so many Fonzi points I thought my laptop might blow up grin

Thank you for helping me keep on keeping on xxx

Minifingers Fri 21-Jun-13 19:24:38

Sorry to come to this so late Flow.

I am feeling your joy. I really am. smile

I wish your son every success. flowers

flow4 Sat 22-Jun-13 00:33:27

Hah, thank you Mini and Fig! I'm still feeling pretty chuffed! grin

willotess Thu 04-Jul-13 02:06:05

I have just found this thread Flow4, and I am so pleased for you and your Ds. So there is light at the end of the tunnel? Hopefully that pinprick of light I saw from my son today could be the start of something good too.

We are spending Saturday together - going to the Stones gig at Hyde park and though he has said it's weird for an 18yr old to do things like that with his mum, he has also said he's looking forward to it too. I have promised no mum dancing!!

All the best for the two of you x

flow4 Fri 05-Jul-13 04:57:17

Thanks willo! Hope you have a great time at the Stones gig... No dancing is a BIG ask - do you think you can stick to your promise?! grin

hollolew2 Mon 08-Jul-13 21:41:10

This post really made me smile well done to him and you! It's so nice to read someone's positive journey .

flow4 Mon 08-Jul-13 22:44:21

Thanks hollo. smile

nickstmoritz Wed 10-Jul-13 11:42:08

Very good news. Well done DS and well done you. I am finding the teen years the hardest bit so far so it is great to read your happy news. Congrats x

flow4 Wed 10-Jul-13 16:22:07

Thanks nick. And yes, I found 15-17 the hardest bit with DS1 by a long, long way...

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