DS(14) and age 18 games are we doing the right thing?

(59 Posts)
WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 18:28:29

DS(14) is not allowed PEGI 18 games. No debate, no discussion. He is allowed age 16 games.

Are we wrong? DS says his friends tease him for not having age 18 games.

BoundandRebound Sun 31-Mar-13 18:31:28

Yes you are and they ALL say the same thing

Hattifattner Sun 31-Mar-13 18:36:23

Our 13 yo does not get to play 18 games, Or 15/16 games. I am hideously evil, apparently, but thems is the rules in this house.

I dont let him watch 18 movies, so why would I let him play 18 games?

I think its unfair to just say no without discussion tbh. My ds is 11 and I go online and research games he wants to play and films, I ask in games shops about what is involved, I look for footage on youtube, and then I decide from my own view what he can do. Its been a no for 18 ratings so far but at least I can say no for x, y and z reasons rather than no because someone else says so.

When I was 14 all of my friends had everything I ever wanted and they used to bully me, they used to go out all night, be given hundreds of pounds a week, never have to do chores.......or so I used to say anyway, I soon got over it and learn lying gets you nowhere grin

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 18:40:04

He is currently curled up on the sofa looking like a whipped puppy. I dont feel very right.

LynetteScavo Sun 31-Mar-13 18:44:06

My 14yo does not play 18 games. He is the only 14yo he has ever met who doesn't spend their evenings and weekends doing nothing but playing COD. I am some insane overprotective mother, apparently. hmm

He does have a 15 game though. It's very cool, apparently. It involves killing chickens. hmm

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Sun 31-Mar-13 18:47:11

I think you ae doing the right thing. Plenty of time for those games later.

I got round this issue by not having consoles full stop. You could ask him if he'd prefer my rules?

SminkoPinko Sun 31-Mar-13 18:48:02

Our rule of thumb is age of child plus 2/3 years. But we decide on a game by game basis- my partner is our personal censor for our 14 year olds and he doesn't always go strictly with the official guidelines. Are you into games or do you know anyone trustworthy who is?

SminkoPinko Sun 31-Mar-13 18:50:36

Any teenager worth their salt will respond to any meaningful rule firmly enforced with the whipped puppy sulk! Don't conclude you aqre in the wrong just because of that.smile

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 31-Mar-13 18:52:15

^ ^ ^ This.

grin Mine are adults now, hold your ground.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 31-Mar-13 18:53:29

remember how when he was 14 months and wanted to eat everything he saw, and you were mean and stopped him?
Same thing really.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 19:03:03

DS's sister's boyfriend (tenuous links inc!) is a keen gamer and also supports the 'no' vote.

LynetteScavo can you tell me more about this chicken killing game please?

DS is very much into Battlefield games. The games he wants to play contain depictions of torture in the build up section. He isnt old enough to deal with that kind of thing. There is no brain bleach. Once you have seen something depicted you cant pretend you didnt see it.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 19:04:35

I read out all your replies to DS. I'm afraid the whipped puppy is still sniflling on the sofa!

worry

if ds ister game b/f is saying no then i would listen as suspect he knows better what the game contains .At 14 i was not keen on 18 games at 16 now i allow but he is older and ,mature enough to deal with

whats the game ill go ask ds1 19 and ds2 16 both gamers see what they say?

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 19:08:55

You know the daft thing? He wants to join the army. If he gets his wish he will be training for real in a couple of year's time!

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Sun 31-Mar-13 19:10:22

I'd leave him to sulk now, you've made your decision, he doesn't need any more attention for it.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 19:11:31

TheHumancatapult - the whipped puppy said 'Call of Duty - Black Ops 2'

I would be interested to know what your DSs think thank you.

CandyCrushed Sun 31-Mar-13 19:11:32

Sounds about right to me. I did the same thing and my, now older, DC's survived. (And they still love me smile )
I will never allow the really ugly nasty games like Grand Theft Auto in the house.

hugoagogo Sun 31-Mar-13 19:11:40

You are doing the right thing ds (14) has a couple of 15s and to be honest I am not too keen but dh sanctioned them. Absolutely no 18s.

Of course he says all his friends play COD and dh and I 'treat him like he is 4' or a new one 'like he has special needs' hmm grin

AfricanExport Sun 31-Mar-13 19:13:09

My ds, aged 8, wanted Assassins Creed for Christmas... As a classmate plays it shock

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 19:14:27

I am getting my revenge by making him watch Countryfile (my sofa, my rules).

TheWave Sun 31-Mar-13 19:29:11

Do any experts/teenagers you have in your families know why GTA is considered so bad - from real experience and not from what I can google?

TheWave Sun 31-Mar-13 19:29:45

So "bad" that it gets an 18 I mean.

MarvellousYou Sun 31-Mar-13 19:36:07

My DN aged 5 got an xbox and three 18 rated games for his birthday. I shit you not, my family were thrilled, me and DH thought it was a mistake but nope they were intended for him. sad

hugoagogo Sun 31-Mar-13 19:37:50

IMDB is a good reference for video games as well as films.

worry

ok talked to Ds1 and ds2

couple things they said how far 14 ? .how mature is he in him self

as this could also affect and as it is often played on-line he will be interacting with various ages and obviously their behaviour and language

oh and they said you can actually disable graphic content as well and said once get into worse of the scenes are not as bad as the early ones

Ah now GTA both of them flat say no way full stop .As in this you have option to commit rapes and just knife random people not even part of a misson iykwim that are not part of the game ( ok COD kills people but its not random

flatmum Sun 31-Mar-13 19:40:45

Come on, do you really believe any 8y old's parent lets them play Assasins Creed?

I doubt it - they may say they do but I really doubt that they do. My 8y old tells me he is the only child in his class without Sky Sports but I doubt that is true too.

DS2 actually dislikes the game for what you can do

Stick with it, he'll cope just fine without 18 rated games until he is older. It's not going to kill him.

lljkk Sun 31-Mar-13 19:44:59

Get him a chew toy, maybe? grin

I am thinking of not letting DS (13 now) get age 15+ games when he is 15. He is furious but any thing he plays the others get exposed to. I can't restrict what he buys or does at 18.

BackforGood Sun 31-Mar-13 19:50:35

Sadly flatmum, there are parents who do sad

Worry - My ds is 16 and does occasionally now play some 18s (most of his friends 17 now, ds is a Summer Birthday), but now I'm a bit more prepared to turn a blind eye, he actually prefers Fifa, and hardly ever goes on the x-box, unlike when he was 14, when he was obsessed, and had to have us ration his time on it. So no, of course YANBU . Yes you are doing the right thing. No, you are not wrong grin tricky set of questions there!

Chandon Sun 31-Mar-13 19:51:08

If he is acting like a sulky puppy, and his best argument is " but ALL my friends have it!", clearly he is not that mature for his age.

So it is a no then!

If he were able to explain to you how virtual violence does not in any way impact the adolescent's brain, for example, he would be a lot closer in maturity to be able to deal with this nasty violent shite.

HTH grin

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 19:55:28

That is interesting what you say about COD, many thanks to your DSs and you TheHumancatapult. I will discuss COD a bit more with DH and perhaps discuss further with DD's BF. I need to get some more info on disabling graphic content. The problem is that I can see this as a slippery slope.

CandyCrushed Sun 31-Mar-13 19:58:31

In Grand Theft Auto (not sure which one) you can get extra points for pissing on dead policemen. I have no idea why parents think that is an ok thing to have in the house. Even if your DC's are 18. My DC's never play it.

COD is not so bad.

AfricanExport Sun 31-Mar-13 20:02:43

Flatmum...well no, but I asked the mum and the kid has played with his father, mum was not happy!

SminkoPinko Sun 31-Mar-13 20:23:17

lol@ making him watch countryfile.

Our 14 year olds play call of duty. partner says it's not as gratuitous and wrong as many games.

Candy yup my older two do not like GTA Say so much is wrong with it and that should be banned

and yes ds2 age 16 could explain that its just a game and that its virtual etc about cod so i was happy let him

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 20:47:33

Thanks Sminko. I think I will let DS stew a bit. He gets himself in a state about this or that obsession. In many ways he is quite sensible but he is also quite sensitive as well (as are many 14 year olds IMO).

Ahojj Sun 31-Mar-13 21:28:21

I will just point out, from having played GTA, that there is a lot of misinformation here. You cannot commit rape. You cannot piss on a policeman.

There is, however, a lot of violence and reference to drugs. You can assault anyone on the street, and you can regain health by sleeping with prostitutes.

It is definitely an 18 and for good reason. The Call of Duty games, not so much. They are violent and have bad language, but you're pretending to be a soldier and shooting others. They're certainly "soft" 18s, compared to GTA. You see the same levels of violence Call of Duty as you do in 15 certificate war films.

I hope this helps and I'm happy to provide any other information. I'm a 28 year old who grew up playing games of various ages and ratings, so can see it from the gamer AND the parent side.

basildonbond Sun 31-Mar-13 22:05:01

Flatmum - there are definitely parents who let 8 year olds play 18 rated games ... I used to go into the dc's primary to hear children read - I had the same few children for about four years so go to know them pretty well and they would tell me lots of things about their home life - two of them were playing 18 rated games from Y3 onwards sad

TheWave Sun 31-Mar-13 22:08:48

Ahojj and others thanks for info re GTA specifically. My DS says (and he argues quite sensibly about this) that he can bypass those bits and concentrate on the driving which he likes, is that possible?

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 22:14:55

Ahojj, thank you for that.

To give me some context, how would you compare the violence in CoD to, say, Casino Royale? The language doesnt bother me too much BTW.

Ahojj Sun 31-Mar-13 22:17:07

Yes, he could definitely bypass the prostitute stuff. The other stuff is all mission driven, so you are given a mission by other people in order to progress through the game/open up the city etc (the game starts you off on a small island, and unlocks other areas via unblocking the road bridges as you beat various missions), and you encounter, for instance, strip clubs, drug deals etc.

You COULD skip the missions and just drive around for hours on end, but I think that would be a waste of money to be honest (and I think he's fibbing with his intentions!)

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 22:17:30

Sorry, that was the film Casino Royale. I will be honest that I dont actually watch many films!

Ahojj Sun 31-Mar-13 22:21:55

@Worry - probably on the same level as Casino Royale. I dunno, any film where people get shot to be honest. There's no gutting or body parts, but there is blood that will spray like someone being shot in a film (you know, the explosive squibs that they build into people's costumes). There are not, though, any big pools of blood, closeups of gore or anything gratuitous like that. Language is assorted Fs but nothing worse.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 31-Mar-13 22:25:03

Thank you Ahojj

Ahojj Sun 31-Mar-13 22:27:51

No problem - I do love my games but appreciate parents need to be better informed as to quite what their children are up to on the consoles, so would like to help dispel any myths and help inform in an unbiased manner where possible!

If anyone else has questions do feel free to get in touch.

TheCatInTheHairnet Mon 01-Apr-13 00:06:42

I let my DS have COD from 13/14. All his friends had it (and they really did as I checked with their Mums) so it seemed pointless to say no. I have quite strict rules about how much screen time they get, none before homework, etc.

He's now 16 and rarely ays games now. However, the rules will be completely different for DS2 as he is a different kid.

CandyCrushed Mon 01-Apr-13 01:51:30

I am pretty sure different versions of Call Of Duty have different age ratings. Turning off the extreme violence/gore etc is easy to do if you won't but it is still an intense game with lots and lots of first person violence.
The gameplay is very intense and mature and may be 'too much' for younger teens. It is not just the violence and language that is not suitable.

WorrySighWorrySigh Mon 01-Apr-13 14:04:54

DS and I have chatted again today. I explained that he needs to be able to distinguish reality from the virtual world and that is more important for him than some of his friends. If he does go into the army then in a couple of years he will be training for real.

I think that yesterday was a bit of a glitch, he was tired and had got himself worked into a state. By the end of the evening he had put his games controller down and picked up a guitar and seemed a lot happier in himself.

Many thanks for all the advice and help.

2fedup Mon 01-Apr-13 17:44:33

this site. Lets you find out info on why the game has a specific certificate. We have used in the to start a discussion with DS2 on why he can't play specific games.

WorrySighWorrySigh Mon 01-Apr-13 18:23:07

Thank you 2fedup, I will take a look at that.

sashh Tue 02-Apr-13 08:31:47

Come on, do you really believe any 8y old's parent lets them play Assasins Creed?

I did know a 12 year old who not only played 18 games but was not allowed to go to bed because his step father was playing the game and needed the 12 yo to show him how to do stuff.

12 yo now an adult and not in contact with sf.

Hattifattner Tue 02-Apr-13 12:10:37

Come on, do you really believe any 8y old's parent lets them play Assasins Creed

I know a disturbed 7 yo who stated that the highlight of his weekend was reaching level X of COD. He was in a remedial social group at the time.

I also know a 10yo who plays COD with his dad.

No GTA allowed here and DS1 is 17.
Mine both had COD at 14 and so did their friends. I know this because I checked.
Console in the living room though.
I have no problem with the game, doesn't appeal to me but it seems to let them socialise and let off steam.

watchingout Thu 04-Apr-13 22:41:28

My DS 13 ordered COD on his own Amazon account blush I hit the roof when it was delivered and confiscated it. Waste of £25 there and a whipped puppy too.

But... I then researched it in slow time, consulted with some RL friends, and had long talk with DS. He was eventually allowed to use the game, with supervision at first, and with the "gore" turned off. I watched for a few sessions until I fell asleep and he got bored very quickly.

Good lesson for us on communication and boundaries. Not sure it helps you?

ProtegeMoi Thu 04-Apr-13 23:16:00

I know someone who lets a 5 year old play 18 games!

My 8 year old son was at their house playing and came home as he knows he isn't allowed to play / watch these games.

The mum says is not that bad and they know its not real so its ok.

Mine won't play them for a LONG time, if at all. My son has special needs and is influenced easily so I will prevent him playing violent games for as long as I possibly can.

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