Making decisions for/on behalf of/with your children

(31 Posts)
KatyMac Tue 12-Mar-13 20:47:00

Or support them with thiers

It's so hard to know if you/they have decided right

I guess this happens more with teenagers than at any age really.

chocoluvva Wed 13-Mar-13 00:02:32

Have you had a difficult decision to make recently?

KatyMac Wed 13-Mar-13 07:55:31

No - she has

But I was thinking generally GCSE choices/A levels/colleges/relationships/social issues (like drugs/sex/alcohol)

Generally really

cory Wed 13-Mar-13 09:38:43

It is hard. But it is also interesting. Seeing them grow up, become their own person, having adult conversations. I like it. And that despite the fact that my dd has made some spectactularly bad decisions over the last year. But also a lot of very, very good ones.

GreatUncleEddie Wed 13-Mar-13 17:33:27

They have to make their own, don't they. I try to make clear that I'm not saying what they should do, but help them look at the pros and cons. Have done this recently with yr9 subject options and a suggested weekend away with the family of a friend that wasn't well-timed for DS. Having said that, if he wanted to go drinking I would just say NO!

KatyMac Wed 13-Mar-13 21:21:53

It's great when they make good ones & sad when they make what you see as mistakes; but I think the hardest are when you won't know what the outcome will be for months/years

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 09:49:50

It is hard but all you can do is support them katy to make the right ones and it is ok for them to make mistakes and the wrong decision can make them realise we are all human, I think My dds are nearly 20 and 15 and I just helped them along the way that is all we can do ime

Myliferocks Thu 14-Mar-13 09:57:01

I think as hard as it is sometimes as parents we have to let them make some mistakes. Then it is our job as parents to help them sort the aftermath out.
Having said that there are some mistakes that as parents we absolutely have to try and stop them making.
I worry far more about my DC now they are teenagers and pre teens than I ever did when they were little!

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 09:58:41

Having said that there are some mistakes that as parents we absolutely have to try and stop them making.

oh yes of course,

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 19:26:39

She has given up her Dance scholarship; for all the right reasons - but it's still scarey

Maryz Thu 14-Mar-13 19:49:50

Oh Katy sad. Why has she done that? Has she got a better offer, or is it money related?

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 20:14:19

She feels if she isn't good enough to dance with kids her own age after 4 terms she never will be

She is now looking for something else; she needs more dance

Whether she can't learn the way they teach or if it's something else, it was pointless going on

Maryz Thu 14-Mar-13 20:17:26

So was she slipping, or were they improving faster than her? And what was their attitude - are they sorry to lose her?

I was gutted when ds1 gave up sport, because it made him happy. I would fight tooth and nail to stop ds2 giving up, though I accept it isn't easy with teenagers. Sometimes the best you can do is be there for them as they make the hard decisions.

HSMMaCM Thu 14-Mar-13 20:20:06

Oh KatyMac! Scary change. I thought GCSE choices were hard. I had to stop myself scribbling out Childcare and writing in Latin on DDs form. It's so hard to know what decisions we should make for them and which to leave them to make themselves.

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 20:25:34

that is a shame katy do you think she will change her mind ?

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 20:28:44

Not a clue; it was so confusing

When she started they said 5 weeks in level 1 & then we will place you. They never did. They kept promising a move the whole of last year - that never happened.

They moved a group of yr6 & yr7 in, in Sept and nearly everyone moved up.

The level 4&5 get help with auditions & DD wasn't included - then they invite her to a show with 'activities' after aimed at ages 7-12 and get annoyed that she won't come.

She felt she was marking time. But it comes down to if she isn't good enough after 4 terms to dance with her own age; she isn't good enough to be there

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 20:33:45

could she go somewhere else ? or wait till she is a little older was it a stage school she was at ?

Maryz Thu 14-Mar-13 20:36:03

I think you should go and talk to them.

You need to find out why they think she isn't good enough. You don't have to tell her you are going, just call them and ask.

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 20:38:01

No - it was Government funding sad

We need another weekend class for her - we are looking

She has lost 6 hours

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 20:38:43

You need to find out why they think she isn't good enough. You don't have to tell her you are going, just call them and ask.

^ ^ that I wouldn't let her give up just yet speak to whoever teachers her ask question then review it, this could be her career up in the air for nothing she could move elsewhere go to another class do other dances anything, It is down to her obviously but I would speak to the teachers

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 20:39:36

No - it was Government funding

We need another weekend class for her - we are looking

She has lost 6 hours

you will get somewhere it is a shame she is giving it up how long is her funding for ?

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 20:41:11

I suppose it was for another 4 & a half terms

We had our exit interview last night - they had nothing to say

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 20:41:28

Off to collect her

mrsjay Thu 14-Mar-13 20:44:40

We had our exit interview last night - they had nothing to say

shock that class is obviously not for her then if they couldnt even give you and support or explanation why she wasn't progressing , that is no way to treat a young person imo , your poor DD teenagers are emotional enough sometimes without that, but you will find something else dont let her quit It will destroy her

HSMMaCM Thu 14-Mar-13 21:49:38

Sometimes these things happen for a reason and there is a better opportunity waiting.

KatyMac Thu 14-Mar-13 21:58:52

Oh she still has (3+1.75+0.75+1.5+2.5+1) a week plus (0.5+0.75+2) of other stuff; she won't be giving up

KatyMac Fri 15-Mar-13 20:47:24

Starting a new class tomorrow - well trialling it

My dad found it, so we are all a bit hmm tbh

I think London is are only real option now

Maryz Fri 15-Mar-13 21:03:39

You have to bite your lip and let her get on with it don't you.

Who'd be a teenager these days, it's so hard [sigh]

Theas18 Fri 15-Mar-13 22:50:05

Agree totally it's very hard being a teen these days.

Adressing the OP directly... I suspect I managed DS move away fom rugby to other hobbies. Probably not what he really wanted, I'm sure he could have been really good but he's had 3 seasons where he's spent most of it injured and has had friends who have sustained awful injuries - eg. Smashed lower femur/ disrupted knee joint combo - probably lifelong impairment and another broken wrist at AS module time. As ds had already had a neck injury, serios calf tear and fractured collarbone, it seemed at odd with his academic aspirations , so I just kind of didn't encourage it - but neither did I say "don't" or refuse to take him training.

I feel a bit guilty- he loves rugby, but at this stage in his education (AS year) a significant injury that took him out of school for evn a few weeks (and it wouldn't have to be anything really dreadful to do that - just something that needed surgery /pins etc) could stuff up the high grades he needs to follow te career path he has chosen. It's really difficult

Katymac good luck to your dd, hope it all works out or her in the end. There is almost always more than one route to the goal.

KatyMac Sat 16-Mar-13 12:01:02

Well I dropped her off - now it's just wait & see

KatyMac Sun 17-Mar-13 20:38:40

She's all a bit uncomfortable atm; not dancing this weekend has been really odd

She's had a sleepover & a duvet day

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now