14 year old son never goes out with friends

(55 Posts)
WorriesRus Thu 03-Jan-13 12:21:51

My 14 year old whilst being happy with lots of interests - (he plays in a football team, is in the scouts and loves school) but rarely if ever goes out with friends. He spends his time in his room with his hobbies - he builds models for his skalextric and spends time on his computer, not often on facebook and not on twitter at all. I feel he should be spending more time with friends and have tried to encourage this.

It's his birthday this weekend and I tried to get him to invite some friends to do something (cinema, go-karting?) but although he had 3 friends in mind whom he would've liked to ask he never got around to it, saying that he would rather wait until he was asked by them. I think it is a confidence thing and he is scared of being turned down. How can I help him to build up confidence and a healthy social life?

TheLittlestNarwhal Thu 03-Jan-13 12:29:34

I haven't really got any advice, but my DS is also 14 and sounds very similar. He has not seen any of his friends over the Xmas holidays except on the occasions when we have all got together with other families.

I have spent the last 45 minutes trying to convince him to call a friend and arrange something. He finally did with a lot of grumpiness, first friend was unwell and second one was out!

I think it is a confidence thing of not wanting to make the first move. Does your DS have friends at school? How is he if a friend makes the first move and calls him? I wonder if a lot of it is teenage laziness, DS is really at his happiest flumped on the sofa, if he has a mate flumped on the other sofa then that's fine, but if not then he is quite happy with his own company.

Probably not much help, but I will be watching thread with interest smile

StressedoutMotherofTeens Thu 03-Jan-13 15:07:26

My DS is 13 and has plenty of friends in school and in the area we live and has seen his friends a number of times but also has bouts of not wanting to go anywhere. E.g. One friend phoned earlier in holidays and he said he couldn't come out (he could but couldn't be bothered to get dressed!). In the end I made him!

I think it is a confidence thing. They don't like the thought of being turned down. What I have resorted to in the past is suggesting he sends his friends a text just asking what anyone is doing and maybe suggesting going out on their scooters for an hour later. This has worked and now they usually all arrange something independently.
What I will say though is sometimes they are just happy in their home I know mine is a bit of a homebird lazy . It's just trying to find the right balance and perhaps not trying to worry so much about it. If they are happy - although that is easier to say than do! Hope this helps a little smile

WorriesRus Fri 04-Jan-13 11:46:35

Thanks for these replies. DS is back at school on Monday so will keep encouraging nagging him to organise something. Will keep you posted if/when any developments. hmm

Theas18 Fri 04-Jan-13 11:52:51

Don't worry about it! DS was like this at 14, he's now 16 and has been out 3-4 x with mates over the holidays or to parties.

my 13yr old hasn't seen any school mates and doesn't seem bothered. There is still a lot of catty behaviour that she isn't really part of and doesn't weant to be.

TheLittlestNarwhal Fri 04-Jan-13 12:33:43

Good to hear that they may grow out of it!! grin

I pushed Ds out of the house with a sharp stick yesterday afternoon to get some fresh air on his bike. He called me about 3 minutes later to say he was at a friends on the X-box and spent the afternoon there!

Texting is a good idea, I will suggest that next time.

carlota2 Fri 04-Jan-13 19:56:51

My DS, who is just 15 years old, has no friends with whom to go out. It
has been an issue for a few years now -- slowly getting worse as time has gone
by. The school guidance teacher, to whom I have raised my concern, seems to think he is perfectly ok in the school and that he is a nice and likable kid but the reality is that he is totally on his own once he is out of the school. He’s never invited to any outing or birthday party. The guidance teacher appears to think that he is too ‘grown up’ for his school year mates but I am not sure this may be the problem. According to what adult friends say of him he is kind, clever, nice and has great social skills so I am totally at a loss of what is the problem. His self-esteem is really low although he tries his best to accept the situation but clearly he would like it to be otherwise. He has been trying to phone other kids but it is always a big hassle and never quite works, as the other kids don’t seem to be very interested in meeting him. He was a very cheerful confident child when he was younger but this issue has slowly changed his character and he seems to have lost confidence and now he spends all free time at home playing computer games or ps3. Needless to say I feel terribly inadequate and I can't think of anything to help him. I have tried many things in the past, inviting kids at home all the time (curiously most of the time kids were very happy to come home but they hardly ever reciprocated) but as he grew older this was not possible anymore. Any suggestions/thoughts?

I've hot a 14 year old ds who hardly ever goes out, him and his friends all seem to communicate via bbm etc, I've 5alked to other mums and mist of them say the same. Hopefully its just a phase they go through.

carlota2 Fri 04-Jan-13 20:08:56

Hopefully, though in my son's case it has been going on for years and the case is that he would like to go out but he can't find friends that want to.

soulresolution Sat 05-Jan-13 19:02:27

Know what you mean carlota - ds spent most of yesterday trying to organise a group of friends to meet up in town, he's seen nothing of them since they broke up for xmas. They all backed out today at the last minute and he ended up going in for an hour on his own and spent the rest of the day in his room. sad

Worley Sat 05-Jan-13 19:07:33

my 14 yr old ds is the same. his friends all live within walking distance but instead they all log on to Xbox or minecraft at same time and play an chat on there together. they all had one meet up last week that I made him organise and they came round for day.. to Xbox.. and the their going next week all together too.. at least I know where and what he's doing!!

soulresolution Sat 05-Jan-13 19:34:25

Yes it's funny, ds has spent hours on facebook this hols messaging his friends who all live less than 20 mins walk away! He got a ps3 for xmas but I think he only asked for it because his mates all have ps3/xbox - he's really not that into games. He's not into sport either so that takes out two of the main areas of socialising for his age group. I'm just really hoping that he can retain his generally happy disposition until he's a bit older and past this slightly difficult phase.

Worley Sat 05-Jan-13 22:03:11

yep ds1 not in to sport. his only activity is fencing club once a week. which he thourghly enjoys and fits in well at. his little group of friends have been best friends since reception and they are all the same.
it's not that his difficult I wish he would just go hang a out at the park sometimes... but then I've seen some if the other groups down there and they're smoking and swearing and then I'm glad he doesn't want to be down there with them!

Moca1 Sat 05-Jan-13 22:59:05

As another mum who worries that her 13 year old ds does not socialise enough, I was reassured when ds told me very calmly to stop worrying, he was happy with his own company (complete with books, gadgets, etc) and was quite capable of sorting out his own social life when he was ready. Maybe more my problem than his !

soulresolution Sat 05-Jan-13 23:46:41

Yeah, quite glad he doesn't fancy hanging round the park! I really wanted him to go to fencing and I bet he would enjoy it but I have enrolled him in quite a few things in the past - drama club, art club, self-defence - all things that he was interested in but he went off them all after the first few goes. He seems to hate being organised into anything and as I am the same myself I can't blame him but I can see that he's missing out. It's a funny age, these early teen years.

Worley Sun 06-Jan-13 00:45:47

yes been there with martial arts, drama, scouts etc but fencing he's really done well in. there all Big Bang theory types there and he fits with them very well. it's lively that he actually has an activity he enjoys without being pushed.

WorriesRus Sun 06-Jan-13 17:14:54

Carlota -I think my DS's problem is similar to yours. He is friendly, kind and intelligent and does have friends at school - he just doesn't socialize with them out of school. He plays in a football team where most of the members go to a different school and I don't think he has much in common with them other than the team.

As he is quite happy in himself, I think it is more my problem than his - his sister who is 12 is always organising outings with friends - sleepovers, cinema, shopping etc and maybe that is what makes me notice it more.

Will continue to encourage him on return to school!!

carlota2 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:05:59

Dear all, thanks for all your responses. I have a feeling now that, as Moca1 and WorriesRus say, that this may be more my problem that my son's! Still it was quite hard to hear from him one day that although he was happy on his own he felt he was missing the 'normal interaction that a teenager should have with his peers' (sometimes he seems more grown up than myself) Like in soulresolution case my son got a PS3 because I suggested it after he said one day 'perhaps friends don't want to come to my home because I don't have gadgets' He wasn't interested in it at all and the irony is that now he is rather addicted to it and friends still don't come! grrr... you can never win. On top of it he is starting to develop some interest in girls (he has been a latecomer on this front) and I know he feels bad and insecure because he is excluded from the parties/discos that the school friends organise where the gender dynamics emerge. I am lucky that he is involved in many extra school activities, drama, music, tennis...and I'm hoping that this 'peer interaction' he misses is compensated a bit by his participation in these activities with kids of his age.

It is difficult to know what to do or whether to do anything at all and let it be. As Moca1 says perhaps my son will be capable to organise his own social life at latter stages. It is a funny age these early teen years indeed...

carlota2 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:11:28

ah -- needless to say that negotiating those mums'friends' that constantly mention how many parties and invitations their sons get and how many girlfriends they have and how popular they are becomes a rather emotional rollercoaster.

Floralnomad Sun 06-Jan-13 23:19:26

Just to reassure some of you (I hope ) my son was completely socially isolated between about 13 and 16 ,mainly because he was at a school he disliked and didn't fit in because he as an aversion to all team sports. He spent all his free time on the computer or Xbox. At 16 he changed schools ( to a mixed sex school) and got a part time job and has completely changed and now has a great social life!

BackforGood Sun 06-Jan-13 23:21:08

I think it's fairly normal at that sort of age. They are past the parents arranging things, but not quite ready to sort things out for themselves.
I have a dd of 14 who will arrange something with her friends perhaps 3 times a year, but when ds was 14, nothing that needed "organising" every happened. Even now at 16 / 17, there's only one lad that sorts them into going for a curry together. Other 'planned' social events only happen when the girls organise them.

Virtuallyarts Mon 07-Jan-13 20:53:08

I think in the holidays some dteens like to just 'get away' from school, and that may mean they're not that interested in seeing friends - they are glad of a break, which perhaps is not that surprising given that school is quite 'intensive' socialising.

Carlota and Worries (and all others in this position!) do you think any of the people at ds' out of school activities might be more amenable than school friends to socialising - maybe drama people would be interested in going to theatre, scouts on some outing like bowling, or something like that?

Texting friends is good in a way because less nerveracking than phoning - on the other hand people can sometimes not notice texts, be busy when they come in etc - whereas phone would at least get a response. On the other hand my impression is that some teenagers simply don't phone, particularly not on landlines -and aren't used to being phoned!

Herrena Mon 07-Jan-13 21:12:09

Hi, I have no experience of this (my DSs are under 2yo!) but just wanted to say that I was a pretty introverted teenager myself. My DM hated it and kept on going on about how worried she was that I wasn't going out with friends. I suppose she meant well but it did not increase my confidence in any way.

I'm sure you are all trying to be sensitive with your DC but just wanted to flag that point. As it turned out, I really branched out at Uni when I found all the people like me (there were no kindred spirits at my school) and now have a wide circle of friends. So hopefully that's reassuring!

Virtuallyarts Mon 07-Jan-13 21:47:44

It is Herrena! School is quite a unique environment really, suits some forms of social being more than others, so I suppose it's not surprising that some find it easier when they get to university or work.
As you say, important that we as dps don't make things harder - though can be difficult sometimes to walk the line between encouraging and hassling!

slambang Mon 07-Jan-13 22:14:56

I'm yet another mum of a 14 year old who doesn't socialise. It's quite reassuring to hear so many others are around. Ds has some friends but would prefer to stay at home with the X box than go out with them. Ds was asked by his best friend's dad if he wanted to come home with best friend after footy last weekend. Ds muttered and shuffled and then explained he'd prefer not because he wanted to play on the X box. Was v embarrassing.

Ds says he doesn't see the point of actually seeing his friends in the holidays because he can play with them online. If they have to see each other it just prevents them from playing. hmm

One of the problems I think is what do they actually do when they get together. The only option round here seems to be to 'go into town' mooch round the shops, buy sweets and linger in Game or HMV. For ds, who has a lifelong hatred of shopping and no interest in clothes or music this is not very appealing. The cinema is only good for once or twice a holiday (too young for the 15 films, too grown up for the PG ones). Organising enough people to have a game of footy seems beyond them.

I do think their generation is an experimental group of guinea pigs. We don't know whether growing up communicating almost entirely through games consoles and facebook is going to limit or enahnce their ability to communicate face to face as adults.

bubblepop Mon 07-Jan-13 22:25:47

my 13 year old is the same...not interested in having friends over just wants to go in room on xbox, although atleast he is communicating with his friends online, they never stop shrieking and laughing! so i know he's ok, hopefully this phase will pass.

Virtuallyarts Mon 07-Jan-13 22:35:25

Slambang I suppose all generations are experimental in their own way - for instance I think mine was amongst the first to be able to natter for hours on the phone to each other, which in retrospect may have meant that we spent less time meeting up (though we did do lots of meeting/mooching as well, in fact). So I suppose observant parents might have said hmm, has the phone made them less inclined to go out?

Having said that, I think that electronic communications are definitely different from phoning/talking face to face - but I don't know what the differences really are, or mean! I suppose you can 'prepare' more what you say and how you reply - does that mean you are never quite as spontaneous with each other, and if so is that good or bad? Actually of course at school dteens still have a lot of face to face contact, so maybe it is for adults that the change to text/e-mail is more significant. I think I'm rambling off the subject here a bit - though it is relevant in a way, because it's all to do with the fact that current teens' ways of interacting socially are very different from even ten years ago.

Greer123 Thu 10-Jan-13 17:34:47

It's normal. They are all going through the peak phase of puberty between starting at 13 and ending at 16 and these days boys prefer to sit that out in their bedrooms while chatting over their headsets on the xbox. Give it two years and you'll be complaining they are too sociable and you never see them!

MightyMo Fri 11-Jan-13 17:14:31

I have experienced very similar with my boys. The older one finally started to hang out with a small group of boys from school when he was getting on for 15. These were friendships that had evolved (very) slowly at secondary. It was a relief! It's still not easy tho' as there's often hassles and let-downs when he tries to arrange things. Now my younger one, nearly 13, is just the same. He doesn't want to see friends outside school, saying 'I prefer to be with my family' when what he really means is in front of a screen! It's reassuring that there's lots of other boys like them out there, and I know from experience that they do get a life in the end.

Saddlesore70 Sun 13-Jan-13 07:58:28

This all sounds so familiar - my 14 year old is exactly the same - appears to have plenty of friends at school, is a happy, polite boy, spends a lot of time on the computer, chatting etc but just not interested in going out or having friends over! When he has tried to organise things in the past he has been knocked back - people saying they can't be bothered etc. which I think has inevitably had a negative effect.

This is in complete contrast to his younger sister who is constantly arranging social events - probably too much!

Carlota2's comment struck a chord with me - it is hard when other people are constantly going on about how active their children are socially. I have worried constantly about this over the last 3 years or so and sometimes it makes me feel quite depressed. Reading these posts really helps me to realise that there are plenty of other kids just the same. Let's hope they eventually find their feet and in the meantime we should continue to love and support them for who they are.

BunFagFreddie Mon 14-Jan-13 23:49:41

DS is 14 and going through a hermit phase. A lot of people say this is just a phase. Also, who's to say that everyone should be an extrovert anyway. hmm

OP, do you live in a rural area? We do, and part of the problem is that friends can live so far apart. Families are busy with their routine, so it's difficult to meet up.

Of course, there are always parents who love to tell you about all of their DC's achievements, social lives and clubs etc. I'm sure it's insecurity, or they wouldn't feel the need to bang on to others about it.

Very relieved to come across this thread and realise my DS is the same as many others!! He is 14, loves his x box and the social side of it, but try to get him to organise something etc, it is all "too much effort"!!

I miss the days of us all going out for the day, but most of the time he obviously finds me and his DSis far too embarrassing to be seen with! grin.

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 01:14:51

Sorry to lower the tone, but I had a sudden epiphany the other day.

I think these 14 year old lads are 'discovering themselves'.

I don't think we should be too concerned, as once the novelty wears off they will start going out more.

Chrissy60 Fri 01-Feb-13 21:51:25

Hi, my son is exactly the same. He is 15, has friends at school and never goes out at weekends. I know he would love to but I think he too lacks confidence, has low self esteem and just hasn't got the confidence to ask to join in. It's so awful as you just can't do it for them at this age. It's also my sons birthday soon and he says he doesn't want to anything! I know this isn't the case really, he would love to do something, but just hasn't the confidence to bring himself to ask. I am hoping with age, he will slowly get there, but it is hard to deal with. Hope it helps to
Know you are not on your own with this problem.

FellatioNels0n Sat 02-Feb-13 05:37:59

My 13 yo is just like this. He makes friends perfectly easily, and is pretty popular I think, but he just can't be bothered to make arrangements to fill his time outside of school. He loves school, and he will occasionally invite one friend over at a time for a sleepover, (if I nag him to) but he will go to anything he is invited to, and is quite excited at the prospect so I don't think it's that he genuinely doesn't like to be around people. I too think it's a confidence thing and a fear of rejection. And he will never have more than one friend over at a time - But I worry he doesn't get invited to enough, because he is so happy to lay low and be off most people's radars most weekends, that eventually they'll forget about him.

We moved recently to somewhere where there a lots of lads of a similar age in close proximity, and a couple of them knew him through mutual friends. All really nice kids - he doesn't dislike them at all but he's just completely passive about it. At first they would all come knocking for him after school but after a while they just gave up because he just doesn't reciprocate and he can't even be bothered to go out and hang out with them for more than 15 minutes before he's back! They'll all be kicking a football of riding their bikes around and he's just not interested.

Honestly, he can get up at the weekend, sit in his TV room with his laptop and his PS3 and literally NOT MOVE until it's time for bed. The same almost every night after school as well. It drives me nuts. He hates sport and refuses to join any clubs of any sort. I've forced him into a couple of things, which he enjoys, but left to his own devices he'd still rather stay on the sofa. He's a lovely boy and a good boy, and his personality is outgoing, so I just don't get it. confused

And he has a real thing about not wanting to socialise with more than one person at a time. We live somewhere hot and have our own pool. There are endless opportunities for pool parties but he won't entertain the idea at all. confused

FellatioNels0n Sat 02-Feb-13 05:44:06

I think with boys it's particularly hard if they don't like sport - especially football. My son has had several very good friends who are really into their football, and he really could not be less interested. It means that he's happy for them to come over to us for the evening for a chat and a movie, but he is reluctant to go anything where there will be a group of boys as it will inevitably turn into a footy kickabout, and he refuses to join in!

WorriesRus Wed 20-Feb-13 11:43:37

I started this thread during the last school holidays and here we are - February half term, in the same position. My 12 year old DD is organising activities, meetings with friends but DS again is up in his room, doing his own thing (being bored). He has admitted he would like to meet up with friends but will not get in touch with any of them. I've said they're probably the same and would love to hear from him but he answers with "why don't they phone me then?"

Oh for the days when I contacted mums and organised their days for them!

Grrrrrr! angry

Chrissy60 Thu 21-Feb-13 12:50:43

I am the same as you worriesRus. My son 16 this year and he's been same since 13, apart from the odd visit to pictures, he never sees any friends outside of school and I know they all meet up and go out, but he never seems to be invited. He wont talk about it and even when I suggest doing some organised activity, No he won't entertain it. I know what you mean, wish he was younger and I could organise something for him. I am hoping I can spur him on to do something, anything, so he won't be stuck in his room all summer long. GGrrrr indeed, I know exactly how you feel, and its a constant worry.

mumalot Tue 26-Feb-13 00:59:06

Can I just put a slightly different perspective on this. My DS was exactly the same, life and soul of the x-box party but could never be bothered to go out and hang with the friends from his old primary school who would knock and call for him. it used to worry me that he was being such a lazy arse hermit. Then I started to do bit of voluntary work on the fringes of youth justice and mentoring. Now I firmly believe there is a lot to be said for knowing where my teenage DS is every minute of the day and night! I am so grateful he is my own little couch potato and not out mooching with mates of an evening - some of whom, I now realise, are caught up in things they shouldn't be, even though they are nice kids at heart. It's paranoid I know but believe me, even in the most middle class/rural/suburban enclave there are so many dodgy goings-on that teens can be seduced into joining in with when they are too immature to just walk away - especially boys who don't want to lose face in front of so-called mates.

Now I love the fact DS just wants to veg and let me wait on him hand and foot. I know the biggest risk to his health is bed sores from too long on the sofa and a deathly pallor from too little fresh air!! He's 15 and soon enough he'll be off I'm sure but until then I'm happy not to run the gauntlet of teenage parties, smuggled booze and druggy temptations any sooner than I have to.

Sometimes choosing the x-box is a sensible kid's self-preservation against what their peers are up to!!

LOL to 'discovering themselves'. My DS is 18 in a few weeks and we can add him to the list of those who don't go out. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't go out but loves his XBox. He does talk online to people and he has his own You Tube channel that he gets paid to host through advertising but meeting 'real' people only happens at school.

Madlizzy Wed 27-Feb-13 14:09:34

I have triplets who will be 14 in a few weeks. Two boys and one girl. The boys socialise via xbox and computer whilst DD would be out and about all the time if she could. DS1 was the same - spent pretty much 4 years in his bedroom, emerging as a rather lovely young man. They do socialise at school, so they are seeing people, they just prefer home to seeing them out of school as well. Take it as a compliment. grin

WorriesRus Sun 03-Mar-13 12:55:24

Thanks to Mumalot, SecondhandRose and Madlizzy, your posts have all made me feel much better and I need to bear in mind that DS is happy if a bit bored on occasion during the holidays.

Mumalot - you are right I would prefer to know he is safe and not out somewhere "up to no good". smile

coocachoo Fri 02-Aug-13 15:25:09

hi i have a 14 yr old daughter she has no friends round here, as we recently moved her 2 months ago now. But even where we lived before she only saw friends at school not outside. once she arranged to meet them and they didnt show up, which broke my heart. I think modern life and gadgets are taking away socialising like we all used to when young. I am a older mum of 55, so i can see how lifes changed with kids today. It hurts me she has no one shame we dont all live nearby so we can get our kids together, then they wont be lonely.

Heidijane72 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:57:54

So glad I have discovered this thread and all these other mums and teens in the same situation. I started this with tears in my eyes after another long convo with my 14 v nearly 15 yr old son, trying to find solutions and get him to agree to call on just one mate. He was soo sad it breaks my heart... Perhaps that is it though as pointed out, it's my problem he was fine before I butted in ... Again!
It's so hard to sit back and watch them let day after day pass with no social interaction other than the virtual kind however it seems that's just the way it is now.
My heart is a little lifted knowing all around the country we are all facing the same struggles. I don't think a rural area has helped in these later years but before I know it I guess he will be driving and I will be worried sick about where he is and home no being at home!
Thanks to all for the words of wisdom.

LifeHuh Wed 07-Aug-13 17:37:48

"And he has a real thing about not wanting to socialise with more than one person at a time. We live somewhere hot and have our own pool. There are endless opportunities for pool parties but he won't entertain the idea at all."

Is this not a personality thing? As a classic introvert my gut reaction to this is "pool party? Ugh! Who would have loads of people round all the time if they could spend the time doing what they liked with one or two close friends??" (Slightly joking - but not completely!)

I do think you need to distinguish between those DCs who are perfectly comtent seeing friends at school,but not much apart from that (and OP's son does football and scouts so from my point of view is getting plenty of social contact...) and those who aren't happy with their social life but don't have the confidence or know what to do about it.Not easy to tell always,though.

witchofmiddx Thu 08-Aug-13 17:35:45

Another one here who's ds13 will never and has ever socialised with more than one at a time. I'd be grateful now for just the one! The Xbox is his friend. Do they really come out of this around 18?

witchofmiddx Thu 08-Aug-13 17:38:15

Sorry should read never socialised

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 08-Aug-13 17:42:57

I would really like to advise people not to stress out about this. It's not that I know everything about teenagers, far from it. But I just don't think it's a huge issue. I've got a truly sociable one, a computer sociable one, and a term-time sociable one. The computer sociable one has grown to be mroe real life sociable as he's got older, but I don't think it's that terrible being computer sociable, I really don't. I feel like a different generation because I don't understand it but otherwise he seems like a normal nice kid (despite or because of the online gaming. ) Don't have the answers but I think it's all about accepting them as they are.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 08-Aug-13 19:41:25

Whoops sorry to kill off the thread.

madeofkent Sun 11-Aug-13 12:53:36

Just found this - my son is now 18 and he says that many of his friends at school don't socialise outside it. He feels he gets enough social interraction through orchestra, CCF and a music school he spends a week at once a year, he has at times wished he had a girlfriend but says he really can't be arsed to go round the shops with them every saturday and chat for hours in a coffee bar! I had to laugh. He is very good-looking and funny, but he says he knows he will have more social life than he can cope with at uni and really, I am delighted that he hasn't been out god knows where until god knows when, as I remember how dreadful I was at his age. So I have been torn two ways over the years, but really I am now thankful that he is so level-headed and happy with his own company. He skypes his schoolfriends quite a bit.

Nellatje Wed 14-Aug-13 13:55:48

I became a member of MumsNet today because my 14 yr old DS is doing the same thing. Mooching about, happy to slob all day, not making any effort (apart from online) to socialise with his friends. His older brother (17) is out and about a lot but I seem to remember he was similar at this age. It's comforting to hear other people are experiencing something similar with their younger teens. I do wonder if it is more my problem than his. He certainly seems happy enough!

thornrose Wed 14-Aug-13 14:06:45

I think the crux of the matter is whether they are happy. My dd is quite lonely, some teens mentioned on is thread seem quite happy in their room!

My sis has to remind me how shy and introverted she was as a teen. She is now in her 40's and she has so many friends and leads such a full life.

WorriesRus Wed 21-Aug-13 12:25:21

Since beginning this thread in January, DS still doesn't make plans to see friends other than the occasional kick about on the field near us. Just had another talk with him (it has become a bit of a joke that I'm always saying he should "make some plans") and he became a bit tearful and angry with me. I am not sure whether I should just drop it because although he acknowledges that he would like to socialise a bit more he's not willing to do anything about it and I think I just draw attention to it and make him feel worse. He is very happy doing his own thing and is still in the football team and Scouts and has friends at school.

bigTillyMint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:38:20

I would leave him to his own devices and just occasionally encourage him. Is he on FB/BBM? That seems to be the only main way my DC communicate with friends. But even then, the boys seem much less able to organise stuff than the girls!

If he is in the footy team and scouts and has school friends, he sounds like he is completely normal - maybe recharging his batteries for the social onslaught in September!
And at least you know he is safe at home, not out drinking/smoking/whatever smile

Janet37 Sun 25-Aug-13 07:31:14

Wow, this is so good to read. My 14 year old son is nice, doesn't drink/smoke or take illegal substances but won't go out. It has concerned me for a while now and I have nagged him to socialise more, but after reading all of this I will leave him be! I suppose I've thought he was different to his friends but realise that his maturity and ability not to follow the crowd shows me what a strong character he really is. He like many others spends a lot of time in his room on computer, online gaming...but he's safe and I should be happy! Thankyou everyone x

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