How much do you give your 18 year old?

(41 Posts)
RavenVonChaos Fri 07-Dec-12 07:17:12

Do you pay for phone, buses, clothes etc?

It's getting me down and costing me a fortune!

I don't pay for his phone or social outings because he's working part time. However because he's still in full time education I make sure he is clothed, fed and can get to and from college.

He's 16 but while he's still studying I think that's how it will stay. It would cost me a fortune otherwise.

If he doesn't have the money to go out then he doesn't go. Very much like the rest of us I suppose.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 07-Dec-12 07:30:03

My dd is 17, in full time college

She gets her I-phone paid for and given 40 quid a week which has to pay for £15 for bus fares and lunches, about another £15. The rest is hers. She has a study day where she usually doesn't go in, so gets a bit extra,

I would buy big, essential items like coats and an occasional clothes shopping trip a couple of times a year when she starts to look a bit tatty.

That's it. I don't give money hand over fist, because I would rather she did what I did and get a PT job, but so far she is proving to be rather work-shy (although is doing well in college).

noddyholder Fri 07-Dec-12 07:30:23

My ds is 18 .he has just got a part tie job after looking for about a year sainsburys thank you! We currently pay phone and give him about 20 on a Friday for te weekend. We also buy all his clothes. He is at college and the job is for Xmas only so we will be subbing him for a while. He is hoping once he has a job and experience it will be easier to get another

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 07-Dec-12 07:31:59

"luxuries" like cinema trips, Nando's, expensive (but not essential) items like Ugg boots etc are saved up for by her

bruffin Fri 07-Dec-12 07:42:43

My 17 year old works part time, but we pay, £15 for phone and £15 cineworld card.
We pay for school clothes and half towards designer stuff.

SHoHoHodan Fri 07-Dec-12 07:59:43

DS2 (16) gets £75 a month for cinema trips/lunch at school/other personal osts, plus we pay for his contract phone (£25 a month). I buy all clothes/toiletries etc, unless he wants something stupidly expensive, (Hollister hoody with furry lining I'm looking at you), in which case I'll pay the amount I would sspend anyway and he makes up the rest.

nagynolonger Fri 07-Dec-12 08:09:39

I do provide the basics while they're still at school. I buy all necessary clothes and shoes but any extras will be Christmas and birthday presents. The 17 yearold has a phone contract which we pay (£15 per month) but the 16 year old still has a pay as you go which costs £10 every six weeks or so.
We pay for all sports kit and fees which is not cheap but we will not be paying for driving lessons or a car. Lots of parents still seem to be paying for driving lessons as soon as they reach 17 and then stumping up for a car aswell. Mine have been told they will have to find work if they want to drive. The trouble is there is no work locally. Bit of glass collecting maybe but that's not regular work.
They go to the occasional cinema trip or party but they have to save for that. The 19 year old is a 2nd year apprentice and he pays for everything himself. Since starting year 2 he pays a token amount each month to me towards his keep. When he earns more he will pay more.

musicposy Fri 07-Dec-12 10:58:09

I give DD1 (nearly 17) £30 a month and then quite often bits of lunch money etc on top. I pay for her college bus pass and train fares, and for her dance lessons. I pay for half her phone top ups - usually £5 of £10 a month.

She's made (tentative) efforts to get a job but she is very busy with her college and dancing so it's not entirely practical for her and for this reason I don't mind helping her a bit. She does bits of babysitting etc to top up her income. I don't hand over too much because I feel it is a disincentive to making her own money and being careful with it.

We will not be paying for driving lessons or a car when she turns 17 after Christmas. We just don't have that sort of money. Plus she has a perfectly good bus pass grin

AphraBehn Fri 07-Dec-12 13:16:26

Same as musicposy.
I give my nearly 17 year old DS £30 per month and pay his phone contract of around £20. I also pay any school related expenses and essential clothing. He does bits of babysitting for exra money.

He doesn't have a job atm as his A level courses are quite full on and one is an accelerated course. He has a sum of money for driving lessons set aside but if he wants to run a car then he will have to work. I can't see that happening for a while though as the insurance will cost several thousand pounds.

DS2 is 18 and at college. We pay for his phone, clothes (he doesn't ask for much), bus fare and lunches and he probably has an extra £15-£20 a week on top.

He earns some money from acting and that is in his own account which he uses for buying games, bits for his computer etc.

MsElleTow Fri 07-Dec-12 13:36:30

DS1 is 18 next week. We pay for everything! He has a part time Christmas job, but did have a job before the firm went bankrupt, and goes to college. We have paid for drving lessons, he has his test on Wednesday, because I am disabled, DH is Forces and we need someone to take on a bit of driving. We can't afford to buy him a car, so he will go on our insurance!

He wears mainly Topman and H&M clothes, the designer stuff he gets for Christmas. His phone is PAYG. His 18th present is a lads' trip to Malia after is A levels!

DS1 17 in a couple of weeks. He gets £30 a month. He has to pay for entertainment and weekend bus fares.He has a bus pass for college and takes a packed lunch, I pay for his phone, haircuts and clothes. He's just got a little job which pays £20 a week. I will be paying for driving lessons and putting him on my car insurance.
I plan to increase his pocket money when he is 17 to cover haircuts and clothes so he can learn to budget, though he hates spending money and will probably by fewer clothes grin. He has a current account and a debit card.

RavenVonChaos Fri 07-Dec-12 23:04:42

I wish my daughter could get a regular part time job. I don't mind paying for stuff but don't feel like she is learning how to be self sufficient. I would like a bit extra to spend on me and do to be honest.

It also seems to cause a lot of tension too. She was moaning about the 2 younger dc's getting new shoes - mmmm their feet are still growing hmm

noisytoys Fri 07-Dec-12 23:22:14

I wish you were all my parents. At 18 I was an adult and treated like one. I got no pocket money so I got a job

bruffin Fri 07-Dec-12 23:29:40

I left school and was working full time at16 as were all my friends.
We will pay for Dd to do her lifeguard qualifications when she is 16.Our local leisure centre take on casual staff every year when the older staff go off to uni. DS hs been working there a year now, and also does another lifeguards job at another pool a couple of hours a week.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 07-Dec-12 23:32:42

Gawd, I was mean. I gave them nothing once they were 18.

Astelia Sat 08-Dec-12 10:31:00

We pay for everything for DD1 17 as there are no jobs available to her. She would like a Saturday job but the only thing that comes her way is a bit of babysitting.

So we do phone contract, clothes, toiletries, books, stuff for school, lunches. Her pocket money is for extras (she is into Art and buys lots of paints and craft supplies), socialising and saving.

nagynolonger Sat 08-Dec-12 10:40:34

To be fair jobs are much harder to come by now. My sons have all tried hard to find work to fit around their school work. Friends that do have part time jobs got them through family connections.

I am willing to pay for necessary things but not driving lessons, car, hoildays with mates, gap years etc. My eldest two went to university and we helped out but any debt was theirs. If they lived at home and worked full time they paid a share towards household expenses. An 18 yearold is an adult (once they have finished school) and IMO you do them no favours paying for everything.

Myliferocks Sat 08-Dec-12 10:48:29

The only thing we pay for our 16 yr old DD is the £30 per month for her bus ticket to get to college.
She has a part time job which she has had a couple of years now although her hours are reduced in the winter and she only works at the weekend.
She buys everything and pays £10 per month for her contract phone sim.
She is one of 5 so it helps that she buys all her stuff that she needs.

OneHandFlapping Sat 08-Dec-12 10:54:05

18 year old DS is at uni. We pay the difference between his student loan and his food/accommodation costs. He pays for everything else out of his holiday earnings.

Jobs are very hard to come by.
Plus I think that as DS is working hard at college I am happy to support him. Because that's what it is. If your child has left education then certainly they should be self supporting but unless you really can't afford it it seems hard to expect them to support themselves as well as study.
One of DSs friends was working so many hours when he did his GCSEs that his grades suffered considerably.
I was also one who was working full time at 16. I don't want that for my children.

Dd is17 still at school and has 2 jobs. We pay phone contract and car insurance and 15 per week for lunches. Also all school clothing and supplies, coats and footwear.

musicposy Sat 08-Dec-12 12:26:50

Jobs are incredibly hard to come by, I agree. DD applied for quite a few thinking she would get some Christmas work but had no joy. She's hard working, friendly, personable, clever - so (even from my biased viewpoint) I'm thinking if she can't get a job then who can? Trouble is I think that anything advertised has 100s of applicants - probably all clever, personable, friendly students! Lots of firms want things that don't fit with her college hours. So many places want, say 3 days a week, Thurs - Sat for example. Who on earth can work those hours? I'm guessing people who want full time but can't get that either. sad

Plus her A levels and dance combined take a lot of time and I don't want her to sacrifice her A level results for the sake of a few pounds we could probably provide.

I have worried that lots of her friends have jobs, though and so she'll struggle later to get into the job market - but it seems reading on here as though she's not the only one, which is encouraging.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 12:57:50

No, music she is not the only one. Jobs are very hard to find, not like when I were a lass.

Cybbo Sat 08-Dec-12 12:59:10

I pay £10 a month for d's phone and get her clothes occasionally

She up has a job and tends to pay for herself , concerts etc

BackforGood Sat 08-Dec-12 13:37:49

My eldest is 16. We pay for necessary clothes, subs for his Explorers, camps, dinners, and he has £16 a month pocket money.
Apparently this isn't enough to live on, so he has gone out and got himself 2 jobs. He can then buy unnecessary clothes, concert tickets, "going out" expenses, etc. I expect that to continue for all of mine while they are at school. I suppose it will depend on what they do after that.

musicposy it was a very hard lesson for DS when he didn't get the part time jobs he applied for. School had done surprisingly little to help them prepare for job applications. (No GCSE grades in it for them --cynical).
He's always got good grades at school and thought that would be enough. It didn't even get him interviews. Plus as you say it's hard to find something that's only a few hours. I wouldn't want him working all weekend or evenings. He's doing 5 AS subjects and needs time to have a life as well.
I did though think it would be good for him to have a bit of experience of the real world as well as some extra pocket money. He was very lucky to get a little job in a cafe one evening a week. It does however cost me nearly as much in petrol to take him to and fro, but that is because of where we live and I accept that as the price to pay.

charlearose Sun 09-Dec-12 05:13:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 10-Dec-12 23:33:31

I too will agree jobs are not easy to find and it has worsened in the past 3 years.

Ds1 21 is completely on his own financially and has been mostly since 16. He worked through college and uni and bought own car, insurance, lessons etc and has hardly asked for anything.

Ds2 just 18, is doing A levels and can't find a job for love nor money.
Even though its difficult and we understand, there are no major handouts.
Anything for college we buy. He has his family allowance and that is it.
He is treated exactly the same as older ds1 as we believe in them being independant and no way will we have 25 year olds living with mum and Dad, lol. So he pays for any entertainment including phone, clothes, shoes, driving lessons etc.

mumeeee Tue 11-Dec-12 20:12:02

Noisytoys it is not easy to get a job. The rule in our house is that they start trying to get a job at 16 but we still pay them an allowance unless they don't make any effort at all.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 11-Dec-12 22:20:49

mumeeee.

That is the same for us and ds friends parents think likewise.
I personally think it is important to get the message across that yes we all understand its hard finding work, but this is real life and you need to be able to support yourself.
No effort means no money. Also they have to help around the house and I don't just mean housework. Both dss have helped dh with various maintenance and DIY jobs, plumbing, building etc. It has given them skills to look after their own homes.

Phone, bed and board. Nothing else. He earns his own money with internet advertising.

Oh and toiletries or he would stink!

PottedShrimp Wed 12-Dec-12 20:13:00

At present we are paying £20 mobile, £15 cinema card, petrol and car insurance as seasonal job has come to an end, hoping it is not for long though! Still full time education aged 18.

ecomomma Fri 21-Dec-12 08:03:36

In response to the main post question how`much do you give a 18yr old , i would say it depends on factors such as are they in education still, are they working part time?
My DD is 17 studying A Levels.
I pay 20 month for phone and 100 a month to her account to cover lunches, rail fare trip to cinema, youth club outings etc Once this is spent no more till my next payday!
DD has to do regular housework and cook dinner twice a week and babysit younger sibling whenever asked.
I have agreed with my DD that whilst she would like a part-time job, i want her to focus on her studies, she has the rest of her life to work.
I left school at 16 and worked all my life and recently returned to study a degree but it is not easy when your a parent, have financial responsibilities and run a household. I explained i wish for her to study now,not later as i did.
We shop for clothes every 3 months or so, look for best deals online and use her UCAS card for discount. If DD wants a more costly item, then DD either has on a ' i pay now, pay me back later' scheme and uses her birthday, Christmas money or she saves for it.
I have taught her the importance of money and the value. We live within my financial means and have no debt.
I cover the cost of school trips and will pay for driving lessons when she starts them.
When the time comes for her to have a car, i plan to purchase a new one for myself and DD can have the current one.
I chose to be a parent and will support her throughout her life financially and emotionally as my parents have for me.
Once she has studyied and gained employment she can save to take me on a holiday in my old age and look after me!!

toriaenator Fri 21-Dec-12 08:45:57

My 18 year old is in a pretty tough university and I would rather she focus on making the most of her studies and doing well then money; i give her 300 euros a month (this also has electricity bills included) which covers groceries, household items, seasonal clothing she may need, books and other school supplies, and a few outings. Any extra outings or clothing or makeup or what not, she uses her own money that she has saved.

gettingeasier Sun 23-Dec-12 12:32:16

Just 16yo DS gets £80 a month . I expect this to cover all socialising,presents for people and clothes he decides he wants as opposed to needs. Twice a year I give him around £150 for shoes and clothes.

I have realised through asking around and threads like this that this is on the generous side but he is expected and mostly delivers to do chores regularly

This past couple of months he was fortunate to get a Christmas job 20 hours a week so I am hoping this has given him a taste for earning and that he will persevere in looking for a weekend job in the New Year

amumthatcares Wed 02-Jan-13 10:47:56

My DD has just turned 18, is in full time education and has had a part time job since Nov 2011 (she works Sat & Sun every weekend). We pay her phone contract, buy her essential toiletries, pay any school expenses and give her £20 per week - for which she has to do certain household chores.

She passed her driving test in March and we bought her a car. We tax it, MOT it and maintain it (ie tyres etc). She has to put her own petrol in and pay her own insurance.

She also had a girls holiday this year for which she saved and paid for herself - holiday and spending money.

If she gets certain grades on A level essays etc, she gets rewarded financially and we occasionally give her £10/20 just for the sheer hell of it! [big grin]

pinkbraces Wed 02-Jan-13 10:55:16

My DD is 18, for the two years she was at sixth form I put £100 per month into her account, she had two part time jobs and earnt enough to cover clothes, holidays, anything fun.

She started Uni in October and at the moment is struggling to find a job, which means we are giving her a lot more money. She hates this and so do I, hopefully she will find something soon.

Acandlelitshadow Wed 02-Jan-13 11:48:54

DS is 17 and Year 13. He's had a Sunday job since he was 16 along with a freebie paper round he's had since 13.

He pays for his own phone and entertainment and we pay for his clothes. They're mostly from chazzers and car boots as they've always been but we've found enough "desirable" labels (Superdry,Hollister A&F,Topman ) to keep him happy grin He also has £15 a month towards a healthy school lunch cake in the school canteen.

I anticipate this changing in the summer when he will (hopefully) find an apprenticeship and be contributing more.

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