recommend me a book about growing up for my 14-year-old dss

(26 Posts)
pecans Thu 22-Nov-12 18:17:52

I just bought my dd a book, and would like to get one for dss. I don't think his mum talks to him about growing up, and dh hasn't either. He's emotionally mature and going through puberty, but more into football than girls at the moment. Any recommendations?

3b1g Thu 22-Nov-12 18:19:41

The Usbourne one is good. I think it might be called 'What's Happening To Me?' There's a version for each gender as it covers things specific to puberty.

pecans Thu 22-Nov-12 22:30:58

Thank you - will have a look.

Maryz Fri 23-Nov-12 09:03:01

II like the look of this one.

And I know friends who swear by this one

HousewifefromBethlehem Fri 23-Nov-12 09:14:35

At 14 I think it's a bit late. Hell have had everything he needs from mates/google etc.

The what's happening to me book is good, my son is reading it but he is 10!

TobyLerone Fri 23-Nov-12 09:14:51

I would say that at 14, someone ought to be talking to him about this stuff. If his mum isn't doing it, his dad needs to step up.

lljkk Fri 23-Nov-12 14:01:31

At 14 he is perfect age to read Living with a Willy (here). But I would get his dad to give it to him, I imagine he'd be mortified if it came from a mother figure.

lljkk Fri 23-Nov-12 14:02:31

X-post with Maryz smile.
I have browsed LWAW in shops, it's pretty straight talking, blunt the way dopey teenage boys need to hear.

As a mother of two teenage boys I also recommend LWAW. We have a well thumbed copy wink.
14 is a little late for some of it but not all. He doesn't have to been into girls to be suffering the huge rush of body related worries that can affect boys.
I found there was a gap in the stuff they did at school around age 11. DS1 complained that he knew all about girls periods but nothing about boys' bodies.

pecans Fri 23-Nov-12 19:09:34

He knows the facts of life, of course... but I just have the feeling that there are things he isn't comfortable talking about, and that don't come up naturally.

And yes, I agree it is probably best to get DH to hand over the book.

Many thanks!

3b1g Fri 23-Nov-12 20:59:32

Have looked up LWAW, but it has very mixed reviews, mostly due to the suitability of the content. A question for those who have read it: what age would you say it's suitable for? DS1 is nearly 13, so a little younger than the OP's DSS.

Maryz Fri 23-Nov-12 22:33:00

I wonder about those reviews though - one was written by the parent of a 6 year old, and another worried about her 11 year old knowing too many words for his penis (only she didn't use the word penis, it's obviously too rude).

By the time a boy starts secondary school at 11/12 he should know about oral sex, he should know the meaning of every word in the English language for his penis, he should know everything there is to know about sex, because if he doesn't he will be told by his peers and older boys and he will also be laughed at.

I think the humour in it will help a 14 year old laugh about the whole thing. In fact I have ordered it for ds2's stocking grin.

I would also be happy to give this information to a 12/13 year old, as I don't believe that giving information about sex encourages children to actually become sexually active - if they are going to be active they will do so whether they are knowledgeable or not.

3b1g Fri 23-Nov-12 22:36:29

Thanks Maryz, I was wondering about getting it when he turns 13, but also looking at The Teenage Guy's Survival Guide by Jeremy Daldry.

pecans Fri 23-Nov-12 23:14:01

The Daldry one looks fab - the Amazon description says it's about not fitting in, which I think dss is feeling atm.

pecans Fri 23-Nov-12 23:16:11

And I really appreciate your post Maryz - I don't know many parents of teenage boys and - as dss isn't mine I find it hard to judge his needs. Both books should cover all the bases I think!

3b1g Fri 23-Nov-12 23:39:09

Pecans: is that first base, second base etc? grin

lljkk Sat 24-Nov-12 08:46:47

I have heavily browsed LWAW. I wouldn't give LWAW to an under 13 unless he was obviously full on in puberty anyway. I have been a bit shocked to see it recommended to 9yos on MN. I think my 13yo (relatively mature & interested in girls, too) is still a bit young for it. But perfect for most boys age 14+. They are already trying to think about & cope with those things but don't know how to articulate them. I would not mind DS reading it now, but I suppose he'll get more out of it if he reads it for first time in a year's time, or so.

There is a lot in it about not letting sexual desire drive you to distraction. Willies having a mind of their own. It's pretty blunt, but also totally practical (totally male approach).

Maryz Sat 24-Nov-12 09:04:08

That's interesting lljkk, I also thought 13/14 was the ideal age for it - but certainly by 12 ds was maturing at a scary rate and (at the same time) becoming impossible to talk to about sex.

I was very surprised to see a parent of a 6 year old saying it was recommended for that age. It seemed totally inappropriate for a pre-pubescent boy, I would have thought.

Just one extra point pecans - he is your dss, what is his mother's view on this type of thing? Because some women are very precious about their "little boys" and might not appreciate some other woman (especially if she doesn't like you much anyway) giving him a book like LWAW grin.

I agree about the content of LWAW. My DS1 at 11 was in full on puberty at primary school, probably the only boy in his year. He was physically years ahead of his emotional development. However those physical questions needed addressing so I gave him the book.
I gave it to DS2 at 13.5.
I don't know whether my DH is typical but he was hopeless when I asked him to explain some stuff to DS. He claimed to be unable to remember.

3b1g Sat 24-Nov-12 10:05:26

While you're all here, does anyone have a pubescent DS that complains of testicular pain? He doesn't want to go to the doctor about it but it's been happening intermittently for over a year.

pecans Sat 24-Nov-12 10:21:14

maryz hmmm, not sure. I would assume he wouldn't share the book with her- or that he'd leave it here!! If she saw it and didn't like it she wd just take it away from him - She and dh have confiscated the odd thing that the other has given dss (the last thing was the face wash we bought him as she doesn't like chemicals). It doesn't ususlly cause a row though I guess there is potential here!! But dh thinks it is a bit much so I might have to stick with the other one anyway.

lljkk Sat 24-Nov-12 10:50:39

Yes DS1 did have exactly that, 3b1g. Included sporadic swelling. He was checked out by consultants but they decided it was probably normal for him, discharged him, & said to get back in touch if things got worse (they didn't).

I would persuade him to get it checked out, bribe him if necessary. He can insist on only male doctors having a look, if preferred.

3b1g Sat 24-Nov-12 11:37:02

Thanks lljkk.

3b1g I remember DS1 complaining of it. He also got painful lumps around the nipple which the GP said was normal.
This is exactly what I mean about the lack of information in school sex ed about what boys can expect in puberty. They teach all about PMS and period pain but not about what boys can expect.

pecans Sat 24-Nov-12 16:06:26

squirrels that's exactly the sort of info I think dss needs to know about.

3b1g Sat 24-Nov-12 16:09:01

Thank you squirrels. I don't have any testicles and DH said he doesn't remember ever having this problem. It's not the sort of thing you can ask friends in real life. All the GPs at our surgery are good friends and DS knows them socially and spends time with their children, so asking one of them would be beyond awkward for him.

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