Help with 12 year old DD

[Speedy19]

My DD is nearly 13 and driving me mad! We have tried to show her the value of money and buy her what she needs rather than what she wants, but get almost no thanks- its almost expected that she does her own thing and if asked to contribute to the household, she huffs and slams about. She is pleasant only when something is happening for her and also really secretive about boys and stuff- have tried the conversation about"if you can't handle a situation then I'm worried that if you arent open with me now, then you may feel you ca't come to me in the future..." but she says she doesn't need to tell me coz all if fine.
Am I overreacting?

[DuffyMoon]

hmmm - I have a 14dd exactly the same....now I am hoping that someone will come on and tell me the secret but have an awful feeling people will just say it's normal......but its crappy and stressful. If nothing, rest assured - I feel your pain

[buttons99]

Me too I am afraid. Have 13 year old who thinks the whole world revolves around her!!! What happened to that fun loving 3 year old!!! As for the strops....its like watching a mini melt down....the faces and the huffs and puffs.....the flouncing around and don't know about you all but how can one girl make so much mess in a bedroom in such a short space of time....tidy one minute, trashed the next....and none of it is her fault of course....Parenting good isn't it

[jellybeans]

Me too with DD (13)

[amylyons]

That all sounds refreshingly normal Teenagers have physical brain changes that make it difficult for them to view anything from other than a self -centred point of view. They will grow out of it and be perfectly lovely when they are older. Be there for them in the interim.

FYI, I used to teach this age group and had parent after parent telling me they didn't know how I put up with their offspring when all I saw was pleasant, well-mannered teenaged boys - they really do act differently when out!

Frustrating though, huh? But that is part of the function of teenage strops - teens need to separate gradually from their families and go out in to the world. If there was no biologically built in conflict they would still be living with you when you are 80!

[analytic]

so, there's the clue. treat them like a good teacher does, not as though the world revolves around them, but with the expectation that they will be civil, can treat other family members properly, and will behave like they can with friends or strangers. And perhaps she will rise to that expectation.

[labradoodley]

same here with dd 12-in-a-few-weeks. Its the money thing that winds me up the most. I only work term time so school holidays im broke but no matter how much i tell her, it just doesnt sink in. And the sea of rubbish left around the house and now, garden. and apparently she tells me im the one with "anger issues".

:^(

i want my lovely 3 year old back too!

[mumonthenet]

me too,

I have been told by dd13 today-

(running through the house on the way to school, late as usual) "where's my sandwich?" - slammed door when told there wasn't one as she was so late.

home from school at lunchtime: "why did you only buy one packet of chocolate biscuits" huff, growl, tut. (because there's already two packets in the cupboard, dear)

lunch on the table: "I've told you before, I don't like that...I've told you not to buy it" Sibling and I eat lunch quite happily - she refuses.

words fail me.

Slightly better behaviour this afternoon, but only because she wanted me to drive her somewhere.

[PositiveAttitude]

Oh it does get better! Been there with mine. DD1 (18), DD2 (17), DD3 (16), going through it with DS (14) & DD4 (12).

They have all had their times of being awful, but also their times of being lovely!

At the moment DD3, who has been the worst in the past, is the nicest to live with. Next week it will be another one's turn.

Good job you dont hear about this before they're born. Give me 5 toddlers anyday!

[MySweetPrince]

Do you know - it is so refreshing to be able to read posts like this and realise that I am not the only one who receives stares of incredulity when I mention a time (reasonable) to be in at night,looks of horror when I suggest that the p.c is turned off at 11 p.m as they have scool in the morning and dont get me started on the time management of teenagers.the amount of times I have been sitting in the car gnashing my teeth as I am ready to go but they saunter out of the house with all the time in the world...they look at me fretting and say "take a chill pill Mum!"...aahhh! But when they are good........

[labradoodley]

after spending £300 on a four day school trip to france, £49 to renew passport, aprox £40 on new clothes, £52 for 60 euros, £20 for money on the ferry plus a further £10 for food on the return journey, after all this and the stress of getting everything washed, ironed, packed etc etc dd tells me says i am being petty for getting slightly annoyed for "requesting" at least TEN TIMES she find a hairbrush to take but then am told shes too tired to look. I also get dirty looks behind my husbands back from her, i get comments like "... i was talking to dad, NOT YOU".
Im not going to miss her while she is away. not at all. Im so deflated.

[desertmum]

but labradoodley, she will miss you and realise how great you are and appreciate you for a while when she gets back

[labradoodley]

he he!! you think? ;^)