How involved are you in bedtime?

[brassick]

Not strictly just about teenagers - dd1 is 13, dd2 will be 11 soon.

They go to bed at 9:30 (dd1) and 9:15 (dd2)- that 15 minute gap is very important to dd1 you understand ,

After so many years of bath then story, followed by years of "upstairs, clean teeth, have you been to the toilet, what are you doing tomorrow" etc, we are now at the stage of "night mum", a kiss and that's it. I am finding it strange adjusting to this lack of involvement.

I would be interested to know what other families' bedtime routine with children of similar ages is? Are we unusual, or is this something I can stop feeling guilty about?

[AnyFucker]

the extent of my involvement is "bed now, not in 5 minutes"

does that answer your question ?

[BitOfFun]

Mine is yelling up the stairs saying "Is that you gone to bed then?", if I haven't seen her for an hour.

[BitOfFun]

I've just asked DP though, and he still tucks his 14 year old son in and gives him a kiss. I know this is true from when they stay over. Quite nice to think of surly teenagers still enjoying that though

[ByTheSea]

I'm not involved in DS1-14's bedtime at all other than if I go up to bed and he's still up I tell him to wrap it up and get some sleep.

[noddyholder]

My ds is still up(15)when I go to bed and I shout 'turn it off' like a fish wife and he runs out and gives me and dp a massive hug and a kiss!

[scurryfunge]

I still do the reminders of teeth, washing, PE kit,etc and then check on him after half an hour to see if TV/computer is off.(DS is 15)

[Libra]

DS1 (nearly 16) goes to bed after me most nights, so I just remind him to TURN EVERY LIGHT OFF and then go off to bed.

[brassick]

Thanks, this is making me feel a bit more "normal"...(whatever that may be).

I suppose it's because I set such store by bedtime routine when they were younger, and I was "rewarded" by children who went to bed fairly easily and who enabled me to have "me time" in the evenings.

I think I must have some subconscious fear that if I am not actively involved, it will all fall apart...

[webwiz]

I give DS(13) a goodnight kiss and check he has packed his school bag but for DD2(16) its normally more a case of "For goodness sake stop texting/get off facebook and get some sleep!". DD1(18) uses home as some sort of dry out clinic between university terms and goes to bed early after a goodnight kiss. She tells me she is storing up sleep for the next term of working and playing hard

[AnyFucker]

you set the foundations years ago, brassick

now sit back and reap the benefits

[mumblechum]

Blimey the bedtime routine thing finished here when he was about 6, ie old enough to read in bed and have a bath by himself, though I did tuck him in till he was about 10.

He's 15 now and bedtime for me is when I've picked him up from a party at 11.30, fallen into bed myself and told him to switch everything off. Well that's what's happening tonight (again).

[brassick]

Hmmm, I wish bedtime was really at the times I said above. That's when bedtime starts...they've both just gone up for the final time, having come down for drinks, had a laugh together about something, and generally faffed around doing hair, packing bags etc.

Still, they seem OK on it...

[mumblechum]

Ah, on school nights it's a bit stricter, ie he says goodnight to us at 10pm and supposedly reads for a bit then turns everything off but whenever we check at about midnight there's a lot of furtive scrabbling and that fuzzy noise the tv makes when it's just been switched off

[RunningOutOfNames]

Bedtime routine is when I turn off the router and shout "hand over your mobiles". I preferred it when I had to read Shirley Hughes stories to them!

[mumblechum]

Oh I loved those Shirley Hughes books about Alfie.

[RunningOutOfNames]

I can still recite the one about Bernard's birthday party - DD is 16!

[mumblechum]

I was always oddly comforted byy the fact that the house was always a massive tip and the mum always looked scruffy. Made me feel very normal.

[RunningOutOfNames]

Do you remember Maureen, the teenager? She was DD's hero.

My favourite story was the one about a pebble they found on the beach and called Bonting. The mum made an outfit for it with material from her "box of stuff". My sister used to do that sort of thing for me, makes me quite misty eyed!

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

OMG I'd forgotten all about Bonting!
We had bontings around for ages
feeling nostalgic, so will go and dig out
The Tiger who came to Tea, and best of all Dogger!

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

Also like the router idea but then no MN for me

[OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper]

DH has arranged it so the broadband to DS1's bedroom switches off at 9pm, so he comes downstairs and watches telly with us for a bit (he's 15 next week), then slopes off at about 10.30 on schooldays.
In the hols he's usually up when I go up (about midnight).

DD aged 12 takes herself off about 9 - 9.30 and always wants me to come in for a kiss and a 'love oo.'

I know what you mean about finding this odd - I'm used to it now and frankly anything else would seem wierd, but when DS was about 12 and not wanting a story or snuggle I used to feel sad imagining him up there all on his own (soppy).

He's about to get a telly in his room, so we'll probably hardly see him in the evenings.

DS2 aged 9 still has a parent at bedtime, but is happy to read to himself while one of us sits with him.

I must say, I used to dream about not having to 'do' bedtime for the best part of 2 hours every night, but funnily enough I still don't get anything done thanks to MN!

[Macforme]

Love this thread!
I still tuck DS2 into bed..he's 12.. but he's also autistic and we have to follow the exact same routine every night..so suspect I'll be doing it when he's 30!!

With my older teens I generally give them a kiss and I slope off to bed with the usual 'turn the lights OFF' reminders. However if any of them go up before me they always give me a kiss.. even my 17 yr old son, and I love that! He still gives his dad a kiss too..

I miss Alfie stories too.. can quote them all, but the birthday party was always my fave with Bernard being a little beastie and blowing bubbles into his jelly.....

[SparklyGothKat]

Ds1 is 12 and I say 'do your school bag' he does that, then he washes and brushes teeth and I go over his teeth, then we go upstairs where I help him into bed and he gives me a kiss and a cuddle. He has cerebral palsy so needs a bit of help still

[inthesticks]

Two DSs here and the routine used to be Dh did one and I did the other alternate nights. That involed sending them up at bedtime to brush teeth and get into bed. A shout when ready and then I'd go up, tuck in and kiss night night.

Last year when he was 13 DS1 announced that he would be "putting himself to bed" from now on..
End of an era.
He now comes and kisses us goodnight and takes himself up.
DS2 is 12 and we still do the routine with him.

[nickschick]

my ds1 is 16 and he goes to bed at about 11pm he gives us both a kiss and a hug i check everythings ready for the next day (hes v vaugue and forgetful) that hes got his brace bands in and then he goes up .....usually i go up shortly after and find him asleep with his folders all over him and the light on so i move them turn the light off ...tuck in ds2 (14) then check on ds3 (9) who is usually not asleep and will try to persuade me to let him come in my bed.

Sometimes especially near exam times i find ds1 collapsed on my bed surrounded by text books.