depressed teenager??

[lornski]

My DS (16) has been getting more and more withdrawn over the last few months. He's always been shy but this was different. After several "chats" and a few heated discussions he finally conceded to me that he didnt like the way he felt and he agreed his behaviour was affecting every walk of his life (school/social/job) soooo off he skipped to the GP who has now referred him to a psychiatrist service and after an initial appointment to assess his needs ive been advised he is severely depressed, needs help to get through this, is serious enough about how he feels for them to be considering medication immediately and for them to advise me to keep an eye out for possible self harm/suicidal thoughts.......
FFS - what do I do??
my gorgeous, intelligent young boy has become something i dont know and someone who wont talk to me, im at my wits end trying to think how to help him and as if all this wasnt bad enough the school now want to see me as his results in the recent prelims are so bad they want to discuss things....... if he's asked to leave 2 of his classes that will just reinforce his belief that he's worth nothing and make this whole situation worse

[mumblechum]

Oh, poor lad, and poor you. At least he will hopefully now get the help he needs.

No experience of depression (my ds is a grumpy git at the moment but nothing unusual there!), however I think depression is very common among teenagers.

It must be very hard for you if he won't talk to you, but the main thing is that he's talking enough to someone to make them take him seriously and hopefully help him.

Anti depression medication is a good idea, however if I were you I'd check what they're prescribing, as there was a hoo haa a while ago about a drug called (I think) seroxat which made teenagers worse.

Does he have a girlfriend? Could that be part of the problem? What is he normally like about seeing friends outside school, at weekends, and has that changed at all?

So far as school is concerned, if I were you I'd take the pressure off as much as possible. The school needs to know what's going on and give him some slack.

[mumblechum]

Bumping for you as lots of mums of teens will be home from work soon

[mumblechum]

How are things now Lornski?

[inthesticks]

No advice here but just wanted to say how sad and I hope his school are understanding.

[lornski]

Hi, thanks for your concern, much appreciated.
appt with school on monday, need them to support him and give him as much help as we can to get through the next 3 months and his exams. Appt at hosp on tuesday to see the psychiatrist who has been assigned to him. was quite shocked at speed at which hospital have assigned him someone but im taking it that they have assessed his needs as immediate (was told there was a 4-6 week wait to see someone).
im stressed out, keep bursting into tears, really feel like i need to talk to someone in RL about this but need to respect his privacy.
thank god for chocolate and wine!

[mumblechum]

Are you and his dad still together? Sorry if weird question but so many parents split up and that in itself may be a factor? Obviously I know nothing of your circs so may be way off the mark. If his dad is still with you, can you pour it all out on his shoulders? Another perspective may be helpful, maybe?

[mumblechum]

Good advice there from Maryz

[cocolepew]

My DD has had great help with CBT. Best wishes.

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

Have a look at the youngminds.org.uk website.
Think of it as a positive that he has sought help and discussed it with you.
best wishes

[lornski]

thank you all so much for your replies - its helped immensely.
school have cancelled appt and rebooked it for wedenesday due to guidance teachers child being sick - at least it should be sorted with the school by the end of this week and he should start getting some support from them.
family situation isnt the best i suppose - no contact with genetic father (abusive controlling idiot who rarely paid maintenance) however as a good little girl i never told my children that and didnt slag their dad off in front of them..... im now remarried but think my son and my DH dont really get on - more a case of my DH not knowing what to do to get on with a teenage boy who isnt into footie/drinking/going out like he was at that age.
i do see it as positive he has sought help, i just want to make it better quicker.... and wish it was me who could make it better...

[lazymumofteenagesons]

I can sympathise hugely. We are going through similar problems only my sons are due to an anxiety disorder.
The amount of times I have said to myself why can't someone just tell me what to do.
We found out he had been suffering for 3 years before he spoke to me. He thought we would be disappointed in him .
For us it is a slow process. He sees a psychologist weekly and a psychiatrist every now and then. The talking therapy/CBT seems to be helping but there is a long way to go.

Good luck and it is not your fault, each person reacts different ways to difficult circumstances in their lives. Sometimes depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and would have occurred whatever is going on at home.

[lornski]

every time i read this i feel a little better

Maryz - that is exactly how i feel - like i want to pick him up and hug it away.....but think he would probably freak if i tried it

Minda - his sleeping pattern is totally up the creek and his appetite has diminshed a lot. Im trying to feed him up and encourage good sleep habits but i can hear him moving about his room at all hours of the night

LMOTS - it would seem this has been going on for 2 years and he thought like your son that I would be disappointed/annoyed at him

[gonnabehappy]

I am so sorry that you and your boy are going through this. He sounds very intelligent and insightful for a teenage lad. I wonder if you could harness that by learning about depression, the illness, together? I wonder if that might help with the feelings in inadequacy etc? Sorry if this is off base but he certainly appears to have some traits that are very very positive fir dealing with this. There is an excellent book called cognitive behavioural therapy for dummies or if he is very thoughtful one on compassionate kindness (am on phone but sure a google will throw them up) you night like to look at.

[barefootinthepark]

I'm so sorry for both of you.. I will post later but can't now. How I feel for you. xxx

[barefootinthepark]

I have sympathy too, I think my son may be depressed. We have been having awful times and it has come out in aggression. I think he needs professional help too. I'm glad your son has someone to talk to.

Before medication, if you don't mind me saying this, could you try Vitamin B6. It's known as the "happy vitamin" and a natural anti-depressant.

I try to do a couple of things with my son. He hardly ever has social arrangements so I try to take him out to family stuff, make him go out, even with people he doesn't know, even if I need to bribe him with, whatever, Pizza Hut, a stop at the one particular shop he likes. Just to stop that feeling of the world closing in on him.

Other than that I try to boost him whenever I can verbally, I tell him I love him, I'm proud of him etc. I'm sure you do the same but even if you think it's not going in or having an effect, it definitely will be.

Anyway just wanted to send best wishes your way and his way.

[lornski]

this has been a traumatic but productive week.
guidance teacher was actually quite good and has immediately implemented a support package for him without the need to tell all his teachers exactly why. We've dropped 1 subject and will use the spare time to make up some support for the other 4.
as for the hospital - he has been assigned to a staff member and seems to really like her and was much more positive (if shattered) after he had see her.
sometimes i feel like there are little signs of the old DS coming back...... tiny signs but they're there.

[lazymumofteenagesons]

lornski - in my sons case the school have been very supportive. If he is late or doesn't get in, noone has a go at him. His teachers have been told there is a problem and he himself has spoken to most of them in detail. Do not worry about the teachers knowing, we are in the 21st century! Most of his teachers have offered extra sessions to help him catch up and have waived deadlines for coursework etc. People do understand and those he spoke to in most detail have expressed that his health should come first.

If this is going to affect his exams ask the school to look into asking for special consideration in the summer. If he is on the border line between 2 grades it could make all the difference.

Funnily enough the thing that bothers me most is that he changed from a boy who was always out with his friends no matter what to a boy with zero social life. He says it is just too much effort to go out. However,this in itself makes him even more unhappy.