Is this reasonable at 16?

[mummyflood]

On Friday evening, DS1, 16 last November, asked me the following;

Would I be allowed to get a train with some mates to Newcastle (approx 100 miles from here) with our bikes, etc then bike to the English/Scottish border (not sure how far from Newcastle?) then bike back to here from the border, i.e. no train back from Newcastle. DH has worked out the entire trip is approx 280 miles return, I think. DS reckons it will take them a week, and is not sure when they are thinking of doing it - probably the summer hols.

The 'mates' consist of 4 other lads & one girl, all in Yr11. the idea apparently came from the girl and another lad, neither of whom I have never heard of before now, but DS reckons have been doing DofE with him this past year. He has known the other lads since Yr7.

They haven't done any planning so far at all - he wanted to know if he would be allowed before they 'waste time planning it all' apparently.

My immediate reaction was no - it's too much - many reasons, including at the very least, how many camp sites would accept a group of teens, what happens in the event of bad weather when they are carrying loads of gear, etc. with no vehicle back-up, or at least none within a few hours - that would be down to us, guaranteed. How will they maintain charge on a mobile for a week for emergencies. DS reckons the lad and the girl who came up with the idea have been told 'yes' by parents. After much discussion with DH who originally thought 'no' for the above reasons and many more, he did a 'u' turn on Saturday morning and said yes, provided they are going on designated cycle routes.

WWYD?!

[llareggub]

Depends on the 16 year old I guess. Some are far more mature than others. IMO it is trips like these that shape who you are and give you the confidence and strength to become an adult. But you may have to help your DS make the decision about the feasibility of this trip or help them amend the details to make it more feasible.

I travelled to the south of France as a 15 year old long before mobiles. Nothing happened!

[potoftea]

I wouldn't let my ds 17 do this unless he had done something similiar with adults before.

It sounds quiet an ambitious undertaking, and I'd much rather they did a smaller trip perhaps during the Easter hols to see how they get on.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

Sounds great, really exciting!
If they are in a big-enough group then they will cope with any disasters. They are only a few hours away, in the same country - what is the worst that could happen?
Be careful that they don't get so carried away with planning this that they forget to concentrate on their exams.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

potoftea: some of them have done DofE

[MitchyInge]

what an adventure!

think they all need to up their existing cycling to get fit for this though otherwise it could get v unpleasant a few days in

[potoftea]

Well I guess you have to think what is the very worst that can happen, and see can you live with that.
Once they are within their own country at least you can drive to them if they need it, and it will be a huge confidence boost to them to do this by themselves. Also a lot better than wanting to go to Ibiza on a drinking spree.

[bumpybecky]

I did similar, long train ride then biking around the Isle of Wight then train back at 17 with a group of 4 female friends. Not as far as your DS as we were a bit more lazy and wanted to stop and have lots of cream teas

We organised it ourselves and had a fantastic time. We stayed in Youth Hostels though rather than carry all the camping stuff. They are perhaps better set up for groups of young people, semi catered and pre-bookable. Would that be an option?

[MissAnneElk]

The main things I would worry about would be the route. Is there a designated cycle route for the whole, or at least most of, the journey? Will the camp sites accept a group of under 18s and will they be pre booking them to make sure they have accommodation?

Assuming I was happy with those answers, then I'd probably be OK. As potoftea says it's better than a piss up in Ibiza.

[Tortington]

given a sensible child. meeting with other children and their parents. a timetable of where they will be, planned phonecalls, route map to all parents - i think maybe yes - if child was a sensible child.

so i may let dd do this

but i would be seriously wondering whether to let ds do this ( both 16)

[mumeeee]

I wouldn't let a 16 year old do this.

[mummyflood]

Thanks for the replies so far.

He is reasonably sensible & outdoorsy, has done SOME cycling, the most I would say is approx 25 miles over a day a couple of times. He has got a decent bike, as has one of his mates - don't know about the rest. Has done loads of camping with scouts/explorers etc and camped for 2 nights last summer, approx 4 miles up the road with 2 of the lads involved. Has done bronze & silver dofe - walking expeditions both times in the Yorkshire Moors.

Great suggestions Custardo. I would want to know at least these things - there have been no suggestions of any ifs or buts from the other parents who have allegedly said yes so far. I wouldnt imagine there would be any from one of the sets of parents - said child seems to have absolutely carte blanche as far as freedom is concerned, worryingly he is one of the organisers.

potoftea, worst case scenario? - one of them getting knocked off their bike. Say it rains, their gear is extra heavy, pedals wet, tired kids/possibility of having had a beer (sure they will deny they are taking any). Also if they were to get held up for any reason, and couldn't make the next campsite in time, what would they do then?

I am actually hoping that, once they get into the planning if we say 'yes, but...', they will realise that it is out of their reach??!!

[seeker]

If it's properly planned, it sounds like a brilliant idea, although it sounds like more than a week to me! How about youth hostels rather than camping? Then they won't have to carry so much stuff and they won't have to set up camp in the evening when they are tired. And there'll be fixed points to reach every day, so you'll know roughly where they are.

[Lilymaid]

A friend's DS cycled round France with a friend at that age and raised a lot of money for charity, so I don't think it is an outrageous thing for someone of that age to do. But you do need to be confident about your DS and that his friends are sensible and that they have organised the route and where to stay.

[ajandjjmum]

Sounds fantastic - and you could be with them in a couple of hours if there was a major emergency.

[DecorHate]

I would maybe suggest that they stay in youth hostels rather than camping - less stuff to carry, they won't have to struggle putting up tents after cycling all day, easier to dry off if it rains.

[cmt1375]

I did something similar when I was 15 in the peak district, I did fall off my bike I needed a few stitches which the local doctor did.. I then carried on and completed the trip. We also found a hole in our planning and arrived at a youth hostel that was closed as we were too early in the season, we found somewhere else to stay. We did not have a mobie phone and used public call boxes to sort ourselves out. It gave me and the friends that I traveled with a great sense of acheivment, some stories to tell and some lessons learnt.. we ate well at the begining of the trip but as our budgetting skils were not great we finished the week on jam butties during the day and eggy bread for tea.
If youth hostel booking is a possibility (even every other night) it does mean that someone would know if they did not arrive, and they may have power to charge their mobiles, again pre booking campsites will allow you/them to explain that they are travelling unaccompanied and please could they ring a given number if they do not show by a certain time.
This trip will be great for them and a fantastic way of learning, however you need to relax and let them make some mistakes.... A place to stay is not likely to be a problem in that part of the country as if they do get caught short there is a lot of open land they could camp on if they did not reach a campsite.
I would encourage you to let your son do this, if he and his friends can't already use a road map, plan a budget, look after themselves and their eqipment, cook a meal, stick to a timetable and deal with the unexpected it is time they lernt as they will need these skills for the rest of their lives.
I have worked with teenagers as a Scout and Venture Scout leader and it is only when you let kids do it for themselves that they really learn.

[DecorHate]

Oops just saw that Seeker had already suggested that!

[mumblechum]

I think it would be a great adventure, character building and all that but echo the designated cycle routes and previous training suggestions.

DS and his mate (15) will be travelling to the States this year for a white water rafting thingy (inc. changing planes in LA,) and whilst it's slightly terrifying I think if the dc is reasonably mature it's a good thing to let them start growing up.

[harimosmummy]

At 15YO, I took a train to Manchester Victoria and walked back to the North East. (with other similar aged kids)

I'd let them go for it.

[mummyflood]

Well, I'm actually surprised that there are so many definite 'yes's'. I expected more mixed responses, so it seems that maybe I am being over-protective.

Have just spoken to DH about it again, and it turns out that he hasn't done a u-turn, he is still definitely saying 'no'. What he meant was he was fine with a shorter trip on designated cycle paths. This is definitely not what he said originally!! I wouldn't have a problem with a shorter trip - say, 100 miles round trip or so, I think they are quite sensible enough to handle that. I just feel that this is a big undertaking unsupervised, and a huge leap from anything they have done before. Notwithstanding the fact that, if anything did go wrong, I can say with 99% certainty that it would be US that would be doing the bailing out, and I cannot guarantee that DH would be available 24/7 as he is self-employed and could be anywhere in the country at any given time and not able to drop everything.

For all of you who have done similar things in your youth, am I being paranoid in thinking that nowadays there is a lot more traffic etc. to contend with?

[mummyflood]

A couple of hours sounds like a lifetime to me in the event of a major emergency, I sound/feel awfully PFB don't I??!

[harimosmummy]

Well, I can say with absolute certainty, my mother was on hand (possibly still is) 24/7 in case she was needed for anything.

I remember telling some people that I skied, off piste alone and they went MENTAL at me - what if I fell, what if something happened, what if, what if, yada yada yada... I said 'I have a mobile.. my mother will have the Italian national guard mobilised in minutes if I need it' - and I meant it (tounge in cheek obviously)

my mum was always on hand - car at the ready - just in case.

I suppose it's a nice back up to have.

[harimosmummy]

No, it's def. a nice back up to have.

I'll do the same for my kids.

But they do need to explore the world for themselves.

[Ivykaty44]

show him this

and tell him if he is going to cycle 280 miles in a couple or three days then he needs to get some miles in his legs - about 50 -60 a week will be fine

then use this aswell somewhere to stay over