DD is upstairs sobbing

[fruitshootsandheaves]

because she hates going to college.

I don't know what to suggest to her. I don't want her to give up but she says she'd rather do nothing than go back.

[brimfull]

awww poor thing
does she say why she hates it?

[fruitshootsandheaves]

She says she is no good at it. She gets too nervous in front of people (she's doing performing arts)

[brimfull]

Is it a new college , different people?

Is performing new to her?

[Crapweasel]

Doing nothing is presumably not an option.

Could you engage her in discussing other potential plans (with the proviso that she goes back in the interim)?

[fruitshootsandheaves]

She's always wanted to do drama/acting but I think she imagines herself on telly or in a film!

She's been at the college since September, she has been to drama classes before but hasn't really done much performing.

I keep telling her to join some clubs and drama groups and that she will get more confident the more she does but she just seems to have given up on it all.

[fruitshootsandheaves]

have tried to discuss other options but she says she doesn't know what else she would do.

[brimfull]

maybe it isn't the right thing for her if she's not outgoing enough to enjoy the performing bit.
MY friends dd hated her college so changed colleges , meant repeating a yr though.

[Purplebuns]

My sister has experienced this, she has left college this year, and will be doing a totally different course at a different college next year.

She is so much happier now, however we encouraged her to stick at it, in the hopes it would improve first.

She also has a part time job, which keeps her doing 'something' and I think this is key, to keeping her on track and motivated still.

I would recommend encouraging her to go, however if it is really bad, suggest that she gets a job or does some volunteering, while she decides what she really wants.

[chimchar]

oh, poor love.

how awful for her....i'm inclined to say that if she wants to give up, then its ok, but on the understanding that she does another course/job/volunteering instead...

with your backing, it might give her the confidence to do what is right for HER rather than being worried she is letting YOU down iykwim.

can you arrange to meet with her tutor next week to discuss things with them both? would she accept your hand to hold?

hope nothing else is making her unhappy....good luck to you all. x

[cyteen]

Maybe she'd be happier behind the scenes, as it were - directing, set design, costuming etc. Is there any chance she could switch to these kind of options, or maybe a local theatre might be able to let her shadow someone?

[fruitshootsandheaves]

thank you for all the replies.

I have suggested she looks at different courses but she really doesn't know what else to do.

I have told her to try sticking with it for a bit longer and to look around at other options. She is really miserable at the thought of going back on Monday.

I hope she isn't worried about letting me down. I have told her I don't mind if she changes courses or even goes back to school to do A levels while she considers other options.

I don't know whether meeting her tutor would help as surely they will want her to stick to the course.

[chimchar]

they might well want her to stick at it, but they might be able to encourage her/boost her confidence/support her/provide additional work on areas if she needs it...

it would be worth a shot imo, before dropping the course...you might get a fuller picture from them.

i really feel for you both.

[dinamum]

Do please contact her tutor or senior tutor. I work at a College and always wish to know if my tutees or students are unhappy. Maybe she could defer for a year onto another course but whatever the outcome the college wil be used to dealing with it and hopefully find a solution.

We all make wrong choices some times in our lives but often good things can come out it.

[fruitshootsandheaves]

ok i will talk to her tutor and see what he suggests.

[annh]

Cyteen has already suggested something along the lines of what I was going to say. I am generally a believer in sticking with things or at least giving them a jolly good try but in this case, I would be inclined to let your daughter give up.

I work in theatre (some of my role involves organising work experience placements) and we are inundated with applications from teenagers who want to be actors, singers, dancers whatever. They are pretty shocked to find out that it is not all glittery and glamorous and that, for the most part, you could just as well be working in Next or Sainsburys in terms of any celebrity dust rubbing off on you!

It sounds as if your daughter probably didn't have enough experience of what it was going to be like before she started the course and now feels like a square peg in a round hole. Performing Arts can be a cruel course - full of higely ambitious, star-struck individuals, many of who really are talented. If your daughter can't muster up enough confidence and accept the inevitable criticism with which many of her performances are going to be greeted, it is better for her to change course. There are many well-regarded courses in stage management, costumer design, etc which might be more suitable for her. If she can't do anything for the rest of this academic year, get her to apply for work as an usher/box office assistant etc at your local theatre and start afresh in September.

[fruitshootsandheaves]

Thanks Ann.
I have always supported her but she just didn't seem to get that you need to be really passionate about it and get experience every way you can.
Trouble is she doesn't seem interested in the other areas of theatre.
I was surprised how good she was in her end of term showcase and was beginning to think she had finally settled in.
I really don't know what she will do if she gives it up.

[zazen]

In my not very extensive experience of being on stage - which thinking about it was quite often from an early age - i ALWAYS had stage fright.

And i wasn't alone puking into the bucket in the wings, and racing to the loos.

This is entirely normal.

The thing is if she's good when she actually steps in front of the lights then she should continue.

mick jagger reportedly pukes before he goes on stage EVERY time, even now.

your DD could read a few autobiographies of actors to know that's it's entirely normal to feel practically suicidal before going on, but that they get lost when they go on - if she forgets herself when she's on, and performs well, then she should stick at it. She'll eventually learn how to handle the anxiety.

Gelsenium as a homeopathic remedy is particularly good for stage fright - see it even has it's own name: it's that common.

break a leg.

[Ozziegirly]

Why don't you suggest that she goes back for 2 more weeks and if she hates it after that she can think about doing something else.

She may find that with the weight of it off that she relaxes and does enjoy it.

Equally, no point flogging at something that you fundamentally don't enjoy.

If she's nervous but actually good when she goes on stage, that's probably normal and just adrenaline, and will actually help.

I get nervous before I appear in court and I've been doing it for years, but now I try to imagine the adrenaline helping me think fast and fire on all cylinders.