Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

I literally can't stand her!!!

13 replies

Lins75 · 12/12/2009 16:11

While my DSD's life is full of joy and happiness, to me she is just one little blonde, 16 year old nightmare!
I seem like a horrible stepmother, i know but seriously the stuff she pulls...

There were quite a few problems recently because of her recklessness and attitude.

And she'll be turning 16 on the 26th so her dad(DH) decided to allow her to go of with her friends for the week (until new years).I think this is entirely ridiculous,she and her friends are not some mature responsible kids (despite the fact that they act like they're 20). lets just say they won't all be drinking milkshakes and watch 7th heaven while they are there.

DH gave permission and I've told him I don't really like this. If I stand my ground and explain to him why i'm worried he will reconsider things.however, this will mean that she is going to hate me even more than she does now. things are kinda calm between us at the moment so i don't know if i should risk it.

another thing i want dh to reconsider: getting her a car fot her bday (in us she can now officially drive). Recipe for disaster.
Even though she is nothing but problems I don't want her dead!

What should I do?

OP posts:

Report

hohoholepew · 12/12/2009 16:12

Where's she going for a week? Are there no adults going?

Report

mumblechum · 12/12/2009 16:18

Well, harsh as this may sound, she's your dh and her mum's daughter and not strictly your responsibility.

What does her mum think?

Report

Lins75 · 12/12/2009 16:34

Her mom died when she was 6. I've been living with her and raising her since she was 9-10.

and no, there are no adults going! the only ''adult'' will be her barely 18 year old brother and his friend but that will just create more chaos rather than stop it.

you can clearly see why i'm worried?

OP posts:

Report

MiddleAgedNamechanger · 12/12/2009 16:37

Seems total lunacy to me - and my son will be 16 on 27th. Can't imagine letting him fend for himself with a group of mates for a week.

Report

mumblechum · 12/12/2009 19:20

In that case I think you and your dh need to provide a united front. 16 is still a child and all sorts of things could go wrong.

Where is she supposed to be goign? Youth hostel or something like that?

Report

Hassled · 12/12/2009 19:24

I think the week away is a bloody lunatic idea - my DS1 had a week in Amsterdam at 17 with friends, and that was hairy enough - but I can see why you're wary of getting involved if things are reasonably OK at the moment.

But talk to your DH - explain your situation, and get him to tell his DD he's changed his mind. Don't let it be seen to have come from you. Could there be a compromise of a couple of nights away rather than a full week?

Report

Lins75 · 12/12/2009 19:41

No, definitely not a youth hostel. They're going to a resort about 5-6 hours away by car.

Honestly I'm not comfortable with couple of nights away, I don't trust the girl as far as i can throw her.
The things I know she does would make your hair curl.
So many things could go wrong. I can't believe DH can't see that.
All he sees is that she has straight As, that she is charming, blissfully happy, outgoing, adjusted, funny kid. He doesnj't see mischief stuff AT ALL.

OP posts:

Report

Lins75 · 12/12/2009 19:42

Did I mention that her boyfriend is going too? Apparently DH wants to become a grandpa

OP posts:

Report

KristinaM · 12/12/2009 19:47

he is letting his 16yo DD go away for a week partying to a resort with a bunch of other teenagers? with no adults ??? is he MAD???????

Report

mamas12 · 12/12/2009 22:30

Well why would he mention to her that you have had a word when he is silly i don't know.
The only thing I can suggest is that you contact the place they are going to and make sure that somewone is keeping an eye on them, they may not allow under 18s on their own anyway.

Otherwise it's a jumbo bag of condoms and paracetomols numbers of the local hospitals
Really lay it on.
Good luck

Report

NonnoMum · 12/12/2009 22:38

It's a very tricky one (I tried to start a thread about Step Parents needing more support - think it is even harder than parenting - not least because differing views between partners).
I think teenagers unsupervised in a holiday resort is a recipe for disaster. And mamas12 made a really good suggestion about contacting the resort - they often don't allow teenage groups in.
Is there anyone "related" to her you could ask to back you up, like a Grandma (DH's mother)?
IF it's any consolation I have something similar going on in that DSS won't come away with us over the holidays and wants to be left alone in the house - he would rather be alone here than with his natural mother. His relatives (and DH) are thinking that I'm being paranoid and should trust him but this is a lad who in the last week has (1) nearly burnt the house down (2) puked all over the bathroom and (3)something else unmentionable...

Report

MissGreatBritain · 12/12/2009 22:42

A friend and I went away for a week together to a holiday resort when we were 16. We did some stupid things, but on the whole were okay. I think she's probably more capable than you think. I know my DD (13) is bone idle around the house, but when I leave her here alone she often does chores, tidies up etc which makes me see what she can do, when given the responsibilty. She may well surprise you, although I'm sure, like you, I'd be worried sick.

Report

Lins75 · 13/12/2009 21:41

He's mad over trusting her.

While I'm on the completely opposite specter: don't trust her AT ALL.

This is where most of our conflict comes from.