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Due to recent "friend" trouble my dd 15,has now been very honest about the extent of her "social drinking", and I'm shocked. Her & her friends would club money together and ask strangers to buy vodka for them, they would drink it neat with the sole purpose of hanging about in parks and getting "falling down drunk" and to the point of vomiting.She was 14 at the time. I have had my doubts at times as to whether they had been drinking when I picked them up from the bus stop. But never had any real evidence. She's told me they would eat mints & cheese & onion crisps on the bus, and spray body spray to cover up the smell of alcohol & vomit. I thought I'd been sensible re my attitude to alchol at home, ie letting both my dc have a diluted glass of wine, with a meal at family get togethers etc....how wrong I was. I've told her I appreciate her honesty. But I thought I'd share her confession with others.

OMG Brightwell, you must feel so sad, but well done to your DD for coming clean, at least you now know what you are dealing with. Does she still drink to this extent or is turning over a new leaf?

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It is better that she told you. Is she still doing it? If so I would try and get her meeting other people and doing interesting things.They don't seem to be friends that are doing her any favours in life.

Thankfully she's no longer doing it and is no longer friends with the other girls. I imagine she was doing what a lot of teenagers are doing every weekend,nationwide.
I was shocked she was doing it and moreso because I was oblivious to it. She dosn't seem to realise what a vulnerable position she was putting herself in.

I think she probably did realise, which was why she told you. She hid it at the time which shows that she was bothered about what you thought. She has hopfully got the stage out of her system. I would tell her that next time she has friendship issues you will always listen and try to find a solution together.

my eldest is almost 15. She's asked if she can go to a Prodigy gig at milton keynes (assume it's at the 'bowl') next July.
I have said no way. Apparently her friends are going and they're staying in a travelodge.
Am i being naif to think a bunch of teenagers (they'll be 15)wouldn't be able to check into and stay in a hotel? and by the time the gig finishes there'll be no trains back so on that basis we've said no...
however i am the CRUELLEST worst mother ever in the world (in fact she's not speaking to me)
would you let your child go a long way to a gig? if there's a coach there then i probably would let her go...is that 'too much' do you think?(we live in manchester and dp would have taken her but we've just found out that i am pregnant and due in July so that's a no no!)

stick to your guns, your the parent, she will get over it.
i had far too much freedom as a teenager and i now look back and wish they had set clearer boundries.
there were definate consequences to my freedom

sorry op, i thought i was starting a new thread and didn't mean to hijack.
I'd say i am reasonably realistic re booze and see 'getting pissed on vodka/cider' a bit of a rite of passage we all go through-regardless of how cool our parents have been about booze.
There was a series on a few months ago.based in a hospital,3 documentaries,one about alcohol,one about pregnancy and one about weight-and what doctors saw/think about teenagers wrt these issues.
What 'got' my daughter was the girl who was so pissed she misjudged traffic and ended up with her leg amputated.
Or the one who died on the table and had to be brought back to life.
or the one who had a daft drunken fall and whose face was really badly scarred (for life) all because she was pissed.
not bad messages to put over i thought.

I think that most parents end up as 'the cruellest parents in the World' - it is part of the job! Don't worry about it.

thesecondcoming - i think your stance is absolutley right.

RE: the OP, i think youhave missed THE most important point here. What a wonderful mother you must be to foster such an environment where your daughter feels free enough to tell you these things. THIS is what i think you should be concentrating on

My ds is 15 and they have started having regular-ish friday nights at each others houses.They def drink and I have on occasion let ds take a couple of beers and he has come home a little merry once or twice but so far hasn't abused it.I know some of the girls get smashed on vodka and he has said they are pretty bad!It is so difficult I have told ds if there is any drinking/joints etc I know he will be doing it but any excess or pills etc he knows are dangerous.I have become rather stricter on sleepovers since lcohol has appeared because I don't want the worry that he may be sick etc and not at home.I have been far more liberal than I ever thought I wold but have def seen that the ultra strict parents are dealing with much more drunkeness!I go with my gut instinct which can make me unpopular but I have allowed certsin freedoms very gradually and tbh have been last to allow ds on many things but so far so good.Stick to what yo believe no matter how unpopular

sorry about typing keyboard gone mad

Am on third teen now, and I can tell you teens drink an awful lot, with or without parental 'consent'.

I think you have to accept it is going on, and just try to manage the amount they drink, because they are going to whether you like/approve of it or not. That is just the way things are.

I am keeping a real eye on my 14yr old because I know what goes on. So far so good.

You need to keep lines of communication open, do not go mad if they get drunk or are sick. They need to know whatever state they get into they will be safe when they get home and you will help them to sort it out, and, if necessary, put boundaries in place to stop the drinking to excess.

We, as parents, drink regularly so are in no position to 'lecture' particularly. It is very hard to draw the line between drinking socially and drinking to the point of vomitting etc. It is a real problem but I do see perhaps with the youngest DC that perhaps the idea of drinking to excess is going off a bit. Lets hope so.

Agree wholeheartedly with selectivememory. One thing we've done is always volunteer to pick up from parties (it's a real pain) so that our 17 y o always comes home. That way we can guage how much he has had.
It never fails to amaze me that the parents who think their DC don't drink are in blissful ignorance because their DC always stayover elsewhere so as not to put them out!!!!

Forgot to add that those are the DC who everyone else knows drink regularly to excess!

Secondcoming the travelodge won't let them rent a room officially until they are 16. Same with the YHA that is without adult supervision.

Brightwell sounds like your DD didn't come to any harm over her excesses. Good that she told you but wonder why has she stopped or does she see it as being naughty and now she can be open. I would assume that if they are going out alone at night at this age then they are probably up to something.

I've heard stories about my DD's peer group at 15 and a lot have started on dope etc. Getting it from older siblings and drink is the norm at parties now, as is smoking fags.

My DD doesn't socialise outside of the home, only occasionally and she will have a drink if offered but she is allowed some at home so it's not a secret.