Mumsnet Talk

My step daughter who will be 13 this week has asked for a laptop for her birthday. We have a computer she can use in the study which is private but she is keen to have a laptop in her own bedroom.

To me this seems a very extravagent present and will probably mean she will be in her bed surfing all night as she doesn't like going to sleep. She is also being quite difficult on all fronts of late and wonder whether letting her have this is giving the wrong messages or whether we should give her money for birthday and xmas to put towards one to show her the value of money??? We can't go halves with her mum as she has bought her a new mobile phone for her birthday and contract because she broke the one I gave her when she broke her last one!

Nowadays kids seem to want the earth in terms of gifts and not sure that I really agree with it. I kind of want her to know the value of things and not think she can get whatever she wants as soon as she asks for it.

What are other people's thoughts on this and in general

Get her a netbook. It's like a teeny laptop, with enough hard disk space to store schoolwork etc. Do you have wireless internet, as that's how most of them connect. When you go to bed, turn the wireless off.

It depends how the price of a laptop compares with how much you'd been thinking of spending on her present - if it's way more than you would normally consider, then I'd maybe give her some money to save up towards it, plus something small as an actual present. I always take the view that you can "ask" for anything you like, but that doesn't automatically mean you're going to get it!

You can buy reconditioned laptops for about £150, I think. I like the idea of turning the wireless off (but that would interfere with my late night MNing!).

In general though, it is a bit extravagant to my mind. What would you normally spend? I might do something like offer to match what she can save up, and buy a reconditioned one in six months or so, getting a more modest gift for her birthday.

I think matched giving is the way forward. Make her appreciate it and look after it too.

My DSSs (14, 12) have had their own laptops for a couple of years; DSS2 got his first, and asked everyone around him to contribute to it for a joint birthday and Christmas present. DSS1 bought his with money he received for his Bar Mitzvah.

I think 13 is too young for their own laptop. I'm wary of anything that encourages them to disappear into their own bedrooms until they're 18 (although sometimes it would be nice ).

What does she intend to use it for? I prefer any usage of social networking sites to be where I can just "wander" past and see who they're talking to.

One of the big advantages of them each having a laptop is that they don't disappear into their bedrooms with it, but use it all over the house.

We often sit around the same table on our laptops, each one doing whatever he/she wants.

DS has just saved up for a laptop over the last year, most of it from birthday and christmas money and when he had saved up enough for one we added a bit extra so he could get a better one.

So far it's not been up in his bedroom yet

Well, I wouldn't, mainly because we couldn't afford it but also because I think 13 is too young. And, if it was my dd I don't think it would last long once it disappeared into the horror that is her bedroom. And then there's present inflation. Laptop this year, what next? So thats 4 reasons. Get her a good book instead

It really is a huge pressie - but like your idea of giving some of the money now then more at Christmas, then saving. A reconditioned one is a good way to go.

DD 12 does have one as a hand me down ( DH in the business ) and she uses it all over the house, and uses it a great deal for homework.

The moment I have concerns re using it late at night, she will leave it downstairs when she goes to bed.

well, we have just bought my dd14 a combined birthday/xmas prezzie of a netbook

she is still only allowed to use it in family areas, no disappearing to her room

her time on it is limited too

You don't need to turn off the wireless router- you can get software which will enable you to put time limits on when she is able to access the Net. The one we use is called Net Nanny- it also blocks unsuitable sites.

In Windows 7 you can limit usage to set times or certain amount of hours.

We've recently moved and don't have wireless internet yet, just one lone intenet connection in the sitting room - it's great! I have total control over who has the internet and when, I take the modem to bed with me so they can't sneak downstairs and MSN all night. Was putting off getting wireless for all the reasons listed below about laptops.

But will now look into the blocking options you've suggested and get it sorted. Love this site! Thank you.

LOL at taking modem to bed with you - I thought I was the only one who did this sort of thing!

The man decorating our house during the summer holidays said my DD was looking for the laptop in every drawer in the house. It was at work with me....

Hadn't thought about turning off wireless, good thinking :-) Will look into net nanny and have looked into netbooks now and reconditioned laptops.

Thanks guys, much appreciated

pmsl, I have been known to "store" the laptop in the boot of my car

and put the tv remote under my pillow as I sleep....

Actually- I made a mistake-the one we use is called. "Cyber Patrol"

Ah, see, being a teen/adult (20 next month!) I'm past the point of needing software like that I have to admit, I got my own computer when I was quite young (hand me down), then the internet under supervision at....oooh 12/13. I got it in my room when I'd shown I could be responsible and safe. I love my little netbook though, means I can leave my modem on and surf from bed

Actually, yes, keep the net out of bedrooms lol!

Or, if other people in the house (like you) could make use of a laptop (for surfing in bed purposes say) you could get one as a family. That way you keep control of it, dd gets to use it and she gets something else for her birthday.

my daughter has a lap top in her room but it is not connected to the internet, she uses it for school work, games, digital photos, when she needs to use internet she uses the family computer under supervision, seems to work for her

In the end she had £100 towards a laptop and will get another £100 at xmas and can use other money to put towards it. Think it will be interesting to see how we deal with the laptop in bedroom scenario about getting her to sleep and not surf the net or just fiddle about on laptop.