Ok the background, my niece is 13yo (soon to be 14) she has a terrible relationship with her parents and I am not close to them (there is a very big age gap). Recently her mother reacted in shock when I told her that it was against the law to smack or physically punish a child her words were "good job you told me" TBH I was too shocked to react.

DN is going through a tough teenge time, she walks out of school at will, stays up untill midnight on school nights and generally will not accept any authority at all. DSis has been going through a tough time for years, she has never engaged with her dc and never really cared much, she openly admits she wishes she had never had them (in front of them) and has days where she "can't be bothered to feed them" and so on. As they are older now they tend to fend for themselves.

SO, I have been aware of problems for a while and have tried again and again to get her mother to see it but she cannot seem to get the energy together to care and I am at a loss as to how to help given that her mother is not going to do anything other than scream at her...Her mother is also convinced DN is very innocent and does not really understand the outside world.

Problem 1; She is on Bebo, I know that she has friends on bebo that are adult and that she adds and chats to people who approach her - people she does not know at all, complete strangers.

Problem 2; she goes to nightclubs with friends, some her own age but I suspect also with her older friends too.

Problem 3; drinks, vodka and the like.

Problem 4; stays at friends houses and goes out drinking etc until 3 or 4 am.

Problem 5; her facebook is full of pictures of her posing in model type poses, including pics of her in her underwear - see through camis and thongs etc. The privacy settings allow friends of friends to see her photos (ie around 30,000 or more people)

Problem 6; when she is up late at night she is on networking sites and messenger with a webcam in a seperate room by herself, no-one checks on her at all. I know that some of her older friends have asked her to "pose" for them... I have no idea what else they have asked her to do or whether she has done what they asked. SHe is proud of and flattered by the attention.

Most of the above I have found out from my own teenage daughter and DN posts on facebook. I don't have a strong relationship with her as we have never lived close and I suspect it is too late to start one up now. I am nervous of getting my daughter involved, dd told dn how silly she was for accepting friend requests from people she did not know on bebo and got a serious dressing down from DN.

The problem is that her mother thinks she is innocent, doesn't drink, does not really "get" sex and also refuses to see any risk in sites like bebo and facebook, I have told her the statistics of people getting targeted on bebo and so on but she "doesn't buy it". Her mother does not go online and has no clue at all how these sites work.

What on earth can I do to help DN, how can I approach it? I know she is already half a step away from running away all-together and goodness knows where she would end up then! Sorry this is so long I am just at my wits end to know how to help when the parents are not willing/able to help too!

Oooh - am I the first to answer?

Only got through 1st para - it's not illegal to smack: the law says you mustn't leave a mark.

Not saying it's right esp in a child of this age, but it's not illegal.

Will read the rest now.

From what little I know, I would say the mother and the daughter need family therapy.

I would hazard a guess that the mother's emotional neglect has left the daughter with attachment issues and she is seeking comfort - love really - elsewhere, in very unsuitable and possibly dangerous places.

Would there be any way of persuading your sister to seek help, for both their sakes?

i think it all depends on what you are willing to risk with regards your relatinship with your sister. I think these things need bringing to her attention

Thanks Clive, WRT the law, judging by her surprise leaving a mark is the least of the worries...

I honestly doubt she will get help. She just seems to be bideing her time until they leave home TBH. She talks about how great it will be to go out and find love once they have gone because she has never really been loved before in front of them too...I just don't think there will be any help coming from her parents, her mum will ignore it and her dad really would go nuts at her - especially if he ever saw the photos. A new set have been posted today, bustiers, panties and hold ups in high heels... we are talking full on adult photos but she is only 13

Health visitor/social services?

Hi Custy, I am not worried about my relationship with her tbh we are not close and I actually feel that DN is putting herself in danger - which has to be the priority here.

WRT bringing it to her attention, when I found out about the bebo stuff I sat sis down and told her all about it, what she wsa doing, what the site is like, some stats about it and so on, sis said "oh she doesn't go on there any more" later that night DN was sat next to me on Bebo (on the laptop) so I said "Oh, DN is that bebo? I wanted to show DSis something on it" "Yes, here" so I go to show sis who sighed and rolled her eyes at me....

She seems to refuse to understand and (at the risk of being a bitch) seems to want to avoid getting it - understanding would mean taking action.

Clive, I thought HV only stayed until they are 5?

I have thought about SS but, tbh there is no actual neglect here as such...I just think they would not really be able to do much that wouldhelp IYSWIM?

But if the child is in danger - and it is neglect: emotional neglect. She is being allowed to put herself into dangerous situations and she is a minor; her mother is supposed to be protecting her.

The mother sounds as if she has pretty big issues and needs help too, but as you say it's the 13 yo posing semi naked on the internet which is more pressing.

I know it is neglectful parenting, I agree wholeheartedly with that. I just don't think SS will help, if SS had buckets of time then they could come in and explain the risks to DSis, tell her what to look out for and how to keep DN safe then it would be great but they won't. If they come in at all (which they may not) it will be more "DN is doing xyandz and she shouldn't be, you need to keep an eye on her" and off they will pop leaving two parents who are ill-equipped to deal with the situation...

I honestly think her dad would clout her and her mum would scream at her and I also think that she would just walk out at that stage - I am sure she will have lots of offers of a place to stay from her FB and Bebo friends - and that really scares me.